- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a gray pinstripe suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a black suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -
Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!
- Chris only stares blankly at the camera. "
Peter: Chris" it's your line. - Chris does not respond, so Peter elbows him sharply. "
Chris: - Shouting at Peter. " WHAT"!
Peter: It's. Your. Line!
Chris: WHAT"S ON TIME"!
Peter: You'll have to excuse my colleague, folks. Since Matt Simon earned his Barony, he has been attending a series of rather loud parties. It seems as though -
Chris: - Interrupting. " WHAT"!
Peter: As though he is suffering from some temporary hearing loss. Now, any other person might take advantage of this situation, say, by mentioning that uncensored pictures of some of those parties are available online "
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: " But as I am bigger than that, I will also not mention that his favorite alcoholic beverage is a Sex With the Governor.
Chris: HAVE WE STARTED YET"!
Peter: Yes, we've started.
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: Well, ladies and gents, rather than risk hearing loss of my own I will get right into it. Elisa Morgan is our new Overlady and Rhiannon Harker defended her Barony. Congratulations, both!
Chris: PETE, DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING"!
Peter: Only the sound of my temples throbbing.
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: In the Outback, Dizzy Flores defended against Kalamere Ar"Din to retain ShadoWeaver. Well tried, Kalamere!
Chris: DID YOU SAY YOU"RE OUT OF HERE"!
Peter: And lastly, the June all-ranks tournament in the Duel of Magic is scheduled for the twenty-second. So make sure to get your entries in.
Chris: HEY PETE ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME"!
Peter: Moving right along, we're taking a look at a pair of infrequent duelists in Fists this week: Candy Hart and Sayuri Hisamatsu " both of which can certainly pack a punch for their size.
Chris: WHO HAS NICE EYES"!
Peter: They met on the thirteenth. Andrew, roll when ready.
Chris: PETE, HAVE WE STARTED YET"!
- Roll footage Round 1. JB/JB 1 All. "
Hart: Candy aimed her jab to the other's chest, leaving herself open for the return blow.
Hisamatsu: As she was frequently prone to do, Sayuri threw herself into it, certainly receiving but giving in the process.
Peter: I don't think a first round can start out much better, with both ladies beginning sharply on the offensive. Now it's only a matter of time until one of them decides to change their strategy. It could be costly if neither does.
Chris: WHAT ARE WE WATCHING"! HAVE WE STARTED YET"!
Peter: That's the footage from the match, Chris. Yes, we've started.
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: As I was saying, I find it all the more interesting that " being a new duelist, as far as we can tell " Hisamatsu isn't timid in her initial approach. That's quite a gutsy move to begin with.
Chris: HEY PETE DID I TELL YOU MATT SIMON HAS HIS OWN BARONY"!
- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. SW/CH 2-1 Hart. "
Hart: Dropping down to take the girl's legs out from under her.
Hisamatsu: Her back hit the floor with an 'oof', blinking a moment before she kicked herself upward to stand again.
Peter: It seems this time around it's Hisamatsu's folly. That was a rock-paper-scissors shot in the dark if ever I saw one.
Chris: WHERE IS DANNY THE INTERN"! THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY HEADSET.
Peter: There's nothing wrong with your headset, Chris.
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: But as we see here, Hart is rather quick on the uptake. It's quite impressive that she took only one round to adapt tactics to suit the situation. After just once punch, Hart has assessed that her opponent's greatest strength comes from her upper body, judging by the way she previously threw all her weight into her attack. So Hart immediately backed off and endeavored to exploit what could be a weakness in Hisamatsu's defense. I would agree that probably the smartest thing to do at that point is to keep away.
Chris: WHO"S GAY"!
Peter: That's not what I said, Chris.
Chris: I MEAN, I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHO ELSE"!
Peter: - At the camera. " He breastfed until he was almost four.
Chris: WHAT"!
- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. SnK/SnK 3-2 Hart. "
Hisamatsu: Her long leg came out to catch the girl, an almost mirror image of what was happening to herself.
Hart: Again trading with her opponent, she was knocked back several paces before she balanced herself out again. "Need to find a place for you outside of my head."
Peter: That there, folks, is a brilliant strategy on Hisamatsu's part. From what I can tell so far " and since he can't hear me, I can safely admit that Chris is better at this than I am " Hisamatsu's weakness does, in fact, appear to be in her legs. After all, it is rather difficult to be a perfectly proportional fighter " especially when your powerhouse is in your fists. But here we see that the instant Hart tries to exploit that weakness, Hisamatsu extends her defense outward to keep Hart from her sphere of technique. It's overall a very unbalanced match, but a good one.
Chris: HEY, PETE!
Peter: Yes"
Chris: PEEEETE!
Peter: What"
Chris: HEY, PETE!
Peter: WHAT"!
Chris: GOD, PETE WILL YOU JUST ANSWER ME ALREADY"!
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. UC/FL 3 All. "
Hisamatsu: Her fist came up, aiming for the midriff. It struck but then she was on her way toward the floor again.
Hart: Reaches and misses, receives pain instead.
Peter: Admirable attempt by Hart here, though I find it interesting that she is shifting tactics again.
Chris: JEEZ, PETE! WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP! YOU SHOULDN"T SAY THINGS LIKE <Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep>!
Peter: Uh, wow. Anyway, you can also get a closer look at Hisamatsu's unbalanced stance here. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as she hones it into something useful. Zui Quan, for instance. Now that would be an interesting fight to see.
Chris: ARE YOU SINGING ALADDIN OR SOMETHING"!
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage Round 5 and 6. JK/SW 3 All; JB/UC 4-3 Hisamatsu. "
Hisamatsu: A well-timed jab lands on Candy before she's pulling herself back quickly. "
Hart: Grits her teeth, the mutter lost over her breath.
Peter: Holy crow. That fist of Hisamatsu's really is quite the powerhouse. There is no way this woman has not dueled " or at least fought " before.
Chris: PETE, DID I TELL YOU MATT SIMON HAS HIS OWN BARONY"!
Peter: God, it's like white noise but so much worse.
Chris: WHOSE HEARSE"!
Peter: I" completely lost my train of thought. I think my colleague's shrieking is slowly but surely killing brain cells.
Chris: - Sticking his finger into his ear and wiggling it. " YOU KNOW WHEN I MAKE THIS SOUND IT"S LIKE I"M IN A SUBMARINE. WHAAAAAHM. WHAAAAAAHM.
Peter: - Rubbing his forehead. " Where are G"nort or Tass when I need them"
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. JB/SpK 4 All. "
Hart: Bracing herself, she sees the next move coming and moved through the opening to land a jab.
Hisamatsu: Is jabbed. Ouch. She blinked a bit at the sirens, then realizes the reason and got back to it.
Peter: It's good to see Hart going back to her original strategy. When you find a formula that really works, stick with it I say.
Chris: IT"S SATURDAY, PETE.
Peter: Isn't this where the 'sudden death? graphic and your animated narrative is supposed to go"
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: Sudden death, Chris. - Chris only stares at him blankly. " I SAID, SUDDEN DEATH!
Chris: EARTHQUAKE"! OH GOD! NOBODY PANIC!
- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. JB/FL 5-4 Hart. "
Hart: Grabbing the girl's wrist and using her momentum to send her to her ground once more.
Peter: Oh, smooth. Very smooth. It looks like Hart finally managed to use Hisamatsu's strengths against her. That instant response time is extraordinarily refreshing.
- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris is wiggling his fingers in both ears. "
Peter: But I get the feeling that that will not be the last we see of Hisamatsu. I certainly hope not, anyway. A little fine-tuning, and she could be quite a force to reckon with in the Outback.
Chris: WHAAAAAAAAHM.
Peter: What he said. And on that note remember that we are always accepting fight recommendations and suggestions or questions of any kind, so do not hesitate to contact us! Thanks for spending the evening with us. For all of us at the Post I'm Peter Pham!
Chris: WHAT"!
Peter: And he'll hopefully be back to normal by next show. You stay sporty, RhyDin!
Chris: HEY PETE, HAVE WE STARTED YET"!
- End tape. "
