Thursday, April 14th

The weather had taken another turn for chilly, dipping down to just a few degrees above freezing - Lola pulled her coat tighter as she walked up the street toward her house and sent a regretful look at the flowers that had just started to bloom next to the sidewalk. They'd freeze tonight, likely. Her fingers fumbled the keys a little bit; stiff with cold and the worry that was starting to dim all the bright colors of her life. She'd heard such a terrible thing about Connor, but - well, it didn't fit with what she'd seen of him, at all.

It was as if he knew she was thinking about him, the way he showed up when she was getting closer to her door. "Evenin', Beautiful."

This was the measure of her worry, her concern. Her bloom of a smile started up warm and happy, and faded before it even reached half-force. "Connor - I was just thinking about you. Here - it's freezing outside, would you like to come in?" Her keys jingled as her hands shook a little before she shoved the correct key into the lock. It was just the cold, really. She tried to make herself believe that.

"Sure, if it is no trouble. I was going to call, but I was close." He said it with casually, with a smile. It was reassuring.

"No, of course it's no trouble!" Her response was automatic but sincere, and her smile showed back up with a bit more force. "I'll make some tea to heat up with or coffee if you'd prefer it." Buster charged the door and tried to leap vertically into Lola's arms as soon as the door opened. It wouldn't have been successful at all if she hadn't bent to sweep the pup up with a laugh. He promptly started licking her face, little doggie lovings.

"Coffee, please," he smiled at Buster's antics. "You've been keeping busy, yeah?"

"Oh, yes. Too busy, almost - I'm backed up and I'll be up late again tonight to try to catch up. There's one order that I need to have done by tomorrow night and another for Saturday..." She trailed off and shook her head with a brilliant smile. This was the real thing, big and open. After struggling so long to get by, it was wonderful to have work. "But it's so much better than the alternative. And now Caro's been made head of the Guild so things are changing with the family, too."

"Oh..." he paused, listening, "Should I come back another time" I mean if you have work and all, it would be not a bother." Connor cut his eyes around before settling back on her. "Caro...is another cousin, aye?"

She bent to release Buster before she pulled off her coat. Her sweater was a cowl-neck - she'd been wearing a lot of those or turtleneck tops lately - but it was loose enough to give a glimpse of the bruises that marked her neck before she shifted it to cover them. She made the gesture without thinking, before she turned to give Connor a warm smile. "Oh - no, really, I wanted to talk to you anyway, and it's not that late yet. Yes, Caro's another cousin. She's been Humphrey's right hand forever, so I guess when he decided to retire it made the most sense. And - well, it kept Papa from taking the Guild." Her smile wilted again. "That would have been....very bad."

With that, she turned and was on her way through the hallway toward the kitchen, with her skirt swaying around her calves and Buster running back and forth between her and Connor.

He nodded, a gesture she caught when she glanced over her shoulder, and reached down to play with the pup. "Evenin, Busta." He said, ruffling the dog's soft hair. "So ye were lookin' for me, aye?" he smiled.

Buster loved the ruffling. Buster begged for more attention, bouncing around Connor's ankles. Lola laughed a little bit while she started getting the coffee ready, putting filter, grounds and water into the maker. Then he asked his question and the laughter died away. "I guess - it's really, well, I was trying to decide if I should look for you. I went to one of Ollie's matches earlier today, and....People were talking, Connor."

"Aye?" He sounded very nonchalant, as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

She shot him a look over her shoulder, brown eyes wide and distressed. "They were saying that you killed someone in a match, just recently. That it's not the first time you've done it." She bit her lower lip while she watched him. She was still hoping that he would deny it, or find some way to explain what happened.

"Aye, and did they tell ye, th' fights were mismatched, with gois twice me size, and th' deaths were accidental?" His accent became thicker; she could hear the change in it and didn't know whether that was from anger or distress.

She shook her head, mutely, and her fingers laced together. Finally she asked, softly, "Why didn't you tell me about it, when it happened" It must have been - just terrible to kill someone, especially by accident. I can't even imagine what it's like. I would have - I would have listened, if you'd wanted to talk about it."

"It's na somethin' easily talked about, Laura...I wanted te tell ye, but words would hang in me throat."

The scent of coffee was filling the bright, warm kitchen. She knotted her fingers together in the other direction, harder, white-knuckled. "I - I can't say I really understand it, but....well, if you wanted to tell me, it would have - it would have helped. And I wouldn't have had to find out by people talking about it. I like you Connor, I really do, but - but that's an awfully big secret to keep, and..." She trailed off with the words hanging in the air. How could she trust him, if he could do something like that and not tell her about it'

"I am sorry, Laura. I should 've told ye. I....don't know what te say, other than that. Mike 'ad a bad ticker, he was odds favorite, 'ad bet all his cash on th' win, and I knew 'e was out ta brain me that night. "Apeman" was a fight gone too long, without a stoppin', 'e died that night, brain swellin'. This underground boxin's dangerous, Laura." His accent was still thick, his voice holding on to the anger " she was pretty sure it was anger, now.

"I know - I know it is. It's part of why I worry so for Ollie, when he goes up for his matches. But - I've been worrying about you, too, and now - I don't know. I don't know what to think." She shook her head sharply. "It bothers me that you killed a man, Connor, I can't pretend it doesn't." She was a terrible liar and always had been, so she wouldn't lie to him about that. "But....it bothers me even more that you kept it a secret from me." "I didna think your brother was to get into the illegal aspects, so I didna think it would come up....just some other sin I 'ad to live with, aye?"

She shook her head again, sharply, and her expression went even more distressed. "He isn't in the illegal side of things, but - well, you know how people talk! And there's so much overlap. But - you didn't have to live with it alone, Connor. I would have helped you share it - if you'd asked." Her voice was soft on the last part. There, that was the hurt of it. Why she had turned to Icarus instead of Connor; Icarus shared some of his concerns and his burdens with her, and offered his shoulder in return. Connor had fun with her, came over and talked and....didn't share anything of himself, really.

He nodded his head. "Aye, but 'ad I told ye, then what? Would ye be feelin' any different?"

Her face, her expression, pinched tighter. She truly couldn't hide anything in answer to direct questions, so she answered honestly. "I don't know. It would still upset me - but - but I wouldn't feel so betrayed." Almost pleading, trying to get him to understand how and what she was feeling. Her hands finally broke from their bloodless knotting to lift towards him.

"Ah, betrayed," He nodded his head, and she couldn't quite understand or make out the reason for the odd tone of his voice. "Can I say anythin' to make it a little better?"

"I don't know." Just barely a whisper before she bit on her lower lip. She'd long forgotten the coffee; Buster had given up on trying to get attention and gone to find a bone to gnaw on. Eventually she said, "I just don't know. I really - I liked you a lot. Like you a lot. I thought - I'd thought maybe you did too. But now....I don't know."

"Aye, ye are scared o' me, now. I understand....betrayed a building trust."

She shook her head - and then, because of all the things Lola was, she was not a liar, she nodded. She released her lower lip, reddened and swollen from all the biting, to say softly, "I don't want to be scared of you." She didn't want to be scared of her Papa, either, but it didn't change the truth.

"I don't want ye scared o' me, Laura...ever."

"Tell me I shouldn't be. Tell me that you didn't mean to kill that man, that you haven't killed anyone else." She was almost pleading it. If he lied to her now, she would believe him, because she wanted to believe him. She wanted this man who saved her, who taught her to play pool, who shared kisses with her, to tell her that he was not a monster.

"Laura, ye shouldn't be scared o me. Accidents happen in the rings, ye know" It's the possibility of bareknuckle....ye know" I ne'er meant any of this te hurt ye, Laura....I was planning on tellin' ye I want to retire from boxin'."

She'd been watching him while he answered. And - he hadn't exactly answered all her begging, had he" At least he'd said that she shouldn't be scared of him. The shadows stayed in her eyes, lurking, wary, while she found a shaky little smile for him. "Really' What will you do, instead?" Her fingers crept together again, lacing tight.

"Maybe I should take up construction again, aye?" No, he hadn't answer all of her pleading, and this wasn't an answer either " but it was a hopeful sign. She wanted it to be a hopeful sign.

"It's good work." She agreed quietly, and her smile got a little bit better. A little more solid. "Hard, but there's always construction work in this city." The city was forever being destroyed by one thing or another.

"Aye, and not as dangerous."

She nodded slowly. "There's less chance you'll be hurt." That you'll hurt somebody else... it crept between them, unspoken.

"Aye, it's true." He was answering it all so calmly, and she could still hear the thickness of his accent, the thread of something else beneath his words.

She bit on her lower lip again, hard - hard enough that with the earlier gnawing, she actually managed to split her own lip and taste blood. One finger lifted to touch the little cut and wipe away the beading red, almost absently, while she looked at him. Finally, finally, she said, "I'd like to go out with you again, Connor - to spend time with you again - once you've retired from the fights. Once you have other work." She wanted to give him that chance, despite the deeper and deeper claim Icarus was laying on her emotions.

"Ye sure o' that' I'd like it, Laura. What if I donae retire soon, that mean I can't see ye?"

She swallowed, steeled herself, and then nodded. "I'm sure - I'd like it too - but....I can't. I can't do it, I can't see you while you're still fighting. It's - every time I knew you were going to fight I worried already, and it's awful seeing you get so hurt, and now, with this....I can't do it. I can't." And yet Icarus was a vampire, who fed on her regularly. At least he'd never hidden that from her. He'd never pretended to be other than what he was, and he didn't kill people for fun or money. She nodded again, and inhaled quickly, licked away more of the blood beading at the split in her lip. "When you stop fighting, when you retire - I'll go out with you again, then. We can stay friends until then, if you want, but - not more." No more shared kisses, no more pool lessons pressed so close together, no more than friends.

He only nodded his head. "I see. I should go then." There were lines of tension in his shoulders, beneath his jacket; she could see the stiff set of them.

It ached in her throat, this. Choked her with the tears she was holding back. She nodded again, jerkily, and swallowed again, just to get past the lump in her throat. "I'm sorry, Connor. Be - be well." Her normal impulse, the big hugs that she gave out of habit and because she loved giving them - she held herself back from that, now. Her hands were aching with the force of their grip on each other.

"You too, Laura, hope to see ye soon." He forced a smile; she could see how much it cost him for that. How difficult it was, and that tore her apart as well. Her smile barely even started before it died again. She just watched, eyes wide and sad, while he walked back through the house and out the front door.

((Adapted from live play with Connor's player, with much thanks!))