- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a navy suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a khaki suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -
Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!
Chris: And me llamo Chris Reed, un hombre largo!
Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight. Before we get underway, we've got quite a few announcements for you.
Chris: Es correcto! He has importante announce" uh' mentos.
Peter: Chris" Eighty percent of our viewers speak common, you realize.
Chris: Oh, I know. I'm just trying to learn Spanish to impress this chick I know.
Peter: And you can't learn it during your spare time"
Chris: What are you talking about' This is my spare time. - Pulls out a Spanish-English dictionary and scans it. -
Peter: Huh. I guess that would explain the masseuse in your dressing room.
Chris: Oh, no. She's the one I'm trying to impress.
Peter: What makes you think she's even remotely interested in you?
Chris: She told me I smell like a cabra. I'm still trying to figure out what that is, but I think it's something good.
Peter: Right. Well" you do that. Meanwhile, I'm going to go ahead and give our announcements.
Chris: I think this dictionary is wrong, Pete. It says here that a cabra is a goat.
Peter: First on our list for Magic, while it's not necessarily dueling news, there is word out there that Archmage Ollavan has been issuing some pretty entertaining decrees on his watch.
Chris: I'm with Ollavan here, Pete. Those goblins need to be kept in line or they'll revolt. Revolt, I say!
Peter: I somehow doubt that. But word has it, his decree has gotten some heavy criticism from the present Keeper of Water, Neo Eternity.
Chris: McStabberson's always been pretty hotheaded there, Pete. I'd like to know what his beef with the Archmage is, though!
Peter: I'm sure it'll turn out. Next up we have Fists. It looks Sarah Matthews, after recently being promoted to the rank of Emerald, has gone ahead and challenged Koyliak VanDuran-Simon for ShadoWeaver.
Chris: Kick-A** Koy' - Low whistle. - That is one match I can't wait to see. I do hope she-Simon gives it to her something fierce.
Peter: What do you honestly have against Matthews, Chris" She worked her way up to an Emerald. She has a right to challenge if she wants to.
Chris: It ain't the fact that she's challenging that bothers me, Pete. It's how she challenged. You don't play Eenie Meenie Miney Mo with the dang Opals. She doesn't seem to realize that some of them have a mind of their own.
Peter: Glad you said that, Chris, because it looks like VanDuran-Simon said just about the same. Apparently, she's deliberately scheduled their match in early October - October third, that is - to give Matthews some time to research her Opal and reconsider whether or not she actually wants to challenge.
Chris: If she still follows through after all that, she's certainly got a bigger pair than I give her credit for.
Peter: She's female, Chris.
Chris: Of course she's female! What' do you have reason to believe she's not"
Peter: Not in the least.
Chris: See, now you've got me wondering.
Peter: Next up, a few announcements from the Arena. Remember that the Fall Warlord Tournament registration is still open, so be sure to get in your applications before September 26th.
Chris: I'm so stoked about this one, Pete. It looks like both Morgan le Fay and Anubis Karos have decided to stake an entry in this tourney. I wonder if the latter will make it back to Overlord"
Peter: We'll have to see, I suppose. In Barony news, it also looks like Old Temple has a new Baroness: Aya Hayashibara.
Chris: Oh, god. I don't know which of them has a bigger head with a title on it.
Peter: It took only six short rounds, but Hayashibara managed to defeat Maria Graziano for the Barony in a best-of-one format. Congratulations!
Chris: Say that to the district she now reigns over.
Peter: Still. You have to give it to Hayashibara. That challenge was pretty clean cut and wonderfully executed.
Chris: Yep. She's about as efficient as a blade, and just as deadly.
Peter: And lastly! The challenge for Dockside went down on the eighteenth between Rand al'Tan and Soerl Lute, and the winner is"
Chris: - Holds his breath. -
Peter: I won't tell you who the winner is, because that's the fight we're covering today.
Chris: - Exhales. - Jeez, Pete. Got me all worked up over nothing. What a cad.
Peter: Whatever you say, cabra.
- Roll footage Round 1, Final Match. TH/LC 1-0 al'Tan. -
Lute: He wasn't prepared for the extension. His cut hardly even started before he was caught.
al'Tan: He decided not to shift, and extended again.
Peter: And al'Tan starts this one off with a real crowd-pleaser, trumping Lute's poorly-timed underhand swing with a precise through-and-through.
Chris: A real shame Lute wasn't just a little faster though. Starting out low is an excellent way to screw up an opponent's footing for the rest of the match.
Peter: You look a little sour-faced, Chris.
Chris: I'm just disappointed. Lute almost completed an Offside Leg Mollinet, there, but al'Tan cut through before his opponent could draw his attention any higher.
Peter: And what, praytell, is an Offside Leg Mollinet"
Chris: That's an advanced sword technique, Pete. The Offside Leg Mollinet is a sweeping offside shot intended to draw an opponent's guard high while you strike low to the leg. Kind of like a windmill. Very circular.
Peter: Are you pegging Lute as another master of misdirection"
Chris: Oh not at all. Lute is very straightforward in his technique. I'm just saying that al'Tan is quite a bit faster this time around for some reason.
- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. FLP/FDU 1 All. -
Lute: A shift downward and into a crouch gave him an opportunity to get some positioning and he took it.
al'Tan: Switches to the defensive and loses ground.
Chris: Ah! Lute is layering brilliantly here!
Peter: Layering"
Chris: Yes, Pete. Layering is a defensive practice that means you layer up on your defense. See how he crouches, but doesn't let down his guard" He is effectively dodging and blocking at the same time.
Peter: Not that he needs it this round.
Chris: Still. If al'Tan would have taken advantage of that position, his guard was strong enough to have been able to handle it.
- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. TH/LC 2-1 al'Tan. -
al'Tan: Steps forward again, as speed befriends him.
Lute: He tried to sneak in with another low attack, but found himself too slow once again.
Peter: Looks like another incomplete leg slot on Lute's part.
Chris: Incomplete only in the sense that al'Tan is Mr. Speedy Gonzales in there. Sheesh.
Peter: You have to give credit to the guy. With a build like his, he's very agile, and his technique is very fluid.
Chris: He is graceful, Pete. Like papas fritas.
Peter: Like what"
Chris: Papas fritas. Like an antelope.
Peter: Uh' how did you get that translation, Chris"
Chris: Off the back of this fast food menu, here. This mascot looks like an antelope, anyway.
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. FLP/HC 3-1 al'Tan. -
Lute: He switched up and went for a high attack. It fared no better than the low one, really. He shook his arm out quickly.
al'Tan: Slides the blade across his body and knocks the longsword away.
Chris: Oh, oh! I want to show you why I still love Lute. Can we see that in replay"
- Slow-motion action replay Round 4. Close-up on Lute before the strike, then shaking his arm out in the aftermath. -
Chris: Do you see how jarred he is after al'Tan deflects" This means he is holding his sword exactly right. See now, when you hold a blade, the important thing is never to grip your sword handle tightly except when striking or blocking. You waste tons of energy by choking the thing, and it makes your attacks woefully slow. But if you have a look at Lute beforehand, we see how loose the sword appears in his hand. This means he has a very supple grip and is very conscious about conserving his strength. However! As soon as he intends to strike" CLANG! He tightens his grip so the thing doesn't go flying out of his hand. The fact that he's shaking it off afterward means that his technique was perfect, even if his connection wasn't.
Peter: You may be praising Lute for that, Chris, but is not al'Tan doing the same thing"
Chris: It was the better example. If you watch al'Tan that round, he takes the impact directly into his spine, so we hardly see the backlash.
Peter: In a sense, then, isn't Lute performing less than perfectly"
Chris: Not necessarily. Lute lets the impact of the blow just roll right off him. By stiffening like al'Tan does, he risks muscle tetanus or even temporary paralysis.
Peter: Nothing quite so extreme, I imagine!
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. FSS/FLP 4-1 al'Tan. -
al'Tan: Continues his sideways motion to strike at Soerl's flank.
Lute: He turned, albeit much too slowly, and his longsword was in no position to defend the minstrel.
Peter: You may be falling for Lute, but I have to commend al'Tan here for his use of range. Using range is a perfect way of controlling the fight and the other fighter.
Chris: Right you are, Pete. By briefly keeping away from Lute, al'Tan catches him off-guard and elicits an opening flawlessly.
Peter: So much for layered defenses.
Chris: Hey. Cut him some slack. Challenge matches are high-intensity and very draining.
Peter: I believe you. I was merely pointing out that at this point, Lute seems to be slacking in the speed department.
Chris: It's because of Speedy Gonzales there. I think I'll call him Randy McZippy from now on.
- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FCP/FSS 4-2 al'Tan. -
Lute: He spun aside and took the opportunity to wheel around with a quick cut at Rand.
al'Tan: Tests his footing after that slice.
Chris: Speaking of range, though. It looks like McZippy was testing the waters a little too liberally there. You know" sometimes it just kills me when these duelists play rock paper scissors in the ring.
Peter: Rock paper scissors"
Chris: What I mean is conducting yourself in the ring with little or no actual awareness of what your opponent is actually doing. Just defending or striking aimlessly in hopes that you score a point.
Peter: I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chris. I had the impression that al'Tan believed Lute was preparing to strike, so he was preparing accordingly.
Chris: If he was paying closer attention, he would have noticed how Lute's body coiled up like it did as he changed his footing.
Peter: To strike! I say al'Tan was in the right when it comes to being defense. It's not aimless at all. It is perfectly justified, because he was anticipating an attack!
Chris: Well then! We'll just have to agree to disagree, pendejo.
Peter: I know what that means. That isn't nice.
Chris: Wow. You speak Spanish"
Peter: I took it in high school, just like so many other people. Although I find it morbidly amusing that your foreign profanity is infinitely better than your vocabulary and grammar.
Chris: Actually I didn't know that was an insult. Maria just keeps calling me that. I thought it meant "sir."
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. TH/FLP 4-3 al'Tan. -
Lute: Up came the longsword, fortunately not too high, thus he was able to keep himself from harm. For the moment.
Chris: And henceforth, he shall be known as Layering Lute. Wait. Layering Lute is too short and unimpressive. He shall be Darth Layerizer. That has a nice ring to it. Like laser, only with layers.
Peter: You have to wonder if these nicknames of yours don't trivialize the fighters' abilities .
Chris: Are you kidding" They love it. The amount of fan mail I get is astounding.
Peter: They could be hate-mail, you know. Do you even open the letters"
Chris: Of course not. I don't have time to read. - Makes a disgusted sound. -
Peter: Brilliant work on Lute's end, though. It looks as though he has finally caught up with al'Tan's speed.
Chris: For the time being. Unless he pops a caffeine pill between rounds.
Peter: That's highly unlikely, Chris.
Chris: What' It's not like they drug test these guys. You never know.
- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. LC/HC 5-4 al'Tan. -
al'Tan: Slips the blade in low as Soerl strikes high.
Lute: An attack followed not long after the parry, but he was open low as he went for the attack. He stepped back and saluted Wyh and Rand. "Well fought, Baron."
Chris: My fuh-haaaavorite! Well" second favorite. I love when they trade tags like this. Almost as much as when they stab each other.
Peter: I don't know if it was wise on Lute's part to follow through with that attack, though. al'Tan had enough of a lead to merit the win. That should have at least factored into his approach.
- Camera returns to the studio, where both men are engaged in discussion. -
Chris: It isn't like Lute to be anything but resolute. But then again, the same goes for al'Tan.
Peter: I will say this, though. Nothing pleases me more than a gracious fighter. One of the most unattractive things for a swordsman to do is to throw a temper tantrum after a match.
Chris: You mean go back to your seat and pout' Yeah, I get that.
Peter: How can you get that' How many times did you pout after a match"
Chris: I didn't pout, per se. I hit things.
Peter: Ahhh, repressed anger. C'est la vie.
Chris: Say what? Gravy"
Peter: Go back to your studying, Chris. For now, that'll have to do it for us here at the Post. Congratulations on your new Barony, Rand, and well tried, Soerl.
Chris: Worry not. Darth Layerizer will be back. Mark my words. - Covers his mouth and makes Darth Vader breathing sound effects. -
Peter: Remember folks, if there is a fight that you'd like covered, or an opinion you'd like voiced, don't hesitate to write us. We love hearing from you! Until next time, I'm Peter Pham.
Chris: And I" - Darth Vader breathing. - " find your lack of faith disturbing.
Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!
- Blackout. Voices keep rolling. -
Peter: What are you doing"
Chris: I'm trying to Force Choke you.
Peter: Chris. Sit correctly on your chair. You're going to hurt yourself.
Chris: I can't hurt myself. I'm Darth Cabra. The hellish and revered goat jedi master. I can't be....ah....AH! - Yells. Crashing noises are heard. -
- End tape. -
