25th January 2011
Okay, it's been a while since I wrote in here. I've totally lost the whole thread of lining up every boyfriend I've ever had; looks like this is gonna be a diary and nothing else now. Doesn't mean there won't be boys in it ....boys are the bane of my life. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
So much has happened. I look back on the last entry and I'm thinking how stupid can one person be? He couldn't love me, he never loved me the way I wanted him to. I just didn't realise that the one he loved was my little brother. Yeah, that's right. Jon and Correy. The new couple. Angst-ridden, mischief-laden, and both trying to tell me that I'm still their favourite person in the world.
Of all the people to be dumped for, though. My own brother" Geez, that's gonna smart for a long time. And on top of that, not one but two people I've met in the last coupla weeks have said that I'm all low self-esteemy and stuff. Gee, I wonder why"
I mean, first there's Jason. And he's lovely, he really is. He's just too good for me; he should be with some sweet girl who has more than two brain cells to rub together and the ability to turn the flirt alert off. Correy set us up, and I should feel bad about that, but I really don't. He's nice, although it'd be kinda nice to hear his voice for once. He got some third-rate mage to hex his acne away, and the spell totalled his hearing and voice. It's so strange to have to stop what you're doing in bed to sign what you want to say.
He says he's only friends with Correy because he wanted to meet me. I don't know how I feel about that. Correy's a brat, and he's gotten worse since he got on his loved-up high. He treats people like crap and gets pissed off when they do the same back. But he's my brother, you know" I really don't know how I feel about the fact that his friend is doing to him what he's done to almost everyone else he knows.
And, you know, Jason thought we were a couple because we went on one date. Since when was that a rule in the book of rules" One date does not equal a lasting relationship, does it' And if it does, where was I when the memo went out' He got all angry and upset because I turned up to our second date with a hickey.
Before you get all antsy, Cog, because I know you read my diary, let me say right now that it was totally innocent. Okay, maybe not totally, but there was no hanky-panky of any kind going on at all.
It was that guy, Naraku, from the Inn. I hadn't been out for a while, and Rhae and me had a few drinks at some gods-awful pub before going along to the Red Dragon to finish the night. Correy was there, and I made a new friend, Emlyn. Anyway, somewhere in the middle of everything, Naraku came over and got friendly and predator-flirty with me, which I kinda liked. It's nice to have someone focus all their attention on you. I mean, almost the first thing he said was that I was beautiful. How many girls wouldn't melt when a tall, dark, and dangerous type says that to them"
I swear, I wasn't out on the pull. I was just, you know, there, and things happened. Correy got himself punched by Riley O'Rourke's fiance, and it served him right, too. You don't go around calling the person someone loves a whore to their face. He called me a whore, too. That still hurts. I mean, come on. My brother who single-handedly humiliated me and broke my heart with what he says was a joke to begin with thinks I'm a whore.
Anyway, Naraku offered to distract me from what was clouding me, and that turned out to be hide and seek with a twist. It was fun; I mean, I had no chance of hiding from him, but it was nice to feel about six again for a little while. The whole predatory-flirty thing made sense when he found me, though - he asked if he could feed from me, like a vampire, and I said sure. I mean, I grew up here; the whole eating blood thing really isn't a problem for me unless the person doing it does it for fun or to kill people, or something nasty like that.
So yeah, I got a hickey from letting someone who may or may not be a vampire feed on me, and Jason just went nuts. He got all possessive and angry and hurt, and no matter what he says, I know he didn't accept my explanation. He probably thinks I was on my back all night, legs open for visitors. Just like everyone else does.
It didn't seem to put him off, though. Yeah, so angry sex does leave you with a few bruises, and now I have a huge hickey on my neck, but there's no sign of Naraku's feeding on me. It's all Jason. It's like I have a neon sign saying 'Hands off, she's mine'. And weird though that is, I kinda like it.
I'm not in love. I'm still hurting over Jon and Correy and everything else. But it's nice to know that someone wants me, and that someone could be a really good friend. Provided I don't do something totally stupid and rip his heart out myself.
I hate everyone thinking I'm a whore. But I'm not gonna run away anymore. Let them think it; more fool them.