- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a high-tech news studio with flat screen television sets, and a massive, glossy black desk. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a navy suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a black pinstriped suit and sunglasses, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, and I approve this message.

Peter: Welcome to the Post's continuing coverage of the Duel of Swords Madness!

Chris: Over coverage today is brought to you by Brunt. Brunt. The only perfume so butch it'll feminize even the manliest of women.

Peter: Today, we're pleased to bring you a fight between Sylus Kurgen and Neo Eternity.

Chris: Pffffff. What kind of a name is "Neo Eternity?" Sounds to me like someone was trying too hard to be deep or insightful when they were naming him. I wonder what his middle name is. Something like" integrity slash honor slash peace slash charm. Intonopeacharm. Neo Intonopeacharm Eternity.

Peter: Do you really have any right to be making fun of another fighter" Didn't you just get over?"

Chris: Oh, please. I am so over what?s-her-face. Did you know she was spotted with one of the Taneths" Taneth, of all people! That swordswoman isn't a kitten killer. She's a mondo precious pink-and-purple fluffy cotton ball of love and joy!

Peter: Somehow, I get the feeling that opinion is going to come back to bite you from behind. Or" you know" impale you while you're sleeping.

Chris: I should send her flowers or stuffed animals. Every squishy gumdrop of a woman wants flowers and stuffed animals.

Peter: Like your online girlfriend"

Chris: I'd imagine so. But you know" she's so busy with her photo shoots and her court cases and the new movie she's filming that I'd hate to bother her. She's a model, lawyer, and an actress, you know.

Peter: "Now I don't even remember what we were talking about.

Chris: We were talking about how weird Eternity's name is. Neo means "new." Eternity means "infinite." New infinite" It makes no sense!

Peter: He was the Red Jersey from the Tour, Chris. It doesn't really matters what his name is.

Chris: You're right! I'm renaming him. Henceforth, I shall call him Moisture McStabberson.

Peter: " What Mc" what"

Chris: Moisture McStabberson, G.M.N.

Peter: G.M.N."

Chris: Gentleman Move-Namer.

Peter: Wow. I really have no comment. What about Kurgen"

Chris: Kurgen doesn't get a nickname.

Peter: Why' Don't like him enough"

Chris: Yes and no. He just strikes me as the kind of guy to tear your throat out for fun.

- Roll footage Round 1. FSS/TH 1-0 Eternity. -

Kurgen: A simple opening to get the crap-shoot out of the way, his blade slashing in only to find Neo on the move for opening point.

Eternity: He quickly slides around Sylus in a quarter circle, allowing him to perforate the air he leaves behind. He then dashes past him, delivering a quick retaliatory counter-cut as he goes by. He turns around and resets while still in motion.

Chris: Whoo-hoo! Way to start off with some stabbing, McStabberson!

Peter: That was a beautiful counter, especially given that Eternity worked his way into an opening between two blades.

Chris: I'll give it to Kurgen, Pete. It takes a lot more skill and concentration to wield two weapons over one. But at the same time, you'll always be paying more attention to the hand you favor than the other. McStabberson was quick to exploit that fact.

Peter: Realistically speaking, that wasn't a stab. More like a quick slash.

Chris: Excuse me, Pete, but it's McStabberson. Not McMoreLikeQuickSlasherson.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. FDU/FCP 2-0 Eternity. -

Kurgen: A grunt given to the counter as he turned to meet Neo, a smile growing upon his features offering the man a nod.

Eternity: He nods back with a smile, then quickly squats down, his lowered position allowing him to see an opening in Sylus's parry that he wouldn't have seen if he were standing upright. He quickly jabs Hyperion out at it for the point, then rises and resets.

Peter: There. Now that is a stab.

Chris: Oh man. Did you see the look on Kurgen's face" He's got a very cool head, Pete. No wonder he's among the best. You show no weaknesses, and there's nothing to feed off of!

Peter: I was looking at his face, Chris. He doesn't seem to be squatting for no reason, though. It looks to me like he's measuring Eternity's dexterity. Testing moves out on him.

Chris: Nah. I like my idea better.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. LC/TH 2-1 Eternity. -

Kurgen: It's all about waiting for the opportune moment and there it was as he did a quick-step, Redemption slashing in over Neo's lower assault for the direct hit aiming center chest.

Eternity: He aims the golden longsword for a leg, but he can't get there before the strike to the center of his chest does. A wince, then a nod and a smile as he resets.

Chris: Youch! That had to hurt!

Peter: What did I tell you? Can we have another look at that"

- Slow motion, action replay of Neo's low cut, with a white arrow following the path of Sylus's smooth lunge. -

Chris: Nice! Very nice. Looks to me like Kurgen's got some kind of blood in him that keeps him light on his feet!

Peter: But look here how easily he blunts Eternity's attack. Before his opponent can even lift his sword, he's got him in the chest.

Chris: Bloodshed is a beautiful thing, Pete. It makes me happy.

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. FDU/LC 2 All. -

Kurgen: His mind danced back to the last time they crossed blades. Sensing something familiar he stepped in with a quick boottodaface.

Eternity: He decided to try ducking again, but he finds that this time, it doesn't go quite as well. He places himself into the path of Sylus's attack.

Chris: OH MY GOD! Yes! Fricken" if I were on the sidelines, I'd be throwing popcorn! THAT is what we need to see! There are not nearly enough broken noses in the Duel of Swords!

Peter: Are you kidding" People lose fingers in this sport!

Chris: Seriously, though! When was the last time you saw someone leave the swords ring limping" The wards don't make it that fun!

Peter: That being said, look how quick Kurgen is to anticipate Eternity's maneuver. He must really have been preparing for this match. I don't think I've seen anyone so perceptive in a very long time.

Chris: Huh' Did you say something"

Peter: Case in point.

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. TH/FDIS 3-2 Kurgen. -

Eternity: He aims a quick poke for Sylus's midsection, only to find him backstepping away from Hyperion's tip. A brow-quirk, then a single chuckle.

Kurgen: The smile upon his face was almost sadistic as he watched the lunge come in. With inhuman speed he flipped backwards before lunging himself forward and low at the Warlord's legs for the counter.

Peter: I'm beginning to think you were right about Kurgen's blood, Chris. That fighter is fast. Ridiculously so.

Chris: Hehehe"

Peter: Chris" What are you?"

- A crudely-drawn image of Neo appears on the screen, in a picture-in-picture format. The drawing of Neo is done in some digital paint version, and showcases him wearing a cape, and with the letters "MM' across his chest. -

Chris: It's Moisture McStabberson! He's saving the world, one droplet of water at a time!

Peter: I don't even"

Chris: Get it' Moisture. Because he's the Keeper of?

Peter: - Interrupting. - Yes, Chris. I get it. I just didn't think it was very funny.

- The picture disappears. -

Chris: You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first.

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FLP/HC 3 All. -

Eternity: He grins and raises Hyperion, holding it diagonally across his chest. As Sylus's sword makes contact with his own, he quickly pushes the sword and the arm holding it away from his body, creating an opening that he promptly takes advantage of, with another quick counter-cut, this one exhibiting his own exalted speed and strength.

Kurgen: Feints a thrust, testing the waters.

Chris: O.K. I know I've been giving McStabberson some unneeded flak here, but this is actually justified. Though he managed to keep Kurgen off him, the way he positioned himself could have potentially turned out disastrous.

Peter: I saw what you meant there, Chris. He was preparing for that cut long before Kurgen even made an attempt at attacking. He left his legs completely open.

Chris: Don't get me wrong. It was a beautiful counter, but McStabberson really needs to watch it when it comes to giving away his moves!

Peter: On the other hand, I'm rather surprised Kurgen didn't land that hit. He seems to be just playing with his opponent, by the looks of it.

Chris: He's a calculator, Pete. He calculates.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/SH 4-3 Eternity. -

Kurgen: Egregiously misreads Neo's movement and loses valuable ground for so late in the match.

Eternity: He tries a low strike again, quickly swinging Hyperion beneath Sylus's brace to this time find success.

Chris: What are you doing, Kurgen! Stop playing around! It's already in the seventh round, and McStabberson is bleeding you for points!

Peter: I am inclined to agree. Coolheaded though Kurgen may be, there's a difference between being bold and being cocky.

Chris: I doubt it's the latter, Pete. Kurgen doesn't strike me as the kind of fellow who works his butt off to get here and then gives his win away!

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8 and 9. SS/FDU 4-3 Eternity; LC/FCP 4 All. -

Eternity: He tries another low swing, and finds himself denied like he was the first time. Sudden death. He resets and takes a deep breath.

Kurgen: Falling back once more he brought both blades down in an X to catch the cut his foot snapping up in a counter-kick.

Chris: Holy crap! Way to keep him off you there, Kurgen! McStabberson isn't quite so stabby that round!

Peter: An excellent exploitation of his habits, Chris, and exactly what we had pointed out before. See how Eternity readies himself a little too quickly' He has the same problems with both attacking and defending. Kurgen has obviously caught onto this, and singled out the part of his opponent's body that he's launching. Shame, shame.

Chris: And that brings us to'

- The entire picture spins, warps, shrinks, expands, and finally returns to normal. During this time, Chris lowers his voice and bellows into his microphone as a boxing announcer might.

Chris: SUDDENNNNN DEAAAAAAATH!

Peter: Unless of course we have another null round.

Chris: Why you always gotta ruin things for me, Pete" What'd I ever do to you?

Peter: How do I dislike thee" Let me count the ways"

- End footage Round 9. Roll footage, Round 10. TH/LC 5-4 Eternity. -

Eternity: It's a risky move, but he's come this far and he really isn't going to lose, even by losing. So he locks in that mindset, and takes the lunge, Hyperion's tip finding Sylus's midsection to seize victory and advance to the final duel.

Kurgen: Following the low defense he went to follow with a low attack not anticipating his opponent to take a risk so late in the match.

Peter: Tch! Shame! Looks to me like Kurgen had been banking on his speed for that one!

Chris: Risky move there, Pete. Kurgen was already way on the defensive. If I were in his shoes, I would definitely have gotten up and off him! But it looks like McStabberson's gamble paid off!

- Camera returns to the studio where both men are engaged in discussion. -

Peter: That means we get to see Eternity take on none other than Maria Graziano from the Wrecking Crew. That should be an interesting match!

Chris: McStabberson versus ManSlugger" Sure. I can see some promos going out.

Peter: If I may say, though both of these two in the Final Four performed superbly. There's a reason they got so far, I imagine.

Chris: Yeah, yeah. McStabberson was pretty good, but Kurgen still makes the better action figure.

Peter: Since when has Kurgen had his own action figure"

Chris: Since I put the order in three days ago!

Peter: And have you asked him if you can do that"

Chris: Pfff! Who doesn't want their own action figure" Honestly!

Peter: I'll take that as a no.

Chris: He doesn't like it, he can go and buy them all off the shelves!

Peter: Or" you know" just come after you.

Chris: What' you think he would"

Peter: Maybe. Why don't you try calling him a gumdrop" That should put the cherry on it.

Chris: Hey! I said those things without malice!

Peter: Well then, folks. That does it for us here at the Post. As always, I'm Peter Pham!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed!

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. -