December 25

Midnight

I'm mad! Really mad! Not the crazy kind of mad, the angry kind of mad!

My parents went shopping in the city for the holidays and all I got was this stupid journal. Okay, I did get other presents, but nothing that I had on my list! Why they make me write one every year is a waste of time - especially if I'm not going to get anything I put on it!

I bet they bought this at some dumb troll store. They make me so mad!

I was going to throw this gift away until my little brother seemed to want it. If he has his big buggy eyes glued on my present, then maybe it's worth something. I can always throw it away later, even if I get punished. Maybe trade it for something better - or sell it to Danny.

I'm supposed to be asleep, but I'm too mad!

Don't have anything else to write.

Bye.

December 28

Nine o'clock p.m.

Dear Ugly Freddie

hahahahahaha

Me and Bernice were talking about journals again - mainly Bernice. She said I should write things for posterity - for me and others to read later. She's my best friend, but she makes me mad when she says stuff like that. Why would I want anyone reading my diary"!

Okay, here's something for posterity - a list of all the dumb presents I got this year:

YOU! Yep Freddie - I'm talking about ugly YOU!! Underwear Green and white gingham dress White apron Green hat

Does my mom even know how embarrassing it is to unwrap a bunch of bloomers in front of the whole family"!! Double worse when they have names of days sewn on them!! That's right, you heard me - Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday! - Like I can't figure out for myself that I should change my undies?!

ATTENTION ALL PARENTS - KIDS HATE GETTING UNDERWEAR!!!

Bye.

December 31

Noon

Dear Ugly Freddie

Fifteen minutes ago my mom told me that her and dad and my grandparents are going to celebrate New Year's Eve over at their friends house (and neighbors down the road) - The Klebatsky's! She also said that I have to "baby sit" my little brother, even though he's really not a baby at the age of 10 - he's kind of a baby, but not like the ones that wear diapers. It makes me so mad when I'm told and not asked - like I don't have any plans!

The good news is that I can have Bernice come over to keep me company! At least I won't be too bored!

I wonder if I'll get paid?

I'll tell you more later.

Bye

January 2 Nine o'clock p.m. Dear Ugly Freddie I just got back from visiting my Auntie Haiz and Uncle Lour over in Cranemeadow Springs. They're my favorite relatives on the Biggunbottom side of the family! I wanted to stay at their place for a few days, but my mom nixed that idea - she said since I'm in my angry stage of life it's better for me not to annoy anyone else in the family tree. You know what, Freddie" That's right - she makes me so mad!! Auntie told me not to worry about it, that maybe by the end of Spring or the beginning of Summer I'll be able to visit for an entire week - at least that's something to look forward to! I really like going over to Haiz's and Lour's house because they're so nice! I don't mean they're just nice when they have visitors, but they're nice all of the time! Not only that, but Auntie Haiz makes the best sugar cookies and doughnuts I've ever tasted! Yummmmmy! Auntie's teaching me how to make her special ring cake and I get to use her secret recipie! I had to take a serious oath before she'd let me see it - not even my mom's seen it! Besides being a great baker, Haiz's a great cook too! I don't think there's any food that she can't make to taste "simply divine!" as my Uncle says. Aunt Haiz has won the blue ribbon at every Gnome county fair she's ever attended! Go Auntie Haiz!! Uncle Lour taught me how to move objects from one room to another without making a sound or being seen. You may think that's an easy thing to do, but I'm talking about doing it in the daylight and when animals are around! It's not easy to avoid animals you know! Dogs - they don't care. But cats - they think we're either playing with them, or they look at us like it's snack time! Then you've got those dumb birds that humans like to keep in cages - the birds that can talk are the worst, because they like to tell on us! Don't think it doesn't make me mad when that happens! Most Gnomes get scared - I just get mad! I noticed that humans don't pay very close attention to what the birds say most of the time. They think their feathered friend is in its own little world talking birdie to itself. Hopefully it'll stay that way! I think it's fun when humans have fish - either goldfish or tropical fish, it doesn't matter. I like to go up to the bowl or tank and press my face up against the glass. If you think fishes eyes are big for their bodies in the first place - you should see what bulging eyes really look like! hahahahahaha Uncle Lour says it takes a lot of finesse (and some luck) to pull off taking and moving objects during the light hours. Now I just need to keep practicing (even though I've been doing that for almost 8 years). When I think I've gotten better, Uncle Lour's going to test me. I hate tests! Ugly Freddie - did I mention that my Uncle Lour is the Best Mover in Cranemeadow Springs and the four surrounding towns" - Well he is! There's a contest held every year for the championship and he's won it for the past 76 years! Go Uncle Lour!! My mom's telling me to get to bed (for the third time!) - so I gots to go! Bye.

January 10 Three o'clock p.m. Dear Ugly Freddie I can't believe a whole week's gone by and I haven't written anything to you! - Actually, I can believe it because I've been waaaay too tired or busy. You know how it is! Okay, okay - the truth is, is that I hid you and I forgot where! At the time I was in a big hurry - so my little brother wouldn't catch me doing it and well - I did such a fantastic job at concealing you (even if I do say so myself - which I do!) and then I got distracted afterwards! Anyway, it might've taken me seven days to find you, but at least I did! Did you miss me" Yesterday I helped Bernice "baby sit" her four year old cousin, Gwenny. For such a young Gnome, she can run really, really fast! We decided to play Musical Toadstools with her - to try and wear her out. Unfortunately, we wore ourselves out a lot quicker! Ugly Freddie, do you know how many questions a four year old can ask" - Try counting all of the pine needles on every single tree in Evergreens Hollow and maybe you'll get half-way close!! Gwenny's fixated on boys - just like her Cousin Bernice! hahahahahaha Anyway, she kept asking us about them - like why are they so mean, why do they run away from girls, why don't they like to play with dolls and so on. Me and Bernice were getting a headache from answering all of the questions because no matter what we told her, Gwenny would say, "Why?" It was making me mad after a dozen or so times of hearing that word! And then when Bernice's aunt got back from her shopping trip with Bernice's mom, I thought we were in deep trouble when Gwenny asked them - "Do you know how to tell a girl bunny from a boy bunny?" The look me and Bernice got from her mom and aunt would've sent a goblin running for safety!! We had no idea what little Gwenny was going to say next, and all me and Bernice could do was hold our breath and hope she wasn't going to point out the obvious answer! Ugly Freddie - Just so you know for posterity, the answer to Gwenny's question is - "A girl bunny has long eyelashes!" hahahahahaha Bye.

January 13

Six o'clock p.m.

Dear Ugly Freddie

I'm back to bore you with more gardening lessons! Actually I wouldn't bother, but I'm going with Bernice's posterity thing again!

Ready Freddie? Pay attention - I don't want you to flunk. I mean, how would that look anyway' Besides, then I'd have to call you Ugly Flunky Freddie! You don't want that to happen, right' hahahahahaha

Mrs. Klumpthistle says every one, Gnome and Human, should plan and plant our gardens in the following order:

1. Use "Specials" first - large deciduous trees (like maple or birch) that serve as focal points. 2. Next the "Skeletons" - evergreens or hedges for year-round structure. 3. Plant the "Decoratives" - flowering shrubs or tall grasses. 4. Finally, the "Pretties" - spring and summer-blooming perennials and fillers such as bulbs, annuals or biennials (flowers lasting only 2 years before they die).

"Never begin with the pretties!" - Mrs. Klumpthistle practically yelled that at us so I bet it'll be on the test too!! I'm beginning to think our teacher has a death fixation or something with all her talk of dying and skeletons!

Me and Bernice have to draw up a 'garden plan' for our homework assignment and have it ready to turn in the day after tomorrow. Any gardening partners that don't have one done gets a big fat F! I have some ideas - I hope Bernice likes them.

Gotta go now to work on them!

Bye.

January 17

Three o'clock a.m.

Dear Ugly Freddie

I can't sleep!!

Right before I went to bed I decided to start reading that essay thingy that we got for homework over the weekend. BORING!! - I found myself nodding off after the first two pages!

I tried that brain trick for getting my snooze on by counting sheep - the only problem is that after the fourth little lamb jumped over the fence, I started picturing them as flowers and no matter how hard I tried to get them back to sheep, I couldn't!!

Now my mind is racing with all sorts of gardening crap! - It's like a bad song I can't get out of my head!!

Bye.

January 20

Eleven o'clock p.m.

Dear Ugly Freddie

Remember when I said something about "boy watching" while staying at Bernice's house? Not only did we boy watch, but we boy kissed!! Bradlem's cousin is staying at his house for awhile and he brought him over to Bernice's on Saturday night so we could meet him! He's soooooo CUTE and his kisses are to die for! His name is Hirshee Von Hedgewinkle - sounds like royalty to me!!

I think I've died and gone to Gnome Heaven!!

I think I'm in loooooove!!

I think my mom's coming - more details later!!

Bye.

It was noted after the entry on January 21st that several pages had been torn out of the diary. And it appears that whomever did the ripping was not overly concerned about being fastidious as much as being in a rush to extract them since the pages were not removed at or near the binding. Partial words and cut-off sentences are all that is left for the Seafaring Warrior to read until the next entry date of February 12th, three weeks later.

Even though she is curious about many things, including 'what happens next' to the Gnomes on that Sunday in late January, it is a good place to stop in her reading. Sleep is weighing heavily on her mind and body, and she is fighting to keep her eyelids from drooping shut. No need to mark the page where she pauses ....the vellum remnants do it for her.

Gently closes the diary with its once-lime green cover decorated in bright orange and pink flowers, now faded over time, and places the journal on the worn bedside table next to the brass candleholder. The wax-stick's wick is extinguished with a single puff of warm breath. After settling herself as comfortably as possible on the too-short bed, finally rests her head against the fluffy pillow.

Before long, slumber claims the female Viking.

"For Peony's sake, Shylah, you nearly frightened me to death! I almost wet my bloomers!" Soft laughter flows freely from the Seafaring-Warrior, following the closing and locking of cottage door. With a hushed tone of voice inquires, "Hva be you doing here, Rhonda" The last time I saw you, you be in your arboretum making sure your hibiscus was about to produce the largest tangerine flower known to all of Gnomekind. And, you were much shorter in height." Peers at her closely. "It's rather annoying to be five feet tall, Shy. Especially when I don't have any other clothing that fits my current size. By the way, how did you know it was me?" Asks as she straightens out her twisted apron. A light tisk from the female Viking. "Rhonda, have you already forgotten that e'eryone carries their own particular scent?" "Yes. No. Well, yes. Blame it on the excitement of almost losing my life!" Splaying a hand over her heart in a dramatic gesture along with a sigh of relief. "You mayhaps wish to check your bloomers after all, Rhonda." Teasingly states after taking a quick sniff of air. "Oh pish-posh, Shylah!" Playfully swats the tall woman on her arm and giggles, knowing full well Shy's sense of humour. "Komm, woman, metenkes tis time for you to brew some morning tea. You still drikke that eple and spice blend in the early hours?" The dawn's light already filtering through the cottage windows, highlighting those particles of dust floating in the air. "I do." Her reply is immediate, said with a nod and pretty smile. "I have something special for you, too. It's called, 'Bingo Blueberry.' An herbal, full-flavored fruit tea..." Pauses in her description as she sees the statuesque Viking place her hands on her hips and stare, as if the Gnome has lost her mind. "Now now, don't go giving me that look, Shy. I know you've told me over and over and over how much you don't care for tea..." Words gushing out like a geyser before the Warrior woman can say anything. "...but I know you enjoy blueberries and I've seen you drink it iced...tea, that is...and it doesn't matter that the colour looks more burgandy than blue...at least it's caffeine free! Just try it for me ....please?"

Lilting laughter fills the cottage. "I know how much you like iced tea over its hot counterpart, Shylah. I've always wondered the reason for it." "Tis simple," explaining the preference, "I just do not care for the taste of the brew hot. Unless, of course, I be feeling ill and need it to soothe the aches and pains of my body." Making her way back to the kitchen, Rhonda places the diary on the table before accepting the two tins from her friend. As she goes about preparing their beverages ....a tall glass of iced Bingo Blueberry for Shy and a cup of hot Apple-Spice for herself ....glances over her shoulder as she relates what happened on that fateful Summer afternoon. "I was in Clover Meadow searching for my bracelet that I had lost while dancing with the bumblebee's. I failed to notice my second cousin, Bolton Junior, practicing his magic off in the distance. Unfortunately, I was not far enough away to escape the repercussions of a spell gone wrong." An arching of one eyebrow as Shy listens to the plump woman's tale. Interrupts to ask, "Bolton Junior of the Bracklebushes" I heard that he is not to perform any incantations. At least not until the investigation is completed." She shall ask about the Bumblebee Dance later. Nodding, Rhonda continues, "One minute I was my normal self, the next minute I found myself at this height." A sigh of exasperation at the recollection. "Bolton Senior claims Junior's spell will eventually wear off, so I should just be patient." Now the female Gnome knows the female Viking well enough to add, "Since the change, I needed a place to stay. I searched high and low for a cottage and came upon this little dwelling. I'm renting it for a reasonable fee, and moved in four month's ago. But, I needed to return to Hickory Hollow due to a family emergency. I can't believe I've been away for three weeks." "I hope e'erything be well na." "Yes it is. Thank you." The tall glass of iced tea is set down on the oak wood table in front of Shylah. "Here you go." "Tusen takk!" Gratefully exclaims. Rhonda eases down onto the chair across from Shy while she waits for the tea kettle to sing. A pleasant smile for the Seafaring Warrior. "So what do you want to know about the diary?" Hazel eyes alighting on the book resting between them.

Quickly gulps down the iced tea, quenching a slightly parched throat. Immediately another shiver moves over Shylah's form as she exclaims, "Na that hjelps the spot!" Plunks the empty glass to table top and smiles wide at Rhonda.

"Hits the spot," gently corrects the Gnome.

"Ja, it did that as well." Chuckles lightly, not minding in the least about being corrected. After all, this is not the first time nor the last time she will probably misspeak. There are much greater things in life to concern oneself over than making an error when using an adage of yore.

"The headless horsemann," ever-so-quietly said; as if those three words will invoke the wicked apparition.

"What about him?" Rhonda inquires curiously.

"Be that hva is seen near Misty Hollow at the Lavender Gardens?"

"I'm not one hundred percent sure, Shy, but I don't think so."

"Something worse?"

"Scary enough to kill Frankie at the sight of it, yes." "Was it female or male?"

"Female, according to the tale."

"A spectre of some kind?"

"Shylah, do you want another glass of tea" I mean, a glass of iced Bingo Blueberry?"

"Ja sure, Rhonda, if you do not mind preparing it."

"Not at all, Shy. It gives me something to do while I relate the story handed down to me, to you. If you get my meaning." Smiling, the chubby Gnome takes up the empty glass, moves away from the table, to the kitchen counter, and begins fixing the cold beverage for her long-time Viking friend.

Of course Shy understands ....sometimes a body needs to keep her hands busy while sharing something frightening. A normal task. A small form of comfort, perhaps.