http://i.imgur.com/sBvyIVS.jpg
Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
Alleged Technological Surveillance of RhyDin Population Finds They are Duller Than Staring at a Stack of Bricks, Not That Anyone is Surveilling Anybody August 27, ?"?"
*For the past year, Bob Marker of the RhyDin Security Administration has been charged with monitoring phone transmissions to and from RhyDin residents, and today on his RhyFriend profile page, he commented how utterly sick he was of monitoring RhyDin's sh*t.
"People in RhyDin are SO BORING," said Marker in a status update. "We used to take note of certain terms that implied terrorism or threat " you know, to protect the RhyDin public - but now because we have such an extensive cyberspace storage system, we are just keeping track of anything and everything RhyDin transmits. I'm personally charged with the Daniels family's and friends" transmissions, and after reading everything they say to each other day in and day out I swear to god, I am going to kill Tenacity if I ever meet her in person."
Added Marker: "No one tell her I said that."
Statistics accrued by the RSA indicate that 71% of text messages and phone calls taking place within RhyDin limits have to do with food, 19% sexual arrangements, 8% everyday activities, and 2% how wrong Koyliak VanDuran-Simon's outfit is that day. Blatantly criminal investigations and invasive wire-tapping further reveal that the majority of what RhyDinians say to each other has nothing to do with anything and every implicated phone ought to be detonated or otherwise never used again.
"Are" How ARE you," commented Marker on the brink of sanity. "IS IT SO HARD TO TYPE OUT TWO EXTRA LETTERS."
According to other comments posted to his RhyFriend page, Marker claims the Granger family and associates are also currently under investigation, following the possible leak of illicit cell phone photos by none other than 50 Shades of Gray star Jon Granger.
"I can't confirm or deny any suggestion that RhyDin may be under surveillance," said RSA director Mary West in a press conference Friday. "But if anyone happens to be in possession of these photos or knows someone who is, please bring them to my personal attention immediately. We'll need to hold on to them to, ah, prevent terrorist activity. Yes.?
In related news, the RSA strongly advises Xanth Van Bokkelen to delete his wireless internet history. Also, to get a girlfriend.
"Not that we're tapping his phone or anything," added West.
Edit: Following publication of this article, Marker was arrested and is currently under investigation for his alleged investigation of alleged investigating practices. Allegedly.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.
Alleged Technological Surveillance of RhyDin Population Finds They are Duller Than Staring at a Stack of Bricks, Not That Anyone is Surveilling Anybody August 27, ?"?"
*For the past year, Bob Marker of the RhyDin Security Administration has been charged with monitoring phone transmissions to and from RhyDin residents, and today on his RhyFriend profile page, he commented how utterly sick he was of monitoring RhyDin's sh*t.
"People in RhyDin are SO BORING," said Marker in a status update. "We used to take note of certain terms that implied terrorism or threat " you know, to protect the RhyDin public - but now because we have such an extensive cyberspace storage system, we are just keeping track of anything and everything RhyDin transmits. I'm personally charged with the Daniels family's and friends" transmissions, and after reading everything they say to each other day in and day out I swear to god, I am going to kill Tenacity if I ever meet her in person."
Added Marker: "No one tell her I said that."
Statistics accrued by the RSA indicate that 71% of text messages and phone calls taking place within RhyDin limits have to do with food, 19% sexual arrangements, 8% everyday activities, and 2% how wrong Koyliak VanDuran-Simon's outfit is that day. Blatantly criminal investigations and invasive wire-tapping further reveal that the majority of what RhyDinians say to each other has nothing to do with anything and every implicated phone ought to be detonated or otherwise never used again.
"Are" How ARE you," commented Marker on the brink of sanity. "IS IT SO HARD TO TYPE OUT TWO EXTRA LETTERS."
According to other comments posted to his RhyFriend page, Marker claims the Granger family and associates are also currently under investigation, following the possible leak of illicit cell phone photos by none other than 50 Shades of Gray star Jon Granger.
"I can't confirm or deny any suggestion that RhyDin may be under surveillance," said RSA director Mary West in a press conference Friday. "But if anyone happens to be in possession of these photos or knows someone who is, please bring them to my personal attention immediately. We'll need to hold on to them to, ah, prevent terrorist activity. Yes.?
In related news, the RSA strongly advises Xanth Van Bokkelen to delete his wireless internet history. Also, to get a girlfriend.
"Not that we're tapping his phone or anything," added West.
Edit: Following publication of this article, Marker was arrested and is currently under investigation for his alleged investigation of alleged investigating practices. Allegedly.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.