Topic: Duel of Swords Madness: Soerl Lute versus Dyarhk

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-04-13 18:04 EST
RhyDin Sports

http://i.imgur.com/Xdpq7.gif Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Duel of Swords Madness: Soerl Lute versus Dyarhk, April 8 April 11, 2011

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of the Duel of Swords Madness match between Soerl Lute and Dyarhk are now available for purchase at the RhyDin Post for eight dollars or five copper. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

Darien Fenner

Date: 2011-04-13 18:17 EST
- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a navy suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is pinstripe suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I am referred to as Chris Reed, erstwhile measured combatant.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight. Tonight, we're very pleased to-

Chris: - Interrupting. - We are profoundly gratified, indeed. - Texting something into his phone. -

Peter: Chris, what are you doing"

Chris: You previously alluded to the observation that I do not succeed in the utilization of substantial vocabulary. - Looks up. - So I'm texting Danny the intern with what I want to say, and he's sitting in the green room with a thesaurus and feeding me bigger words through here. - Points to his earpiece. -

Peter: Rote regurgitation isn't going to improve your vocabulary, Chris.

Chris: - Pauses. Taps something into his cell phone. Touches his ear. Scowls at Pete. - I'll have you know, I haven't thrown up since this morning.

Peter: That's not' It's a figure of speech.

Chris: A statistic of verbal communication, yes.

Peter: Are you even listening to what I'm saying"

Chris: Are you asking if I hearken what you presently articulate"

Peter: Forget I asked. Well, RhyDin! Things are quickly coming down to the wire for our Madness participants. Before you know it the whole thing will be over and we'll have nothing to talk about again.

Chris: Except for the Tour fast-approaching. My goal is to get one team to name themselves the Rabid Fireslugs.

Peter: Can fire slugs even be rabid"

Chris: Who cares" I don't hear you" uh' devising a clever honorific.

Peter: Uh-huh. As I was saying, RhyDin" I forget what I was saying. But we're going to continue out coverage of the Duel of Swords Madness tonight with Soerl Lute and Dyarhk. Dyarhk" Does he not have a last name"

Chris: Maybe it's a showbiz thing. Like Cher or Madonna.

Peter: But before we get to that, let's just run through announcements right quick! From the Outback, after a hard trio of matches, Dizzy Flores won the rights to ShadoWeaver against Pslyder. Congratulations, Dizzy, and well fought, Psly!

Chris: The" uh' armored car, I am persuaded will ten to one" uh' stand in opposition' averse to a" gemstone custodian' once more in the near future.

Peter: You realize you are making less and less sense.

Chris: Hardware rivet you, Pete.

Peter: And from the Arena, the dates for the Warlord and Talon tournaments are up, so make sure to get your applications in if you want to participate!

Chris: Make unhesitating that you engage in these" championship meetings, as it is one of the sole schemes to assess your adroitness.

Peter: And even if you don't participate, make sure to show up and cheer on your friends.

Chris: Though you do not partake, make confident to be visible and hail your playfellows.

Peter: My name is Chris, and I'm acting like a complete idiot.

Chris: My designation is Chris, and I hereby am conducting myself similar to a - HEY!

Peter: I don't think "hey" is a synonym for that, Chris. Might want to have Danny look that one up again.

- Roll footage Round 1. LC/HC 1 All. -

Dyarhk: Friendly green eyes turned focused, and he swung the weapon at Soerl's calves trying to sweep him. He made contact, just as the woosh was starting to pick up power, but Soerl showed he was a man that could defend against the jokes made to a feather-plumed hat.

Lute: It was fortunate for the minstrel that his unnatural abilities afforded him more hardiness than the average man of his size. Though the axe did contact him, he was able to slice high at Dyarhk's shoulders in the process. Even so, the minstrel was forced to move a few steps from the impact.

Peter: Interesting weapon choice for Dyarhk here, I must say. While an axe is no doubt very intimidating, it definitely throws the balance of the fight completely off " especially against a longsword.

Chris: Not necessarily, Pete. He" employs the, uh, twibill as comfortably and effortlessly as Lute.

Peter: Made all the more fascinating as both men aren't very large. And they both may as well be wielding feathers.

Chris: There are those who drill pupils with plumes, you perceive.

Peter: Are you really going to keep that up this whole time"

Chris: As long as Danny can keep up, so can I.

- Peter sighs. "

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. SL/FDU 2-1 Dyarhk. -

Dyarhk: Dyarhk's strongest attack! He swung it down, flat as it always was, and bonked Soerl on him and his pretty hat. Cartoon bonk.

Lute: He chuckled. Then, he dropped down, seeking to evade an attack he thought would come high. That didn't really help in the way of avoiding getting bonked.

Peter: Oh, wow. I have a feeling that if this were real combat, poor Lute would have a cracked or a smashed cranium after that move.

Chris: Worse, that afflicted Lute more than it had to. By stooping, he permitted the axe to gain momentum.

Peter: Which contributed to the force of the blow. I guess Lute had been expecting the axe to sail harmlessly overhead. It really is a testament to how efficient Dyarhk is with his weapon and how much experience he has.

Chris: That's what she communicated.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. LC/TH 2 All. -

Lute: He chuckled at the shoulder pats. The headgear was replaced where it belonged. "I'm afraid you have personally insulted me, sir." He was joking, which was likely easily discernable. "You should never attack another man's hat." And with that, he lunged in, with a burst of speed.

Dyarhk: Looks like it would be his turn to face the brunt of Soerl's attack. Those lentil green eyes wide, his impenetrable cuirass takes a scuff that he's examining one step backward at a time. "Well that's a mistake I won't be making twice."

Peter: I think I'm a little bit in love with Lute's form. Granted, his defense could definitely use some work" By the looks of things he doesn't mind or is pretty used to being roughed up so he doesn't bat an eyelash when a hit connects. But I still appreciate not just his style, but his excellent physique. He's honed his technique and form enough to make it ideal for swordfighting.

Chris: Pete" you are so deep in the closet I smell mothballs all over you.

Peter: Uh-huh. Hey, Chris" where did you say Danny the intern was"

Chris: He's in the green room.

Peter: And how did get him to agree to this little vocabulary project you're working on"

Chris: I told him I'd hook him up with Kalinda Acheron.

Peter: But' you can't hook him up with Kalinda Acheron.

Chris: He doesn't know that.

Peter: Now he does.

Chris: Huh"

Peter: They can hear us in the green room.

Chris: Can not. - Texts. Touches his ear. " He says he can't hear us. - Looks proud. " He also says I'm impotent.

Peter: I don't have a hard time believing that.

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4 and 5. SS/SH 2 All; TH/HC 3-2 Lute. -

Lute: He lunged in with the longsword again, hoping to find Dyarhk's cuirass another time. The speed in his strike was still quite noticeable.

Dyarhk: Plays with his agility briefly. He accepts another scuff to his breastplate.

Peter: You know, while the thrust isn't the best move choice for a longsword, Lute still manages it with startling accuracy every time.

Chris: No doubt about it, Pete. He's pretty impotent. But not as impotent as me.

Peter: Uh' Chris, you might get in trouble for calling him that.

Chris: What' It's a compliment. Danny said so.

Peter: I don't think it means what you think it means.

Chris: What does it mean' - Pause. Whispering. " DANNY!

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. FSS/TH 4-2 Lute. -

Dyarhk: Stabs that weapon out after him to punch him with iron, but was not so fortunate.

Lute: The minstrel evaded the stab of the axe with a quick spin to his right and brought the longsword back into position as his momentum halted.

Peter: That was a close one for Lute. Dyarhk is a beast with that axe. For however cordial he is to his opponents I have no doubt he could kill a man instantly.

Chris: Omnipotent. That's what I meant.

Peter: Chris, let it go.

Chris: I PLEASE PLENTY OF WOMEN.

Peter: I do have to complain a little bit about Lute's execution here, though. He's holding back " only performing to the bare minimum. And while there's nothing wrong with that, I'd like to see him take Madness a little more seriously.

Chris: You just want to see his muscles flex.

Peter: How's that impotence thing working out for you, Chris" You know they have medication for that.

Chris: Hey, Pete. Who's your favorite actress" Geena Gayvis"

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. HC/FLP 4-3 Lute. -

Lute: He took a quick slice, but it met with nothing aside from that gigantic axe. The impact made him quickly shake out his arm and back away.

Dyarhk: Slips his hand into the groove of that weapon and holds it up like the shield it was. The sun rose on Soerl.

Chris: This. This right here is the best reason to use an axe. Well, besides the sheer manpower. While the operation of it can be pretty difficult and often cumbersome, it's heavy enough to withstand blow after blow without jarring you and upsetting your stance.

Peter: That's a good recovery on Dyarhk's end here, and unfortunately not well executed for Lute. He's all elbows for this maneuver, and leaving himself completely open. If Dyarhk had any other weapon, a serious retaliation would have been in order.

Chris: I doubt that. Your precious Lute is just agile enough to back up off Dyarhk in time. - Pause. " Ow.

Peter: Did your appendix finally burst"

Chris: Danny the intern is screaming into my ear.

Peter: You should scream back.

Chris: Yeah, Danny' Well you're the one who is omnipotent!

Peter: That'll teach him.

Chris: Damn straight.

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. LC/SH 5-3 Lute. -

Lute: The minstrel went low after his likely less than menacing growling. He took a quick swipe at Dyarhk's legs with his longsword.

Dyarhk: He held that axe up once again before looking down to his legs where Soerl's attack sealed the deal. He planted that thing face down immediately, grinning.

Peter: That there is some recovery time I didn't quite anticipate for Dyarhk. I wonder if the fulcrum of the axe is what kept him from responding better.

Chris: Hard to see from this angle, but I'll have to credit Lute with some pretty sharp eyes to be able to point out an opening in that defense.

Peter: If I had my way, I'd put them together in a rematch.

Chris: Yes. If you had your gay, they'd have a rematch.

- Camera returns to the studio, where both men are bickering. "

Peter: I realize you are trying to overcompensate for your slip earlier, Chris, but please stop. The innuendos are getting tiresome.

Chris: That's not what Mike said. SNAP!

Peter: Have it your way. - Looks at the camera. " Let it be known, I have Chris on tape claiming that he is impotent.

Chris: - Panicking. " But that's not what I meant!

Peter: I have you on tape regardless.

Chris: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! I SATISFY ALL MY WOMEN!

Peter: And on that note, we'll wrap things up here. Always remember that if there is a fight you want covered to write us with the date and time. Until next time, I'm Peter Pham.

Chris: And I need to go kill an intern.

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. ?