- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a high-tech news studio with flat screen television sets, and a massive, glossy black desk. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a charcoal suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a black suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, and I'm man enough to admit that I like wine coolers.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight! You'll all be glad to know that our last Featured Fighter segment received such resounding praise that we've decided to focus on another one of our favorite fists fighters tonight, Wyheree Ravenlock!

Chris: Truly a doll, that one, Pete. But not one you'd like to piss off. - Slurps from a pink glass bottle through a straw. -

Peter: Chris, what are you doing"

Chris: What's it look like" I'm thirsty.

Peter: Chris, that's alcoholic. You can't drink on the air.

Chris: It's pink. Alcoholic beverages don't count if they're pink. It's like a rule or something.

Peter: Whose rule"

Chris: Mine.

Peter: What in the heck are you doing drinking wine coolers, anyway' I thought you were a Badsider man.

Chris: My ex-wife turned me onto them. They are startlingly refreshing. I'm beginning to wonder if women are right about more things than we think.

Peter: For the love of god, don't let them know that.

Chris: I brought a case, though. Would you like one"

Peter: I'd really rather keep my dignity and do an analysis of this fighter.

Chris: Grooming her opponents, are we" - Slurp. -

Peter: I like to think of it as showcasing her talent.

Chris: So you say. - Slurp. -

Peter: As like last time, ladies and gents, we're going to take an in-depth look at a single fighter's technique in various situations. The footage from this particular segment is all being taken from the Diamond Quest.

Chris: Spoiler alert! Ravenlock wins.

Peter: They already know that, Chris. Chris: How do you know" Maybe I was just lucky enough to ruin someone's day. - Puts on chapstick. -

Peter: - Staring at Chris in disbelief. - Uh-huh. - Slow blink back at the camera. - I'm sorry. I'm swimming in estrogen over here. What was I saying"

Chris: Wyheree Ravenlock. - Slurp! The wine cooler is empty, so he reaches for another one, along with a package of rice cakes. -

Peter: Right. Wyheree Ravenlock! Now, the first fighters we're going to compare" - Loud crunching noises. - " are" - CRUNCH. CRUNCH. -

- Camera returns to Chris, who is munching noisily at rice cakes. -

Peter: That is incredibly distracting.

Chris: Feef are good, Pefe. Very firring. - Munch. -

- Peter stares at Chris in annoyance for five seconds, then snatches the bag of rice cakes out of Chris's hands. -

Chris: HEY! You almost messed up my mani!

Peter: Your what"

Chris: Now I'm going to have to get my nails done all over again.

Peter: Roll the footage. For the love of all things, roll the footage.

- Roll footage Diamond Quest: Round 4, fight three vs. Harris D'Artainian. FaDO/JB 2-1 D'Artainian. -

Ravenlock: Lashes out with the right - and hits solid air.

D'Artainian: Suddenly he jerks away, feet shuffling to flank Wyh, and once he's done so he pounds home a fist into her unprotected ribcage.

Peter: Now, folks, what we're going to do here is compare Ravenlock's third fight against D'Artainian and her fifth fight against Pslyder, since the latter two have pretty similar fighting styles.

Chris: Well when it comes down to it, Pete, both have pretty similar builds as well. There is only so much you can do with a certain amount of muscle.

Peter: I beg to differ. Simon isn't nearly as built as Pslyder, and he is still a powerhouse.

Chris: Why, Pete" you're beginning to understand! I am so proud! There's" there's nothing more I can teach you!

Peter: Thank god for that.

- Roll footage Diamond Quest: Round 4, fight five vs. Pslyder. FaDO/JB 2-3 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Unleashes the right - and hits nothing but air.

Pslyder: Sorry Wyh, but he wasn't playing too nice, as he leaned to the side, then brought up a knee for the stomach. At least he wasn't going full-bore.

Peter: Alright. I'm going to have to rag on Ravenlock just for a little bit, here. As you see, both D'Artaininan and Pslyder present themselves in generally the same way, and in both cases, her jabs are painfully sluggish.

Chris: I have to give it to her for trying, but I do have to agree with you there, Pete. No doubt she has speed on her side, but Ravenlock needs a bit of help when it comes to accuracy. We can see this twice over here.

Peter: No doubt a little improvement goes a long way though, Chris. What of the many things I love about Ravenlock is her rebound. Her ability to adapt to a steep learning curve.

Chris: Learning what now"

Peter: Here, let me show you.

- Roll footage Diamond Quest: Round 5, fight three vs. Harris D'Artainian. SW/Chop 3-1 D'Artainian. -

Ravenlock: Lunges forward with an open hand - and winds up landing on her backend - rather hard.

D'Artainian: Darts in and takes the low road, hacking a leg kick toward Wyh's knee, utilizing the longer reach of his legs to attack and keep him out of her range.

Peter: As you can see here, Ravenlock's accuracy fails her when D'Artainian's bulk hits the mat. But watch closely what happens when the same situation presents itself with Pslyder.

- Roll footage Diamond Quest: Round 5, fight five vs. Pslyder. SW/JK 2-3 Ravenlock. -

Pslyder: Dropping down for the scissor kick, and not getting nailed.

Ravenlock: Springs - and sails right over Pslyder, landing on the other side of the ring.

Peter: She didn't score a point, but she wisened up the second time around, and was quick to avoid Pslyder's infamous scissor kick.

Chris: I don't blame her there, Pete. He isn't called "The Tank" for no reason. Being hit by The Tank is like being hit by a" um"

Peter: A tank"

Chris: Right! That!

Peter: Your genius just astounds me sometimes, Chris. - Sarcastically. -

Chris: Gee, Pete! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me! You want a cosmopolitan"

Peter: Excuse me"

Chris: A cosmopolitan. I had Kenny the intern make a bunch. They're just about as good as the wine coolers.

Peter: Uhhh, Chris" You know those are like" all vodka, right"

Chris: They're pink. Therefore, they are weak, and in no way capable of besting a man like me.

Peter: Says the man with a manicure.

Chris: HEY! I'll have you know, the nice lady who did my nails said that I have very rugged and manly hands.

Peter: Which you put nail polish on.

Chris: Right! " Oh.

Peter: Dear god, I think we've reached him!

- Roll footage Diamond Quest: Round 7, fight three vs. D'Artainian. FeJB/FL 4-2 D'Artainian. -

Ravenlock: Grabs for Harris' wrist - and tosses him nowhere near as gently as she did Anya.

D'Artainian: His arm's out there longer than he intends and he's upended, skittering across the canvas like a rock skipped across the surface of a lake, though he rolls with the momentum and by the time he reaches the perimeter of the ring he's back on his feet.

Peter: Now have a look here, folks. First of all, I'd like to compliment D'Artainian on his amazing fluidity. Say what you want about him outside, but he's really something else in the rings.

Chris: I would have had him on my Fantasy Dueling League team ages ago if I weren't already completely committed to Simon.

Peter: Just one night, Chris. Just one night, I'd like not to talk about Matt Simon.

Chris: You're just jealous because I have someone to idolize, and you're lacking direction in life.

Peter: Your three-hundred-silver-an-hour shrink tell you that"

Chris: Yeah. She also said I'm a narsuss est, whatever that means.

Peter: A narcissist"

Chris: Yeah, that. - Slurp. -

Peter: She's right, you know.

Chris: I don't care. I'm too important and gorgeous to look something like that up, anyway.

- Roll footage Diamond Quest: Round 6, fight five vs. Pslyder. JB/FL 2-4 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Catches the incoming wrist, and sends him flying across the ring.

Pslyder: His fast right wasn't fast enough to avoid getting caught, and he's on the mat, looking at yet another missed opportunity.

Peter: Now watch here as we see an almost repeat of the situation. Whether it is a feint or not, Ravenlock is lightning-fast when it comes to turning that effort into a flawless grab.

Chris: I think I know why, Pete.

Peter: By all means, enlighten us.

Chris: Well, Pete, Ravenlock's specialty is water and ice, right' The human body is about sixty percent water. And as we know, water is able to flow into any space, and also change its state from solid to liquid by slowing down the speed of molecules and by freezing into ice. This concept is applied to the functions of the human body through mental concentration, physical relaxation, and breathing exercises - all meditative training that I am certain Ravenlock is extremely experienced in, given her predisposition towards the water element. By developing sensitivity and reflexes, directing the natural motion in response to the situation becomes second nature to her. Here, we see the precise technique of manipulating internal weight energy. Internal weight energy is used to control the joints and the muscles independently, and through tension and relaxation, one can generate power, allowing the freedom of motion and energy conservation during combat.

- Camera returns to studio, where four empty martini glasses are lined up on the desk in front of Chris. Peter stares at Chris in utter disbelief. -

Peter: That was bloody brilliant, Chris.

Chris: - Hic. - Yeah. I am, isn't me? - Sways. -

- Peter gives the camera a flat look. -