- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a navy suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, but you may also call me Shurgrag the Malicious.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight. As I'm sure you've noticed, we're been on a long break, putting together a project we've been working on. Well" a few of us have. Others of us tend to think that "staff meeting" on the schedule is code for "day off for binge drinking."

Chris: Nobody appreciates me around here. Nobody!

Peter: But we'll get more into that after the show. Tonight, we're pretty pleased to bring you a fun little duel that came across our desk from this past week" - Is interrupted by a constant clattering sound. When the camera pans over, we find out it is Chris rolling two sets of gold die over and over. -

Chris: I knew it. I just knew it. Rolling a twenty on this thing is dang near impossible! - Grumbles, scoops up the die, and rolls again. -

Peter: Chris" That's very distracting.

Chris: Don't sass me, Pete. This is very important and I can't be distracted. I'm trying out my new limited edition gold-plated twenty-four karat RPG dice.

Peter: Trying them out' For what"

Chris: To see how well they will work for tonight. J.J. is the dungeon master, and he has a nasty habit of initiating random cataclysmic events like lava storms and freak ice tornadoes. I have to make sure I can roll a solid defense!

Peter: I" what"

Chris: Were you born yesterday, Pete" It's not like I'd want to roll a one. I mean jeez, I've only had the half-orc for a week. I don't want him to have something terrible happen to him like lose an arm or an eyeball or something.

Peter: " What"

Chris: Because then I wouldn't be able to use my ogre-slaying knife. It has a plus-nine advantage against ogres. Jeez. Keep with the times here, Pete.

Peter: What are you talking about' You're not a half-orc or an ogre or"

Chris: I'm not, Pete, but my character is. I call him Shurgrag the Malicious. It stands for S&M. - Grins lecherously at the camera. Peter facepalms. -

Peter: I uh' don't want to think of orcish implications of that, thank you.

Chris: No love, Pete. You should totally join our campaign, though. I could make you a gnome or something. Yeah. You'd make a good gnome.

Peter: I'm good, Chris. I'd rather stay here in the real world. You know. The one with real gnomes and orcs and such"

Chris: Pff. Can these so-called orcs get a hold of level seventeen Spiderboon Armor" I didn't think so!

Peter: I really have no words. Your trend following is giving me whiplash at this point.

Chris: Don't bash it until you try it, Pete. One night with my gold die and J.J. the dastardly omnipotent D.M. and you'll be singing a different tune.

Peter: I'd rather be singing about dueling news. You know. Seeing as it's my job.

Chris: Dude. There's a thought. Perform the entire show a cappella.

Peter: Don't go giving our producers idea. I just got finished blacking out my years in choir.

Chris: Choir"! You were a choir boy"!

Peter: So' You were a band geek.

Chris: - Looks at the camera nervously. - And by band geek he means jock. Yeah. Total jock.

Peter: You keep telling them that. Speaking of jocks, though, I wonder if you'd join us in the real world to have a look at our real fighters for a bit here, Chris.

Chris: On one condition, Pete. You call me Shurgrag the Malicious.

Peter: No.

Chris: What about just Shurgrag"

Peter: No.

Chris: Shur"

Peter: Read the announcements, Chris.

Chris: Can I read the Isle information first"

Peter: Sure.

Chris: Ah-HA! He relents!

Peter: - Sighs and shoves the paper in front of Chris's face. -

Chris: Let's see here" Holy heck do we have a lot of news to catch up on! Blah, blah, blah, costume matches, blah' Oooooohhhh... Well, folksies, it appears that our boy Moisture kicked off the October All-Ranks Tournament with an interesting prize! Apparently casters met on the tenth for a shot at not only a handful of wins, but for the Tower of Air as well.

Peter: Right you are, Chris. And it looks like Hochi ended up the winner and exchanged his wins for the Tower. Congratulations!

Chris: Is he even on the standings"

Peter: If he isn't, I'm sure he will be now.

Chris: Now that I'm looking at them, though, I just have to share my enthusiasm with the world. Word has it old man Tass has been reinstated in the Duel of Magic. I really hope he pulls the rug out from under Moisture or Ollavan. I'm tired of seeing these folks coasting on their titles.

Peter: Another something we'll have to watch, it seems. Next on the list comes our news from the Outback. As it so happens, our new Emerald Sarah Matthews did not end up stealing the ShadoWeaver away from Koyliak VanDuran-Simon this time.

Chris: That's right. She and Kick-A** Koy met on the third, and after only two matches, Koy emerged victor.

Peter: Excellent defense, VanDuran-Simon, and well tried, Matthews!

Chris: This next announcement totally floors me, Pete.

Peter: I believe what my colleague is referring to would be the Firestar challenge that took place October 19th, where Mur Ollavan snatched the Opal right out of Anubis Karos's powerful fists.

Chris: You know how much I respect Karos, Pete. But Ollavan is a good fighter, so for now I'm not going to say anything about any Fire Opal holder utterly crushing anything or anyone else? and I'm not not going to egg Ollavan's place tonight.

Peter: Your subtlety never ceases to amaze me, Chris. Now, we're going to save the announcement for the Diamond Quest, because the final match is one we happen to be covering tonight. So, moving on' Chris, take it away.

Chris: From our Duel of Swords desk, we'll start off with Rand al'Tan's squire tournament. Five entrants faced off for the honor of fighting under the Baron of Dockside's colors, and only one came out on top. Britania" - Squints at the paper. - Grey! Congratulations!

Peter: The Warlord Tournament concluded on the twenty-sixth with Neo Eternity victor and Max Blue runner-up"

Chris: - Interrupting. - Woo-woo!

Peter: Eternity and Imp met again in a ring October sixth. Imp took only six rounds to defeat the Warlord once again, making this his eighth defense!

Chris: I swear to Jeebus, that little blue guy is either incredibly smart, or incredibly lucky.

Peter: Or both. Luck certainly isn't giving him a break, though; not long after Imp defended, he was challenged again and emerged the victor yet again against Teagan Rielea.

Chris: Ouch. I have to admit I'm impressed with his stamina. It can't be easy keeping up with that many challenges and not getting burned out.

Peter: I suppose it's all about honing and sharpening your skills.

Chris: And last things last, we have a few tournaments for Swords going down. Overlord Imp is hosting Halloween masquerade dueling on October 28, and what I'm way excited about is the Iron Man Invitational tournament for Dragon's Gate. I can't wait for that one. You better believe I'll be watching it live.

Peter: Really' You're actually going to make it out to one of the matches"

Chris: Uh' or just hang out at my favorite bar and watch it on their big screens.

Peter: And here I thought you actually had some bite to back up your bark.

Chris: You're confusing me with my character, I think. He's one-sixteenth canine.

Peter: Well" we actually have a pretty excellent fight tonight. Would you care to tell them about it"

Chris: What I'd like to do is work on Shurgrag and ensure that his specs are up to date, but I suppose if I must, I must.

Peter: So sorry we have to inconvenience you, Chris.

Chris: As Gnomely Gnomish here mentioned earlier, we've decided to cover the final match of the Diamond Quest, which I hear was one heck of a competition.

Peter: That's right. It all came down to a pretty exhausting pair of matches between Jaycy Ashleana and Vincent Smith.

Chris: It's not often that we see Smith futzing around in the Fists category, so I am pretty interested to see what techniques he has up his sleeve.

Peter: And then there's Ashleana - a duelist notorious for her straightforward fighting style.

Chris: Give me ten minutes, Pete. I'll put together and compare their specs to give you an accurate prediction of the victor.

Peter: You do that. In the mean time, I'll get this thing started.

- Roll footage Round 1 and 2. FLP/FDodge 0 All; SnK/SpK 1-0 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: Kicks straight out.

Smith: This was just going to blur into one long match for him. Moving around and trying to create some more openings to strike. As usual against her tonight, he's in a hole.

Peter: Now here, it's pretty obvious that these two are absolutely exhausted. The competition included ten duelists. Count them. Ten.

Chris: And it lasted five hours. I'm telling you, man. These people need to do shotgun cans of Monster for these things.

Peter: I certainly hope not. Between that amount of caffeine and the constant physical trauma, it would only be a matter of time before their hearts would explode.

Chris: Ah, well" it's nothing heartbreaker Vinny isn't used to. ZING!

Peter: What I particularly liked about this match is that there was no break between this and the one prior to it. That means that a pair of matches for these two may as well have been one marathon of a fight. And yet, both Smith and Ashleana are still finding openings up high.

Chris: Yeah, well" a fight isn't won by a punch of kick, Pete. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard.

Peter: Or invest in an adamantium skeleton.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. UC/JK 2-0 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: A moment of indecision, then she drops lower, waiting, watching, and brings her fist up at ....well. The right time"

Smith: It was the right time, but not for him. "I think I'm going to feel this in the morning."

Chris: Youch! You think so, bud" Andrew, can we please see that again? That was phenomenal!

- Slow motion action-replay of Round 3, with special close-up on the connection. -

Chris: She's going, she's going" meanwhile, he's watching her feet' and she's going, and" BAM! That dude is going to be seeing stars for days.

Peter: The most impressive part of this round is how quickly Ashleana calculated a strategy on the spot. Uppercuts can be pretty hard to pull off under normal circumstances, but once Smith's feet left the ground, she knew it was impossible for him to be able to defend against a move like that.

Chris: And even if his kick had connected, that kind of blow is going to daze him, and probably cost him a substantial amount of concentration for the rest of the match. Man, she's amazing. I may have to make another character.

Peter: Oh yeah' And what will you name it"

Chris: She shall be? Aycy' Jashleana.

Peter: She, huh' I didn't know you liked playing women, Chris.

Chris: Heck yeah, I do, Pete. It's why I'm a player. ZING!

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4 and 5. SW/FeJB 2-0 All; SnK/SW 3-0 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: Hitting the deck quickly, she expects retaliation. In the process her leg comes out toward him, but he's out of range.

Smith: The aftereffects from that shot he took keep him from committing, which costs him even more.

Ashleana: Moving to her feet (the slowest she's done all night) she picks up her leg and sends it out toward him.

Smith: As tired as he's feeling, he obliged her by dropping into it.

Peter: By this point, these two have to be running on empty. You can obviously see the exertion by the way Ashleana's form has deteriorated.

Chris: What are you talking about, Pete" She still looks damn hot from where I'm sitting.

Peter: Her form, Chris. There isn't as much strength behind her attacks as usual.

Chris: A good thing for Smith, because I imagine he spent that round feinting so that he could recover from the last.

Peter: It's unfortunate that Ashleana chose that round to perform the Fists equivalent of bookending.

Chris: So what does that make it' Magazine-ending"

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FDu/FL 4-0 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: Drops her shoulder, then follows in a roll away and to his side, aiming a strike at his leg as it passes by.

Chris: Come on, man! I know Ashleana has some great cleavage, but getting handsy in the middle of a match is not necessarily the best way to score a point.

Peter: It's not the best way to score points with women period. But in this case, Ashleana's agility comes in handy. A quick roll and she's more than capable of portraying Smith as clumsy.

Chris: He's anything but clumsy, Pete. He just needs a cheering corner. Yo! Smithy! Pick up the slack, man! This ain't your first rodeo!

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. FAB/FAB 4-0 Ashleana; FL/FDu 4-1 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: Comes up and immediately blocks, but there's nothing coming her way. Reaching for him instead, but he's away and able to counter on her.

Smith: At the very least, he's happy there will be no shutout.

Chris: Whoa" did that actually work" Did he hear me, do you think"

Peter: Chris, you're talking to a television set.

Chris: You know those magicky types, Pete. Maybe there is some weird voodoo around his name so that whenever people utter it, he knows exactly what is said.

Peter: If that's the case, I don't see how you are still alive.

Chris: I'm totally going to put that on Aycy's list of abilities. She'll be a spy type. An A-kicking spy type.

Peter: I love this move exchange, though. Smith is giving Ashleana a taste of her own medicine, and by the looks of things, it isn't sweet.

Chris: Things are really cooking now!

- End footage Round 8. Roll footage, Round 9. FaLP/JB 4-2 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: She's quickly losing steam - the leap barely gets off the ground and she can't get away.

Smith: There wasn't much hope in him, but he continued to fight on anyways.

Chris: Ah-ha! I knew my man Smith had it in him. Let this be a lesson to all you novices out there: Just because your opponent has you at match point, it doesn't mean the match is over. Don't give up!

Peter: I have to admit, it is an odd point during the duel for Ashleana to start pulling tricky maneuvers. When things get down to the wire like this, and you are running on fumes, my suggestion would be to use what you know and hope for the best.

Chris: Which is the reason you don't duel much, Pete. The point of a duel is to keep your opponent guessing and to remain ever vigilant. Ashleana is trying to do exactly that here.

Peter: I'll give you that. She does seem to be trying to trick up Smith, even now.

Chris: She's a tricksy little minx, Pete. Yet another characteristic that will go into Aycy.

Peter: You're seriously going to have a woman character" Don't you find that emasculating"

Chris: Nope. This way I actually have an excuse to ogle pictures of Jaycy. Character research and such.

- End footage Round 9. Roll footage, Round 10 and 11. SW/JK 4-2 Ashleana; FeFL/FDodge 4-3 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: She doesn't even bother getting up. It doesn't hurt her, but it doesn't help her either. Getting frustrated and perhaps a little desperate, she tries to get out of the way. No dice.

Smith: He dug deep and pulled together a second wind. Jumping over her, he turned and took a step back. Keeping a nice distance between them. He faked into committing one way, then sent a kick at her.

Peter: The grab just doesn't seem to be working for anyone this match, does it?

Chris: It sure doesn't, Pete. Especially when Smith is putting that much power into his legs. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that retaliation was a heartbeat away from becoming one heck of a scissor kick.

Peter: An astute observation, Chris. It makes me wonder more and more just what kind of training Smith has had in the past.

- End footage Round 11. Roll footage, Round 12. FL/JB 5-3 Ashleana. -

Ashleana: She backs away, panting, and blindly reaches out. No feinting, pretending, she just hopes. And a weak tug once she latches onto something.

Smith: he put it all on a left, but his luck finally ran out.

Chris: Ah! So close! Good game, my man, good game.

Peter: Finally Ashleana manages to land that grab she's been attempting this whole match. I have to give it to her for perseverance.

- Camera returns to the studio, where both men are engaged in a frank discussion. -

Chris: Still, the match before this was five to four and very close. These Fist fighters sure as heck know how to put on a show.

Peter: And speaking of shows! As I mentioned earlier, we have been working on a little project these past couple of weeks. After doing a lot of digging, we've decided to launch into a new branch of the Fantasy Dueling League. So we're going to be taking a break from regular duels and challenges for a while, so that we can have a look at some of the greats from way back when.

Chris: I'm so ridiculously stoked for this, Pete, seeing as it's probably the closest thing to matching up vets and present-day champions we can get.

Peter: But! Just because we are taking a break from regular duels, this does not mean we are going to stop taking requests. So if you see a duel or a challenge that you think deserves some publicity, just go ahead and write us and we'll put the footage on hold to cover at a later date.

Chris: And hopefully we'll be able to cover it on the beach.

Peter: Not unless you blow up the studio again, Chris.

Chris: That much can be arranged.

Peter: Well folks, the next time you see us it'll be the Post Sports Center Hall of Fame, so be sure to tune in! Until next time, I'm Peter Pham.

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed!

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. -