Topic: Duel of Swords Madness: Blade versus Thrash

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-03-21 18:17 EST
RhyDin Sports

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/57423440.jpg Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Duel of Swords Madness: Blade versus Thrash, March 18 March 21, 2011

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of the Duel of Swords Madness match between Niki Blade and Jake Thrash are now available for purchase at the RhyDin Post for eight dollars or five copper. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-03-21 18:23 EST
- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a gray suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a khaki suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, and I have already begun the descent into MAAAAAAAADNESSSSSSSS!

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight. As you well know this is our favorite time of year, right up there with the Tour de RhyDin. March Madness is the time of?

- Chris is holding up a bow and arrow. -

Peter: Look, if you're going to kill me just get it over with. I can't take the suspense anymore.

Chris: Kill you? I wouldn't possibly, Pete.

Peter: Then why, oh why, do you have a bow and arrow"

Chris: My therapist thinks that I need a new hobby since I retired from dueling. She says that all my free time is being used towards pathologically self-destructive behavior.

Peter: So you decided archery was less destructive than drinking and gambling"

Chris: Oh no, Pete. I'm not ready to retire from those just yet. - Takes out an apple and hands it to Pete. - Here.

Peter: What's this for"

Chris: Put that on your head. I want to see if I can shoot it off.

Peter: No thanks. I just got out of the hospital last week.

Chris: Oh be a sport, Pete! How else am I supposed to practice"

Peter: Maybe practice on things that can't die"

Chris: If you're talking about that time with the taser, they brought you right back.

Peter: After four minutes, because you thought I was sleeping.

Chris: You were fine.

Peter: My heart stopped.

Chris: Listen. There's really nothing to this. I won't even make you use the apple, yeah' I'll just shoot it right over your head and hit the wall over there.

Peter: Christopher Marian Reed. If you don't put that down, I quit here and now.

Chris: Oh come on. My aim isn't that bad. - Letting the arrow fly extremely wide. Someone shrieks at the top of his lungs off camera. -

Peter: What did I say"

Chris: Wind shear. It was wind shear. - More screaming and censored profanity. Chris looks off camera. - Oh my god! It's just a LEG! Get over it!

Peter: This is why no one will insure me. Work hazards. - Yanks the bow out of Chris's hand. -

Chris: - Unfazed. - Seriously. Riverview totally should give us a company discount based on the number of people we send there.

Peter: - Pauses. - We need to get back to Madness talk, but I have no segue.

Chris: - Craning his neck back at the camera. - And SPEAKING of excruciating pain and disappointment"!

Peter: Nicely done.

Chris: Thank you. Before we get on to our Madness match between Niki Blade and Jake Thrash, we'd like to run a few of our picks by you.

Peter: Unfortunately we weren't able to be around just as the division setups were coming out, because some of us were in the hospital with a 104 fever.

Chris: Pff. Hypochondriac.

Peter: So we did miss some of the initial picks.

Chris: Like my man Karos being trumped in the first round"! What the hell!

Peter: There have been quite a few upsets this year so far. Vegas beating Ashleana, Lily Karos beating Ar'Din, Skelicia beating Mues, Bird beating Momus"

Chris: - Interrupting. - Bird beat Momus"!

Peter: Says right here, yeah.

Chris: Crap. There goes a thousand bucks.

Peter: So what we'd like to do now is make a few picks that are left for the first round, starting with the Ganderfald Division. Chris, you want to' Chris" What are you doing"

Chris: - He's on the phone. - Calling my loan shark.

Peter: Chris, this is important.

Chris: So is this.

Peter: Oh, hey. That's a pretty awesome phone. Do you get all bars in here"

Chris: Oh yeah. Great signal. Plus it's got cool games and such.

Peter: Really' Can I see"

Chris: Yeah, here" - Peter takes the phone and throws it off camera. - HEY!

Peter: Your picks. Calide versus Eternity.

Chris: No one can beat my man Previously-Moist McStabberson, especially after his rockin' performance in the last Madness.

Peter: Bryne and Devabriel"

Chris: As much as I'd love to pick Devabriel for her INSATIABLE hotness, I've got to pick experience over cup size.

Peter: Experience in dueling"

Chris: Sure, we'll go with that.

Peter: Skid and Burke"

Chris: You know, I don't know much about either of them since I haven't seen them around lately. But if I had to pick I'd go for Burke based on her history in previous Madnesses" es" es.

Peter: I'll disagree with you there. I'm calling it. I expect Skid to make it to the next round at the very least.

Chris: Care to place a wager on it"

Peter: No thanks. Oakenshield division. Hayashibara versus Rynieyn"

Chris: Hands down Hayashibara. Nothing can escape that evil death stare of hers. And I'm calling that one. Hayashibara to at least the Elite Eight.

Peter: Reindeer versus Illyriana"

Chris: I know little of both, but I would think that since Illyriana is a caller she would know more about dueling than that other guy would. Illyriana.

Peter: Falon division. Fai versus Ravenlock"

Chris: Tough, tough call. Fai has an all-or-nothing approach to fighting that really rubs me the right way. Not like, the right right way, though. You know. - Gruff cough. - But when he wins, he wins big. Still, Ravenlock has consistency backing her career, so I'd have to go with her.

Peter: So far you've been playing it pretty safe.

Chris: - Gruffly to himself. - Baseball. Grilling. Guns. - Noticing Peter said something. - What"

Peter: I said you've been playing it pretty safely so far.

Chris: Wait until you see my picks for the next round.

Peter: Moving on. Sofiel versus Saryna" Douglas versus Xy'kotik"

Chris: Sofiel. And Douglas to the Sweet Sixteen.

Peter: Wow, really"

Chris: Absolutely. Douglas has had zero inertia when it comes to making it to Warlord. Plus he's got excellent technique in the ring, although I would like to see him get a little more aggressive from time to time.

Peter: Simon versus Ravnos"

Chris: I'm sorry. Was that a serious question"

Peter: I suppose not. Harker versus Wystansayr"

Chris: Although Harker has the Barony and the good stats under her belt, I'm going to take a little chance here and egg on Wystansayr.

Peter: Omelet joke. Funny.

Chris: What"

Peter: Wystansayr owns an omelet shop.

Chris: He does"

Peter: Never mind. From the Karnafexx division: Cabot and Blue" Techichi and al'Tan"

Chris: Blue and al'Tan, easy. Al'Tan if only because he's been in the news so much lately and he has a notoriously cool head once he's inside the ring. And even though Blue hasn't been around in a few years, I do remember her being a chameleon in the ring, and adapting well to almost any strategy.

Peter: And the last three. Tuttle and van Bokkelen" Porthos and Shaman' Glory and Imp"

Chris: This is exhausting. Porthos was a total stunner last year, so I'm going to have to go with him. And as much as Tuttle gave Graziano a run for her money in the last Madness, he doesn't duel regularly so I'd say that puts him at a disadvantage against van Bokkelen. And hello' It's a little difficult to vote for anyone but an Overlord.

Peter: Former Overlord.

Chris: Who defended ten fricken times.

Peter: Point taken. Well, we will most definitely keep checking in with the latest competitors as we cover Madness matches. But we can't cover all of them, so we encourage you to attend Swords and Fight nights to cheer on the participants!

Chris: I'm bored now. Where's my bow?

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-03-21 18:30 EST
- Roll footage Round 1, Jake Thrash v. Niki Blade. TH/HC 1-0 Thrash. -

Thrash: Stamps in, making a quick lunge with the short sword, testing her guard. Begins a slow shuffle about the ring, studying her stance and style.

Blade: His reach with the lunge is longer than her cut and she hisses out the impact with a sudden feral grin.

Chris: God, she is so HOT.

Peter: Focus, Chris.

Chris: I am not sorry. She's got curls and she smiles when she bleeds.

Peter: For those of you who don't know, all of Chris's previous ex-wives had curly hair.

Chris: I can't help it. It's like a disease.

Peter: Gotta give it to Thrash for going in hard here, though. A lot of duelists like to spend a few rounds getting to know an opponent and his or her technique, but Thrash is ready to put this one behind him and move on to round two.

Chris: Seriously. When Thrash comes down, it's like a nuclear bomb. With the radiation and the mutated roaches and everything.

- End footage Round 1 Roll footage, Round 2. SH/LC 1 All. -

Blade: She'd gone low for the sweep on the reverse and tosses the hair from her eyes with a nod back to Jake when they're back to circling.

Thrash: Shifts back, moving to intercept a straight attack, and leaves himself open for the reversing cut. Nods to Niki, glad that she's going to give him a fight.

Chris: Ah, ye olde classic bookend. I like the way Blade crooked her elbow there to throw Thrash off, though. That's some pretty wicked cunning.

Peter: It was a little more than that, I think. Thrash may have been trying a recovery deflect, but his blade just isn't long or light enough to be able to fend off an attack like that. Maybe he should graduate to a different weapon.

Chris: Jake "Juggernaut" Thrash' I don't think so. That one graduated years ago, summa cum laude.

Peter: I'm impressed you actually know what that means, Chris.

Chris: Yeah. It means with highest badassery.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. TH/TH 2 All. -

Thrash: Stamps in, lunging with his sword again, satisfied with a quick trade of points.

Blade: Honey laugh, it's a caress - she comes to life in the rings, win or lose, and the dance goes on.

Peter: You weren't kidding when you said Thrash wasn't going to let down.

Chris: Have you ever seen X-men" When Juggernaut gains momentum he doesn't stop.

Peter: What're ex-men" Are those like conmen"

Chris: Are you serious" Wolverine" Cyclops" Nightcrawler"

Peter: Nope.

Chris: You need serious help.

Peter: I need help" You burst into tears every time someone says the word-

Chris: DON'T SAY IT.

Peter: All I'm saying is I'm not the one with problems here.

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. LC/SS 3-2 Thrash. -

Thrash: Stays on the offensive, moving in with a low sweeping cut to catch her before she can slip aside.

Blade: She'd taken the wrong direction on the sidestep and there's another hiss when his blade hits.

Peter: I'm interested to know why Blade is going on the defensive here, especially after she diffused her tell so beautifully in the second round.

Chris: Well you have to take into consideration that while her execution is very good, her recovery just isn't at the Juggernaut's level here.

Peter: That's not a nickname that's going to stick, Chris.

Chris: I got "The Tank" and McStabberson to stick. It'll stick.

Peter: As you said though - one of the unique things about Thrash is not in his approach, but in his reaction. However he starts things off, he's sure to keep on the rebound.

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. FSS/HC 3 All. -

Thrash: His turn to move too slowly to escape an attack. Chuckles wryly and nods to her again, resuming a slow steady shuffle about the ring

Blade: A laugh to match his as they move on, circling and considering her opponent.

Chris: There we go! It's about time Blade gives the Juggernaut a taste of her claws. Rawr.

Peter: Here is where we see the divergence in their techniques. Blade is monumentally fast - a fighting style that contributes most beneficially to constant offense.

Chris: But you've also got to realize that Juggernaut is probably thinking the same thing, and so by bearing down on her he is trying to corner her into nothing but blocks and parries.

Peter: Luckily she has enough lightning-quick perceptiveness to deny him that approach.

Chris: That, and deliciously distracting ASSets.

Peter: - Flatly. - Really, Chris"

Chris: What' I'm just complimenting her" uh' sword.

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FCP/TH 4-3 Thrash. -

Thrash: Inward step, sweeping the sword around to deflect her attack, and then steps in again, giving her a light push with his empty hand for a countering attack.

Blade: She hadn't expected the bit of fancy trickery, and shakes it off with a grin and another toss of wild black curls.

Peter: While I'm wary to see Thrash gamble so late in the game, I will give him props for judging Blade's intentions so well.

Chris: Oh yeah. That little trickery she tried a few rounds ago isn't going to work twice, and she knows it. So by keeping things straightforward, Blade is trying to reverse the balance of the ring.

Peter: The balance of the ring"

Chris: Something you're taught about in, oh, the intermediate stages of your dueling career. It's all about imagining the dueling ring as a seesaw.

Peter: So you would theoretically always want to be higher than your opponent, wouldn't you?

Chris: Nope. Because the higher you go, the more you dominate, the more unstable your footing becomes. And you can't be too low or too neutral, either, because then you go nowhere and the score doesn't move at all. The point is you have to constantly shift things in your favor. By making aggressive strides forward or backward, you are disrupting the balance on your opponent's end of the seesaw and forcing them to compensate their footing or adjust their position to fight comfortably again. While they recover, you strike. I think that is what Juggernaut is doing here. By laying off the attacks, he is jarring Blade's technique.

Peter: I really don't like that nickname.

Chris: You just hate that you didn't come up with it first.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/HC 5-4 Thrash. -

Thrash: Sees the beginning of her attack, grins a little, stepping in with an answering cut, happy to trade blows. Takes the cut from her, stepping back, wiping away a little blood and nods to her.

Chris: See, here Blade refuses to alter her technique, which would really be a good thing, given how excellent a fighter she is. But after that jar from the last round, her footing was already too disrupted to be able to recover effectively.

Peter: At least it was an even trade, and a rather close match.

- Camera returns to the studio, where both are engaged in a frank discussion. -

Chris: If I said they were both winners, do you think I could get her number"

Peter: I would think that your track record with curly-headed women would deter you from dating any others.

Chris: If at first you don't succeed"

Peter: Try and try and try and try and try again?

Chris: You're just bitter because you're going to die alone.

Peter: - Glares at Chris. - Breadcrumbs. - Deadpan. -

- Chris's lip quivers. He hides his face in his hands. -

Peter: Well that about does it for us, folks! Remember to give us a shout if you would like to have your Madness match covered. Until next time, I'm Peter Pham!

- Chris wails and sobs bitterly. -

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. -