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Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
A Tighter Ship September 20, 2010
*A new surge in overproduction has led RhyDin slavers to look further abroad for market opportunities.
According to Random Statistics Weekly, the output of slave products in RhyDin has in the past two years increased dramatically, leading to what some economists are calling a "dangerous instance of overproduction capable of throwing off our entire economy."
"Let's face it," said Dr. Aguinald Emille, financial research analyst at Bribable Sources Inc. "These days anybody who's anybody has more slaves than they can handle. And there's just no market for buying excess here in RhyDin. So what you're left with is a lot of unsold product and surplus capital. That's not good for an economy. Even an almost-economy like RhyDin."
Historically speaking, the accumulation of unsalable business inventories has been a real problem for wage earners. From an economic standpoint, the only solution to surplus product is to cut back on production, which unfortunately can lead to pay cuts and loss of jobs. That result is not one RhyDin businessmen are yet willing to suffer.
"I head a pretty good business here in our own special brand of (cough)capital goods production," Frokk Tugg, CEO of Toils 'R' Us, said. "I'm not going to cut back on collaring just because people are buying less. If I have to, I'll run two-for-the-price-of-one promotional offers in the media. All we have to do is get interest back up again."
Added Tugg: "What newspaper do you work for again?"
According to Tugg, he and his team of sycophantic minions have begun expanding their trading horizons beyond" well? the horizon.
"So far, we've seen excellent numbers in our sales by going off-planet. As long as our exports outnumber our imports, RhyDin's GDP shouldn't suffer. You know. The Get the Product quotient."
Gru'ul Oaten, a slave merchant dealing in the Omega Sector who requested to remain anonymous, points to poor public information as a source of the economic slump.
"When it comes to these types of goods, people at home are always trying to buy foreign," alleged Oaten while testing the amount of voltage it took for his latest shipment to seize. "We don't necessarily need to go into outer-space. RhyDin folks just need to realize that when they buy domestic, they get a much better deal. The goods are manufactured much better here. Their expiration dates are usually more flexible - depending on how you, uh, store the product - and when you buy overseas and stuff you usually don't know what kind of defects come with them."
"I run a pretty tight ship here," added Oaten. "But not like a slave ship or anything. I don't know what you're talking about."
Still, financial advisors at Toils 'R' Us are beginning to encourage even their competitors to look into exportation as a new source of profit.
"The more you export, the more you can produce," said Vilemis Creant, Ph.D. "The more you can produce, the more - eh - employees you can hire. Then we can just keep up harvesting as much as we did before. It's really just an absolutely win-win situation for everyone involved. I don't see any victims here."
According to Creant, exportation has reportedly only become a possibility in the past five years, since people began actually caring.
In related news, Toils 'R' Us has issued a recall on their latest line of products. According to a press release issued Sunday, some may contain lead and are potentially hazardous to children.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.
A Tighter Ship September 20, 2010
*A new surge in overproduction has led RhyDin slavers to look further abroad for market opportunities.
According to Random Statistics Weekly, the output of slave products in RhyDin has in the past two years increased dramatically, leading to what some economists are calling a "dangerous instance of overproduction capable of throwing off our entire economy."
"Let's face it," said Dr. Aguinald Emille, financial research analyst at Bribable Sources Inc. "These days anybody who's anybody has more slaves than they can handle. And there's just no market for buying excess here in RhyDin. So what you're left with is a lot of unsold product and surplus capital. That's not good for an economy. Even an almost-economy like RhyDin."
Historically speaking, the accumulation of unsalable business inventories has been a real problem for wage earners. From an economic standpoint, the only solution to surplus product is to cut back on production, which unfortunately can lead to pay cuts and loss of jobs. That result is not one RhyDin businessmen are yet willing to suffer.
"I head a pretty good business here in our own special brand of (cough)capital goods production," Frokk Tugg, CEO of Toils 'R' Us, said. "I'm not going to cut back on collaring just because people are buying less. If I have to, I'll run two-for-the-price-of-one promotional offers in the media. All we have to do is get interest back up again."
Added Tugg: "What newspaper do you work for again?"
According to Tugg, he and his team of sycophantic minions have begun expanding their trading horizons beyond" well? the horizon.
"So far, we've seen excellent numbers in our sales by going off-planet. As long as our exports outnumber our imports, RhyDin's GDP shouldn't suffer. You know. The Get the Product quotient."
Gru'ul Oaten, a slave merchant dealing in the Omega Sector who requested to remain anonymous, points to poor public information as a source of the economic slump.
"When it comes to these types of goods, people at home are always trying to buy foreign," alleged Oaten while testing the amount of voltage it took for his latest shipment to seize. "We don't necessarily need to go into outer-space. RhyDin folks just need to realize that when they buy domestic, they get a much better deal. The goods are manufactured much better here. Their expiration dates are usually more flexible - depending on how you, uh, store the product - and when you buy overseas and stuff you usually don't know what kind of defects come with them."
"I run a pretty tight ship here," added Oaten. "But not like a slave ship or anything. I don't know what you're talking about."
Still, financial advisors at Toils 'R' Us are beginning to encourage even their competitors to look into exportation as a new source of profit.
"The more you export, the more you can produce," said Vilemis Creant, Ph.D. "The more you can produce, the more - eh - employees you can hire. Then we can just keep up harvesting as much as we did before. It's really just an absolutely win-win situation for everyone involved. I don't see any victims here."
According to Creant, exportation has reportedly only become a possibility in the past five years, since people began actually caring.
In related news, Toils 'R' Us has issued a recall on their latest line of products. According to a press release issued Sunday, some may contain lead and are potentially hazardous to children.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.