http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg
Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
A Romantic Almost-Valentine's! February 14, 2011
What' You thought we went somewhere" You thought I ran away and hid under the carpet until some wildly errant and completely unnecessary fanboy and fangirl shrieks died down" (P.S....Do I have to disappear to GOD KNOWS WHERE before I get some squeals" Huh' HUH"!) Heck no, we won't go. Somebody has to keep this town on its toes!
I won't lie to you, though. Sometimes it ain't easy. Especially when the events that really need to be written about are O.M.G.-SUPAR-EXCLUSIVE. I have a theory that former-O'Rourke-Now-Mrs.-Ex-Constable-Hotstuff is really secretly a bit of a snob. Sure she may wear Packers getup and grungy jeans and order beer and pizza, but deep down I'm willing to bet that woman is the type to throw a tizzy if a courier delivers her a latte that isn't nonfat. I've got to give it to a girl for having standards, but all due respect it's a little difficult to be all exclusive and classy in a city where baby-birthing regularly happens in bars.
Rest assured, we got our info. Don't ask how we got it, but we did! And all's I can say is WHAT was the preoccupation with red at the Lo-O'Rourke reception' I get it, I get it. Valentine's Day, right' Traditional Asian theme, right' Well this is where our cultures differ, because I have been raised to believe that the bride is supposed to wear white. Don't get me wrong....Obviously Ri-Lo sure as heck ain't virginal, but that dash of color just messes up my whole freakin' world, yanno' Next thing you know, gals are going to be gettin' hitched in bikinis!....Oh please god, don't take that as advice!
Luckily the red on Riley's dress didn't come off slutty at all. In fact, it was a very refreshing and lovely splash of color, and ultimately holding to an Asian culture or tradition was a brilliant and honorable thing to do. (I would really have HATED to hear these folks went and tied the knot in Vegas, after all!) Plus, because the whole shindig was so dang romantic, and because she and Ex-Constable Hotstuff were so amazingly PRECIOUS together (so much so that I want to take pictures and buy them things), the evening wound up passable as a wedding reception. Who knew!
I will say this, though! It really was awesome to get a glimpse of Riley's innocent side. Word has it the bride's dance with her father was wonderful and tearfully sweet. Those are some awesome folks you've got there, Ri! Hang onto them!
Before I go on, let me just take this opportunity to throw out a big, hearty CONGRATULATIONS to the new couple, and insist that I be the first person notified when we are expecting bundles of baby Hotstuffs!
Overall, the event reminds me a little bit of those chocolate-covered chili peppers. You know how it is" You take a bite, and it's all: "Oh, wow, this is really, really delicio-OHMYGODWHATISTHATMYMOUTHISONFIRE!!!" Likewise, aw, aren't Ri-Lo and Max-Taya some of the cutest couples ever- buh-WHY is Kate talking about shooting people at a wedding" I guess sometimes you just can't escape the weirdness that is RhyDin, no matter how hard you try to be normal.
It isn't often that we see the bombshell that is Duci around at social events, but would you believe it, she was actually there! There's something to be said about blondes and red, though. And in spite of all earlier claims, I do believe that blondes hold the exception whenever they decide to wear red. Miss Duci looked utterly fabulous as part of the bridal party, and she and Mataya hung around the married couple like the good friends they are virtually the whole night. I never would have guessed before that the deuce and Riley were such close friends, but now that I know I can't say I'm surprised. Both have very similar fun-loving personalities, with a habit of getting wild!
And speaking of, either Mataya was feeling under the weather or she had one wiiiiiild night before W-day, because rumor has it she was acting a little off. I do hope it's the former, though, if only because I relish the thought of Mataya getting her tabletop dance on. Thankfully Max had the frail little femme taken care of the whole night like the good fianc" he is. Oh' What's that' You didn't know" Well WE DID! No date has been set yet for when the pair plans to tie the knot, but supposedly it should happen within the year. If I may, I would suggest enlisting Riley's services as a wedding coordinator because she is obviously fabulous at throwing parties!
Mataya wasn't the only one feeling under the weather, it seems. Apparently Derever hung around with on-again-off-again almost-date-slash-significant-other-kind-of Princess Kate while he was hacking up mucus. Sexy. I'm at least glad he got himself out of there before the hockey star started talking about blood and guts with Mesteno and Samiel. I really doubt that's the kind of subject that is easy on a weak stomach. But really. You know I love you, darlin', but save the talking of shop (shot") until you at least leave a festive occasion! There are happy people about, and not all of them enjoy shooting people as much as you do.
Sam and Mesteno didn't seem to mind, and in fact the latter seemed strangely happy to be at Riley's reception. I don't know when Mesteno's and Riley's relationship blossomed into the pretty chrysanthemum it is now, but I have to say it makes me a little bit wary. Having stupidly hot Mesteno and Sam as friends is a little like having a pet anaconda. They're awesome to look at and talk to, and maybe even hug, but then OH MY GOD FANGS.
I've decided that May Queen Lilliana and I are going to put together some kind of special school for socializing. She doesn't know about this yet, but it should definitely happen because I am tired of people wallflowering incorrectly. There is a right way and a wrong way to wallflower, people. Someone like Samilee, Mish, or Sal is your standby wallflower. They observe silently, don't seem terribly out of place, and don't look sorry for themselves doing it. Heck, even Ander knows how to do it right (despite the fact that he wears more bling than 50 Cent and sparkles more than a fake vampire). But some people should seriously consider whether to go to a party at all if all they're going to do is float around aimlessly and wait for someone to talk to them! Take the initiative, woman! You're hot - there's bound to be someone who will talk with you!
Why is Lilli helping me with this project, you ask" Because Lilli is truly the lifeblood of RhyDin. That charming woman could converse with pond scum and still make it feel welcome. I honestly don't know why she isn't invited to every party ever. I don't care if you aren't friends with her. Invite her anyway! Though Z'ev wasn't around at the reception, word has it Lilli was more than comfortable socializing with partygoers, and in fact was seen coughflirtingcoughcough with a devilishly handsome man with an accent. What is it with women and accents" I need an accent, but the only one I can do is Sylvester the Cat, and I ttttttttttthhhheriouthly doubt women think that'th thhhheckthy!
THERE was a face we haven't seen in a while! Who knew that Riley was inviting not only friends, but former coworkers as well" Apparently Jin was spotted lurking around and being his hilariously filter-less self, arm-in-arm with some hot young thing who appeared to be teasing him mercilessly. Either that or they were flirting. I can't judge expressions on a detective! They're all wily and stuff! Whatever those two were to each other, the connection between them seemed relatively platonic. Brother and sister, maybe? Distant cousins" Exes" Now wouldn't that be something!
The original "A" component of our infamous Quintuple A is just as flirty as ever, and was in fact eying up Jin for part of the night. Woman's got two kids at home and two husbands and she's still winking at men like a '50s pinup model" That's some drive! Those kids sure seem to have done EmDoc some good, though, as she showed up looking spectacularly voluptuous in a top-hugging gown that accented her generous bust. Now, I can promise you that Mancake Antonio might have been acting all gentlemanly and husbandly the entire night, but I can promise you the only thing he was thinking whenever he looked at his wife was what every man would be thinking: BOOOOOBS! EmDoc was modest enough to try to cover those twins up, but she really shouldn't. Wear 'em proud, toots. They're pretty much the only upside to having kids. Well" you know" aside from the kid" and stuff.
Now what kind of a wedding is it when RhyDin's Sexiest Woman has to show up to the reception alone" Though Michael did ultimately arrive, I unfortunately have to deduct points for being so late. Watch it, buster! Luckily Eless made do with kissing bandit Tass until her beau arrived. Oh-Dot-Helston was nowhere to be found either, but the annoyingly charming Tass made virtually all the women who were being ignored by their men (coughColleencoughcough) feel right as rain. I don't know what it is about that fellow, but he is androgynously irresistible and surprisingly very polite (once you get over the handsiness). Rumor has it at some point he actually offered to help out Cally, who appeared to be in charge of running things for Riley while she enjoyed her big night. For such a bubbly little thing, Cally sure is organized! And did I mention she is still smokin'? I've always had a thing for redheads.
Save your crazy Valentine stories for me! Whether it deals with sex, jail, blood, or fame, I want to hear them!
Until next time....You stay sassy, RhyDin!
A Romantic Almost-Valentine's! February 14, 2011
What' You thought we went somewhere" You thought I ran away and hid under the carpet until some wildly errant and completely unnecessary fanboy and fangirl shrieks died down" (P.S....Do I have to disappear to GOD KNOWS WHERE before I get some squeals" Huh' HUH"!) Heck no, we won't go. Somebody has to keep this town on its toes!
I won't lie to you, though. Sometimes it ain't easy. Especially when the events that really need to be written about are O.M.G.-SUPAR-EXCLUSIVE. I have a theory that former-O'Rourke-Now-Mrs.-Ex-Constable-Hotstuff is really secretly a bit of a snob. Sure she may wear Packers getup and grungy jeans and order beer and pizza, but deep down I'm willing to bet that woman is the type to throw a tizzy if a courier delivers her a latte that isn't nonfat. I've got to give it to a girl for having standards, but all due respect it's a little difficult to be all exclusive and classy in a city where baby-birthing regularly happens in bars.
Rest assured, we got our info. Don't ask how we got it, but we did! And all's I can say is WHAT was the preoccupation with red at the Lo-O'Rourke reception' I get it, I get it. Valentine's Day, right' Traditional Asian theme, right' Well this is where our cultures differ, because I have been raised to believe that the bride is supposed to wear white. Don't get me wrong....Obviously Ri-Lo sure as heck ain't virginal, but that dash of color just messes up my whole freakin' world, yanno' Next thing you know, gals are going to be gettin' hitched in bikinis!....Oh please god, don't take that as advice!
Luckily the red on Riley's dress didn't come off slutty at all. In fact, it was a very refreshing and lovely splash of color, and ultimately holding to an Asian culture or tradition was a brilliant and honorable thing to do. (I would really have HATED to hear these folks went and tied the knot in Vegas, after all!) Plus, because the whole shindig was so dang romantic, and because she and Ex-Constable Hotstuff were so amazingly PRECIOUS together (so much so that I want to take pictures and buy them things), the evening wound up passable as a wedding reception. Who knew!
I will say this, though! It really was awesome to get a glimpse of Riley's innocent side. Word has it the bride's dance with her father was wonderful and tearfully sweet. Those are some awesome folks you've got there, Ri! Hang onto them!
Before I go on, let me just take this opportunity to throw out a big, hearty CONGRATULATIONS to the new couple, and insist that I be the first person notified when we are expecting bundles of baby Hotstuffs!
Overall, the event reminds me a little bit of those chocolate-covered chili peppers. You know how it is" You take a bite, and it's all: "Oh, wow, this is really, really delicio-OHMYGODWHATISTHATMYMOUTHISONFIRE!!!" Likewise, aw, aren't Ri-Lo and Max-Taya some of the cutest couples ever- buh-WHY is Kate talking about shooting people at a wedding" I guess sometimes you just can't escape the weirdness that is RhyDin, no matter how hard you try to be normal.
It isn't often that we see the bombshell that is Duci around at social events, but would you believe it, she was actually there! There's something to be said about blondes and red, though. And in spite of all earlier claims, I do believe that blondes hold the exception whenever they decide to wear red. Miss Duci looked utterly fabulous as part of the bridal party, and she and Mataya hung around the married couple like the good friends they are virtually the whole night. I never would have guessed before that the deuce and Riley were such close friends, but now that I know I can't say I'm surprised. Both have very similar fun-loving personalities, with a habit of getting wild!
And speaking of, either Mataya was feeling under the weather or she had one wiiiiiild night before W-day, because rumor has it she was acting a little off. I do hope it's the former, though, if only because I relish the thought of Mataya getting her tabletop dance on. Thankfully Max had the frail little femme taken care of the whole night like the good fianc" he is. Oh' What's that' You didn't know" Well WE DID! No date has been set yet for when the pair plans to tie the knot, but supposedly it should happen within the year. If I may, I would suggest enlisting Riley's services as a wedding coordinator because she is obviously fabulous at throwing parties!
Mataya wasn't the only one feeling under the weather, it seems. Apparently Derever hung around with on-again-off-again almost-date-slash-significant-other-kind-of Princess Kate while he was hacking up mucus. Sexy. I'm at least glad he got himself out of there before the hockey star started talking about blood and guts with Mesteno and Samiel. I really doubt that's the kind of subject that is easy on a weak stomach. But really. You know I love you, darlin', but save the talking of shop (shot") until you at least leave a festive occasion! There are happy people about, and not all of them enjoy shooting people as much as you do.
Sam and Mesteno didn't seem to mind, and in fact the latter seemed strangely happy to be at Riley's reception. I don't know when Mesteno's and Riley's relationship blossomed into the pretty chrysanthemum it is now, but I have to say it makes me a little bit wary. Having stupidly hot Mesteno and Sam as friends is a little like having a pet anaconda. They're awesome to look at and talk to, and maybe even hug, but then OH MY GOD FANGS.
I've decided that May Queen Lilliana and I are going to put together some kind of special school for socializing. She doesn't know about this yet, but it should definitely happen because I am tired of people wallflowering incorrectly. There is a right way and a wrong way to wallflower, people. Someone like Samilee, Mish, or Sal is your standby wallflower. They observe silently, don't seem terribly out of place, and don't look sorry for themselves doing it. Heck, even Ander knows how to do it right (despite the fact that he wears more bling than 50 Cent and sparkles more than a fake vampire). But some people should seriously consider whether to go to a party at all if all they're going to do is float around aimlessly and wait for someone to talk to them! Take the initiative, woman! You're hot - there's bound to be someone who will talk with you!
Why is Lilli helping me with this project, you ask" Because Lilli is truly the lifeblood of RhyDin. That charming woman could converse with pond scum and still make it feel welcome. I honestly don't know why she isn't invited to every party ever. I don't care if you aren't friends with her. Invite her anyway! Though Z'ev wasn't around at the reception, word has it Lilli was more than comfortable socializing with partygoers, and in fact was seen coughflirtingcoughcough with a devilishly handsome man with an accent. What is it with women and accents" I need an accent, but the only one I can do is Sylvester the Cat, and I ttttttttttthhhheriouthly doubt women think that'th thhhheckthy!
THERE was a face we haven't seen in a while! Who knew that Riley was inviting not only friends, but former coworkers as well" Apparently Jin was spotted lurking around and being his hilariously filter-less self, arm-in-arm with some hot young thing who appeared to be teasing him mercilessly. Either that or they were flirting. I can't judge expressions on a detective! They're all wily and stuff! Whatever those two were to each other, the connection between them seemed relatively platonic. Brother and sister, maybe? Distant cousins" Exes" Now wouldn't that be something!
The original "A" component of our infamous Quintuple A is just as flirty as ever, and was in fact eying up Jin for part of the night. Woman's got two kids at home and two husbands and she's still winking at men like a '50s pinup model" That's some drive! Those kids sure seem to have done EmDoc some good, though, as she showed up looking spectacularly voluptuous in a top-hugging gown that accented her generous bust. Now, I can promise you that Mancake Antonio might have been acting all gentlemanly and husbandly the entire night, but I can promise you the only thing he was thinking whenever he looked at his wife was what every man would be thinking: BOOOOOBS! EmDoc was modest enough to try to cover those twins up, but she really shouldn't. Wear 'em proud, toots. They're pretty much the only upside to having kids. Well" you know" aside from the kid" and stuff.
Now what kind of a wedding is it when RhyDin's Sexiest Woman has to show up to the reception alone" Though Michael did ultimately arrive, I unfortunately have to deduct points for being so late. Watch it, buster! Luckily Eless made do with kissing bandit Tass until her beau arrived. Oh-Dot-Helston was nowhere to be found either, but the annoyingly charming Tass made virtually all the women who were being ignored by their men (coughColleencoughcough) feel right as rain. I don't know what it is about that fellow, but he is androgynously irresistible and surprisingly very polite (once you get over the handsiness). Rumor has it at some point he actually offered to help out Cally, who appeared to be in charge of running things for Riley while she enjoyed her big night. For such a bubbly little thing, Cally sure is organized! And did I mention she is still smokin'? I've always had a thing for redheads.
Save your crazy Valentine stories for me! Whether it deals with sex, jail, blood, or fame, I want to hear them!
Until next time....You stay sassy, RhyDin!