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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Alternate Universes and Conspicuous Absences: The Week in Review! August 15, 2011
I have a question for you, RhyDin.
Do you know me" Am I popular here" The reason I ask is I think the portal system got screwed up when I was on my way back from the outer rings for a skin-scorching vacation and stuck me in pretty much the worst parallel universe EVER*. A universe, that is, where nearly all of my favorite people are mysteriously MIA having been presumably eaten by psycho Tara-but-not-Tara-clones (I told you. Worst. Universe. Ever.). And in this universe, I expect that no one has been exposed to my dazzling wit and ruggedly handsome looks. I mean' I've got to be in some parallel universe, right' Why else would I have not received an express invite to Psly and Jaycy's wedding (Yeah, you two can definitely kiss YOUR re-gift goodbye)" Why else would I have absolutely no word from my first loves like Scotty, Harold, Eva, or even Kazzy or Eless or Sin" WHERE IS EVERYBODY"!
At least in this universe there is still liquor. And I needed it when I heard what went down this past week.
In this universe, I probably would do better as a sassy woman " at least long enough to give that girl Lana a piece of my mind. Word has it last Tuesday she waltzed her familiar quadruple-D implants in through the door at the RDI and immediately proceeded to badmouth love of my life Gigi Granger to Vinny. Here's where that stereotype can come in handy, so let me see if I can do this right. Ahem"
OH NO SHE DI-N"T!
Yeah, I couldn't pull it off. I guess I'll just have to live with the spectacular good looks I already have.
Seriously, though. This woman struts into OUR temple of liquor and lasciviousness, snarks off to OUR favorite patrons, and then has the nerve to make out with OUR Ex-Arch Mages" Black. Listed. And she has single-handedly stolen the W.T.F. moment of the week. Congratulations.
On that note, though, I just need to make an observation. What is Vinny's deal that he always seems to end up attracting the crazies" This totally isn't the first one. It's always the same story' A beautiful, long-legged and busty babe comes a-walkin" in, there is some serious flirting and petting going on, and then BAM! Would you like this bloody kitten head that I just happen to keep in my pocket' Vinny, my man, I know you're going through your, like, eighth mid-life crisis, but some standards wouldn't kill ya.
Briefly back to Lana McCrazy: I hear that she was seen later that week catching up with Ex-Gov Mattacious. You know, I used to think that all that B.S. he regularly spews was just part in parcel to the whole politics thing that he has eternally entrenched himself in. But now I see that there is a distinct possibility that he has been spewing that crud so long he has ended up brainwashing himself. Oh god. I'm next, aren't I" I can hear March from A Clockwork Orange already.
It seems that Mealla is right at home here in RhyDin and has all the bubbly energy of her bro, Daigh. As I understand it, that same Tuesday she spent the evening chilling out and discussing Freudian and post-modern gender analyses with' a doll.
Yeah, I really don't have much more to say about that other than she has obviously been here too long.
In other Sterling news, I received some unsubstantiated news that Daigh was spotted chatting recently with a mini version of Dean. At this point I've just decided to stop asking about Dean. That guy always seems to be up to his eyeballs in some kind of misfortune. But hey, think of it this way: No one expects someone that age to get a real job for a good couple of years, so if I were him I'd take advantage of the time touring Europe and getting laid. Pardon me. Touring Europe and finding myself.
Alternate Universes and Conspicuous Absences: The Week in Review! August 15, 2011
I have a question for you, RhyDin.
Do you know me" Am I popular here" The reason I ask is I think the portal system got screwed up when I was on my way back from the outer rings for a skin-scorching vacation and stuck me in pretty much the worst parallel universe EVER*. A universe, that is, where nearly all of my favorite people are mysteriously MIA having been presumably eaten by psycho Tara-but-not-Tara-clones (I told you. Worst. Universe. Ever.). And in this universe, I expect that no one has been exposed to my dazzling wit and ruggedly handsome looks. I mean' I've got to be in some parallel universe, right' Why else would I have not received an express invite to Psly and Jaycy's wedding (Yeah, you two can definitely kiss YOUR re-gift goodbye)" Why else would I have absolutely no word from my first loves like Scotty, Harold, Eva, or even Kazzy or Eless or Sin" WHERE IS EVERYBODY"!
At least in this universe there is still liquor. And I needed it when I heard what went down this past week.
In this universe, I probably would do better as a sassy woman " at least long enough to give that girl Lana a piece of my mind. Word has it last Tuesday she waltzed her familiar quadruple-D implants in through the door at the RDI and immediately proceeded to badmouth love of my life Gigi Granger to Vinny. Here's where that stereotype can come in handy, so let me see if I can do this right. Ahem"
OH NO SHE DI-N"T!
Yeah, I couldn't pull it off. I guess I'll just have to live with the spectacular good looks I already have.
Seriously, though. This woman struts into OUR temple of liquor and lasciviousness, snarks off to OUR favorite patrons, and then has the nerve to make out with OUR Ex-Arch Mages" Black. Listed. And she has single-handedly stolen the W.T.F. moment of the week. Congratulations.
On that note, though, I just need to make an observation. What is Vinny's deal that he always seems to end up attracting the crazies" This totally isn't the first one. It's always the same story' A beautiful, long-legged and busty babe comes a-walkin" in, there is some serious flirting and petting going on, and then BAM! Would you like this bloody kitten head that I just happen to keep in my pocket' Vinny, my man, I know you're going through your, like, eighth mid-life crisis, but some standards wouldn't kill ya.
Briefly back to Lana McCrazy: I hear that she was seen later that week catching up with Ex-Gov Mattacious. You know, I used to think that all that B.S. he regularly spews was just part in parcel to the whole politics thing that he has eternally entrenched himself in. But now I see that there is a distinct possibility that he has been spewing that crud so long he has ended up brainwashing himself. Oh god. I'm next, aren't I" I can hear March from A Clockwork Orange already.
It seems that Mealla is right at home here in RhyDin and has all the bubbly energy of her bro, Daigh. As I understand it, that same Tuesday she spent the evening chilling out and discussing Freudian and post-modern gender analyses with' a doll.
Yeah, I really don't have much more to say about that other than she has obviously been here too long.
In other Sterling news, I received some unsubstantiated news that Daigh was spotted chatting recently with a mini version of Dean. At this point I've just decided to stop asking about Dean. That guy always seems to be up to his eyeballs in some kind of misfortune. But hey, think of it this way: No one expects someone that age to get a real job for a good couple of years, so if I were him I'd take advantage of the time touring Europe and getting laid. Pardon me. Touring Europe and finding myself.