- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a navy suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a gray suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris <BLEEP>ing Reed. - Brandishes his pen like a knife. " Come at me, bro.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight. This evening we have a real treat " both for you, our viewers, and for us. You see, it has come to our attention' - Noticing that Chris is glaring menacingly at the camera. " Uh' Chris"

Chris: - Points his pen at the camera. " You better watch where you're going, buddy. Ain't nobody can protect you out here.

Peter: Chris, are you feeling alright"

Chris: I don't know, Pete. I gotta tell you, it's nice to be in a place where there aren't bars.

Peter: Oh, god. Not this again.

Chris: - Continuing. " I'm a different man now, Pete. I'm institutionalized now.

Peter: Chris, you were in lockup for all of six hours.

Chris: Being in prison changed me, Pete. It hardens you. Makes you learn to depend only on yourself.

Peter: You spent the entire time crying.

Chris: A diversion tactic, Pete.

Peter: Well be that as it may, that is the last time I'm bailing you out.

Chris: I thought last time was the last time.

Peter: The last, last time you weren't holding my car hostage in your locked garage.

Chris: Nice transmission on that thing, by the way.

Peter: Chris, do you even know what a transmission is"

Chris: Sure I do. It's a thing that' you know" transmits.

Peter: I swear to god, if you so much as scratched my car"

Chris: Pete, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your car. I took excellent care of it.

Peter: I hope so, for your sake. - Turning back to the camera. " As I was saying earlier, we have a real treat for you tonight. As it turns out we received word early this morning that Matt Simon took on three opponents at once last night in the Outback. And in Styx, no less.

Chris: I'd have been there and everything, but' Well, you gotta make some sacrifices when you're in the joint.

Peter: Voluntarily, I'm sure.

Chris: Listen, Pete. It's shank or be shanked. I didn't have time to watch Matt Simon's awe-inspiring Three-for-All. I was too busy, you know, staying alive"

Peter: There was one other person in there, and he was sixty years old.

Chris: Oh yeah' Well he fought like a sixty-year-old TIGER!

Peter: Forgive me for keeping you this long, ladies and gentlemen. If it's alright with you, we're going to go ahead and roll this excellent footage. Matt Simon versus Esteban Velasquez, Daniel Jones, and Rachael Wynter.

Chris: Hey, Pete, quick question' the Lotus is only supposed to have one side-view mirror, right"

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. SW/SW 2 All; SnK/SW 2-3 Jones; SW/FL 3-1 Simon. "

Simon: Bit further from them now than he was, he tried to keep the path to him clear, all with the use of his right leg which he kept as close to the beams as possible to prevent an easy target.

Velasquez: While he's hugging a beam, he might as well kick.

Jones: He had only come too right before he fell and reclaimed an unsteady position back on the beam. Then, he was doing again, holding on for life, love, and the future.

Wynter: She started to regain her stance, but hit the boards again, hard.

Peter: That' is one heck of a sweep. I imagine his first and foremost target was Wynter there. It was the only way to keep her from getting too close as she went in to grab him.

Chris: It's this constant game of luring here, Pete. Velasquez is over there biding his time, like a cat that' bides his time. But Simon isn't going to give up his position just yet; he's just begun to make it work for him.

Peter: But I have to give it to Jones over there, though. Once again we see him trying to take advantage of the distraction Wynter's grab poses. He tries to use Simon's blind spots against him. But luckily Simon covers those with another well-timed kick.

Chris: Kid just might make it on the inside. Not gonna lie, though. It's a hard life.

Peter: And you're speaking from massive experience, are you?

Chris: Listen, Pete. You don't know what it's like in there. You can never know.

Peter: I am willing to wager that I had more excitement in picking up ears of corn from the supermarket than you did in your six hours of confinement.

Chris: Oh yeah' Well I got cavity searched!

Peter: I don't know if that is something to brag about, Chris.

Chris: I don't see why not. You do. - Thud. " Ow.

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. FaDO/JB 3-2 Simon; SpK/FeJB 2-3 Jones; FaDO/JB 4-1 Simon. "

Simon: Sucking in a deep breath, he runs. Along the left main beam, he reaches out with his right arm as he charges in their direction, knocking into two bodies before he skids to a halt midbeam and throws a kick.

Velasquez: Standing and wobbling, he sent out a quick, but weak punch, easily dodged.

Jones: An uncommitted swing with his right fist, the teenage boy quickly changed his mind instead making a last attempt to get out of the way of the old man's kick using his left hand to swat the leg away.

Wynter: She might as well stay down on those boards, after her punch hit Air and she suffered the infamous backhand.

Peter: He is truly owning that battle over there with Wynter, isn't he"

Chris: Don't know if she'd do well in prison, Pete.

Peter: I'm a little concerned about Velasquez's offense, though. It seems awfully weak. I hope that is only due to the location of the duel, rather than his actual technique. Because if that's the case, he may have to go back to the mats and get some better instruction.

Chris: Did you say go back to Matt"

Peter: Go back to the mats.

Chris: Because he could go back to Matt too, you know. Matt would be a pretty awesome teacher. Seeing as he exudes awesome. He is strong in the ways of awesome.

Peter: It looks like the adrenaline is wearing off for Jones over there, too. This is an odd trio of fighters we have here. In any other circumstance I would think that teaming up against someone would make you exceptionally arrogant or confident.

Chris: Pete" Clearly you have not been afflicted with lack of awesome. It is a truly debilitating condition, and sometimes becomes irreparable.

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. 4-2 Simon; 3 All; CH/FL 4-2 Simon. "

Simon: Unfortunately, that gap had been closed and his attempt at defending with his arm ill-timed.

Velasquez: Once again, down he goes, catching a kick at just the wrong time.

Jones: He found himself on the beam again releasing a deep frustrated sigh.

Wynter: She regained her stance enough to dive tackle Matt rather than do a true flip on Styx.

Chris: Whoa, man. Wynter there has got some serious balls. Or" like" the female equivalent.

Peter: Ovaries"

Chris: Yes, Pete, because it sounds so awesome when you say, "Hey! That chick has got some serious ovaries."

Peter: Here is my question. As I've noted before, Simon's sweeps are pretty powerful " truly a feat for a fighter who puts most of his stock in his fists. I have to wonder, though: Did Koy learn from him, or he from Koy"

Chris: That's like asking the chicken or the egg question, Pete. The awesome was just always there, self-generating more awesome.

Peter: It's disappointing that Jones looks as uncomfortable as he does here. I will admit that Styx is a little hard to handle at first, but I think this fighter has some real potential. He's already showed us that he can be very smart in calculating his moves.

Chris: There's absolutely nothing wrong with Styx, Pete. I owned Styx.

Peter: Technically, Matt Simon owns Styx.

Chris: Tomato, tomato. - Pronouncing both words exactly the same. "

Peter: That's "to-mah-to."

Chris: To-mah-to, to-mah-to.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. JB/JB 5-3 Simon; JB/JB 4 All; SnK/SnK 5-3 Simon. "

Simon: Throwing caution to the wind (hadn't he done that the moment he'd agreed to this"), he launched a quick kick and then surged forward, rushing across the closest balance beam. His goal" Knock at least one of them off the ring. To that end, he took to the air, tucked his legs into his stomach, and threw two simultaneous punches, hoping he could land perched on the beam without falling through the gap between the beam he was on and the balance beams on either side.

Velasquez: One last try, as he gave another punch, the return knocking him somewhat off balance. Windmilling his arms, he teetered on the edge of the beam.

Jones: Another balled fist was sent out forward though this time he at least seem to have some control over his balance, that is until he had felt a hit in return.

Wynter: Stance was regained long enough for her to lift her booted foot and kick out hard at the former Governor in the losing trade.

Peter: Nice last-ditch effort on Wynter's part there, at least hoping to give Simon a taste of his medicine before she's out of the game.

Chris: Bites the dust, Pete. We awesome people say, "Bites the dust." I don't blame you, of course" the lack of awesome kind of goes hand-in-hand with the whole gayness thing. - Thud. " Ow.

Peter: And it's good to see Velasquez finally step out of his bubble for the match. It's just a shame that it was rewarded so unkindly.

Chris: Because that's what Fists matches really are, Pete. Compassion competitions.

Peter: So that knocks the two of them out. Can Jones hang on, and take advantage of Simon's fatigue long enough to secure himself a win"

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8 and 9. JK/SW; FaDU/JB 5-4 Simon. "

Peter: That's one heck of a feat; He actually managed to hold his own against Simon for two more rounds. I think we can expect great things from this fighter.

- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris is standing up and waving off screen. "

Chris: DANNY THE INTERN! Get the champagne out of the icebox! My man Simon just beat THREE PEOPLE at the SAME TIME!

Peter: Chris, please lower your voice. I'm still recovering from last week when-

Chris: - Interrupting. " This calls for serious partying. - Handed a bottle of champagne, he begins untwisting the foil. " Pete, the only thing that could have made this better is if he were fighting four people, and I was there.

Peter: - Looking at the camera. " Well folks, before my colleague gets too inebriated " or he has a coronary " I think I'll thank you all for tuning in with us tonight. From all of us at the Post, I'm Peter Pham!

Chris: - Popping open the champagne, he begins spraying it everywhere. " May the awesome be with you!

Peter: You stay sporty!

- The screen suddenly goes black. "

Chris: Wait' what just happened"

Peter: Champagne must have landed on the power strip. You shorted out the electricity. Again.

Chris: "Pete" Please don't let them call the Watch again. I don't think I'll make it out alive this time.

- End tape. ?