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Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
All of RhyDin Found Dead April 1, 2011
**Every single person in RhyDin was found dead today, according to scouts supposedly shipped in from neighboring planets. Though the numerous (likely) crimes are still being investigated, several are considering homicide as the cause of deaths.
"Those RhyDinians sure loved their murder," said some completely random guy with a generic name no one remembers. "I mean you picked up the newspaper and every day it was assault this and torture that. It really was only a matter of time until everyone killed everyone else."
Blood coated every street in RhyDin by the time the scouts descended, as gruesome scenes of mass slaughter abounded. The approximate two million citizens were all dead by midnight this morning, presumably viciously tortured and murdered by everyone else, who were also later viciously tortured and murdered.
No investigation is pending, as all suspects are currently decomposing in the city streets. For the sake of closure, neighboring authorities are picking most fastidiously at Erin Dunbridge and Mason's corpses.
"They both stink equally, so we're thinking time of death is? Actually to be perfectly honest, we don't give a rat's <CENSORED>. I'm not really taking notes on this thing. I'm playing solitaire," said another guy.
"I would say this is a sad day, but no one will be reading this bloody article," said some other pedophile-looking idiot with a mustache. "So while I have you here, I hate my freaking wife and I hope she bleeds to death from her uterus."
"I guess now we can start over," said Ar'rin Something-Or-Other. "We can jumpstart RhyDin all over again. Although to be honest we're in the process of considering populating it with a less psychotic and self-destructive species. We're thinking turtles."
Sources indicate that cleanup of the bloodbath is not currently scheduled, because no one gives a crap.
**Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire. Have a good April.
All of RhyDin Found Dead April 1, 2011
**Every single person in RhyDin was found dead today, according to scouts supposedly shipped in from neighboring planets. Though the numerous (likely) crimes are still being investigated, several are considering homicide as the cause of deaths.
"Those RhyDinians sure loved their murder," said some completely random guy with a generic name no one remembers. "I mean you picked up the newspaper and every day it was assault this and torture that. It really was only a matter of time until everyone killed everyone else."
Blood coated every street in RhyDin by the time the scouts descended, as gruesome scenes of mass slaughter abounded. The approximate two million citizens were all dead by midnight this morning, presumably viciously tortured and murdered by everyone else, who were also later viciously tortured and murdered.
No investigation is pending, as all suspects are currently decomposing in the city streets. For the sake of closure, neighboring authorities are picking most fastidiously at Erin Dunbridge and Mason's corpses.
"They both stink equally, so we're thinking time of death is? Actually to be perfectly honest, we don't give a rat's <CENSORED>. I'm not really taking notes on this thing. I'm playing solitaire," said another guy.
"I would say this is a sad day, but no one will be reading this bloody article," said some other pedophile-looking idiot with a mustache. "So while I have you here, I hate my freaking wife and I hope she bleeds to death from her uterus."
"I guess now we can start over," said Ar'rin Something-Or-Other. "We can jumpstart RhyDin all over again. Although to be honest we're in the process of considering populating it with a less psychotic and self-destructive species. We're thinking turtles."
Sources indicate that cleanup of the bloodbath is not currently scheduled, because no one gives a crap.
**Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire. Have a good April.