Topic: Duel of Swords Madness: D'Artainian versus Devabriel

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-04-11 11:04 EST
RhyDin Sports

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/57423440.jpg Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Duel of Swords Madness: D'Artainian versus Devabriel, April 7 April 11, 2011

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of the Duel of Swords Madness match between Harris D'Artainian and Elessaria Devabriel are now available for purchase at the RhyDin Post for eight dollars or five copper. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-04-11 11:14 EST
- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with mussed-up dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a disheveled button-up, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, look at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: - Morosely. - And I am never going outside again.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us! We're glad tonight to bring you? Chris, could you not do that here" We're still on camera.

Chris: - After drinking straight from a whiskey bottle. - What would you prefer" You dragged me here.

Peter: You have a job to do. And children watch this show, you know.

Chris: - At the camera. - THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SANTA CLAUS! YOUR PARENTS ARE LYING BASTARDS!

Peter: Listen, Chris" I know you're upset about how the Simon fight turned out"

Chris: - Howls bitterly. - HOW could he lose"! How"! My life is ruined! - Dropping his head into his arms. -

Peter: How much did you lose"

Chris: - Looking up. - Huh"

Peter: On the fight. I assume you bet heavily in favor of Simon.

Chris: Oh. I was out of money by the time I got to the S's. I'd already put everything on "To the Max" Maximius and little miss Katana-wielding Kitten-killer during round one.

Peter: So you didn't bet on Simon at all" That's surprising.

Chris: Oh no, I did.

Peter: So what did you bet"

Chris: Uh' I may have promised the bookie my first-born son.

Peter: But you already have a son.

Chris: Kid could use a change in environment, anyway. And Razor's a nice guy. He'll teach him street smarts.

Peter: Wow. I probably better give the announcements before we get sued again. Or you get arrested again.

Chris: Nothing can hurt me now. - Drinking. -

Peter: In the Arena, an Old Market District challenge by Anubis Karos is pending, while the Dragon's Gate challenge to Neo Eternity by Vincent Smith went down this Sunday. Congratulations to Vincent, the new Baron of Dragon's Gate!

Chris: - Gargles whiskey. -

Peter: Uh' and on the Isle the coordinator has announced there are two new tentative towers. Congratulations to Khoom Vortiv and Hikari Sumont, the Keepers of Darkness and Light, respectively.

Chris: You think Vortiv will incinerate if he goes out into the sun now"

Peter: I don't think that's quite how it works, Chris.

Chris: How would you know"

Peter: And lastly, Diamond Quest sixty-five has been announced and slated for April seventeenth. Be sure to sign up and show up!

Chris: - Sprays a mouthful of whiskey towards the camera. - Diamond Quest! I forgot all about that. That's a sure bet for my man Simon! I can win Jeremy back that way.

Peter: I really doubt that more gambling is going to help you at this point. Besides, you don't exactly have any better leverage than your first-born.

Chris: I'll bet my sister's kid. Double or nothing.

Peter: You might want to admit you have a problem.

Chris: I do admit I have a problem. And it starts with a capital "P."

Peter: Psychosis"

Chris: Wow. Learn to spell, Pete.

- Roll footage Round 1 of match between Elessaria Devabriel and Harris D'Artainian. TH/HC 1-0 Devabriel. -

Devabriel: Before she settles in, she shifts forward to tap at his mid-section with her pommel.

D'Artainian: A half step forward, lifting the falcata high as he takes aim at a shoulder, but he's stopped cold by the quicker thrust and forced back a pace.

Chris: I'm half expecting the Pillsbury "woohoo" here.

Peter: For a Madness match, that's a pretty limiting move choice on D'Artainian's part. Devabriel is relatively new to the sport so chances are he hasn't had ample time to observe her. He should spend some time getting a feel for her fighting style.

Chris: No way. D'Artainian doesn't do anything halfway. If he's taking an aggressive approach, he's doing it for a reason.

Peter: Chris. If you've established a solution for your debt problem, why are you still drinking"

Chris: I don't want to waste it. And I don't feel like hauling the full bottle all the way home.

Peter: You live less than a block away.

Chris: Exactly.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. SL/HC 2-0 Devabriel. -

D'Artainian: He tries a second time, raising the falcata above his head for another attack, but once more he's beaten to the punch and forced away to reset properly.

Devabriel: Shifts the rapier up, turning it at the last moment so its side lightly touches his shoulder.

Chris: Hold on a second. I feel like I've seen this kind of technique before.

Peter: No doubt you would have. Word has it Devabriel's mentor is none other than Kalamere Ar'Din.

Chris: That's it! Andrew, can I have a still frame from the Battlefield Park challenge last year" I think it was in the first or last round.

- After a few seconds, a parallel image appears on screen of Kalamere engaged in a high cut against Anubis Karos. -

Chris: Their styles are very similar.

Peter: Hold on. You remember a still frame from last year"

Chris: I have a photographic memory. My memory is awesome.

Peter: That's kind of impressive.

Chris: What were we talking about"

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. TH/FSS 2-1 Devabriel. -

D'Artainian: He doesn't approach directly this time, instead opting to wait for Eless to commit before he veers out of her path and rips a gash across her ribcage in a counter with the falcate.

Chris: Gotta love D'Artainian. He's got the wariness you were concerned about earlier, but then he gets in there and BAM. Disembowels.

Peter: He aimed a little high for the bowels there, Chris.

Chris: It's not like he's a doctor, Pete!

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 4 and 5. HC/HC 2-1 Devabriel; LC/FCP 3-1 Devabriel. -

Devabriel: Winces when the blades meet. Spins out to the side and away from his falcate.

D'Artainian: Opting to take the high road again, though he meets stiff resistance as their blades clash. Reverses the direction of his blade only to find it entangled in a parry.

Peter: For having just launched her dueling career, I must say Devabriel is performing admirably against a Triple Crown. She read into that bookend perfectly, and her transition was flawless.

Chris: You sound a little amorous there, Pete. Mike not doing it for you these days"

Peter: I assure you I have no ulterior intentions, other than complimenting her skill.

Chris: Oh, I see how it is. Devabriel isn't good enough for you, then"

Peter: What' No, that's not what I meant.

Chris: She doesn't measure up to Mike in the charm department' You know what, Pete" I'll bet she is TWICE the man Mike ever was.

Peter: Chris" Do you ever stop and think about what you are going to say before you actually say it"

Chris: It takes too long.

Peter: I figured.

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FCP/TH 3-2 Devabriel. -

D'Artainian: Snaps the falcata downward to force the rapier off its intended course before bringing it back around in a counter chop to her thigh.

Devabriel: Shifts her weight forward only to have her blade swept aside.

Peter: One thing about D'Artainian: He will never hesitate in exploiting an opening to do some actual damage.

Chris: I love karma in times like these! But what I love more is how fluid D'Artainian is in his technique. Devabriel may be anticipatory of his attacks, but her stance is much more rigid compared to his. That can prove hugely detrimental because it limits your retaliatory capacity.

Peter: Wow. I think that's the first time I've heard you use so many big words in the same thought, Chris.

Chris: Whiskey helps me focus.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/LP 3 All. -

D'Artainian: He draws the blade back and surprisingly chops toward that same thigh as it remains mostly undefended,

Devabriel: Winces as Wrath flashes high, while Harris aims low.

Chris: See, now I can't decide which I like more. His fluidity or his unpredictability.

Peter: What makes you think he's being unpredictable" Devabriel drew back and exposed her lower half, so the fact that D'Artainian decided to utilize that opening is textbook.

Chris: I'm talking about the fact that he hit the exact same place twice. Here. Let me demonstrate.

Peter: - Thud. - OW!

Chris: Why are you holding your shoulder"

Peter: Because you hit me where the rattlesnake bite was.

Chris: Now. Watch again. - Pause. - Why are you still holding your shoulder"

Peter: Because I don't want you to hit it again.

Chris: Exactly! If you feel pain, your first instinct is to prevent any further pain. So theoretically the logical thing would have been for D'Artainian to choose somewhere else to attack, as Devabriel should have showed signs of heightened defense on her lower half. But he finds a crack in that defense nevertheless.

Peter: For whatever kind of person he is, you have to admire his fighting ability.

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8 and 9. HC/LC 4 All; LC/CP 4.5-4 Devabriel. -

D'Artainian: Doubles up, raising the blade high to tag her shoulder as he takes a shot low. Back down low, finding another parry in his path.

Devabriel: As she shifts her weight back, she sweeps Wrath downward to deflect Harris' blade.

Peter: For someone so fluid, his balance needs work. Watching that bookend was like watching a redwood tree fall over.

Chris: His balance is fine. Devabriel just pulled a Kalamere here in terms of trapping him into a parry.

Peter: Really' It looked rather spontaneous to me.

Chris: To be honest, it could be either. I do know that Ar'Din is famous for strategically thinking two and three moves ahead.

Peter: One can only hope that's a lesson he'll teach Devabriel.

Chris: Gotta take extra precautions to keep lookin' that pretty.

Peter: Now who's being amorous.

Chris: I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over the sound of how gay you are. - Thud. - Ow.

- End footage Round 9. Roll footage, Round 10. FSS/TH 5-4.5 D'Artainian. -

D'Artainian: He's moving again, allowing Eless to breeze by him before he swings the falcata toward her ribcage again.

Peter: For the first time we see D'Artainian taking a lead here. I see what you meant about fluidity now, though. He can be very brisk when he wants to be.

Chris: I'd say the folly lies mostly with Devabriel in this round. It was a good effort, but there was not enough resolve behind her thrust.

Peter: I can see that.

Chris: I'm sure you can. I'm sure you're an expert when it comes to thrusts.

Peter: If there is a vulgar joke in there, I'm really weeping at the sorriness of the delivery. And you really need to watch what you say, Chris. We don't want to get censored.

Chris: - There is an incredibly long bleep that is obviously covering what Chris is saying. -

Peter: Uh' wow.

Chris: I know, right' And I told them afterward they could keep the hippo.

- End footage Round 10. Roll footage, Round 11. DK/HC 5.5-4.5 D'Artainian. -

D'Artainian: He stands still, at least until she takes another swing at him, then he drops down to save his head and his hair.

Devabriel: Laughs as she aims for his head, only to find it not there.

Chris: Holy heck. Is it just me, or are Devabriel's decapitating skills a little too refined" She must have had some serious practice with that.

Peter: It's all in the arm. That's some quick thinking on D'Artainian's part, though.

Chris: Because avoiding a weapon coming at your head takes a lot of thought.

Peter: Slightly more than giving your son away to some guy named Razor.

Chris: Hey. He's got street cred.

- Camera returns to the studio, where both men are talking. -

Peter: According to whom' Your parole officer?

Chris: You know, Pete, I see your mouth moving, but all I hear is "I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU!" - Peter punches him in the arm. - OW! Same! Exact! Spot!

Peter: So much for heightened defenses. - Looking at the camera. - Well, folks, that win puts D'Artainian in the Elite Eight for 2011. If you are participating in the tournament, make sure to write us if you'd like your Madness match covered! But that wraps things up for now, so for all of us at the Post, I'm Peter Pham!

Chris: And I need money.

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. -