http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/Smilingwomanwithcrossedarmsuid11-1.jpg
Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
A New Plague in RhyDin January 20, 2011
*In spite of billions of gold being spent to further research done by the University of S'draw K'cabsiht G'nidaeryl Suoiresuoyera (Central Campus), scientists said Monday that the scientific community is still no closer to finding a cure for a potentially detrimental genetic condition currently spreading like wildfire through RhyDin.
"Some people aren't taking this epidemic seriously," said Emille Patient, M.D., study leader from the university's clinic research department and local two-time mutton-eating contest champion. "But they should be. This condition could ultimately prove fatal, and worse, it's spreading like" that rat-flea sickness on Earth that killed all those" like" Egyptians or something. The prime king person couldn't get a handle on things there, and unless we do something, we just may turn out the same way."
"Fear for your children, RhyDin," Patient added later.
"Obviously the transmission of the condition is hereditary," Doctor Si Yu of the university's south campus said. "But we've been looking into whether it could be sexually transmitted as well. One thing is for certain, though: a terrifying number of RhyDin citizens are turning up all over the place with this affliction, and we need to put a stop to it before it gets enormously out of hand."
Research scientists claim that the disorder has been narrowed down to just a handful of genes, though their place of origin has been difficult to track.
"It's really very problematic trying to determine the source of a condition that has become so horrifyingly widespread," commented Yu. "But let me assure our investors that their billions are not going to waste. We are going to get to the bottom of this thing."
Encouragingly, the research development team at the S.K.G.S. Central Campus has at the very least managed to put a name to the malady. Grangitis Morbidus - or more simply Grangitis - was so designated according to the discovery of the common Granger gene found in research cases. According to Patient, it is this gene that is the problem.
"The fact of the matter is, Grangitis is spreading too far and too fast," argued Patient. "And the number of cases being reported and identified has become terrifying in its size. As far as we can tell, if this condition is allowed to propagate any further, it could lead to increased psychosis, genetic disorders, loss of immune system function, and general jackassery."
But Grangitis is not only evident within a clinical setting. According to a medical pamphlet found in the dumpster of Bucky's Diner in West End, Yu announced Tuesday that he would be stepping down from his position on the research staff. A follow-up interview with Yu confirmed that a certain subject of his admiration had indeed been afflicted with the condition.
"Dear God" not Rhae. Anyone but Rhae. Why, God, WHY?!" remarked Yu.
Though its roots have not yet been pinpointed, a local bumbling homeless man proclaiming himself as Catwoman argues that the disease is a result of cultural moral ambiguity in RhyDin.
"I told them this would - <CENSORED> - would happen. All them eggy bastards. This is all - CHICKENS - all them' <Incoherent mumbling> homosexuals' faults. They're what - <CENSORED> - killed the dinosaurs."
Added Catwoman: "God <CENSORED>! GET THOSE <CENSORED> NINJA WOMBATS OFF MY LAWN!"
*Some facts have been fabricated for the sake of satire.
A New Plague in RhyDin January 20, 2011
*In spite of billions of gold being spent to further research done by the University of S'draw K'cabsiht G'nidaeryl Suoiresuoyera (Central Campus), scientists said Monday that the scientific community is still no closer to finding a cure for a potentially detrimental genetic condition currently spreading like wildfire through RhyDin.
"Some people aren't taking this epidemic seriously," said Emille Patient, M.D., study leader from the university's clinic research department and local two-time mutton-eating contest champion. "But they should be. This condition could ultimately prove fatal, and worse, it's spreading like" that rat-flea sickness on Earth that killed all those" like" Egyptians or something. The prime king person couldn't get a handle on things there, and unless we do something, we just may turn out the same way."
"Fear for your children, RhyDin," Patient added later.
"Obviously the transmission of the condition is hereditary," Doctor Si Yu of the university's south campus said. "But we've been looking into whether it could be sexually transmitted as well. One thing is for certain, though: a terrifying number of RhyDin citizens are turning up all over the place with this affliction, and we need to put a stop to it before it gets enormously out of hand."
Research scientists claim that the disorder has been narrowed down to just a handful of genes, though their place of origin has been difficult to track.
"It's really very problematic trying to determine the source of a condition that has become so horrifyingly widespread," commented Yu. "But let me assure our investors that their billions are not going to waste. We are going to get to the bottom of this thing."
Encouragingly, the research development team at the S.K.G.S. Central Campus has at the very least managed to put a name to the malady. Grangitis Morbidus - or more simply Grangitis - was so designated according to the discovery of the common Granger gene found in research cases. According to Patient, it is this gene that is the problem.
"The fact of the matter is, Grangitis is spreading too far and too fast," argued Patient. "And the number of cases being reported and identified has become terrifying in its size. As far as we can tell, if this condition is allowed to propagate any further, it could lead to increased psychosis, genetic disorders, loss of immune system function, and general jackassery."
But Grangitis is not only evident within a clinical setting. According to a medical pamphlet found in the dumpster of Bucky's Diner in West End, Yu announced Tuesday that he would be stepping down from his position on the research staff. A follow-up interview with Yu confirmed that a certain subject of his admiration had indeed been afflicted with the condition.
"Dear God" not Rhae. Anyone but Rhae. Why, God, WHY?!" remarked Yu.
Though its roots have not yet been pinpointed, a local bumbling homeless man proclaiming himself as Catwoman argues that the disease is a result of cultural moral ambiguity in RhyDin.
"I told them this would - <CENSORED> - would happen. All them eggy bastards. This is all - CHICKENS - all them' <Incoherent mumbling> homosexuals' faults. They're what - <CENSORED> - killed the dinosaurs."
Added Catwoman: "God <CENSORED>! GET THOSE <CENSORED> NINJA WOMBATS OFF MY LAWN!"
*Some facts have been fabricated for the sake of satire.