The following letter was carefully penned in ink and sent via post to Helena Granger at Willow Manor in the Maple Grove Compound, Rhy'Din, dated the 22nd of November...
Dearest Lena,
It's probably stupid of me to write you a letter, but I know you're angry with me and might not want to see me right now.
I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for anyone to get hurt, especially not you. I've been selfish and too lost in my own problems to be any good to anyone. I know I have a lot of explaining to do, and I'm not really sure where to start, but I'll try.
I wasn't lying when I told you I'm clean. I haven't used since rehab. At least, as far as I know. Rumors and gossip, that's all that it is. Lies, nothing more. It's one of the downsides of being a celebrity. People love dirty laundry, whether it's true or not.
I can't explain what it feels like to wake up one day and not even remember your own name. People expect you to remember them, but you don't. I can't remember anything before the shooting, only bits and pieces. When I woke up, I couldn't even remember you. You were just a nameless stranger like everyone else.
Some people think it's a blessing, but it's not. People look at you expecting you to know them, to remember them. They remember everything you've ever said or done, for better or worse, but to you, it's just a blank.
All I wanted was to remember who I am, who I'm supposed to be. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, and I don't want anyone's pity, but I need you to understand. I'm not going to make excuses. I made my own decisions. No one forced me into doing what I did.
I never expected things to turn out the way they did. They used me, Lena. They preyed on me. They got into my head and told me exactly what I wanted to hear, promised me they'd give me back what I had lost. It was all lies, but I didn't know that then. I was desperate and in my desperation, I was foolish. I put not only my own life at risk, but that of my loved ones. There's nothing I can do to change things. What's done is done, but I'm not the same man I was then. I've changed.
I've seen things no one should have to see, done things no one should have to do. The vampires are dead. You don't have to worry about them hurting you or anyone else ever again. I promise you that.
I wish I could make you understand how sorry I am and how I wish I could make it up to you.
It's been hard for me to let you grow up, to live a life of your own, to make your own decisions and your own mistakes. I know I'm overprotective, but it's only because I care about you and don't want to see you get hurt. In my heart, you're still my little Lenabelle. I just want you to be happy. That's all I want, and I want to be part of your life again.
I know it sounds crazy, but if I've been acting strangely the last few weeks, it wasn't really me. It was a double, a decoy. I don't really understand it, but while it seemed real, it wasn't. I wanted to tell you, to explain everything, but I couldn't. I was sworn to secrecy. I couldn't tell anyone. Too much depended on keeping things secret, but that's all over now.
Now, it's time to move on with my life and try to make amends. I know you are disappointed in me, but I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I never lied to you, but I didn't tell you the whole truth either. I don't know how to make it up to you or to anyone. All I ask is that you forgive me. Give me another chance and let me try to be the brother you need me to be.
That's all I'm asking. No matter what happens or what you decide, know that I will always love you.
Your devoted brother, Jon
Dearest Lena,
It's probably stupid of me to write you a letter, but I know you're angry with me and might not want to see me right now.
I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for anyone to get hurt, especially not you. I've been selfish and too lost in my own problems to be any good to anyone. I know I have a lot of explaining to do, and I'm not really sure where to start, but I'll try.
I wasn't lying when I told you I'm clean. I haven't used since rehab. At least, as far as I know. Rumors and gossip, that's all that it is. Lies, nothing more. It's one of the downsides of being a celebrity. People love dirty laundry, whether it's true or not.
I can't explain what it feels like to wake up one day and not even remember your own name. People expect you to remember them, but you don't. I can't remember anything before the shooting, only bits and pieces. When I woke up, I couldn't even remember you. You were just a nameless stranger like everyone else.
Some people think it's a blessing, but it's not. People look at you expecting you to know them, to remember them. They remember everything you've ever said or done, for better or worse, but to you, it's just a blank.
All I wanted was to remember who I am, who I'm supposed to be. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, and I don't want anyone's pity, but I need you to understand. I'm not going to make excuses. I made my own decisions. No one forced me into doing what I did.
I never expected things to turn out the way they did. They used me, Lena. They preyed on me. They got into my head and told me exactly what I wanted to hear, promised me they'd give me back what I had lost. It was all lies, but I didn't know that then. I was desperate and in my desperation, I was foolish. I put not only my own life at risk, but that of my loved ones. There's nothing I can do to change things. What's done is done, but I'm not the same man I was then. I've changed.
I've seen things no one should have to see, done things no one should have to do. The vampires are dead. You don't have to worry about them hurting you or anyone else ever again. I promise you that.
I wish I could make you understand how sorry I am and how I wish I could make it up to you.
It's been hard for me to let you grow up, to live a life of your own, to make your own decisions and your own mistakes. I know I'm overprotective, but it's only because I care about you and don't want to see you get hurt. In my heart, you're still my little Lenabelle. I just want you to be happy. That's all I want, and I want to be part of your life again.
I know it sounds crazy, but if I've been acting strangely the last few weeks, it wasn't really me. It was a double, a decoy. I don't really understand it, but while it seemed real, it wasn't. I wanted to tell you, to explain everything, but I couldn't. I was sworn to secrecy. I couldn't tell anyone. Too much depended on keeping things secret, but that's all over now.
Now, it's time to move on with my life and try to make amends. I know you are disappointed in me, but I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I never lied to you, but I didn't tell you the whole truth either. I don't know how to make it up to you or to anyone. All I ask is that you forgive me. Give me another chance and let me try to be the brother you need me to be.
That's all I'm asking. No matter what happens or what you decide, know that I will always love you.
Your devoted brother, Jon