- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a high-tech news studio with flat screen television sets, and a massive, glossy black desk. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black, neat suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a partially-unbuttoned oxford, a loosened red, white, and black tie, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men are equipped with headsets. Peter smiles at the camera while Chris yawns and pours himself a cup of coffee. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm' yeah. You know me by now.

Peter: You doing alright there, Chris"

Chris: Man' that was one wild time after the Tour, Pete. - He is quite obviously hung over. -

Peter: The Tour ended a while ago, Chris.

Chris: And my buds and I partied it up for a week. I told you CrushBob would win.

Peter: You honestly celebrated for an entire week" I don't even think the teams themselves celebrated for an entire week.

Chris: The way we figured, the Tour lasted for eternity and a day, right' The celebration needed to be some percentage of that. I don't know. Bill did the math; I just brought the supplies.

Peter: Uh-huh. Supplies cost you a pretty penny, didn't they"

Chris: You have no idea. Everything I won from the Tour I spent on that marathon of a party, and then some. I'm back in debt again. Want to give me some money"

Peter: Sorry. Looks like you'll just have to gamble on something else.

Chris: " I'll bet you fifteen hundred dollars you can't guess my middle name!

Peter: Marian.

Chris: WHAT"! How the hell did you know that"!

Peter: Doesn't matter. Where's my fifteen hundred"

Chris: Uhhh' we didn't shake on it! Ha ha!

Peter: Uh-huh. Alright, RhyDin. Now that the Tour is up, we've decided to throw in a showcase duel or two for analysis"

Chris: Thank god, Pete. I don't think I can take another ridiculously long tournament like that again.

Peter: " until we begin coverage of the Duel of Swords Madness.

Chris: Uuuuuuuuuugh. - His head hits the desk. -

Peter: For now, though, let's just congratulate the jersey winners for the Tour, shall we" Winner of the Yellow Jersey for best all-around duelist, we have Governor Simon.

Chris: Yaaaaaaay. - Head still down. Gives a weak thumbs-up to the camera. -

Peter: Winner of the Red Jersey for best in armed combat, Neo Eternity.

Chris: He was a little unexpected, wasn't he"

Peter: Not really. From what I've heard he's been doing exceptionally well in swords.

Chris: Huh. Well I suppose he would be, if he won the Red.

Peter: Winner of the Green Jersey for best in unarmed combat, Kheldar Drasinia. No big surprise there.

Chris: Mmmffff. - Head still down. Dangerously close to snoring. -

Peter: Winner of the Blue Jersey for best in magic, Sivanna Cyredghymn.

Chris: - Snoring. -

Peter: Winner of the White Jersey for best overall rookie, Napoleon Bonarat. I'm actually quite pleased with this one. It means we were right about the rat's potential. Right, Chris" " Chris"

Chris: - Unresponsive. He's fallen asleep. -

Peter: - Clearing his throat. - And the winning team, none other than' - Bellows right into his co-anchor's ear. - CRUSHBOB!!!!!!!!

- Chris screams, flails, and falls out of his chair. The camera shakes as he hits the ground. -

Peter: Well then! While our Chris is getting his new concussion treated, allow me to introduce our fighters! Tonight we're pleased to bring you an excellent showcase duel of fists between Tasslehofl Momus and Harris D'Artainian!

- Chris slowly makes his way back to the desk, holding an icepack on his head. -

Chris: - Sullenly. - I'll bet you fifteen hundred dollars I know what color D"Artainian's hair is.

Peter: Blue.

Chris: Tch! Dang.

Peter: What do you think about Harris coming out of retirement, Chris"

Chris: Well" I could be suffering from a major brain hemorrhage, but unless I'm mistaken, we've actually been seeing a whole bunch of comebacks to the sport recently.

Peter: You're right about that. I, for one, couldn't be more thrilled. A lot of our fighters have been coasting lately, and they need to be reminded of their actual skill compared with the legends of the dueling rings.

Chris: I'd like to land an interview with some of those legends, actually. I wonder if D"Artainian has a manager"

Peter: You'll just have to ask, won't you?

Chris: Maybe if I buy enough booze"

Peter: Chris. I think liquor is the last thing you need right now.

Chris: Not for me! For him!

Peter: Uh-huh. Let's touch on that when we're not at the risk of being sued, shall we"

Chris: - Seems to just now realize he's on camera and everything is being recorded. - Heh' right! So. - Throat clearing. - Let's just' roll the footage then"

- Roll footage Round 1. FaDO/SW 1-0 Momus. -

Momus: He gave a nod, then dropped and sent a leg twisting out along the beam.

D"Artainian: "he's relocating himself again, or at least trying to, only to get clipped before he can escape properly, pinwheeling his arms to keep his balance up high.

Peter: Youch! D"Artainian is barely back, and already Momus has him up on Styx" No mercy!

Chris: Sounds like someone I know.

Peter: You going to be all sore because I woke you up"

Chris: I think the skull fractures had something to do with it.

Peter: You want to complain, get into a ring like that and do your complaining, Chris. I'm willing to bet the non-retired dueling vets would give you one heck of a hard time.

Chris: How much"

Peter: How much what"

Chris: How much do you want to bet"

Peter: - Groans. -

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. SnK/FDU 2-0 Momus. -

Chris: Ooooouch. He dropped right into that one. D"Artainian is a little heavy on his feet up there, isn't he"

Peter: If I had to guess, he's just shaking off the rust. It's painfully apparent how seasoned Momus is compared to him' at least for now.

Chris: There's something to be said about keeping in shape, Pete. You would do well to take a lesson or two from him.

Peter: Speaking of, how's your boo-boo"

Chris: I wonder if I can get morphine for this"

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. FaFL/FDO. 3-0 Momus. -

Momus: He stepped off the edge of the beam, catching it and pulling himself around the other side, leading with his feet.

D"Artainian: Looking to be the aggressor in this round he surges forward, looking to latch onto Tasslehofl, but there's nothing to grab and he's forced to pivot around to face him.

Chris: Holy crow! Let's take a look at that beautiful dodge by Momus one more time, shall we"

- Slow motion action replay of Tasslehofl. A white arrow traces the route of his swing around, under, and back onto the beam. -

Peter: - Low whistle. - No doubt about it, Chris. That is one limber fighter.

Chris: It's almost cocky, isn't it' He sees D"Artainian going in for a grab and just casually swings away. Is it just me, or was he smirking while he was doing it"

Peter: Could very well be. I think Harris might have needed a few more practice rounds before he got one on the books.

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. FDO/SW 4-0 Momus. -

D"Artainian: Hastily looking to shift positions, which costs him another point when he gets tripped up.

Peter: Careful with that footing, D"Artainian.

Chris: I feel like he's showboating here, Pete. Trying too hard to inject flair into his moves when he should just be focusing on landing them first!

Peter: Easier said that done, Chris. I've said it before, and I'll said it again: Momus is ridiculously spry for" well for him.

Chris: How much you want to bet he's got some weird blood in his veins" Like he's part panther or something"

Peter: That may not be too far from the truth.

Chris: " No, really. How much do you want to bet"

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5 and 6. FDU/FAB 4-0; FDO/JB 4-1 Momus. -

Momus: He stepped back, only to lift his arms.., and then jabbed in.

D"Artainian: No big movements this time, he simply rotates his shoulders and leans his head away from the punch, effectively slipping that jab without shifting his lower body, which allows him to power through with an uppercut to the midsection from a steady base.

Chris: It's about dang time we see some action on D"Artainian's part. After Round Five, it's obvious he's playing it safe.

Peter: But Round Six has that tactic certainly paying off. After all, Momus has been offensive just about the entire duel. If I were in his opponent's shoes, I'd definitely be erring on the side of caution.

Chris: It makes for a slow, sticky duel, but up on Styx, they almost always are. Staccato, even. The rounds aren't very fluid at all.

Peter: That was surprisingly insightful, Chris.

Chris: It's been known to happen.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LP/SW 4-1+ Momus. -

Momus: The blow sent him a step back, and then he dropped, twisting around with the foot.

Chris: Oh-ho! Let's take a look at that again!

- Slow motion, action replay of Harris leaping easily over Tasslehofl's sweep. Three excited circles appear around Harris's feet to emphasize his flawless landing. -

Chris: B-E-A-Utiful, Pete! He's springy, he's spry, and my faith in him is completely restored!

Peter: You realize the score is four to one, right"

Chris: Doesn't matter. It's obvious to me that D"Artainian is just a little sticky, having only recently come out of retirement. But this perfect landing here hands down shows us that he hasn't forgotten one smidgen of what he learned back in the day. I give him a week before he's rocking the venues all over the place.

Peter: And not just by dueling, either.

Chris: What"

Peter: Nothing.

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. SnK/AB 5-1 Momus. -

Momus: He stepped forward, that boot coming up, but it dropped down quickly enough as he stepped in to deliver a kick to the shin.

Peter: Ouuuuch. Too close, too close. Wise on D"Artainian's part to bring up the arms, but once he saw the leg coming, he should have dropped them a bit lower.

Chris: Look at the ease with which Momus balances on those beams. And on one leg no less! Maybe he's part stork. I'm calling it. He's part stork. Or flamingo. I'm starting a pool.

Peter: Chris, I really don't think that's such a good idea"

Chris: Please! I won the last time! I've totally got this!

- Camera returns to the studio, where Peter appears wary and Chris is holding a partially bloodied handkerchief to his nose. -

Peter: I really don't think your luck is that great.

Chris: Pfffff. I need to get in on the Madness Pool also.

Peter: I thought just a minute ago you were exhausted!

Chris: I am. But money, Pete! Money!

Peter: Riiiiight. Sorry, RhyDin. My associate seems to have lost his mind.

Chris: If I did, it's his fault! - With a thumb-jerk at Peter. -

Peter: In related news, though, we fully expect to be covering parts of the Duel of Swords Madness. I've been looking over the roster, and I've seen not just a bunch of excellent veterans, but also quite a few hopefuls that I'd like to keep an eye on.

Chris: Speak for yourself, Pete. These newcomers are going to be crushed.

Peter: Don't count your chickens, Chris. This looks to be an exciting round of matches.

Chris: Long as my picks are in it, I'm stoked.

Peter: Well then! That does it for us here at the Post. As always, RhyDin, if there is a match that you would like us to feature, either live or recorded, don't hesitate to contact us!

Chris: From all of us, I'm Chris Reed.

Peter: And I'm Peter Pham. You say sporty, RhyDin!

- Blackout. Voices continue. -

Chris: And now, I am going to go get an X-ray.

Peter: You big baby! How did you ever make it through a career dueling"

Chris: I'll tell you one thing: It didn't involve alcohol.

Peter: Drinking and dueling sounds like a dangerous combination.

Chris: " How much you want to bet"

- End tape. -