- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5 and 6. HC/HC 2-1.5 Eludes; LC/FCP 2-2.5 Oakenshield. -
Oakenshield: Pulling back the battle axe and shaking out the sting running up his arms. "Creativity is so overrated."
Eludes: Meets the attack head on but is forced to step back as they clash. "I'll keep that in mind..." Cuts right into the defense. "Tsk."
Chris: Oh guh-hoooorgeous. I tell you what, Pete. Nothing makes me happier than seeing Oakenshield (theoretically) in action again. His name on a scoreboard makes me" makes me" - His voice goes husky. - All choked up.
Peter: Don't hurt yourself there, Chris.
Chris: It's okay' - Voice getting more and more strained. - I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
Peter: I find it hilarious, however, that we have these words on file coming from Oakenshield, because if anything, this man' dwarf" was the epitome of creativity in dueling.
Chris: It's really true, come to think of it. It's not often you see a high-end so artfully manipulated into a flawless parry. He doesn't even take his axe off Eludes's blade. Won't even give him an inch.
Peter: Oakenshield has seen enough wins over losses to know better than to fall for an average bookend.
Chris: Four-hundred of them to be exact.
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. HC/LC 3-3.5 Oakenshield; SH/FCP 3-3.5 Oakenshield. -
Oakenshield: Grumbles about barons and their need to be pummeled.
Eludes: Flips the blade and goes for a third cut, this time ending up with a trade. Holds back as he tries to find an opening.
Oakenshield: Chuckles. "Yeah, ye shoulda slashed."
Chris: So should he. And that's another thing I loved about Oakenshield, Pete. He was one of the very few duelists who knew how and when to execute a slashing maneuver. But G'nort has them all running scared these days from creative swordsmanship, and it ticks me off.
Peter: Gee, Chris. Tell us how you really feel.
Chris: All I'm saying is I'd like to see people take some more risks these days. You don't get anywhere in a stabbing competition by playing it safe.
- End footage Round 8. Roll footage, Round 9 and 10. TH/TH 4-4.5 Oakenshield; LC/SS 5-4.5 Eludes. -
Eludes: Gambles and the lunge and gets another trade. It hurts, but the pain doesn't show, only a grin. Stays in close, slicing low to catch Jeff before he can get away.
Peter: You know, I've been a sports commentator and columnist for six years, and I still never get tired of the double impalement.
Chris: Don't you mean IMP-alement"
Peter: Now that he's not Overlord, the phrase is trademarked and copyrighted again. You now owe the Little Shop of Horrors and the owners ten gold.
Chris: Hey, that's not so bad.
Peter: Each.
Chris: Aw, crap. There goes my next spending spree.
Peter: I have to say, though, I absolutely love Eludes's resilience, here. He takes advantage of the trade, and against all odds spends Round 9 looking for openings. Then, as Oakenshield recovers, he trips him up effectively.
Chris: Can't make mistakes when you're a legend, Pete. Legends don't make mistakes. I'm sure he has something else up his theoretical sleeve.
- End footage Round 10. Roll footage Round 11 and 12. FLP/SL 5-5.5 Oakenshield; FSS/TH 6-5.5 Eludes. -
Oakenshield: Slices down from left to right. "Ouch, dat had ta hurt some..."
Eludes: Shifts into defense and gets caught by the slash. Slowly gets up after that and frowns as he tries to regain his stance. But just because he seems out of it from the big hit a moment ago, it doesn't mean he is dead weight. Staying light on his feet, he spins away from the lunge. "I'm not just going to let you hit me..."
Oakenshield: "Punk. Dodgin' after parries."
Chris: Man! A shame this match is theoretical, because if it weren't it would really make Eludes's reputation shine. Boy howdy is he holding his own here.
Peter: I'll have to agree with you there, Chris. He's quick in this scenario, and realistically speaking when you pit Eludes's stats against Oakenshield's, he does have the upper hand in terms of speed.
Chris: But Oakenshield will always have it in creativity and brute strength. I mean look at that slash, Pete! That is a beautiful slash. Not many duelists can land a beautiful slash like that.
Peter: There is a reason Oakenshield is venerated, after all. I have to admit I'd be pretty reluctant to sign my name up against someone like him, even if it is just in theory.
Chris: Yeah, you can say that again. I'm reading the contract of agreement Tormay signed with us for this segment. You know right here it says he promises the RhyDin Post his soul, his first born, and all his toenail clippings for the next eight years"
Peter: That's not funny, Chris.
Chris: You think I'm kidding.
Peter: Of course I think you're" - Long pause. - Well I'll be. So it does.
Chris: I guess you should really read the fine print on some of these things.
- End footage Round 12. Roll footage, Round 13, 14, and 15. DU/DIS 6-5.5 Eludes; TH/TH 7-6.5 Eludes; LC/HC 8-7.5 Eludes. -
Eludes: Lowers his weight, almost taking a knee, as he watches Jeff back off.
Oakenshield: Shakes off the hit, and kerthwaps .
Chris: Well I do have to say I love how it ended just as it began, but disengaging that late in a fight' Glitch. GLIIIIITCH!
Peter: The technology isn't perfect, Chris. We gave it our best shot. And to be honest, it was rather exciting to see what a real match between Baron Eludes and the famous Jeff Oakenshield would look like.
- Camera returns to the Hall of Fame, where Chris is barely managing to hold up several framed photographs and plaques. -
Peter: On behalf of all of us at the Post, we would like to take this opportunity to thank our sponsors, to thank the Baron participating, and most of all, we'd like to thank all of you for maintaining such a strong interest in the duels. This month being National Dueling Month, we encourage all of you to get out there and get as many duels in as you possibly can. The Post would like to award an honorary plaque to whomever accumulates the most matches before December. So win or lose, if you duel exceptionally often this month, please write us.
Chris: Also! The RhyDin Sports Center Hall of Fame has undergone a new renovation in celebration of this month and has added several new displays to their archives, so make a point to get your butts over here to New Haven and check it out. As you can see from where we're standing, it is way awesome, and best of all, free!
Peter: We'd also like to mention that we love hearing from you. So if you feel like writing us some words, or even feel like sharing a few dueling stories with us or talking about some of your favorite legends, don't hesitate to. We read every one of your letters.
Chris: Pete, my arms are getting tired.
Peter: Oh, right. Also, in honor of Jeff Oakenshield, we'll be selling these framed action shots of him from a match with Sartan back in '95. And just for fun, we'll include a photoshopped still-frame of the fight we featured today with Baron Eludes.
Chris: Ugh. 1995.
Peter: Bad memories there"
Chris: I blacked out about a decade thereabouts. That was the time I spent idolizing Elijah. Now there is a part of my life I'd like to have back pronto.
Peter: Well that does it for us for now, folks. Once again, we'd like to thank you to for taking the time to watch us, and remember to get out there, duel, and support your fellow duelists. These sports aren't just sports, but a way of life.
Chris: Can we wrap it up, Pete" My arms are seriously about to fall off.
Peter: And just remember, folks - sports do not build character; they reveal it. That does it for us here at the Post. I'm Peter Pham!
Chris: And I'm Chris Reed!
Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!
- Blackout. Voices still continue.-
Chris: That was absolutely beautiful, Pete.
Peter: You're going to drop those things. Here, give them to me.
Chris: Hey, Pete? You know the computer is smoking.
Peter: It's what? Oh, wow! The hardware must be failing. Chris, don't touch that, or you'll get electro—
- A loud thud, a crash, and a sigh sounds. End tape. -