Topic: Honesty

Carina Cox

Date: 2017-03-17 09:00 EST
Kismet was everything Carina had hoped it would be. A joy to perform, especially with the people she had auditioned with in September. A little sad, too, knowing that this was likely her last hurrah. With only a couple more performances to go, that sense of sadness was growing, but she was trying her best to keep it contained. The last thing she wanted was for Arandir to worry about her even more than he did already. To everyone's amusement, her bump had been perfectly well-behaved until today, when she'd woken up to a bump significantly bigger than it had been the night before. Thankfully, Miranda had been on hand to work her costuming magic, or this evening's performance would have been ludicrously uncomfortable.

Still, it was nice to get home. Well, to their apartment in the city. Home wasn't where they would be until Sunday, but this had been home for two years before that. It was still familiar and comfortable, and that was what they both needed after being on stage for three hours.

While Anarven was home now, it was nice to get away from all the responsibilities there and relax with Carina at the apartment near the theater they'd called home for two years before joining her parents at their woodland village. It was bittersweet to be leaving the theater and the life they'd built together behind to start a new one at Anarven, and though Arandir didn't think he'd miss the theater so much, he knew he would miss the peace and quiet and solitude of their first home.

Carina let out a weary sigh as they closed the front door, shutting themselves into their own private space for the night. "I think I was about half an inch from flashing the entire auditorium after Bangles tonight," she laughed, one hand rubbing her back absently as she tossed her keys and bag down on the nearest surface.

He locked the door, more out of habit than necessity, though one could never be too careful, and came up behind her to wrap his arms around her waist and brush a kiss to the side of her neck. It had taken some time, but in the two years of knowing her, he had become less shy in recent days, especially since learning she was carrying her child. It was time to grow up, leave the tragedy of his childhood behind, and become a man capable of carrying for a wife and child, as well as his people. Though he might never be a king, he was content with the life he had chosen. "You were amazing, as always," he told her, his fingers moving to touch the bump at her waist that almost seemed to have popped overnight.

She smiled at his unconscious affection, leaning back into his embrace as her hands settled over his, gently guiding his palm to just the right place. A moment later, a firm nudge pushed against his palm from inside, their child making it known that they were just as much a part of this hug as the parents were. "You were wonderful," she told Aran softly. "I've always liked Stranger in Paradise, but the way you sing it sends tingles down my spine. It's achingly beautiful."

"Is that the baby?" he asked, distracted by that push against his hand for a moment, despite her compliment, which always made him flush with embarrassed pleasure. "The Caliph is not such a hard part to play, especially when his beloved is played by you," he said, smiling with affection.

She laughed softly at his distraction, the sound making the baby push harder against his hand. "Yes, that is the baby," she assured him. "Being gentle this evening, which is a nice change. Apparently he, she is going to get rougher with me the closer we get."

"It's probably a good thing we are leaving the theater then," he remarked, knowing how demanding the theater could be and how much the pregnancy would still demand of her. "I intend to spoil you rotten, until the baby is born," he said, moving around to take her by the hands and lead her to the couch, where she could sit and relax.

Happy to be lead, she sank down onto the couch, pulling him down with her. "I don't need to be spoiled, Aran," she promised him softly, carefully not touching the subject of leaving the theater. "I just need to be loved, that's all."

Instead of sinking down beside her, he moved to kneel in front of her, almost as if he was worshiping at her feet. "I do love you, Carina. I will love you forever," he assured her, though this was not the first time she was hearing that from him, nor was it likely to be the last. "I do not know what would have become of me, if not for you," he told her kissing each of her hands in turn.

"You wouldn't have made it through that first winter," she pointed out with a fond smile, holding her breath so she could lean down and kiss him without struggling too much. "I love you, Aran. Anything you need, I will give you, always."

"All I could ever want or need is you," he assured her, leaning close so that she didn't to bend so far forward to meet his lips. There may have been a time when that was not as true as it was now, but now that his people were safe, he could focus on being a husband and father. He smiled into her kiss, almost playfully as their lips parted. "Every night when I sing as the Caliph, it is as if I am singing to you."

"You are singing to me," she reminded him, her tone just as playful as his. She laughed softly, leaning back before she ran out of breath entirely. "Although I still have no idea how Hajj is supposed to be able to find Marsinah's true love with the dreadful description she gives him. The first time that was pointed out to me, I nearly giggled in the middle of the song!"

"It is only a story, a'mael," he pointed out with a smile. Pulling away from her so that he could help her get comfortable, his hands moved to her ankle to relieve her of her shoes and gently rub her feet. If she didn't think he was going to spoil her, she was very mistaken.

"Oh, but it's so funny to imagine the trouble trying to search for him with descriptions like eyes like dawn's promising skies and lips like honey fresh from the comb," she giggled, groaning in tender relief as he tended to her feet. How he knew just where she was most aching was beyond her to guess, but she wasn't complaining.

"You don't think I have eyes like dawn's promising skies?" he asked, actually batting his eyes playfully at her. The longer they were together, the more comfortable he was growing in her presence, allowing her to see a side of him rarely seen. He did have blue eyes, but that was laying it on a bit thick.

"No," she told him quite firmly, though still laughing at the idea of that. "Nor do they look like petals on a pool drifting, whatever that means." She tugged at him, wanting him up on the couch beside her to cuddle in close for a while before they dragged themselves off to bed.

"You do not think my kisses are like strange spice from the south ....wherever the south is ....and honey through the comb sifting?" he teased further. He finished with the massaging of her feet and moved to settle himself beside her, resting one hand lightly against the child that was growing inside her. "Do you think it is a son or a daughter?" he asked, aware that there were ways to find out, but unsure if either of them wanted to know just yet.

Carina Cox

Date: 2017-03-17 09:00 EST
She nestled close against him. "You do have a honeyed tongue, but not like that," she conceded in amusement, breathing him in as she relaxed. It wouldn't be long before she needed to sleep, but she wouldn't trade these quiet moments with her husband for anything. "I'm hoping for a daughter," she confessed, feeling almost guilty for it. "I know your people want a son, a new prince, but ..."

"What my people want is not important," Aran pointed out without hesitation. Yes, he wanted to please them and provide an heir, but this was no kingdom or even princedom, and he had no intention to rule them as such. "I will be just as happy with a daughter as a son. My people need to understand that life is different here. They are responsible for their own lives and their own happiness. I brought them here so that they could live their lives in peace and hopefully, find a way to have children once again, but this is no kingdom, and I am no king, Carina. We will help them, yes, but it is you and our children who are most important to me, a'mael," he told her, turning to caress her cheek, his gaze full of adoration.

If only he knew how subtle the pressure was on her, how disapproving glances and murmured words in a language she was not yet fluent in built up over the months until she felt constantly under surveillance in Anarven, knowing that until she delivered a healthy baby, those eyes would always be on her. But she didn't share those thoughts with him. He was calm and comfortable, and she would not willingly deny him these evenings of relaxation. "Children?" she echoed, her cheek tilting into his touch as her gaze softened, meeting his with the same adoration he showed her.

He shrugged off her question, as though it didn't concern him. "Would you be opposed to having more than one?" he asked, though there was no way of knowing if it was even possible. Everything that happened from this point onward was mostly unpredictable. "I will be happy with one child, whether it is a girl or a boy, but would you be upset if we were blessed with another?"

"Of course I wouldn't be," she assured him, rushing to be certain she hadn't offended him with her admittedly reasonable suggestion that they might only be able to have one child. "It would be wonderful. But ....let's deliver this one safely first, shall we?" she added, patting the crown of her bump. She didn't manage to keep the next words from escaping, already looking mortified with herself before she'd finished speaking. "After all, we can't risk the future of ....the ....bloodline. I cannot believe I just said that. Please ignore it."

"The bloodline?" he echoed, brows arching upwards. He'd thought this was about having a family and sharing the love they felt for each other with a child of their own making. He had not even considered the fact that such a child would be inheriting his father's nobility and become a successor to the throne of a fallen kingdom. "Carina, Ilyethlin is gone. My people are happy we are having a child because there have been no children for so long, not because they wish to ensure the royal line," he explained - or so he'd thought. "Have they told you different?"

Horrified with herself for letting even that small part of her anxiety slip, Carina shook her head hurriedly, looking away to hide what she knew was in her eyes. It was true; no one had said anything to her. It was always implicit, never spoken aloud. "No, a'mael," she promised him. "It's just nerves, I suppose. I've never done this before, after all."

He could tell by the way she turned away from him that she was hiding something, though he was not sure what. He knew his people were happy with the knowledge that their prince had married and was having a child. It was not because they were hoping only to extend the royal line, was it' "Carina, please ..." he pleaded, gently turning her face back to his. "Please, don't keep me out. Tell me what is upsetting you."

She couldn't deny him, not when he was so concerned for her, so worried that what she was keeping back was somehow his fault. "I didn't want to worry you," she told him softly, the reluctance to share even this making it difficult to find the right words. "You have so many people looking to you, leaning on you. This shouldn't be something that concerns you."

"This," he echoed, taking her hands in his. "What is this" How can I help when I do not know what troubles you? Please, Carina. There is no one more important to me than you. If I knew ..." He paused, frowning. "If I knew bringing them here would trouble you, I would not have done so. Please, I must know what worries you. I cannot help if I do not know."

"No, don't ....Don't be angry," she pleaded with him. She never wanted him to even know; this reaction was far more worrying than anything she had imagined he might do. "I'm probably imagining it, I just ....I feel them watching me, all the time. No one says anything, but they disapprove of me, Aran. Of my choices, the things that I enjoy doing. I've tried to conform to what they expect, and ....the way some of them look at me ..." She shook her head, looking away. "I feel as though they're just waiting for me to do something wrong, for the baby to be born wrong, so they can convince you loving me was a terrible mistake, and you should marry someone else."

Aran frowned further, a look of concern on his face, but no anger. "A'mael, I am not angry. I could never be angry with you. I love you," he pleaded, gently turning her to face him again, so that she could see there was no anger in his expression, only love and concern. "I do not think they disapprove of you. They are only curious, that is all. There might be some who think the bloodline should be pure, but I do not care what they think. I am half human. My father was human, and it is because of them that he is dead!" He drew a deep breath, never having admitted that before, exhaling slowly to regain his composure. "I will talk to them and make them understand that it is not a kingdom we are building here, but a village. A village of mixed races, where all can live in peace as equals, and those that do not or cannot accept that will be free to go their own way."

"Please don't talk to them," she whispered uncertainly to him. "If I'm not imagining it, then ....then all they will take from your words is that I've been complaining about them, and that reflects badly on you. Please, love, I can cope, I promise you. Things will settle down once the baby is born." I hope.

He shook his head gently. "This is not just about you or the baby, Carina. It is about our future. I want our future to be a peaceful one, not one full of strife and jealousy. Do you know why there was war between our peoples" Envy. Jealousy. The humans were jealous of the elves' longevity, and the elves were jealous of the humans' ability to have children. And what of me" I am of both bloodlines, neither one nor the other. Oh, I was raised as an elf and a prince, but I am human, too. Just like you. I will not let them make the same mistakes again. We will live in peace together, or those who cannot must leave."

"I never meant for you to know," she murmured miserably. "You have so much weighing on you already. You don't need this, too." She sighed, looking down at her joined hands. She'd tried so hard to hold it all in, and one slip of the tongue had ensured that at least some of his people were going to hate her for eternity.

"I am their prince," he admitted almost sadly. "It is my duty and responsibility to ensure their safety, but I am also your husband and the father of our child, and I will allow nothing and no one to threaten the safety and happiness of our family. The village belongs to your people. My people are only guests there. If they wish to remain part of the community, they must forget their bigotry and learn to work together with the villagers as one."

Carina Cox

Date: 2017-03-17 09:01 EST
"No, Aran, they are not guests," she argued forcefully. "The council offered them a home, and they meant it. Miranda Granger is already working on supplying us with what we need to start breaking ground and building foundations, ahead of the time we were expecting to start. Anarven is their home, too. We all have to find a way to settle in together."

He leaned back against the couch pillows with a heavy sigh, looking almost weary with worry. "I only want to make a peaceful place for them and for us," he said. "Was I wrong to bring them here?" he asked, looking to her for answers. Whether he was of his mother's bloodline or not, he was still young and uncertain, still trying to find his way in unfamiliar waters.

"No." Her answer was instant, all her focus on him as she met his eyes. "No, you were not wrong. And this" This is likely just me, projecting my own fears onto people I don't know, people whom I want to like me. Aran, I have no idea what they expect of me, or whether they even like me. You know what I'm like. Off a stage, I'm more insecure than you are. This is likely all just something I've invented to make myself feel better about how utterly terrified I am of giving birth and being a parent. And no, that doesn't mean I regret our child, of course I don't. But I'm scared, and I won't lie about that."

He looked to her again with something like curiosity and even a little surprise in his gaze. "I'm scared, too, Carina," he admitted. "I've no idea what to do or how to make things better. I've no idea what it is they need from me or what I can do to help. I cannot make them become part of the community, but I do know that most of them are grateful to be here. Most of them only want to live in peace," he tried to assure her or assure himself. He reached for her hand, tangling his fingers with hers. "And I do not know how to be a good father to our child, but I will try. Let them get to know you, Carina, and they will see why I love you, and they will come to love you, too," he offered with a soft smile, leaning close to brush a kiss against her cheek. There was not much more they could do than that, but if anyone dared to cause trouble, he would deal with them personally.

She held tightly to his hands, surprised to find that he was as scared as she was. Though neither of them were upset about the prospect of parenthood, it was a big step that they had not exactly planned for. "It has only been a few months," she admitted softly. "If, in a year, things are still unsettled, perhaps then it will be time to worry. I'm sorry I laid this on you, a'mael. I never meant to worry you further."

"A'mael, you know I only want you to be happy. You have given me so much. Let me give something to you," he told her, letting go of her hand so that he could brush a caress to her cheek, with loving affection. "Being married means sharing our love and our joy and our worries. Neither of us need ever be alone. Not anymore. You must let me be here for you, as you are for me, Carina. You mean so much to me. You are everything to me," he told her, his voice falling to a whisper.

"Amin mela lle, a'maelamin," she whispered back to him, her lips brushing his palm before she inched forward, resting her forehead against his own. "You are my world. I would give anything to see you hale and whole and happy, and if I can do anything to help you, I will. I cannot promise not to hold some things inside for fear of hurting you with them, but I do promise that nothing I hold back will cause harm to you or to the people you love."

"There is nothing you can say or do that would hurt me, Carina, so long as you love me and are with me," he assured her, smiling as she rested her forehead against hers. "Come, let us go to bed. You will be more comfortable there," he said, touching a kiss to her temple.

"It isn't only my comfort that matters in this relationship, Arandir," she warned in a teasing tone, though she knew he was quite capable of spending an entire night balanced on the edge of the bed if she and their bump were have a restless one.

"Well, there is the baby, too," he said, that teasing smile on his face again. He knew what she'd meant and chosen to misunderstand her meaning. He moved to his feet, reaching down to help her from the couch so that they could retire to the comfort of the bed.

She laughed, grateful for the help to stand. They had only a couple more months of this, and apparently she was going to get even bigger than she was already. "At least the baby held back on starting to properly grow until near the end of the run," she commented, tucking her arm about his waist as she leaned into him.

"There are only a few more days and then you can rest," he told her, hoping she wouldn't get too bored without the theater to keep her busy, at least, until after the baby was born. "I think I might miss it," he admitted with a small frown, linking his fingers to hers as he drew her to the bedroom. The theater had become such a part of their lives, it was hard to imagine their lives without it.

I'll miss it. The words went unspoken, something he didn't need to know. She could cope with losing that dream. After all, dreams changed all the time, didn't they' "They'll miss your voice," she told him softly. "You won't stop singing, will you?"

"I will sing just for you," he promised, turning to face her as they stepped into the bedroom and tapping a finger lightly against her nose, a playful smile on his face. "Who knows" Maybe I'll miss it so much I'll want to go back." I, not we. He had never told her she had to quit the theater and would not hold her back if she wanted to return.

She laughed softly, letting him tease her and lead her about. At the end of a long day, all she needed was him, her Aran. She just hoped she could be for him what he was for her.