Topic: Inamorati

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2010-12-02 17:01 EST
You know, a lot of people say I'm kinda shallow, kinda dim, kinda lot of things. And yeah, I'm honest with that - I'm not the sharpest tool in the box, that's for certain. But, you know, it's really not so clear cut as all that.

For example, my ever changing love life. Point one, it's really not love; it was only love once, and that turned into gut-wrenching hate pretty darn quick. Point two, who says it's a life" It's a hobby. I'm the kind of person who doesn't deal with being single; never have, never will. It's not really my fault that I keep attracting weirdoes, is it"

Anyway, I thought I'd put the record straight, even if the only person who reads this is me. At least I'll have it all on paper - that'll teach Correy to start making up boyfriends I've never had.

So ....begin at the beginning. ________________________ http://www.naturallysingle.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Journal.jpg

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2010-12-02 17:25 EST
High School

I discovered boys when I was fourteen, and boy, did I go through them. So I thought it was probably a good idea to lump most of those into one entry. I didn't go out with any one of them for long - not more than maybe a month' - but there were one or two that might just make an entry of their own. Or maybe not. Probably not.

So, age fourteen. Number one was Tommy Steinhilder. He was a bad boy wannabe; all gelled hair, leather jackets, and reeking of cigarette smoke all the time. He had what he liked to call a rebel attitude; it was more of an annoyance than anything. But he was interested, and frankly, I was pretty flattered.

I was always the short, undeveloped one in our group. Skinny, with no shape at all, and definitely not a good friend of the breast fairy. Haven't changed much, actually.

Anyway, he was interested. First (disppointing) kiss goes to Tommy - all hands and spit and no real lip action, he just attached himself to my face via his mouth and tried to get his hand up my shirt. I say tried; I was wearing a dress that day. Anywho, he got dumped pretty quick after I found out he was telling everyone that I put out.

Let's see, after Tommy came Brendon, then Antoine, Robert, Larry, Hugh, Eduard - really hot exchange student from Earth -, then another Tom, two Josephs, Richard, and I think there might have been a Kevin in there somewhere, too.

That got me to sixteen, when I fell heavily in lust. There's no way in hell it was love, not in my teens, but it was important enough that I stayed with this guy for the best part of that year. His name was Mihal, and he was lovely. The kind of guy you drop out of normal time for when he walks past. Tall, dark, gorgeous, and with that whole 'I know you want me' attitude that just turns my stomach to jelly just thinking about.

Gods, I could not get my mind off him. He was just always there, in my head or in reality, and he actually wanted me. Me! He was in college, and I was all for the older guy - still am, actually - to the point where I skipped classes willy-nilly just to be there when he was free. He had this old beat up pick-up that he drove around in, which just made him even cooler than everyone else.

I have such fond memories of that pick-up. It was where I was introduced to, you know, sex. Yes, I am a member of the first time, back seat club. Not comfortable, not even particularly enjoyable, but once I got the hang of it, we were all over each other. And then my friends caught him boning some sorority girl with boobs bigger than her own arse, and that was over with.

Took me a while to get over Mihal, though. At least two months. And then Mom and Dad took us on vacation, and I had a holiday romance to get back into the swing of things. His name was Paul, and the thing I remember most clearly about him was the look on his face when my little brother broke his nose for getting all manly possessive on me.

Anyway, last year of high school saw a reunion with one of the Josephs, then I moved onto Terry, John, David, Julian, Lee, Ian, Stephen, Stefan, Christian, Gary, Rod ....the list goes on and on. I think I worked my way through the entire football and basketball squads that year. No one worth making any real mention of, but let's just say I learned a lot from that year, and it wasn't academic.

The year ended with Tony. And Tony really does deserve an entry of his own, so here's where I stop. For now.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2010-12-09 10:02 EST
9th December 2010

Oh gods. Oh gods.

You know that feeling you get when you're rejected" That really sick, cold feeling that sits in your stomach and makes you feel like hell" Yeah, I've got that. And it's all my fault it happened, so it's just not fair that I feel like this.

Why did I do that' I've been imagining it happening for years, and when it looks like it's going to, I have to go and mention Nikki. I know it wasn't Correy turning up that spoilt things; it was me and my big mouth and my complete inability to do anything that isn't upfront.

Seriously, I've never two-timed anyone, I rarely lie unless it's to make someone else feel better ....it's a curse. And worse, now my secret's completely out there, and I am never going to be able to look him in the eye again.

Who, you ask"

Jon, that's who.

Geez, it's not like it's dirty or anything. I mean, it would be pretty ick if I fancied someone like Blue; he's, like, my dad's brother's son, and that's just way too close. But Jon - we're cousins something like fifty times removed. Aside from the surname, we're hardly even related. It's not disgusting.

So why do I feel so guilty for the way I feel" He's always been there; I idolised him when I was a kid, followed him around everywhere. And you know, he never once told me to get lost or leave him alone. He always had time for gawky little Kaylee with her battered guitar and notebook full of scribbles. I just don't know when that turned into really liking him.

Don't get me wrong, I've never breathed a word of it to anyone. Who could I tell? Everyone I know would be really squicked, and after that, they'd never stop teasing me about it. I'm dull, but I'm not that stupid.

Thing is, he really loves Nikki. He has for years. And I really don't like her. She treats him like crap - first she loves him, then she hates him, then she loves him again. The woman needs to get her act together. The number of times I've fantasised about messing up her face for hurting him just doesn't bear thinking about. And she keeps doing it, she keeps treating him badly and hurting him, and he always goes back to her.

He said he'd missed my songs. You know, it didn't even occur to me until he said it, but Jon was always my test audience. Almost everything I've written was played to him first, to get his opinion before I made it a part of my big book. I say almost everything, there's a few in there I'd never have the guts to play to him. He'd know the truth if I did that.

Geez, it's not like he doesn't know now. I am such an idiot. And I snapped at Correy, and I didn't mean to, and it's true, everything I touch right now just turns sick and bad and hurts people.

I'm going stay at the farm for a few days. I can't face him. Not after last night.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2010-12-09 10:07 EST
Not Following You

If I'm catching your eye It was an accident If I looked at you strange Its not what I meant I wanted to touch You're occupied I tried to explain but I'm tongue tied I'll wait in the wings again Until you find me out What is the hold up

Ooo oo oo oo I'm not following you Ooo oo oo oo Walking this way too Ooo oo oo oo I've had enough of dreaming All my dreams are you

If I sat next to you That wasn't my intent And if my hand falls on yours It was coincidence I'll stay in the room until you're gone I'll switch to the chair that you sat on I'll sit there alone again Until you find me out What is the hold up

Ooo oo oo oo I'm not following you Ooo oo oo oo Walking this way too Ooo oo oo oo See I've had enough of dreaming All my dreams are you

I wish you would notice me If not now, eventually Then I wouldn't have to follow you around And hunt you down H-h-hunt you down Hunt you down

Promise we'll get along If you talk to me We'll tell each other our stories imperfectly Imperfectly I wanted to touch You're occupied I tried to explain but I'm tongue tied I'll wait in the wings again Until you find me out See what is the hold up

Ooo oo oo oo I'm not following you Ooo oo oo oo Walking this way too Ooo oo oo oo I've had enough of dreaming All my dreams are you ____________ ((Song is Not Following You, an original song by Ellie Goulding. The link in the title takes you to an album recording by Lena Meyer-Landrut.))

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2010-12-13 10:39 EST
Tony Kolowitz

Ah, Tony, Tony, Tony. What an awful mistake he was, and one I am never going to live down. Correy and Geeg still make comments about him now, and that was four years ago!

Anyway, I think I've established that during my teenaged years I was very into the bad boy, rebel type. Tony was completely the opposite. He was your mother's dream of who you'd end up with - tall, blonde, perfectly groomed all the time, came from a good old-fashioned Rhy'Din family that did a lot of a business with ours. He always said the right thing, did the right thing, and for a while, you know, I really was in love with him.

Despite everything that came afterwards, I've got some memories from my time with Tony that I'm gonna treasure for years. Like the day I got my license; he let me drive his precious baby, a "59 Cadillac Eldorado (apparently they're really old and in demand - like I'd know). We went up onto the moors just north of the city, and ....yeah, I really don't need to go into details there. You get the picture. We had lots of moments like that.

That summer was the best of my life to date. And then it all changed.

We got into the same college - me, as usual, only just scraping by - and I thought for sure we were gonna be one of those long-lasting, golden couples, you know" The ones that stay together through college and get married when they're all settled. I know, me and marriage" Dream on, Kaylee.

Anyway, things started going wrong for Tony. He didn't make any of the sports teams, which really pissed him off, and because he didn't do that, he had to actually make friends outside his comfort zone. It's never bothered me, so I totally didn't get why it bothered him. He just couldn't do it; he was rude to everyone I talked to, he even got right in the face of one of the guys who tried to befriend him.

Anyway, I'm sure you can see where it's going. My beautiful, gorgeous, best-boyfriend-ever Tony just snapped. He stopped being the perfect boyfriend, and turned into the lover from hell. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone he didn't approve of, I couldn't go out with anyone unless he was there. I wasn't even allowed to go to family dinners without him, which I think is what tipped everyone off that things weren't right.

Well, that, and the day we turned up for Sunday dinner sporting a black eye and bruised knuckles between us.

Everyone wanted me to dump him, but I was so scared. I seriously thought he would go totally mental if I even suggested that we take a break. Everyone else said there was no way he'd go that far. Turns out I was right, for once.

It took me weeks, but I did finally get the courage together to tell Tony I was leaving. Well, I left alright. Backwards through the door and down the stairs, courtesy of his temperamental fists. I don't remember what happened after that, I blacked out.

I was in hospital for a couple of weeks, though. Broken neck, broken collarbone, broken ribs, and oh yes, let's not forget the internal bleeding. When he went for it, he really went for it.

I got moved back into the big house at the Grove pretty damn sharpish, I can tell you. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere on my own until Tony and his family had been dealt with. I still don't know exactly what 'dealt with' meant in this case.

Turns out that Gigi had gone on a rampage with her brass knuckles, though, and the Kolowitzes had filed a lawsuit against her. Gramps apparently filed his own lawsuit against them, and since they disappeared from Rhy'Din by the end of the year, I guess Gramps won. Good for him.

So yeah, that was Tony. Still think I'm enjoying my slutalicious life, Correy"

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2010-12-19 16:48 EST
19th December, 2010

'Zat you, Santa Claus"

I guess it's kinda official now. Christmas definitely came early for me this year. Totally unexpected, too. I mean, I was expecting to do my usual - you know, hook up with a random guy so I'd have someone to make out with at the family dinner and somewhere to go that isn't the Grove when the bickering starts up. Looks like I won't have to now.

I'm so high, I swear, I could probably jump off the roof and float easy down to the ground without even turning my ankle. I haven't felt this great since ....like, forever! My cloud turned out to be one big silver lining! How cool is that"

I mean, sure, things are probably gonna be difficult for a little while. There's the whole 'other woman' thing to deal with, and family opinions aren't exactly the most predictable, although, you know, Lola obviously made a coupla guesses last night and she didn't say anything bad about it, but then this is Lola, and she never has anything bad to say about anyone, so I guess that's probably not a good marker to go by.

But, yanno, Correy didn't go nutso on us, and that's a pretty good sign. He's still after me for details, little brat. What can I tell him' The guy I fell for years ago finally turned around and made my dreams come true, sure, but there are still ....issues ....to deal with. I don't know how long it's gonna last - I hope forever, but then I'm a girl, I always hope forever - but even if it all comes crashing down in the New Year, at least I got something to hold onto when I'm really down.

What, you ask" Who, more like. Jon!

Jon, Jon, Jon, Jon, JON

Could I be any more hyper right now" I can't even hold the damn pen straight! Okay, I'm gonna go and, I dunno, dance around the living room in my underwear. Good plan' I think so.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-01-25 16:36 EST
25th January 2011

Okay, it's been a while since I wrote in here. I've totally lost the whole thread of lining up every boyfriend I've ever had; looks like this is gonna be a diary and nothing else now. Doesn't mean there won't be boys in it ....boys are the bane of my life. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

So much has happened. I look back on the last entry and I'm thinking how stupid can one person be? He couldn't love me, he never loved me the way I wanted him to. I just didn't realise that the one he loved was my little brother. Yeah, that's right. Jon and Correy. The new couple. Angst-ridden, mischief-laden, and both trying to tell me that I'm still their favourite person in the world.

Of all the people to be dumped for, though. My own brother" Geez, that's gonna smart for a long time. And on top of that, not one but two people I've met in the last coupla weeks have said that I'm all low self-esteemy and stuff. Gee, I wonder why"

I mean, first there's Jason. And he's lovely, he really is. He's just too good for me; he should be with some sweet girl who has more than two brain cells to rub together and the ability to turn the flirt alert off. Correy set us up, and I should feel bad about that, but I really don't. He's nice, although it'd be kinda nice to hear his voice for once. He got some third-rate mage to hex his acne away, and the spell totalled his hearing and voice. It's so strange to have to stop what you're doing in bed to sign what you want to say.

He says he's only friends with Correy because he wanted to meet me. I don't know how I feel about that. Correy's a brat, and he's gotten worse since he got on his loved-up high. He treats people like crap and gets pissed off when they do the same back. But he's my brother, you know" I really don't know how I feel about the fact that his friend is doing to him what he's done to almost everyone else he knows.

And, you know, Jason thought we were a couple because we went on one date. Since when was that a rule in the book of rules" One date does not equal a lasting relationship, does it' And if it does, where was I when the memo went out' He got all angry and upset because I turned up to our second date with a hickey.

Before you get all antsy, Cog, because I know you read my diary, let me say right now that it was totally innocent. Okay, maybe not totally, but there was no hanky-panky of any kind going on at all.

It was that guy, Naraku, from the Inn. I hadn't been out for a while, and Rhae and me had a few drinks at some gods-awful pub before going along to the Red Dragon to finish the night. Correy was there, and I made a new friend, Emlyn. Anyway, somewhere in the middle of everything, Naraku came over and got friendly and predator-flirty with me, which I kinda liked. It's nice to have someone focus all their attention on you. I mean, almost the first thing he said was that I was beautiful. How many girls wouldn't melt when a tall, dark, and dangerous type says that to them"

I swear, I wasn't out on the pull. I was just, you know, there, and things happened. Correy got himself punched by Riley O'Rourke's fiance, and it served him right, too. You don't go around calling the person someone loves a whore to their face. He called me a whore, too. That still hurts. I mean, come on. My brother who single-handedly humiliated me and broke my heart with what he says was a joke to begin with thinks I'm a whore.

Anyway, Naraku offered to distract me from what was clouding me, and that turned out to be hide and seek with a twist. It was fun; I mean, I had no chance of hiding from him, but it was nice to feel about six again for a little while. The whole predatory-flirty thing made sense when he found me, though - he asked if he could feed from me, like a vampire, and I said sure. I mean, I grew up here; the whole eating blood thing really isn't a problem for me unless the person doing it does it for fun or to kill people, or something nasty like that.

So yeah, I got a hickey from letting someone who may or may not be a vampire feed on me, and Jason just went nuts. He got all possessive and angry and hurt, and no matter what he says, I know he didn't accept my explanation. He probably thinks I was on my back all night, legs open for visitors. Just like everyone else does.

It didn't seem to put him off, though. Yeah, so angry sex does leave you with a few bruises, and now I have a huge hickey on my neck, but there's no sign of Naraku's feeding on me. It's all Jason. It's like I have a neon sign saying 'Hands off, she's mine'. And weird though that is, I kinda like it.

I'm not in love. I'm still hurting over Jon and Correy and everything else. But it's nice to know that someone wants me, and that someone could be a really good friend. Provided I don't do something totally stupid and rip his heart out myself.

I hate everyone thinking I'm a whore. But I'm not gonna run away anymore. Let them think it; more fool them.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-02-23 13:09 EST
23rd February, 2011

Hello, diary. Long time, no see. That would be because you've been in the bottom of my bag for the last coupla weeks, and I only found you today because I was looking for more paper. I can't use Ollie's scrap again; I'm going through it faster than he does.

The worst has happened. I have become a homebody. I know, me! Weird thing is, I'm kinda enjoying it. The whole cooking and cleaning thing, it gives me time to think and sort my head out, and the rhythm of the vacuum gave me a coupla great ideas for songs just this last week. It'd be nice to be able to play my guitar without that damn bird chirping up and joining in when I'm looking for a rhyme for 'beginning', though.

Yeah, I'm staying with Ollie. And it's really good. I mean, I know I've spent the last decade thinking he thought I was beneath him, but you know, it turns out he thought I was just avoiding him' He thought I thought he was beneath me, or something like that. Talk about crossed wires - here's me, dumbstruck with awe for my brave, independent cousin, and all he wanted was to be my friend. Shows how dumb I really am, huh"

I heard Jon took Correy to somewhere called New York for a coupla weeks. Hurts, but it doesn't hurt at the same time. That makes no sense. I'm happy they're happy, I really am. I'm just not happy that it took breaking me to get them there. But I'm not really broken. I can't be, I'm still writing, and I've been spending time with Helena, and Ollie, and Lola when she comes 'round, and even Caroline dropped by to make sure I wasn't gonna do something totally stupid. I'm not that dumb.

I have a big secret, though. Huge. So huge I'm scared to tell anyone in case it's all a big hallucination and no one gets to experience it with me. I went down to that recording studio in the West End, that one owned by the guy who plays for the Shanachie Theatre band, and I left a couple of my songs with them, just in case anyone wanted something new to record. I wasn't expecting anything; it's like Correy says, no one sees the good straightaway, and besides, I'm still not sure if my writing is any good anyway.

Anyway - this is the best bit - I turn the radio on today, and there's my song! My song is playing on the radio! It's been rearranged and stuff, and it works for the band playing it now, but MY SONG! PLAYING! People listening to MY writing! Singing along! And even weirder, it's getting airplay on Earth, too! How cool is that"

It was about then that I turned my phone on again, and there was, like, seven messages for me from the studio, asking me to go down and see the manager because he wants to put me in contact with the band that picked up my work. I seriously cannot sit still, I'm fidgeting all over the place. What do I do' Do I tell absolutely everyone, or do I keep it quiet and see if anyone notices?

I really don't know. I'm so excited I might actually puke. Actually

Okay, that wasn't so cool. Cereal and toast don't mix right when they come out the wrong way. So yeah ....sorry, diary, but you're gonna be a song book for a while now, too. At least until I get a decent folder and get all my songs into it all neat and tidy.

I'm published!

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-03-14 06:32 EST
14th March 2011

Okay, so this writing here thing is turning into a once monthly event. That's cool. At least I am writing some of this down, some of the time.

So let's see, what?s been happening"

Well, I haven't sold any more songs. Not that I actually sold those two, but that's not what I'm telling people. That's a bad thing, actually. The band don't like the other songs I pitched to them, so apparently I'm not welcome in their sights any more. Nice people, huh"

Correy and Jon are back from their romantic getaway. I have a Kaylee Kitty! She's so cute, all pink with a tutu and all snuggly. Seems like Correy spent hours making teddies for everyone at some factory store place in New York, because everyone has one specially made for them. Even better, my itty bitty baby brother bought me a blank music book. It's made just for people who compose songs and music - I've been transferring all my songs from all the scraps of paper and everything else into it, and I still have more than half the book left.

Jason ....I'm not sure what to think about that situation. I mean, yeah, we made up, and we're talking again, which is a good thing. We agreed that if this is going to happen, it's got to happen slowly. I'm still getting over Jon, and it's just not fair to expect me to be able to forget him just like that. I'm just ....I don't know how I feel about Jason's end of the deal. He says he loves me, and I'm terrified that I won't be able to love him back. What if he gets hurt again because of me? I couldn't bear that.

I got a job. Sales assistant at one of the local music stores. Okay, so it's not glamorous or anything, but it pays regularly and pretty well, and I can put my allowance from Gramps aside to help me out when I find a place of my own. Don't get me wrong, I love Ollie and I love living here with him, but I kinda get the feeling that I'm intruding sometimes. When he's completely in his own world, there's just him and the canvas, and I don't like to interrupt him, even if it's by accident. I think I'm cramping his style, and I don't want to do that.

So that's step two of the Kaylee plan. Step one was get a job. Step two is find a place of my own. Step three ....well, that's still a work in progress.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-03-20 13:04 EST
20th March 2011

Why, why, why does my life have to be so complicated" I always make the wrong decision and then end up agonising over putting it right again. Isn't the one in the middle of a triangle supposed to be the carefree one who doesn't notice that they're upsetting everyone"

And on top of it all, Jon was shot. Yes, that's right. Shot. Twice. By some insane nutjob who was aiming for Correy. Gods, he's in such a state. Correy, that is. He won't leave the hospital unless someone else is there to sit with Jon while he's gone. He won't even eat or sleep or wash without being reminded to. That's my focus right now - keep Correy whole, well, and sane while Jon's out.

Or it was. It still is. It just feels more difficult when my mind's constantly going over what it is I'm going to have to do very soon.

You see, I saw Naraku for the first time in ages. And I learned a couple of things. But they weren't the important thing I got out of that conversation, although they are pretty important. He really knows how to clear up the mess in my head, just by talking. He points out my stupid decisions without ever telling me that I've been stupid.

Like my agreement with Jason. It's cruel, and I never even realised it. Jason loves me, and I don't even know if I even like him. I can't spend the next few months stringing him along just to find that out. I can't hope that he's going to fall out of love with me just so that I don't have to be the one to do the dumping. I'm not a nasty person by nature, I don't think. I just don't think about everything when there's someone giving me the big eyes routine.

I have to lay everything on the line for him. I have to finish it. And I'm scared to do it, but I have to. I mean, what?s the worst he could do, right' I've already been there with Tony, and I came out whole, sort of. And I've seen Jason's temper, and yeah, he's really nasty with words when he gets there, but I can survive that. This is more about him than me. He doesn't deserve to be strung along, and the sooner I make the break, the better it'll be for him. I won't insult him by expecting to remain his friend, or even hoping that he'll still want to play music with me.

And then I'll go back to looking after Correy. My life is so much upset right now, it's amazing I even found this damn book.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-03-22 18:36 EST
22nd March 2011

It's done. And I feel ....weird. I feel bad for Jason, that he poured all these hopes into me and I couldn't live up to them. But I'm relieved, too. I had a narrow escape, I think, and if Naraku hadn't made me think about what I was doing, I would never have noticed that Jason is just another Tony. At least Tony was an honest a**hole - Jason wanted me to believe he was this sweet nice guy, always the victim.

It got nasty, just like I thought it would. He accused me of not trying - apparently if I'd wanted to try, we would have been on a date since we made the agreement. Why the hell was it on me to make a date" Why did I have to do all the trying" He was the one who said he wanted me, but when it comes right down to it, he never made any sign that he wanted more than an easy lay whenever he fancied it.

And the old arguments came out. He offered to pay me, just like I was some hooker he owed a debt to. He thinks I'm still playing the game, still bouncing from one bed to another. He didn't want to listen to the truth, he wouldn't listen when I tried to explain. All he wanted was a Kaylee who doesn't exist anymore.

I got so mad. It's one thing for Correy to call me a whore to my face, but when Jason tries that' I saw red. I didn't yell, though - I don't think I did, anyway. But at least I know the truth now. He's just another Tony, and I really don't need that in my life anymore. Living life for me, that's the new motto; subtitle - I don't need anyone else to think well of me to know I'm worth something.

Anywho, on to better news. Jon's come out of his coma. I still haven't been in to see him when he's awake, but apparently he doesn't remember anything. He doesn't even remember Correy, and that's just tearing Cog up inside.

Is it wrong of me to wish permanent selective amnesia on him' He would be so much happier if he couldn't remember anything about all that confusion over Christmas. I need to talk to Correy - we should think up a better version of events to tell Jon. Anything to get things back to the way they should be, rather than all this guilt and angst.

That's so selfish. I can't believe I even thought that, let alone wrote it down. But it's true. I guess selfish isn't so bad as I thought.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-04-27 07:42 EST
27th April, 2011

Why do I get the feeling there are more arguments brewing on the horizon' If it isn't Correy, then it's Caroline throwing her new CEO weight around, or Madion and Brynne making their presence felt. Can't we get through even a few months without something going wrong in this family"

For example. I tell Correy that I'm with Naraku, complete with warning against shooting his mouth off in front of said spider demon. Correy gets mouthy, accuses me of not being his sister anymore, and pretty much walks out on me. I cry, he gets over it, but things still aren't comfortable. I tell Naraku that if he does hurt any of my family for not thinking before they speak, I'm gone ....and he completely accepts it. He didn't even think of arguing with me.

So why, out of all of this, am I the one left feeling guilty and awkward and not comfortable in my own skin" Is it really too much to ask that the people I love at least try to get along" Is that really so hard" It's not like I'm working on achieving world peace or anything - Granger peace would be enough, even if it only lasts a year.

But, y'know, things are moving on, at least. I've got enough saved up to put a deposit down on a place of my own now. I just have to find that place. Not in or near Maple Grove, I'm certain of that. And it doesn't have to be huge ....just a little place that's all mine.

Don't get me wrong, I love Ollie, and I love staying here with him, but I kinda get the feeling that he's gonna want to bring a girl home one of these days ....maybe it'll be Cally, who knows? ....and having his kid cousin hanging around'll just kill the mood. Or hell, if he doesn't get laid soon, I'll talk Lola into pooling our resources and getting him a high-class hooker for a night. I'm telling you, that man has a lot of pent-up sexual tension that really needs an outlet with more than five fingers.

Kaylee Bennett

Date: 2011-05-21 11:30 EST
21st May 2011

What a month! Where do I start"

Well, first things first ....Naraku is easily the best thing to happen to me for years. Seriously, the man can melt me with a look, and that voice. Shivers. Every time. And he doesn't have a problem with me working, or spending time with my brother or Ollie, or my friends, which is a huge step up for me. Where was he when I was sixteen" I could have saved myself a lot of trouble just by falling for him then.

Jon's coming on fantastically. I went to see him in Twelfth Night at the Shanachie a few days ago. I swear, I was so proud, Correy had to keep his hand over my mouth to stop me cheering every time he finished a line. He still doesn't remember much, if anything, from before the ....accident ....which is good. I don't want him going back to Angsty Jon every time he sees me, not now everything is cool between us.

Finally remembered to tell Ollie that I'm moving out at the end of the month. He seemed kinda sad when I told him, but I doubt he's gonna miss me as much as he says he will. Not when he's got wedding to plan, and all the preparations to make for having a wife and a baby in the space of about five months.

I know! Ollie's getting married! How cool is that' And yeah, okay, so Cally's not thrilled, but hey, she dropped the ball. She knows as well as everyone else how shy Ollie is; better, because Lola will have told her a dozen times or more. If she'd pulled her finger out and hooked him when she had the chance, he wouldn't have come over all knight-in-shining-armor when Piper Davidson blew into town.

Piper's pretty sweet. I mean, she's gotta be cool, right' She didn't yell at me for setting up a little ambush, or for siccing Correy on her and Ollie at Beltane. And I'm pretty happy with her, too. She's not a gold-digger - hell, she's got more money than us - she's even a real blue-blood, Lady Piper Davidson.

The baby's not Ollie's, obviously. The man still hasn't gotten himself laid, but at least now it doesn't look like I'm gonna have to hire him a hooker to sort that out. Now he's the one who has to pull his finger out. Seriously ....engaged to a girl he obviously fancies the pants off, and he hasn't even kissed her properly yet' That's taking gentlemanly manners way too far, in my opinion.

Speaking of manners, where the hell is Lola" And why didn't she bother to tell her own brother that she was going someplace, much less when and for how long" After the whole Caroline/Anubis thing at Christmas, Lala disappearing has everyone on edge, and Cally's not giving anything away. It's so frustrating!

Hmm, let's see. Oh! Gossip on the Caroline front - Correy got her to admit that she's in lurve. Apparently she goes all gooey if you manage to get her onto the subject of Richmond, so maybe I should get to forging her handwriting and invite him someplace where we can interrogate him. The guy is a complete mystery - no one knows much about him at all.

Still plugging away with my writing, but there haven't been any takers recently. I guess I'm just not focused enough to whack out anything commercial enough right now, what with the moving and the spying and the spending hours and hours snuggled up with my very own spider man.

Ah, well. I'll get back to it sometime.