- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a gray pinstripe suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a disheveled khaki suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -
Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!
Chris: - His nose is clearly stuffed up, and his eyes are bloodshot. - Ad I'b Chris Reed, ad I've discovered how to shotgun Nyquil.
Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight! I find it exceptionally exciting that just on our last episode we were talking about how-
Chris: AGGGGCCCHOOOOO!
Peter: Blessings. Jeez, Chris. You really should go home, you know.
Chris: Can't. - Sneeeeeeerk. - I used up all my sick days body paintink.
Peter: " Body painting"
Chris: Id involves gettink partially naked, covered with paint, and rollink around on canvas.
Peter: Uh' wow. And this couldn't wait until your days off"
Chris: Exclusivity, Pede.
Peter: Right' Well getting back to things, it's really exciting to find out' - Pauses while Chris blows his nose very loudly. - " find out that just one episode ago we were pointing out how little activity the Outback was seeing. And then all of a sudden, Opal challenges were up all over the place!
Chris: Absoludely. Id's like BOOB! People rediscover fistfightink!
Peter: You can't say 'boob' on this program, Chris.
Chris: I didn't say 'boob,' I said boob. Like explosions, they go boob.
Peter: Ooohhh. Boom. Right! The challenges simply exploded, and so far each challenge night at Paddy's Pub in the Marketplace it's been packed!
Chris: - Continuing. - Bud I'll say boob if I wan' to say boob. Nothink wrong with boobs.
Peter: So let's jump right into our announcements, shall we" First things first! The Isle is having it's February All Ranks Tournament TONIGHT, so be sure to give Neo Eternity a heads-up if you plan on being a last-minute entry. Current prizes up for grabs are accumulated wins or an elemental Tower! This is one tournament that you shouldn't miss!
Chris: Id's a shabe he's nod boist anymore. Now I can only call him MgStabberson.
Peter: " I have no idea what you just said. He's not what anymore"
Chris: Boist.
Peter: Boys"
Chris: Boist' BOIST! Wadder, id's boist!
Peter: Water is" OH! Moist. Right, well" you'll just have to come up with some other alliteration.
Chris: I'll show you some allidderation.
Peter: And it seems like a little bit of a trade-off. While we have all the action going down in the Outback, we have utterly no news from the Arena, other than to report that Overlady Hayashibara made a successful defense to Evan Rush Rynth February first. Congratulations!
Chris: You dissapoid me, Err. This is one ERROR that bust be rebedied. AGGGCHOO!
Peter: Uh-huh' And lastly from the Outback, we have two duels completed - one of which was a defense by Harris D'Artainian for Pathfinder - and three pending! The Moonberyl challenge is going down the nineteenth, and both the ShadoWeaver and IceDancer challenges are taking place this Friday night, February the eighteenth!
Chris: A Sibod double-header! Ahhhh! I really wand to be there, Pede. I need to ged bedder ASAP.
Peter: Chug Vitamin C, see a healer, something.
Chris: Know ady good shamans"
- Roll Footage Round 1, FireStar Challenge, January 13. SW/FeFL 1-0 Karos. -
Ollavan: He strode forwards, leaping to try and get a grip off one of Anubis' arms for a throw and found himself somersaulting to a faceplant off to the side.
Karos: Was the grasp a feint' In the end, it didn't really matter. Fatigue had begun to circulate within the congerie of ligaments and tendons which served as an automaton for his ferrous will and his ferocity, a rapid dodge being followed by a strike to the ribs as the man fell back.
Peter: In case you couldn't tell, this happens to be the FireStar challenge between Mur Ollavan and Anubis Karos. They start things off pretty slowly for their third match as you can see. By this point the fatigue has already set in, as you can tell by the way Karos's weight is unevenly distributed in his stance. Ollavan knows it, what?s more, and he tries to take advantage of this and throwing Karos off-balance completely.
Chris: Bud Karos is very used to wearink his muscles oud to their limid.
Peter: Absolutely. If anything, Karos is a physical machine. It's important to remind our viewers, also, that it takes a lot more stamina to be able to keep up in the Outback rings than it does in the Arena.
Chris: Thad's righd, Pede. The Outbag doesn't have wards like the Areda does, so there's no recovery tibe. None whatsoever.
Peter: I still can't understand a single word you're saying.
Chris: - Grumbles. - Well then Pede, you can just go to AGGGCHOO!
- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2 and 3. FAB/FAB 1-0 Karos; FL/JB 2-0 Karos. -
Ollavan: Mockery and mimicry of his every move sent Anubis' way. Charging forwards, he flings an arm forwards in what he thinks will be a trade of punches.
Karos: A tumescent limb expanded into a bulbous knoll of immovable thew as it rose for a block. A serpentine glyph of malachite was reflected within the transient bead of perspiration which traversed it with a dispassionate languor before free-falling in crisp unison with Anubis's duck, both thighs being incarcerated within the rigid grasp of appendages which snaked around to converge in a marriage of tapering digitalia. Both momentum and the admitted fact of Mur's diminutive size were conscripted; the Irishman being hoisted into the air. And then, the Egyptian utilized his own weight as a fulcrum as he fell forward aiming to drive Mur's spine into the canvas. And, if one was fortunate enough' The back of the cranium.
Ollavan: Some booze was spit up as he was knocked down impacting the floor.
Chris: Ah! I worshib that fighter!
Peter: I thought you worshipped Matt Simon.
Chris: Madd Sibod's on a whole other level. Bud look at how Karos uses his entire body weight to throw off Ollavad's cender of balance. He's nod just a fightink genius; he's a bathebadical genius!
Peter: I'll agree with you there. Some calculations certainly are in order when it comes to fighting challenges such as these. It strikes me as a little bit odd that Ollavan went in for that hit blind, though.
Chris: Whad do you mead"
Peter: Well" he completely obstructed his own line of sight with an arguably well-executed armblock in the prior round. You can't play peek-a-boo with someone like Karos and expect them to still be there when you're ready to hit them again.
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. JK/FL 2-1 Karos. -
Ollavan: He kicked out at Anubis instinctively, throbbing a bit in pain.
Karos: He rolled up to a stand, launched himself in the air, and somehow found himself flying.
Chris: Peeg-a-boo or no peeg-a-boo, you've god'da give it to a guy who cad aib thad well with a codcussion.
Peter: I doubt the execution has as much to do with aim as it does with luck.
Chris: DISAGREE! - Falls into a coughing fit. - Karos was too - Cough. - slow on thad one, ad his approach was too direct. Eved if your opponent's on the groud, you take precautions! - Coughing still. -
Peter: Jeez, Chris. Don't hurt yourself!
Chris: If I die" - Cough. - Don't play Coldplay ad by funeral.
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5 and 6. FeFL/JB 2-1 Karos; FeJK/SW 2-1 Karos. -
Ollavan: He struggled to his feet, eager to get back to scoring he leapt forwards with a straight blast that wound up scoring only in his dreams. He follows through with a spinning flourish, making for another dull exchange.
Karos: And for reasons that are unknown to all including him, he doesn't commit.
Peter: Well" I'll give Ollavan an "A" for effort and enthusiasm.
Chris: Is it just be, or does Karos look bored"
Peter: I doubt I would go anywhere near that kind of a conclusion, but he certainly isn't taking those two rounds seriously - and neither is Ollavan, by the looks of it.
Chris: Disappointink, disappointink. Roud five is way too early to give up.
Peter: But you also have to take into consideration, Chris, that these fighters have been going at it for well over two hours by now. They're exhausted!
Chris: Details, details!
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. FeFL/JK 2-1 Karos; SW/FL 3-1 Karos. -
Karos: Another half-step drew him to the right, the tribulations of the match beginning to have a conspicuous effect on the fluidity of his motions. Nonetheless, the previously struck kneecap was assaulted by a viridescent sandal, the Egyptian retracting his advance after the fact.
Ollavan: He rose with a wild swing, making more sound with the air than with actual contact. losing balance, he tried to grab onto Anubis in order to drive them both to the ground. He succeeded in half of his goal.
Chris: Mad" I'b really feelink for Ollavad here. If I could compare his ad Karos's technique, I would pud them ad albost the sabe level. But stamina-wise, Karos clearly has the upper had.
Peter: Yes, stamina-wise, Karos definitely has the "upper-had."
Chris: Shuddup.
Peter: More importantly, though, Karos knows when and when not to exert himself. He knows where to focus his energy when it is most necessary.
Chris: Ad Ollavad doesn't"
Peter: In my personal opinion, no. Ollavan is enthusiastic, but has the tendency to be over-zealous in his maneuvers. I wouldn't call it showboating, but' Well, yes, it's showboating.
Chris: Lies. Complete lies.
Peter: Why do you think so"
Chris: Whad" No, nod you. This boddle says id's supposed to stop ruddy doses and coughs. It LIES. Get Mallorek on the phode! I'b suing these bastards.
- End footage Round 8. Roll footage, Round 9. FeJK/FDO 4-1 Karos. -
Ollavan: Rising with a grimace, he turned sideways and backpedaled his way into the next attack almost as if he was blind. Well nearly blinded by the trails and smears of blood that were now on his face.
Karos: The undulating esker of his fist lacerated the stale gulf betwixt them before retracting like a viper after a cautionary feint, the heel of a hempen sandal birthing minute ripples within the malleable canvas below as he pirouetted to be parallel with the Irishman. The sharp apogee of an elbow was directed at the temple.
Peter: Ollavan seems to be having bad luck this match, as Karos is unwilling to give him a moment even to recuperate.
Chris: Why would he" He's albost got the dang think. No use holdink back dow.
Peter: It's also a little that this match is somewhat personal. Karos had FireStar taken away from him by Ollavan, so he seems keen to pay him back with a lesson in pain.
Chris: I'b just waitink for that powerhouse, though. Karos is light on his feed, bud when he really puts his strength behide a punch, he cad knock a guy oud for days. - Sneezes violently. -
Peter: Hanging in there, Chris"
Chris: Do I look like I'm hanging in there" Beink sick is no fud. You know that.
Peter: I don't get sick.
Chris: Everybody gets sick.
Peter: I don't.
Chris: Like" ever" Thad's impossible.
Peter: I'm genetically engineered, Chris. My immune system is already equipped with T-cells for every known virus and bacteria, in addition to genetically programmed mutation possibilities.
Chris: " Whad. You're a super-humad" How did I nod know you were a super-humad"
Peter: I'm not a super-human. I'm just human with extra perks. And you never asked.
Chris: Well you dever TALK TO BE!
- End footage Round 9. Roll footage, Round 10. JB/FeSpK 5-1 Karos. -
Karos: And after all of the athletic gesticulations, all of the bruising vissicitudes...a simple haymaker ended it.
Ollavan: The blow to the temple almost caused him to snap out of it, almost. pounded in the face, he's sent staggering out of the ring where he simply collapses into a seat.
Chris: THERE id is! BOOB! I was waitink for Karos to cut with the fancy crud and show him who's boss.
Peter: The 'fancy crud' has its uses, Chris, as evident by the fact that Ollavan was still disoriented from the other round. And those are Karos's strengths. Mixing things up, and ensuring that the opponent doesn't know whether he is feinting or not. That way, when Karos finally decides to follow through with an attack, his opponent doesn't know what?s coming.
- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris is wiping his nose with Kleenex. -
Chris: Still godda give id to Ollavan for sticking through three madches. He's one of the few all-aroud fighders thad is actually decent id more thad one sport.
Peter: We're seeing more of those these days, though. I'm glad to see that our duelists are learning to branch out of their comfort zone. - Interrupted by another violent sneeze by Chris. - Lord almighty, Chris. Go home, drink tea with honey, and sleep.
Chris: - Sneeeeeeerk. - I hade tea. Albost as much as I hade honey.
Peter: Then you're going to be miserable" - Stares as Chris pours himself a glass of what looks like bourbon. - Are you sure you should be drinking in your condition"
Chris: Godda ged my strength up for CrushBob!
Peter: That's going to make you even more dehydrated.
Chris: Whad are you, my bother"
Peter: - Still looking at the camera, starts trying to wrestle the glass out of Chris's hand. - Well that makes one defense and one steal for the Open Opal season. Congratulations, Anubis, and well reigned, Mur!
Chris: Leggo! - Trying to take the glass back. -
Peter: That does it for us at the sports center! For all of us at the Post, I'm Peter Pham!
Chris: AAAGCHOO! - The glass is jostled by his sneeze, and bourbon sprays all over him. -
Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!
- End tape. -
