- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a beige suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, and someone needs to explain this to me. - Holding up a newspaper article featuring Peter's image. "

Peter: You promised you wouldn't bring it up during the broadcast, Chris.

Chris: What I want to know is why I am never on the front page. Why am I never interviewed" Why are you always the one who is interviewed"

Peter: You do the interviewing.

Chris: And so do you! You aren't the only face of RhyDin sports, Pete! Where's my picture"

Peter: You don't write the articles.

Chris: I provide valuable input.

Peter: Emailing me dirty jokes is not input.

Chris: There are so many things I could do with that sentence"

Peter: May I say the announcements now"

Chris: All I'm saying is I'd like a little appreciation. I work my butt off over here. - Launching a rubber band at Peter's shoulder. "

Peter: I'm sure you do. From the Arena! Aya Hayashibara has been challenged by Guaire Byrne for the Old Market District Barony. The two will face off on the twenty-fifth, so be sure to check that out. Also, though we have no dates yet, Shadow has challenged Gwen Minx for her Seaside Barony. Make sure to check back and see when that particular match will take place.

Chris: " I mean seriously. I am much prettier than you. I would look much better in black and white.

Peter: Mooooving right along. On the Isle, the next All Ranks has been announced. It will take place on October twenty-sixth, and there is still time to sign up, so don't wait until the last minute.

Chris: Isn't that sport, like, all Kirn by now" I think it's safe to say that the Isle turns mages into pervy cat people.

Peter: No comment. Lastly from the Outback, I see that Tass has picked up the challenge against Art for Moonberyl. Keep an eye on that. And PathFinder" Wow. Sarah Matthews has challenged Harris again for his Opal. That's some tenacity.

Chris: " You know what? I don't get why you are the face of RhyDin duels. You've never dueled once in your life.

Peter: I was in the armed forces, Chris. You're really not going to let this go, are you?

Chris: Apples and oranges. You can easily know how to fight and not know how to duel. And vice versa.

Peter: Speaking of dueling, I'd like to get to ours. Without further ado, we give you the Diamond Quest finals between Jaycy Ashleana and Matt Simon.

- Roll footage Round 1. FAB/FL 0-1 Ashleana. "

Ashleana: Did Matt just present his arm to her" She snags it as if he did and tugs him closer, intending to attempt that hip-toss.

Simon: Jaycy was spry for an elderly dragonthing.

Peter: We start things off with excellent offense on Ashleana's part. Made all the more impressive by her aggressive approach. See here" She engaged Simon in such a way that it seemed she was about to strike, which made him raise his defenses. But once he did, she altered her attack and sent him sailing. Very nice. Don't you agree, Chris"

Chris: Did you say something" I couldn't hear you over how little dueling experience you have.

Peter: - Sighing. " Listen, Chris. I have studied dueling, swordplay, and martial arts extensively.

Chris: Big fricken" deal. I can study having a vagina. That doesn't mean I'll ever have one.

Peter: Wow. I had no idea you felt that way, Chris. You know there are people here in RhyDin who can help you with that.

Chris: What' That's not what I meant!

Peter: Makes total sense now.

Chris: Stop it! That's not what I meant! All I meant was-

Peter: - Interrupting. " Next round, please.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. JB/JB 1-2 Ashleana. "

Simon: Can he counterpunch her to even things up" Sort of, but not really.

Ashleana: She pops him one. Of course, he hits back (unfortunately). She grunts with the blow.

Peter: And Ashleana continues her aggressive strategy here, even at the cost of a point herself.

Chris: Oh look at that. He's at least good with numbers.

Peter: In all seriousness though, Chris, how much of a point gap do you think is needed before you think you can safely sacrifice a point"

Chris: Depends on the duelist. But in my experience, a gap isn't always necessary.

Peter: No"

Chris: Nah. If you are setting them up for the next round or two, you can easily afford giving them the lead for a little while. Just as long as you make up for it later.

Peter: Interesting.

Chris: That's how I would describe this whole predicament, Pete. Interesting. Although I might add the word <BLEEP!> before it.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. CH/JK 1-3 Ashleana. "

Ashleana: She'll take to the air, giving a harsh kick once she clears enough room to avoid his flailing arm.

Simon: Aiming low was a bad idea.

Chris: I have to wonder if Ashleana isn't channeling a little Tank here. I think she's spending too much time with him.

Peter: They're married, Chris.

Chris: So was I. Multiple times. And I didn't ever spend that much time with any of my wives.

Peter: I'm a little worried about Simon here, though. He doesn't seem to be quite giving it his all.

Chris: Well, you know" He was probably up all night, bathing in sheer awesomeness.

Peter: Still. His timing is off.

Chris: Matt Simon's timing is never off. If time is off, it's time's fault. Time works around Matt Simon.

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. JB/FLB 2-3 Ashleana. "

Simon: Aiming higher proved a tad better.

Ashleana: Landing, she immediately sets a block to protect from a sweep. Too bad he attacks just a little higher. She's rocked back by the punch.

Chris: See" This is what I was talking about. Simon's last attack forced Ashleana up into the air, and so when she lands she's automatically paranoid about protecting her legs. Master trickery, that. Not that you would know.

Peter: Chris, I assure you I am more than qualified for this position.

Chris: We'll never know until you actually duel, will we"

Peter: I don't need to duel to know how to duel, Chris. I can appreciate and comment on the strategy without having actually experienced it.

Chris: You will never know until you set foot inside a ring, Pete. I have seen things that would turn you white. I have seen a pair of duelists fight, die, be revived, and then get it on inside a ring.

Peter: All the more reason to stay out of them.

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. FeJK/FL 2-4 Ashleana. "

Simon: His trap was ill timed.

Ashleana: She not only seems wise but also ready for his trick, and she grabs the airborne leg and yanks. Matt, meet mat"

Peter: You know" We've been watching her for a while, and I can safely say that Ashleana is getting better and better at those grabs. I think this particular one just might tally up to a signature move.

Chris: Too bad "grab' is hard to rhyme. Now if she'd been defending, I can totally see a "Jayce Brace."

Peter: Not bad.

Chris: Right' I should do this for a living.

Peter: I have to admire Simon's strategy here, though. It might have failed, but let me explain.

Chris: - Interrupting. " No, let me explain, since this guy here would rather teach than do. So far in this match, Ashleana has been remarkably offensive. By drawing out a feint this late and while he is behind in score, Simon is hoping here to switch tactics and force Ashleana into a submissive position. From there, he can begin an aggressive onslaught of his own.

Peter: I couldn't have said it better myself.

Chris: Bam. I totally outclassed you. See" Even with all that lousy book-learning, I still made you look like an idiot.

Peter: You know, you've been wearing your shirt inside out all day.

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FDO/SnK 3-4 Ashleana. "

Simon: Maybe at least he can give her the spinning backhand, that she may better appreciate her diamond.

Ashleana: She takes it with a yelp, the straight kick ill-timed.

Peter: Brilliant. This goes along with what Chris was saying earlier. What Simon wants to do is alter his approach, right' Well, since feinting didn't work out so well, he decides here to try the only other alternative " a sort of hybrid defense. Simon is still managing to keep himself protected with a timely dodge, but at the same time he has also incorporated an attack. Looks like that one hurt quite a bit.

Chris: Well you wouldn't know, now would you?

Peter: For the love of all things, Chris, just let it go.

Chris: I will not let it go. You do not deserve to have your picture flashed everywhere until you have actually participated in a duel.

Peter: Chris, it is highly unprofessional of me to-

Chris: - Interrupting. " I'm sure our viewers would agree. Somebody write in and explain this to him!

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. FL/FLB 3-4 Ashleana; SnK/FLP 3-5 Ashleana. "

Simon: Can he kick her in the face" No.

Ashleana: It's more of a hop, being how tired she is by now. But it gets just enough contact for her to get the point for win!

Peter: Alas! Simon's transition was finally executed, but incomplete. I have to give it to Ashleana here for keeping her senses sharp even after the mess of matches that preceded this one.

- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris is launching more rubber bands at Peter. "

Chris: For the record, Matt Simon never" in"com"pletes things.

Peter: Really helping the intelligence argument there, Chris.

Chris: Sorry, I missed that. I only listen to real duelists.

Peter: Chris, there is no reason for me to step inside a ring. I have dueling knowledge. You have dueling experience. It's why we co-host this thing.

Chris: That, and my rugged good looks. But I see your point.

Peter: Finally.

Chris: About you not stepping inside a ring, that is. You'd totally get your butt handed to you. - Looks at the camera. " Am I right"

Peter: - Breathing deeply. " I love my job. I love my job.

Chris: Yeah, I'll bet you do. But I'm still prettier.

Peter: I need to end this now before something bad happens. Congratulations, Jaycy, for snagging the diamond! And well tried to all the other competitors. Until next time, I'm Peter Pham!

Chris: Who is not nearly as pretty as I am.

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. "