Topic: Letters to the Columns

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-18 15:22 EST

RhyDin Post. Please PM Darien Fenner with the letters, and I will post them ASAP.

Edit: Submitted letters may now be addressed to any member of the Post staff (not just the Gossip Column), and regard just about any subject.]]

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-18 15:31 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Mr. Bane, I've been dating a girl for a few months now, and I like to think we're pretty serious. I also hang out in the inn a lot, and a lot of the female regulars there are good friends of mine. Lately though, my girl has been getting really snippety and passive aggressive whenever I talk to those women, even if it's just friendly conversation! I've tried talking to her about it to let her know I am concerned, but she just pretends she doesn't know what I'm talking about, and I'm sick of it. What should I do?

~Soon to be Single RhyDinian

Dear Soon to be Single:

It sounds to me like your girl has serious jealousy issues. The fact that you made an effort to share your concern shows me you're an upstanding guy, and the fact that she completely ignored it shows me that she might be a little emotionally closed-off. Then again, it might just be that she's insecure and is too shy to talk to you about it. Try laying out your concerns again for her (be very specific), and assure her that she's the only one you feel connected to. If her behavior persists after that, I would say recommend her to a therapist' or find yourself another girl.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-18 15:34 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Editor, My current lover, the teenage girl that I brought back from the dead and possessed with three demons, is extraordinarily messy around the ritual room. I have tried various spells to make her more ....co-operative ....and none seem to have worked as well as I had hoped. I dare not risk exorcising any of the annoyingly willful demons at peril of the girl's body literally falling apart beyond easy repair.

What do you suggest' Do you know of any obedience potions that work well on the undead"

Sincerely, At-Wit's-End in the Dockside District

Dear At Wit's End:

First off, let me commend you for tolerating your girl through all her shortcomings! Messy roommates can be the worst. It sounds to me like she's got a balance/hemisphere problem' or is just inconsiderate of your habits. I don't usually recommend jumping right to chemical solutions, but Brett's Magic Emporium over on Yester Alley actually has both an alchemist and an apothecary on staff. While you chat up your problem with the A.D., make sure to pick up Love Potion #6 to soothe the savage beast within that bundle of trouble! I know it seems like dealing with the split personalities and cleanup is more trouble than it's worth for a fixer-upper, but keep it up, and chances are she'll channel some of that wild and crazy energy into what you really like" or at least one third of it!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-18 23:41 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

To the "It Man",

Love your column! I'm a single woman here in RhyDin and am trying to find a good man. The first one I had my eye on was in the inn, but I found out a few days later he was taken. Then I saw another amazing one, but I found out he was taken. I've heard that they are not only both taken, but by the same woman! Not only that, but she's engaged to the both of them and is flirting with other men! It's despicable! How can you possibly love two, or even three men at once" And how the heck is someone with none at all supposed to find love in a world like that"

Sincerely, Leave Some for Us!

Dear Leave Some for Us:

Sounds to me like you're looking in the wrong places, or you have your eyes on the wrong kinds of guys! It also sounds to me like this boy-toy collector is a little freaky! I'm not going to lie— I'm all for straying from the norm, so kudos to her for accumulating testosterone. She must be quite a catch in bed to warrant more than one male lover that actually knows about the other.

As for your predicament. Why don't you take a step back for a minute and examine this from an unbiased perspective? The ones you wanted were taken, so you're naturally a little ticked, right' I would be too. But rest assured, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Cast a wide net, and introduce yourself to lots of new people. You might just bait the one you really want in the process!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-19 11:36 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Mr. Bane,

My guy and I have been dating for the past six months, and we are utterly and hopelessly in love with each other. I adored everything about him' that was, until I met his mother. See, I'm half dragon, while he's human, and I guess that doesn't sit too well with her. She completely despises me, and makes my life a living hell every time I'm around her. To make matters worse, she calls her son way too frequently. So she not only harasses me in person, but over a long distance, too! We have been talking about marriage for a while now, but I just don't think I can handle being in a family with her! What should I do"

Yours truly, Monster-in-law Victim

Dear Monster-in-law Victim,

Ah, the age-old problem with the in-laws: A mother that is too attached to her son is unwilling to let him share a life with another woman; it happens more than you might think. It is unfortunate, but it happens.

I can understand your reluctance to take your guy's name if it also means associating yourself with someone who hates your guts. But if the guy is still as desperately into you as you say he is, that shouldn't matter. The key to dealing with her is moderation. Limit your exposure to his side of the family to holidays or special occasions, and when you do see her, don't give her any ammunition to attack you. Keep all your replies incredibly polite, even if she is under your skin. And most importantly, no matter what happens, do not put your squeeze in the middle of it. That's the kind of thing that will ruin a relationship.

If she insists on calling and harassing you when your guy's not home, kindly insist that she call back when he is in. And whatever you do, do not show weakness. You may be polite and mature in your exchanges, but do not withdraw an opinion just because she bullies you— eventually she might even respect you for it.

If she still continues to be a wicked witch in your presence, you may as well ignore her completely. It sounds to me like your guy will still love you, even if you don't get along with his mother.

Good luck, and check out Waterglint Diamonds over on Thirteenth. They have amazing engagement rings" for all sizes!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-19 22:07 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Emmet Bane:

I'm having a crisis! I've been dating my boyfriend for about three and a half months now, and keeping him constantly supplied with Brett's Love Potion #1. Unfortunately, he's been having adverse affects to it lately (squawking like a chicken in public, walking on his hands, saying all his words backwards, etc") and I'm really worried! I can't take him off of it until we're married, and I can't lower the dose because anything less than half a cup wears off too quickly. And before you say anything, let me assure you that we are very much in love! Well" he loves me; he just doesn't know it yet. I want the opportunity to keep him and make him happy, but I can't have him flapping his arms and running in circles every time we go into a restaurant! What should I do"

Sincerely, Stuck In the Hen House

Dear Stuck in the Hen House:

I find it interesting that you use the word 'dating." See, I have a masters in Journalism and a bachelor's in English Literature from Fordham University on Earth, and I actually would have used a different word: 'drugging." Those potions are not meant for long-term usage, and by the side effects you are describing, it sounds to me like you've had him on it for a lot more than three and a half months.

I hate to break it to you, but a chemically, pheromone-induced stupor is not love. And from what you've said, it seems as though this guy isn't exactly your biggest fan. There is a very fine line between infatuation and obsession, my dear, and you appear to have crossed it decades ago.

Why don't you take a deep breath, wean him off of the tonic, and hope to whatever gods RhyDin has that he doesn't call the cops" Because I can assure you that what you're doing isn't healthy' for either of you.

You deserve a guy who loves you for who you are. So go out there and find an interesting, borderline sociopath with a love of pharmaceuticals. I'm sure you guys will hit it off.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-20 17:44 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dearest Emmet,

I LOVE YOU!!!! MARRY ME!!!

Love, Your Biggest Fan

Dear Biggest Fan,

Have we met' You remind me a little bit of my stalker in college!

Let's see. Take your pick from the following: It's not you; it's me. I'm not ready for a serious relationship right now. I'm focusing on my career. You're too old for me. You're too young for me. I love you; I'm just not in love with you.

? Or there's the fact that you're anonymously proposing. I'm flattered, though! Hugs and kisses, Biggest Fan! Hope you keep reading!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-20 17:46 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Hey Emmet,

What is it with guys with wings in this town" A human can't walk into the inn or arena and hit on a woman these days without having her ditch him for some tutti-fruity fairy boy or some angsty fallen angel wearing guyliner. Is it the androgynous thing" Should I consider getting some wings myself"

Signed, Grounded and Grumpy

Dear Grounded and Grumpy:

Before you consider radical surgery, why don't you take a closer look at your approach' If you're ditched so easily, maybe you should up the charm a little bit. And if any guy— be him winged or webbed— tries to muscle in on your conversation, don't back down! It exudes volumes of confidence if you stand your ground and continue to contribute to the conversation. Just make sure you don't seem like you're being a bully. Women hate that.

And don't worry about the angsty guys who lurk in corners. Most women like to think that they are all deep and just need someone to heal them, but usually they just wind up being complete jerks that are just as shallow as everyone else.

Swallow your pride, and say hello to that gal you had your eye on. Show her that it doesn't take extra appendages to be able to sweep her off her feet. Besides, you know what they say: The bigger the wings, the smaller the" yeah.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-21 22:42 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear "It Man,"

I thought I was so close! I'm you're average half-elf, and I finally thought I found the man of my dreams! He's a totally dreamy lich who intimidates just about everyone, and I find it so incredibly exciting when people flee in terror from him. But I found it very suspicious when just the other day we were finishing up a great meal at a restaurant, and when the waiter brought us the bill, my man threatened to take his soul. Now I get that threats are part of his lifestyle, and I knew that coming into this relationship. What I am not okay with is my guy flaking out on a check! I refuse to date a cheapskate! What do you think I should do"

~ Angry at the Undead in WestEnd

Dear Angry at the Undead:

Wow. You're the first I've heard to describe the undead as 'dreamy." But hey, if that's what works for you, I say go for it! From what you've described, it sounds to me like you've been dating him for a while, and this particular incident was a one-time occurrence. If that's the case, I would cut him some slack just this one time. Maybe his soul reaping isn't exactly paying the bills of late, but he still wants to take you out and show you he" uh' cares. But if this becomes a regular occurrence, I would suggest expressing concern or offering to pay next time (just to put the subject out there), and see what he says.

And while the cheapskate is a particularly irritating guy to date, why don't you give him the benefit of the doubt first and give him a chance to redeem himself" Initiate a heartfelt conversation and vent your feelings to him' and uh' hope you don't die.

Good luck with the reign of terror, my dear. All I've got to say is, even though he's undead, I just hope his" parts" still work.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-22 21:58 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Emmet,

So my gal and I have been dating for almost a year now, and recently we decided to move in together. We're totally crazy about each other, and I guess we wanted to see if we were compatible. Now" my girl's a lycan, which usually wasn't much of a problem. You would think that a chick that runs with wolves would have the same living habits as a man, but the complete opposite is true! She has this horrible habit of making the apartment smell like flowers and putting frilly crap and doilies all over the place! But when I try talking to her and explaining to her that our home isn't a dollhouse, she always loses it, transforms, and goes on a terror rampage. I can live with her temper. What I can't live with is not being able to have my boys over for fear they'll see what my apartment looks like! Help!

Sincerely, Avoiding a Dog Fight

Dear Avoiding a Dog Fight:

Alright. First of all, let me address something that irked me a little bit— your comment about "compatibility." Let me assure you that, in my experience, this idea is a complete myth. There is no seeing whether you are compatible with a living partner or not— all that matters is whether you love them enough to put up with their shortcomings and irritating habits.

That aside, why is it do you think that she flips out every time you confront her on the housing d"cor" When do you begin conversations like this" Is it after a fight' Do you tend to ignore the environment up until the point you have to invite guests over, then panic and take it out on her? If you've been dating a lycan for over a year, you obviously have some insight as to their emotional instability!

Next time she suggests painting the walls lemon cream pie yellow, why don't you sit her down and very calmly have a rational conversation with her about your living situation' But don't jump right to demanding a masculine, Spartan lifestyle. What she likely wants to hear is a compromise. Find a happy medium between muted throw pillows and a mini-fridge next to the sofa.

Hope that helps! Congrats on landing yourself a lycan, though. I hear they've got great stamina.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-23 21:37 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear E,

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You know, when I first got to Rhydin they said something about "the water," but I really didn't know what they meant until I saw it with my own eyes. What the heck, man' I swear there have been at least six instances I've seen in the past few months where a couple meets one week, gets married the week after, then gets pregnant the week after that! I swear, the women in this town must be ridiculously fertile. I used to think Rhydin was a good place to be a bachelor, but I'm paranoid that the instant I look at a woman she'll start spawning kids! I AM TOO YOUNG TO BE A FATHER!

Sincerely, What's in the Water"

Dear What's in the Water:

I understand completely what you're talking about! Did you also notice that the little ones always seem to come in twos" My theory is that the ones who so hastily reproduce are either incredibly unlucky or have commitment issues. Or" you know" they're in love.

Now I'm all for true love, my friend. That's what I'm here for! But I'll agree with you that three weeks is a little scant a time to get to know someone well enough to commit to a life with them. That's not even a full moon cycle! How do you know she isn't some lycan psychopath who will gnaw on your face in your sleep" Come on, folks!

As to your personal problems: Rest assured, that although RhyDin has been seeming overrun with rugrats of late, parents tend to keep their kids well-supervised (Well" with the exception of a booming dragon population. From what I've seen, every time dragons get within six feet of each other, BAM! A litter of fifty!) — if not, most businesses are actually equipped with great daycare programs. So your bachelor, clubbing ways are not likely to be influenced by the baby boom. If you want to avoid kids" Simple. Birth control! Something a huge portion of the RhyDin populace hasn't heard of. Almost every magic superstore or pharmacy has an apothecary on staff who can point you towards natural and pharmaceutical methods. If you or your gal aren't into that kind of thing, you probably ought to kiss your swinging ways goodbye, my friend" before you wind up with quadruplets.

That's all for now, folks. And remember to boil your water before you drink it!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-24 12:12 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Mr. Bane,

My girl and I are in a very serious relationship and are planning on getting married soon. I love her very much, but lately I'm afraid I'm becoming less attracted to her. She used to be a totally active dueler, and when we first met, she was a complete fox. But a few months ago she had a bad streak and gave up dueling entirely because she was so discouraged. I am sorry to say that her giving up dueling translates to her giving up exercise entirely, and so it's made her a little" doughy. I look back and think about how much confidence she had when she was thin, and how much more alive our relationship was, and I miss that. What is a nice way to tell her that she needs to lose a few"

Yours truly, Foot in Mouth

Dear Foot in Mouth:

Okay' yeah, good luck with that state of mind, my friend. I can think of any number of ways this scenario could backfire. What you've got to understand is that a fulfilling relationship should not be solely dependent on attraction. If you truly love her, you will be willing to accept her slump for what it is.

From what you've told me, though, it sounds like it wasn't just her stellar dueling bod you were attracted to when she was active. Perhaps her losing streak led to a huge dip in confidence that she needs to earn back before she jumps right back in. I would recommend that the two of you hang around the dueling venues— even if she's not willing to duel just yet. Chat up some of the latest matches with daily competitors, and who knows" Maybe she'll be inspired to give it another go.

The important thing here is not to focus on her losing weight, but on her getting active, or her gaining her confidence back. Very carefully express your concern about her energy level or daily activity, and suggest going for a walk together or spending some time outside. Hopefully one of these days she'll snap out of the slump and kick the snot out of you for criticizing her figure (which will be a good thing" right?)

Hang in there, and remember to check out the challenges they've got going on at the dueling places. GO TEAM SIMON!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-11-28 00:21 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Greetings Emmet,

There's probably something to be said about going into the family business, but man this is ridiculous. When I graduated college, I wanted to go into orthodontics, but noooo. My dad was so intent on me picking up my godliness and saving the human race. That's fine, though. I got into it. What I can't get into are all these freaking damsels in distress. I understand that I'm a Greek god, and it's part of my job description, but seriously. Women in Rhydin need to take a self-defense class. My relationship woe is that I'm being seriously turned off of women in general, and if they keep this up, I probably won't ever reproduce. Your thoughts"

Signed, A Heroic Tragedy

Dear Heroic Tragedy:

It sounds to me like your irritation isn't just stemming from the ladyfolk, but from your resentment with your present situation too. You're stuck with a job you didn't exactly want in the first place, so naturally you're going to be a little bitter about it, right' Although I can't blame you. The thought of saving whining feminine flowers all day every day from fire-breathing dragons would certainly have me wanting to fake my own death, if only for a little relief. Maybe you should look at the heroic duties as more a day at the office kind of thing, and less as a foothold for your personal life" Separate work from play— go out for a few drinks after chopping off Hydra's heads for a weekend, and meet a charming, sexy, competent woman who knows her way around a spear (pun slightly intended; I'm feeling saucy.) Or find a guy, if you're into that sort of thing. Or satyr. You can find love just about anywhere these days.

As for your pop, I'd say that if you can't stand working in your field, give him a piece of your mind. Stick a lightning bolt up his" gluteus maximus" or whatever it is you gods do. And most importantly, do what makes you happy!

Hang in there, brother!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-03 21:14 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Hiya, Emmet!

Maybe you can give me some insight into the male psyche. I can't figure this guy out; he's sending me all these mixed messages! We met about a month ago at Stars End and seriously hit it off. I guess it helped that I was looking fabulous, and he was so interested in me we hooked up later that night at his place. When he didn't call me the next day, I made sure to send a fruit basket to let him know I was thinking about him. A few days passed, and when he still didn't call, I made friends with his super and helped myself into his apartment to put my phone number onto his speed dial. You know" just in case he lost it! It was really weird, though, because the next day the key I had his super make for me didn't work in his locks! Should I swing by his work and check with him there"

~Mixed Signal Interference

Dear Mixed Signal Interference:

I hate to break it to you, honey, but it sounds to me like this guy is sending pretty strong "leave me alone" vibes. The fact that he didn't call you even after you committed breaking and entering should be all the insight you need into his psyche. If he wanted anything more than a one night stand, he would have put out the effort to contact you. Then again, he might have been put off by' a fruit basket" You seriously sent him a fruit basket' What crazy relationship columns have you been reading" Certainly not mine!

All stalking aside, it seems like you're the one sending out the wrong signals. The fact that you mentioned how fabulous you look makes me suspicious of just what you consider "fabulous." And the fact that you were so ready to go home with him after one night in the bar makes me a little skeptical of your dating habits. If you want a long-term boyfriend, find one that doesn't require you to put out on the first date. You manipulated your way into his home (even if it was illegally)— you've obviously got some smarts. Use your brains, toots. No one is going to want to buy the ice cream truck if you're handing out popsicles for free!

And for the record, fruit baskets are what you send to your boss on his birthday. If you want a guy to call you back, why don't you send him a pair of jousting tickets or invite him to a dueling tournament' Or better yet, the Draconic Games are in town! Heavy-duty bloodshed on flying, fire-breathing beasts is fun that the whole family can enjoy!

Until then, put on a sweater, and quit rifling through the man's wallet!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-08 01:52 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Mr. Bane, I've been married with my guy for about nine years, so I'm no stranger to arguments within relationships. Lately, though, we've been having a really weird one. See" I want a pet. I'm lonely, and I want something to dote on and spoil. My husband and I have been together for a long time, so we're not exactly tearing each other's clothes off anymore. So lately I've been looking into miniature dragons - Chinese Waterwalkers are super-low maintenance and don't grow to be any more than three feet long or so. But every time I bring it up, he gets all defensive and says no, and if I argue, I'm turning it into a relationship thing and making it bigger than I should. So generally, I keep my mouth shut, since it's like talking to a brick wall after that. I get that he works, and I am totally willing to make sacrifices in the bedroom for his job. Why can't he make this sacrifice for me" It's just a DRAGON!

Sincerely, Pre-Pet Accident

Dear Pre-Pet Accident: Your letter really calls out to me! I think it's partly because I've been having pet-cravings, too. I need something to greet me and be happy when I get home and not go belly-up if I feed it too much (stupid goldfish.) But a dragon" We certainly jumped the gun there, didn't we" Since when are dragons affectionate and pamper-worthy' Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned dogs" Ah well. This is RhyDin, so I guess if that floats your boat, go for it.

What concerns me isn't the fact that you want a pet, or that you two are arguing about it. What concerns me is why you want it. You said you're lonely, and you are making sacrifices in the relationship for your guy's work. Do you honestly think that getting some reptilian hatchling will improve that part of your relationship" It most certainly will not! And I hate the fact that you're using his work as some crummy rationalization for why things in the bedroom aren't great anymore. Nine years is too early to give up on your sex life! You are a young, hot thing with damn sexy potential!

It sounds to me like the problem is with your guy. He can't expect to win every argument just by scaring you into submission. My dear, as you said, relationships are rife with problems and arguments. In arguments, there is an exchange of ideas. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But the most important thing is that in a mutual relationship, everybody deserves a vote. Don't back down just because you're afraid it'll make for some temporary fuss between you. If an argument over a pet dragon is all it takes for a nine-year marriage to come crashing to the ground, then I am sorry to say maybe the foundation upon which that marriage is built needs to be reexamined.

Just because your guy's got a hard job, that doesn't give him a right to take intimacy out of a relationship. Make sure he knows that you have every right to speak freely, and that you are feeling lonely in the relationship. Maybe he'll surprise you and turn his act around. If not' Well? I'd start with something a little smaller. Maybe a pigeon. Then work your way up.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-10 15:15 EST

Article Responses!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Mr. Bane,

How very kind of you to include me in your "Sexiest Women of Rhy'Din" list. I am truly flattered and thank you for the mention. It brought a smile to my pouty lips. As a reward for this, I have enclosed a key to one of those closed doors you spoke of. I invite you to come unlock it any time and find out just how adventurous I am. And as far as my running out of men to date, well, I have an emergency plan should that ever happen. It is more like a motto, really, and I would like to share it with you.

When in doubt, recycle.

Sincerest regards, Tara Anne Marie Rynieyn

Dear Tenacious Tara:

Good philosophy! See the good in bad....or the really bad. I'll just keep this in the boudoir, shall I?

Stay sassy, T. Tara! We should do lunch sometime! Kisses!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-12 13:18 EST

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/girl-glasses-1.jpg Junior Columnist: Ashley Weatherl

Article Responses!

Dear Ms. Weatherl,

In regards to your most recent article concerning "The Post's List of Top 25 Sexiest Men in RhyDin!"

Seriously' I'm listed at number 21" 21! How could you and the rest of the staff of the Post's gossip column put me in such a low position' What is wrong with you women! And you even have the gall to call me "skanky?" Skanky! Me! Dris! I am the sexiest man in all of RhyDin, I'll have you know!

I'm a thousand million times way sexier than that has-been Sinjin Fai! Even more so than that boy Salvador! And yet you place me at number 21, below all these other nameless wannabes? I am appalled, madam! I am shocked and horrified. I confess ....wounded by your baseless accusations. I am NO skank! How insulting!

Heart broken,

- S. Driscol

Dear D.D. Dris:

First of all, keep in mind that there are some people who didn't even make the list! We had a strict set of guidelines to work with and a room full of beautiful women. A few were still gunning for your placement, though!

That aside, we at the Post heard a little rumor about something-something having to do with scissors which leads us to believe that we were right in our assessment of you. Prove us wrong, baby, and we'll be happy to reconsider.

Kisses, D.D. Dris! We still love you, even if you are a little bit handsy!

G · Date: 2009-12-12 14:19 EST

To those involved with the article "25 sexiest men in Rhydin."

You've obviously been drinking the water. My exclusion to this list is, honestly, ridiculous. Hmm, it's not so much the fact that I am not listed on her(I can take not being in the top ten), as much as it is ridiculous that there are certain others listed above me. Vince Smith' Jin Eternity' Vanion' Have you or your other voters even seen these people?

I would suggest that you all might do a bit better to get out and see the world a little more. Or at least perhaps see about a new eyeglass prescription.

G Dragoon-Talanador.

Rekah Illyriana · Date: 2009-12-12 16:29 EST

To the Post People,

Hi. I'm glad you're making a newspaper about important things like how Sin,Sal,Lucky and Ali are great. There should be more newspapers like that. Someone told me that you put me on a list saying how great I was too. I was shocked!

Does this mean I have to start wearing shoes? Because really I don't think I want to go there.

Thanks for including me! I've never been on any lists like that before! Maybe I can be on another one sometime!

<3, -Rekah

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-13 00:24 EST

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/girl-glasses-1.jpg Junior Columnist: Ashley Weatherl

Article Responses! Dear Miss Weatherl,

Fabulous piece on RhyDin's Sexiest Men! I realize that if you listed every single man in RhyDin the list would be insanely long, but I do feel a few deserving gents were left off.

Tasselhofl Momus- How could you have forgotten the debonair Tass" He might be a little older, but the man's pretty hot for his age. Consider the Beltane Festival where he was naked. He put the bonfire to shame.

Alper Ergin II- How could you forget this Turkish Delight' Green eyes that twinkle with a bit of mischief, scruff that makes him look downright dangerous and that smooth velvet voice" Completely swoon worthy!

Alec Tuttle- There's something to be said for the strong silent type. The blond haired, hazel eyed hottie oozes confidence, which we all know is very sexy.

Thorne— Most days, you do see him hiding his sexiness in the guise of a cute puppy. When he appears in his human form though, look out. Striking good looks and a wicked sense of humor. What more could a girl want"

Neo Eternity- Big brother Jin has it going on, no doubt. But little brother is not easy to ignore. Dark hair, those oh so sexy blue eyes and the sense of chivalry. Come on, were you in a day dream about one of the other men to miss this nugget of hotness" And he's single to boot!

Tru Onyxfire — I admit the bias here. He is my oh so sexy fiance. Maybe you just missed him' As he is rather busy running West End Customs. Elves are hot anyway, they've got the aristocratic look about them. Something damn sexy about that. Tru's got a great smile too. I could go on, but you get the idea. Love colored glasses" Maybe. But he's a hottie.

G"nort Dragoon-Talanador - A sexiest man list without G" Lord, it's like a day without sunshine! Redheads are naturally sexy, G's no exception!

Otherwise, fabulous list, Miss Weatherl. Thank you for the entertainment!

All the best Lady Aja Bird Owner Arcadia Shipyard

Dear Perky Provocative Pirate Aja and Soon-to-be Mrs. Onyxfire:

Thank you for understanding that a committee was made to meet and agree upon our Top 25. Rest assured, we considered many, many men in RhyDin, a number of them who unfortunately did not make the list. Our Top 25 has already been published, and we can't revoke it, but for your peace of mind, we've decided to address your suggestions.

Alper Ergin II and Alec Tuttle: Who"

Thorne and Neo Eternity: Cute, but not necessarily sexy.

Tru Onyxfire: You are correct; he is a very good-looking elf, and he actually was very close to making it onto our list. But has the tendency, we've heard, to misbehave a little bit. We have also heard rumors that he's the mean jealous type! Is this true?" That is NOT sexy!

G"nort Dragoon-Talanador and Tasselhofl Momus: This is historic, ladies and gents. How would we POSSIBLY have forgotten these two!" Someone smack us in the back of the head— we were so wrapped up in Sexy Spaniard Sal's and Steamy Sinner Sin's complete lustiness that we left off two of our favorite duel-frequenters! Thank you, Perky Provocative Pirate Aja, for setting the record straight! For our article, we would like to add two honorable mentions:

Luscious Honorable Mentions for RhyDin's Sexiest Men!

Tasselhofl Momus He might claim he's old, but we SWEAR Tantalizingly Tacky Kiss-Thief Tass has the heart of a spry fifteen-year-old....and occasionally the maturity of one. We're totally O.K. with that, though, because it's a big heart! We hear he's hitched to Kit-Kat Kitty. Seriously' She tolerates his shenanigans" We can't decide if we think that's absolutely nauseating or FANTASTIC! This is like....the sex-infused power-couple! Accumulating kisses, one RhyDinian at a time! Keep it up, T.T.K.T. Tass! We are sooo swooning over you and your adorable lecherousness!

G"nort Dragoon-Talanador Gabby Grabby Gorgeous G'nort, we hear, is the Duel of Swords' prized dueler. Given his silly slash dark sense of humor, we don't really know how we feel about Quadruple G walking around with sharp, pokey devices. But apparently he's really good! We're willing to bet that a man with that kind of energy and spirit can wield his....AHEM....weapon pretty damn well. We've heard he's pretty darn popular in the dueling scene, but honestly we don't know what his relation situation is! What's the deal, Quadruple G" Fill us in so we can brag about you in our gossip column!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-13 21:14 EST

Help! RhyDin ITSELF is Driving me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Emmet,

I am a hard working professional woman, who also participates hard in the duels.

Hard work and effort on the part of those who participate are supposed to be appreciated, not scorned, from what I understand.

Therefore, it truly surprises me when said scorn is coming from some of the more well known names in the duels.

Since when is hard work and perseverance, among other things, a dirty word"

I just don't get it.

Signed, NOT Resting On Her Laurels

Dear Not Resting on her Laurels:

First of all, who are the ones doing the scorning" Are they who you would consider competition' Do they possess the kind of character that is already inherently scornful" Are they even involved in your sport' Depending on your answers, it might come as no surprise that you're facing negativity— especially if you end up doing better than others. Dale Carnegie said, "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." Are your critics these kinds of people" Should they be?

That aside, what concerns me is the tone of your letter. It seems almost indignant, if not hurt. My dear, hard work is appreciated. And while some of your colleagues may appreciate the effort you put into your sport and work, you need to understand that where there is competition, there will always, always be criticism. The only way you can avoid it is by doing nothing, saying nothing, and being nothing. That being said, if you perform in a sport or job you love, you need to challenge yourself for your sake, and not worry so much about what others are saying about it. That's why you persevere, right' Because you enjoy it' Don't let critics take that from you!

Hang in there, and keep your chin up. I'm sure someone, somewhere is watching and sees you!

Jaycy Ashleana · Date: 2009-12-17 14:45 EST

M'lord Bane:

Aye, they can keep up with me, very well in fact. All of them. Pslyder, in particular, is beyond amazingly able.

Hugs and kisses.

((The note is unsigned but the writer is probably obvious, given the subject matter. ))

Ehzoterik · Date: 2009-12-17 20:20 EST

(The following letter was obviously written using a crayon.)

Dear Meester Candy Cane,

Gosh! I sure am super-dee-dupery honored to have made it into your RhyDin yearbook thingymajobber. But I have to tell you a secret. Shh. Not many people know this. Spontaneous Human Combustion is a myth! True story. I saw it in an episode of CSI, and that Grissom knows everything there is to know about everything! You should trust him if not me. Really. He's a scientist, and scientists are smart!

But that's not why I'm writing. See. You made a mistake. I'm prone to believe that it was just a typo error on your part, but you never know. On the off chance that you're just a silly heathen who has never had the grace of Cor bestowed upon you in your lonely little life, I think you should know....Corlanthis is the Cartwheel GOD! Not a king, silly. Cor's a bonafide honest to goodness GOD! And every time you cartwheel, you should be thanking him for his blessing.

Well, that's all I had to say. I hope Cor doesn't smite you for getting it wrong. I mean, it's an honest mistake, right' A bit of typewriter malfunction probably' Or do you guys use computers over there at The Post' In any case, it was nice writing to you. Have a fantastic life! For however much longer you've got one.

Hugs and kisses,

Ehzoterik VonArcanum Tempestas

Darien Fenner · Date: 2009-12-18 01:32 EST

Article Responses!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Ehz:

You are absolutely right. We stand corrected. Corlanthis is much more appropriately named The Cartwheel God. It flows off the tongue a lot better, too!

And as for CSI, we totally agree. Grissom is much cooler than that has-been Horatio what?s-his-face.

Kisses, Ehz! We should do lunch!

Ehzoterik · Date: 2009-12-30 17:25 EST

(This letter was obviously written in green crayon.) Dear Meester Candy Cane Bane,

You're funny. Ehzbubbles is a good name. Ehz likes it. Probably because Ehz also likes bubbly, and, well, bubbles. Bubbles are great all around, no matter how they come. You should totally promote the protection and safety of bubbles everywhere! Now that's a good idea. The League of Bubble Defenders Agency and Support. SLOBDAS" That's got promise!

But I don't know what you mean by hard to get. That's why you're funny. Well, sure. Not many people get Ehz, that's true. That's just because they don't know things like Ehz does. And most of them don't want to know. I've seen brains literally explode from trying to be informative, and it's not pretty. All that gooey pink gunk oozing out the ears" Not pretty at all. Kind of gross actually.

If Gem weren't all deadified, she could tell you what Ehz likes! Other than bubbly. Though I don't know why you want to know what Ehz likes. Candy is always good. You're right about that. But no peanut butter. At least not a lot of peanut butter. I only like the edges of the Reese's Cups you know. Sometimes I make sculptures with the middles! It's great fun. You should try it some time.

Oh! By the way. About that lunch thing. Do you happen to like cheese? I love cheese! Not as much as chocolate, but chocolate's not as good for lunch as cheese is. We should have a cheese lunch. Cheese lunches are the best!

Hugs and kisses,

Ehzoterik VonArcanum Tempestas

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-01-01 03:06 EST

Published Announcements!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to request that the following announcement be posted in your January 1st edition of your next publication to kick off the new year.

Sheridan "Dris" Driscol, renowned luthier, musician and dueling sports official, announces his engagement to Icarus Abraxas Dahaki-Marcotte, heir of House Kalseru. Mr. Driscol is the son of Weylin and Lavena Driscol of Canterbury, England circa 1900s Earth, both deceased, and Mr. Marcotte is the son of Samuel Marcotte (deceased) and the honorable Lady Azhi Dahaki, both from the Kingdom of Tarn. The date for this wedding has yet to be decided.

My thanks in advance, and happy holidays.

Best regards,

S. Driscol

Wowee, RhyDin! We're honestly not sure what to say! Dris is getting married"! Are we hearing things right' Are we totally hungover from the New Year's parties we crashed! DRIS"! Our Dris?! We're not sure if we're terrified or completely THRILLED! You have our hugest congratulations and best wishes, Dricarus couple! Good luck, and may you have a great and raunchy life together!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-01-11 01:35 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Bane, How does one explain they see the potential for more in a relationship without scaring off the other person'

Signed, Scrambled in Seaside

Dear Scrambled in Seaside:

This is a particularly difficult question to answer, because I'm sad to say not every person is the same. The world would be a lot more boring if they were!

This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but there will always be those who have a fear of commitment. No matter how slowly you take it, if you have the future talk or mention the "L" word, some people just balk. You can't help that. Besides, oftentimes those hardcore commitment felons are the ones you want to avoid like the plague. So you're better off weeding them out anyhow.

But you want to be cautious. I can understand that. So here's what you can do to soften the blow:

1. When you pose the future question, make it initially about your partner. Ask what her or his thoughts are first. Do not announce expectations! That is the kind of thing that will frighten someone away.

2. If the question is answered vaguely or not at all, don't despair. Maybe he or she isn't quite sure of his or her future just yet, or of the relationship. That doesn't mean they don't like you, though, so just let it slide and ask again after a little while.

3. Make sure you express why you feel the question is necessary, but refer to #1. Do not set expectations; merely explain that you think the relationship is going fabulously and you're excited to see what it has in store for the both of you.

One more thing I'd like to note: If you are uncomfortable asking the question, it's probably too soon to ask it. The reason you want to suggest that the relationship is going somewhere is because you're happy with him or her, right'

Good luck! And remember to stay sassy!

Lady Sarah · Date: 2010-01-15 13:50 EST

A simple white envelope filled with simple white paper was sent on its way to Emmet Bane. Upon the paper was the simple black ink to go along with all the simplicity.

Dear Mr. Bane,

I find it quite flattering that you feel that I'm one to be watched. Even snagged up, but really, there is no need to. I'm perfectly fine in my silence, honestly. I'm a thinker, that's true, but trust me when I say I'm harmless. You don't need to say such sweet things, really, I'm fine as I am.

Sarah Matthews

Even though it's simple and to the point, it sounds like the sender was flustered or nervous. It's hard to tell.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-02-04 14:17 EST

Published Announcements!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Maranya Tatiana Valkonan, Alper Ergin II, Antonio Falconne

Maranya Tatiana Valkonan, Alper Ergin II, and Antonio Falconne were married January 17th, 2010, in the Red Dragon Inn's Great Hall. Colleen MacLeod presided over the event, where the bride married her grooms in an elegant dual ring and wedding necklace ceremony.

Presented in marriage by Tasslehoffl Momus, the bride, in a wedding gown designed by Koyliak VanDuran-Simon of The Heavenly Boutique, was attended by Aja Bird as her maid of honor and Sivanna Tuttle as her matron of honor.

Bridesmaids were Xenia Chirikova, Kelathe, and Duci Lovasz. Alper's best man was his brother, Bashir Ergin. Ushers were Neo and Jin Eternity. Misty was the flower girl. Thorne in his winged wolf cub form was the ring bearer.

A string quartet and harpist provided the music for both the ceremony and reception.

The reception was held at the Red Dragon Inn's Great Hall. Sivanna Tuttle and Neo Eternity were responsible for the elegant d"cor of the Hall. Lasher's Italian Restaurant was responsible for the catered buffet meal, and Divine Delights Bakery provided the trio of wedding cakes.

Maranya is the Chief of Staff at Riverview Clinic. Alper is the president of Ko' Holding. Antonio is a well respected Multiversal merchant.

The newlyweds reside in a Palazzo about thirty miles from the outskirts of Rhydin.

Waaaaaait a second, RhyDin! Polygamy' Are you serious" Since when is this allowed? Now all of the women in RhyDin are going to be all empowered and stuff!

Way to accumulate mancandy Maranya! And congrats, Alponio. She must be quite a wildcat to have enough feminine wiles to share!

We expect kiddie announcements soon! Hopefully they won't completely loathe you for the name...

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-02-15 16:20 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Emmet,

I am so sick of all this PDA around Rhydin! The Red Dragon Inn has rooms, so why can't people learn to go somewhere private if they want to be all over each other" Just once I'd like to be able to have a drink in peace without seeing some Rated R action going on. If I want a show, I'll go to a strip joint!

Sincerely, PG-13 Perspective

Dear PG-13, First of all, what exactly do you mean when you say "Rated R?" If you have an unworldly view of things, Rated R could mean a peck on the cheek in a passing exchange! Judging by your amount of distaste, though, I imagine you're talking about a little more hands-on behavior.

There are a few guidelines to acceptable public behavior when it comes to your sweetheart, RhyDin. So listen up.

When it comes to touching, observe the four-fingered rule. This means no grabbing, groping, mauling, pawing, or clawing. When around your honey, having a hand on their hip, back, or arm is totally A-O.K., as long as it does not involve using the thumb (goosing, pinching, etc"). The exception here is, of course, handholding. Handholding is great, RhyDin. It's a subtle way of showing that you're into someone without giving your viewers an eyeful.

When in public, observe a kissing quota that you can fulfill in installments of varying degrees. Abide by a modest quota here, lovebirds! Said quota can be satisfied by a number of innocent cheek kisses, or it can be exhausted all at once by a single make-out sesh. That's all well and good, RhyDin. Believe me, I'm all for getting a good look at whose relationships are still kicking. But if you're going to be playing tonsil hockey, get it done, get it over with, and move on to enjoy your evening!

Less is more when it comes to endearments. It certainly triggers my gag reflex when I hear about what Jane Doe's cuddly wuddlekins is going to do to his angel muffincake when they get home. Waaaaaaay too much information, children. If you're going to get sappy or scandalous, keep your comments to yourself, or learn another language to have those conversations. Or better yet, make up your own! Have some creativity. Honestly!

All that aside, I am super stoked to see so much love in the air. But PG, the tone of your letter concerns me? so much so that I simply must question whether or not yours is a case of sour grapes. If you've got a honey, get him or her off the sofa and have them take you out to spark things up again. If you haven't, realize that some couples are just a lot more physical about expressing their love than others. I'm not talking about getting busy in the middle of a bar. But as a gossip columnist, I look forward to seeing which couples are or are not on the rocks. Abide by these rules (mostly), and I'm fairly confident everyone will be satisfied. It's your life, though, RhyDin! Just have a little bit of class!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-02-24 15:14 EST

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/Smilingwomanwithcrossedarmsuid11-1.jpg Amelia Enderwood: Satirist

Article Responses!

Dear Miss Enderwood,

I will have you know, I take offense to the stereotypes you use in your article "Women in Dueling: Scuffing the Glass Ceiling." Since I became a professional feminist, the cats just started arriving, and every time I pointed out a misogynistic occurrence, I discovered another, or another one showed up. It's not my fault if I excel in being thorough. As a woman, I expect you to understand that better than most. I hope you are proud of writing for such a sexist and discriminatory newspaper.

Sincerely, Mrs. Barbara Jimenez

Dear Mrs. Jimenez,

Thank you for confirming my earlier suspicions of a scarcity of humor in the feminist movement. Please give your cats my regards.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-03-05 14:09 EST

Published Announcements!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Harold Ryan Lee, son of Myon and Sandra Lee, on Tuesday, March the ninth, will be marrying Montgomery Edward Scott, son of Caitlyn Scott. Harold was born and raised in New Jersey, in the United States, on Earth. He was born in 1977 and will be celebrating his thirty-third birthday on the Ides of March this year. Scotty was born and raised in Aberdeen, Scotland on Earth, born in the year 2222 and recently celebrated his nineteenth birthday on March the third.

Currently, the two make their home in Room Sixteen of the Red Dragon Inn, having moved to Rhy'Din in early November of last year. Harold works for Mai Silverblood and Lowe & d'Thalia Shipping as a bookkeeper, and Scotty works for Mai as a manager, and as a mechanic at GAME. They have been together since early September of last year.

RhyDin! You heartless group of misfits! How could you wait until now to officially give us the run-down on this killer couple? I feel betrayed! Utterly hurt and yet ridiculously enthusiastic! The Dreamy Scot is skyrocketing in popularity lately, and I know that a bunch of us here at the Post are totally thrilled to see him happy. It's supposed to be the wedding and after party of the season, apparently, and I know I honestly can't wait to hear all about it. A bunch of us here would kill for an invite to that shindig!

Pictures, gentlemen! Let us know how it turns out! And absolutely best of luck in your new lives together, from all of us here at the Gossip Column!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-03-07 15:40 EST

Help! RhyDin Relationships are Driving Me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Yo, Bane!

My girlfriend and I have been having a little problem with communication, and are constantly disagreeing about what constitutes quality time together. I realize that being in a committed relationship means sticking with someone through the ups and downs, but there are times when a guy just needs some time to himself, you know" Like when I'm unwinding after work, when I feel like having a beer with the guys, or when once a month under the full moon I lose all sense of cognizant thought in a horrifying lycanthropic transformation that leaves me a mindless killing machine. Normally I'd just like to spend that time alone, chained securely to a permanent object in order to prevent the high-pitched screams of hapless, terrified human beings as I stalk them through the woods, yearning to sink my elongated, razor sharp canines into their throats and spill their blood across the forest floor. But no. My girl never fails to be on hand that day, insisting that she "loves me for who I am' and is determined to 'reach me" when I am in that senseless, bloodthirsty form. We go through it every month! As my gargled, shouting plea for her escape degenerates into a primal howl, she stands there, petrified with sheer terror. Only when I lunge for her neck does she finally decide to move. And then she gets all ticked off at me when I chase her until the wee hours of the morning, longing to crush her skull with one hand. Then, only when I awake with my clothing in tatters and spattered with some animal's blood that I don't recognize, does she give me a ridiculously hard time. Does she not understand that I wanted to be alone in the first place" I mean come on. There is a time of the month when I can't stand to be around her, too. The least she could do is repay the favor.

Yours truly, Needing Space in South RhyDin

Dear Needing Space,

Haunting images that will likely induce nightmares for years to come aside, it sounds to me like your girl is lacking a little bit of confidence. She's well aware of these repeat occurrences, and yet she is determined to relive them every month' It sounds like we might have a level one clinger on our hands!

If I were you, I would assert my position in the relationship. Stand firmly on your insistence of some small degree of separation, at least for a little while. And if she is uncomfortable with that' Perhaps find some medium you both can agree upon. Maybe she can spend one of the three minutes of your transformation fussing over your relationship, and the other two running for safety and shrieking in terror. Or perhaps she could attempt to make conversation with you during this time while you are safely locked inside a titanium cage. Nothing might come out of it, but hey. You tried, right?

Best of luck, and always remember to let there be space in your togetherness!

BardGallant · Date: 2010-03-23 17:49 EST

Dear Emmet,

Whoever the charlatan is claiming that I owe him or her money, don't believe a word of it. If you receive any further such claims, do be sure to direct them to my accountant, Owen Cash. He can be contacted by writing to Rhy'Din P.O. Box 0000, care of Haha Jokesonyou.

As an aside, it does appear as if you "Post-People" do indeed have amazing super powers. I'm back from an unexpected vacation. Well done with those magical powers of yours. Dreams really do come true, except for the money part.

Yours truly,

S. Driscol

Aya Hayashibara · Date: 2010-04-08 19:40 EST

To the Sports Editor.

I will be seeking Chris Reed in regards to his comments about kittens.

That is all.

H.A.

HGLowe · Date: 2010-04-19 23:38 EST

Dear Post:

As you said, "After all, we're still here, aren't we?"

We were here before we had a governor, and I would argue as someone who has been here for over a decade, we managed well enough without one. Since the governorship has come into being, frankly I have seen very little in the way of change in Rhy'Din of the type brought about by a government, citywide or otherwise.

We citizens, for the most part, provide our own security, our own justice system and our own business regulation. A fine example of this was the recent invasion at the Shamrock Shindig — I did not see the Watch turn out. There was no Watch out there. Only us, and our willingness to defend our city and each other.

While I fully understand the desire for there to be a government entity in Rhy'Din, Mister Simon is incorrect as to whether his decisions have affected this city in any truly meaningful way. Government arises from civilization, and Rhy'Din is a mostly uncivilized realm. This is not necessarily a bad thing; individuals make or break private contracts, provide each other security or services and freely associate in a manner that works and has worked for years. Business and Nexus-travel brings new things into the realm, and it is a constantly shifting, chaotic place. Sometimes it's violent, sometimes it's not, but it is chaotic.

While I also understand Mister Simon's desire to take credit for somehow changing the face of it....he hasn't. Rhy'Din is what it is, and what it will always be, and the true decency and change can only come from the ground, and the individual. Not from the tower, or some relatively meaningless office. Regardless, good luck to the candidates; if the office pleases them, so be it.

But I thought it prudent point out that we would be here, governor or no.

Thank you.

-H.G. Lowe

BardGallant · Date: 2010-04-20 16:17 EST

Dear Mr. Fenner,

In your April 19th article, "The 2010 Gubernatorial Debate: An Evaluation," you ask the question concerning my proposed Health Awareness Program, "what exactly will go into these lists that Driscol is planning to publish?" Allow me a moment, if you will, to clear away the ridiculous misconception presented to you by Dr. Ergin-Falconne.

The notion that such a comprehensive database would include "personal information" is an absurd one, and I am baffled as to where Dr. Ergin-Falconne could have possibly imagined such a ludicrous idea. My proposed Health Awareness Program would only include such public information as necessary to allow the Rhy'Din populace to research specific medical care specialists in order to find one to meet both their physical and financial needs. This program is also not proposed to be mandatory, but purely voluntary. Only those doctors and healers who are seeking to improve their own businesses by advertising their existence need apply. If a medical care specialist such as Dr. Ergin-Falconne chooses not to involve herself in such a program, that is entirely her decision and, I dare say, her loss.

Understand that if I were to be elected governor, I would do nothing without the full support and consent of the majority of Rhy'Din's population. I agree completely with Deputy Executive Officer Aurene when he says that Rhy'Din has no rulers. Rhy'Din does not need a ruling body so much as it needs a positively influential voice of the people. Were my suggestion of registration to be accepted by the people, know that this too would not be mandatory. I have no plans of enforcing any laws in which the people are not in full majority support of themselves.

As I said at the debate, I will keep no secrets from the people. Should you like a full synopsis of my proposed Health Awareness Program, I would be more than happy to oblige. One need only ask. It is also my best advice to remind certain individuals that making assumptions about what one does not know results only in making one out to appear the fool.

Best regards,

Sheridan "Dris" Driscol Gubernational Candidate

Maranya Valkonan · Date: 2010-04-20 18:34 EST

Dear Mr. Fenner,

I wish to clear up a gross misinterpretation of the facts that has been put forth by Mr. Driscol in a recent letter to the Post.

Contrary to what Mr. Driscol has stated, I am not in opposition to a central registry for medical personnel of all types. On the contrary, I am highly in favor of such a registry.

What I am in opposition to is if the Registry compiles personal information on said personnel, and makes that publicly available.

As to where I got that "ludicrous idea", it was from the question that I was posed by a member of the Post staff, which was as follows:

"As a healthcare professional, what do you think of Sheridan Driscol's idea to compile the personal and professional information of healers into one particular source" Do you feel it will prove effective" Do you feel it is an invasion of privacy?"

And my published in the Post answer, with the most significant portion bolded and underlined, that Mr. Driscol skimmed over in his rush to misinterpret my words:

"Compiling the professional information on healers and other medical professionals into an easily accessible central directory is an idea that has been long overdue in its implementation, and I for one fully support it," said Ergin-Falconne. "However, compiling their personal information can be seen as an invasion of privacy, and I cannot in good conscience support that facet of the compilation effort. My personal lifestyle does not have any bearing on the quality of health care that I can provide."

Once again, I am in favor of compiling a central directory of available and qualified medical personnel. I would gladly include myself and other members of Riverview Clinic's staff in such a registry, should one come to be compiled.

Sincerely,

Maranya T. Ergin-Falconne Chief of Staff Riverview Clinic

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-05-02 13:43 EST

Published Announcements!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Alystrianna D'Vaustaival and Wolvinator

Alystrianna D?Vaustaival and Wolvinator engaged in marital union on May 1, 2010, during the Beltane festivities in the RhyDin Glen. The two were married by Colleen MacLeod after the lighting of the bonfire, and exactly two years after their engagement.

Alystrianna, daughter to Gerard D'Vaustaival and Lucretzia D'Vaustaival, was the May Queen of Beltane in 2009, and will be celebrating her one hundred sixty-fourth birthday on December 29. Wolvinator, son to Harrison Ahdee'khee and Kaitlyn Ahdee'khee, and Rear Admiral and Starfleet and Special Operations Manager, will celebrate his fifty-ninth birthday on the twelfth of May. Wolvinator was given the title of Green Man during the 2009 Beltane festivities.

The two currently make their home at the Wolvinator Estate in New Haven.

Both would like to thank all those who made Beltane possible, and individually, Lilliana McClae, Colleen MacLeod, and Another Shiny Knight.

RhyDin, my loves! This is why I love you! Pure, drink-induced impulsiveness! Alright, alright. Maybe this particular wedding wasn't that impulsive, but really! Is not Beltane the most interesting place to tie the knot' This union has loooong been in the works, it seems, so allow me to be the first of all of us to say...

It's about damn time!

That off my chest, I and the rest of us here at the Post offer our most heartfelt congratulations to the new couple. When the amazingly beautiful children start coming (start, being the operative term here. We fully expect at least five. We're taking bets) please, oh, pleaaaaase invite us to the shower!

Congratulations, you two!

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-05-03 02:13 EST

Article Responses!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Mr. Bane,

I would appreciate it if you would check your sources a little more carefully before making assumptions. I am not sure why you would feel the need to label me a 'moocher', but considering that I own and operate my own rather successful restaurant, I would ask that you retract your statement. As for the nature of my relationship with Riley O' Rourke, that is none of your business at all.

Thank you, Daniel Tej

Ducii · Date: 2010-05-14 17:06 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

I've been having these unbelievable, horrifying dreams about being bound by a minotaur and having jam licked off of me. It's horrible! I can't even stand the smell of strawberries anymore, it terrifies me! I'm scared to go to sleep at night! I don't want anymore snorts in my ears, or to feel horns against my skin. It's awful! I wake up in the morning covered in sweat and I swear it feels like I'm sticky from jam.

Do you have any suggestions on how I could possibly vanquish this devil and these horrid thoughts" I just want to sleep again! Please help me, and soon! I don't know if I can go another night without sleep!

-Bondage and Jam Dreamer

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-05-14 21:51 EST

Article Responses!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Bondage and Jam:

I really never thought in my whole life that I would ever use those two words in the same sentence. But hey, I'm young" ish. And I'm in RhyDin. I suppose there's always a first time for everything, right"

B" No. On second thought, I have decided not to abbreviate that name. Before you totally freak out and swear off beef and preserves for the rest of your life, take a deep breath! Dreams are not always what they seem, you know.

A lot of experts have said that sexual dreams are a means to compensate for inadequacies or what is lacking in real life. For instance, a young boy that has been controlled by his parents his whole life may suddenly morbidly dream about killing himself. This does not make him suicidal. Suicide is the ultimate example of self-control - of taking your life into your own hands and choosing what to do with it. So the fact that you're having the wild and kinky dreams could mean one of several things. It could mean that you are feeling the subconscious desire to be more adventurous in your life (or sex life. Who knows"). The fact that it deals with bondage could mean that you are feeling like you have too many options available to you regarding a particular subject, and you need some help really nailing down exactly what you should do, or need someone to at least push you in the right direction and tell you what to do.

Then again, you could really just have a passionate thing for minotaurs. I'm no psychiatrist.

First things first, I would go to a sleep center and consult a specialist. If you're going nuts over these things, people can help you at an anatomical level through certain drugs, sleep therapy, or even dream walking (if you're not averse to magic alternatives).

If all that doesn't work for you, I would sit myself down and reexamine my life! What do you think you're missing" Which part of your life is lacking" Your work life" Recreational life" Your love life? Maybe some part of your life needs to be paid more attention to!

That being said, your crazy, kinky dreams certainly demonstrate that you have a wiiiiild side, even in your subconscious. Just know that every now and then, it's O.K. to go a little nuts!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and throw out my jam selection. I don't think I'll ever look at it the same way again.

Kalinda Acheron · Date: 2010-05-17 17:48 EST

Dear Mr. Chris Reed, c.o. RhyDin Post:

Of course, I'd be happy to give you a personal autograph of your fabulous poster. As well, perhaps we could discuss the possibility of other poses and outfits for future depictions?

xoxoxo,

Kalinda Acheron

Scotty · Date: 2010-07-02 20:38 EST

Dear Emmet,

No, no dropping off the face of the planet. Work's been busy with the summer season, in both our jobs, which accounts for our recent absense. But thank you kindly for the wonderful writeup, and we're still both shocked and touched we're even newsworthy. It'll be a few years before I'm ready for children, but they're definitely somewhere down the road. Until then, we can dote on everyone else's.

Love, Scotty

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-07-07 16:52 EST

Help! RhyDin ITSELF is Driving me Nuts!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Bane!

We have got to talk about these fuzzy half-cat-people with their sex-crazed magical doohickeys. As if Rhydin weren't randy enough, now we have pheromone-flinging felines trying to wind us up and only further the insta-babies stereotype" I stepped into a ring with one the other day, and I swear to all things holy, I had completely forgotten I was dueling until he completely demolished me. Well of course people are going to lose if they're constantly thinking about you-know-what! Not that I'm a sore loser or anything, but all I'm saying is that Rhydin has enough problems without these Kirn making us live and breathe sex. Seriously!

Yours truly, Distracted Duelist

Dear D.D.:

Well I'm certainly glad you clarified the "fuzzy half-cat-people" part of your accusation, because I can't tell you how many fuzzy half-cat-people we have floating around RhyDin. Probably about as many insta-babies, as you call them.

Before I continue, let me point out that while you may not be a sore loser, everything is considered fair game once you step inside a dueling ring. RhyDin has a plethora of unique talents and levels of skill, and as of yet there is absolutely no way (or reason) to regulate what goes on inside the three sports. By agreeing to a duel with someone, you are automatically subjecting yourself to any of your opponent's talents - a sort of verbal contract, as it were. Thus, what happens on the Isle or Arena stays on the Isle or Arena. Catch my drift"

That aside, because I am such a good guy, I decided to investigate a few of your claims myself by catching up with one of these Kirn and asking him about his "pheromone flinging." But before you yell, I know what you're going to say. Emmet, you ridiculously handsome and charming hunk of deliciousness! You don't interview! What is this madness" Relax, RhyDin! I'm not interviewing. I leave that to my other perky-yet-heartless colleagues. In this case, I seek only to learn about these magical doohickeys and what?sm-boppers. So let's talk a little about them, shall we"

The 'doohickeys" you refer to, D.D., are actually part of a subdivision of magical experimentation called Blue Magic. Our boy Bru"l tells me that it can be considered the art of pleasure from an arcane approach. Now, like all things arcane (or all things in general), Blue Magic can be considered harmful if it is used improperly.

"But, when used as intended, it is as safe as absolutely possible," assured Bru"l.

Blue Magic undoubtedly has many practical uses, many of which revolve around simple relaxation techniques and even procreation assistance (as if we need any of that). But as you've pointed out, D.D., the obvious Blue Magic we have been seeing recently has been generally restricted to inside the dueling rings. The reason for this seems to be to maintain an air of discipline and to ensure the safety of its users and recipients.

"I always ask first ," said Bru"l. "It is only proper!"

Well there you have it, D.D. Unless a duelist explicitly agrees to having Blue Magic used on them, these folk are courteous enough not to use it.

"We, as Blue Mages, do nothing with our magic without permission," added Bru"l. "And further, we are always careful not to carry anything too far. It's part of our training!"

Thus, the pheromone flinging is purely optional. And while I've never tried it, so I can't exactly sanction the practice, I have heard that it's an' interesting experience. So there you go. Live dangerously.

Oh, and one more thing, D.D. RhyDin already lives and breathes sex. Where have you been"

Stay sassy!

Riley ORourke · Date: 2010-07-29 17:13 EST

Mr Fenner:

I have always found it fascinating the way that supposedly unbiased journalists can take a few random quotes covering a wide variety of subjects unrelated to each other and cobble them together into a piecemeal patchwork quilt of an article.

You have taken a rather comprehensive interview with me that covered a wide range of topics, pulled quotes completely at random and out of context, and moulded them into an instrument that allows the reader a little insight as to where, exactly, your opinion eclipses the neutrality to which the press is supposed to aspire.

In the interest of clarity and transparency, I urge you to post a transcript of our interview.

Riley O'Rourke Former Minister of Justice, City of Rhy'Din

Scotty · Date: 2010-08-02 19:57 EST

Written to the Post:

Dear Peter & Chris,

Thanks for the interest in one of our matches! We sorta have this Date Night thing where we go into the rings for practice and....wagers.

The reason I stay low-impact with all opponents (not just my husband) is because I promised him that I would. I really appreciate the vote of confidence, but right now, I'm still very much learning how to duel properly. Duelling with Harold for practice lets us explain the psychology of our moves to each other after each round, in-ring, and I'll have to admit that it's improved both of our skills — especially with an opponent that can predict you so well as a spouse can. Duelling with him forces me to take strategy into account and learn how to be less predictable and more canny in the rings.

I have duelled in Swords before with my fighting pike, though Shadow (my main sparring partner in Swords) has been missing. I might have to see if Harold's willing to try that next, or someone else willing to discuss the thoughts behind the moves and make it a proper learning experience without blood being shed.

Thanks again; we're both chuffed that we were worth watching!

-Scotty

Fiora Shantalaine · Date: 2010-08-05 00:58 EST

Hey Bad Boy Bane:

I'd like to thank ye for takin note of my workin ways. Without yer watchful eye I'd have never noticed how desperately I needed a little FUN in my life. In return for yer lookin out for me I'd like to wish upon ye the same amount of Fun I've had since yer observation. In fact, in my fondest dreams I imagine you on a vacation with that delightfully enjoyable Hazael Hay.

Fiora.

(The words "in hell" have quite obviously been scratched over and rewritten as "on a vacation")

This message is linked to the thread: Workin Woman Blues

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2010-08-08 19:34 EST

Dear Editor,

I'm writing in regard to the recent Sixteen Questions article by Ms. Paige Connelly. Ms. Connelly is not in error in any fashion. However, I take my responsibility as Justice of the Peace quite seriously. I would like to point out that the principle parties in her most recent article are apparently misinformed as to the current state of their marital status.

On file at the Rhydin Courthouse are two marriage certificates for the January 2010 ceremony where I officiated. There is one for Maranya Valkonan and Alper Ergin II and a second for Maranya Valkonan and Antonio Falconne. By definition, that is a polyandrous marriage; one woman with multiple husbands. To be a line marriage in the strictest sense, Misters Ergin and Falconne would also need to be married to each other. I wish to go on public record as having not previously officiated for the men. However, any time they wish to say their vows to each other, they are free to contact me.

Colleen MacLeod

Dear Mr. Bane,

Please allow me to respond to Anonymous Mortal Retribution.

C. MacLeod

Dear Anonymous Mortal Retribution,

Given the content of your letter, did you mean to sign it Moral and not Mortal" Really, not even brave enough to sign your own name" This is cowardice at its finest. It is people like you with narrow minded attitudes that are a bad influence on the youth of Rhydin and anywhere else for that matter. You make plenty of assumptions and have zero proof of them regarding the family in question. Is it possible that you were exposed to the behavior you accuse them of? If that is the case, I pity you.

You speak of things unholy and apparently have not read religious texts that allow for more than one spouse. Generally it is a man that is allowed to take more than one wife. Is that your real problem here" That Rhydin, unlike some places, accepts both the masculine and feminine aspect of things?

I officiated at the wedding currently being questioned in your scathing letter. Therefore, you have also called my morals and beliefs into question as well as those of the Ergin-Falconne family. I invite you to meet me in the Red Dragon or other public venue and say those things to my face. Coward that you are, you are not likely to rise to that challenge.

Any children born into that union of four will be given some things that you apparently were not. They will be given a well rounded view of the world, plenty of love, and a large extended family to welcome them.

HG Colleen MacLeod of Navarra

Gwen Minx · Date: 2010-08-18 09:01 EST

Dear Editor,

Regarding your list of books, specifically "The Little Book of Humility" by the Minx Sisters" I must protest! The Minx sisters" Why do you not love me" WHY!" Katt and Trist are, admittedly, cute and wonderful but why no love for me"

I am crushed.

Gwen Minx The left out cousin

Mindy McKnight · Date: 2010-09-05 16:19 EST

Dear Post,

My name is Mindy Wilson, owner of Tranquility Bookshops and galleries, located in the Zen Garden's building and our new location in the marketplace. I'd like to respond to your article on magical items today. Recently we started a new promotion "Expand your Vocabulary, Expand your World." For the past thirteen weeks we have been giving away free dictionaries like they were candy. You'd be amazed at the numbers of pixies, gnome, house sprites and puca who want to broaden their education. We've even had a hobgoblin or two and one very befuddled troll stop by.

Perhaps this is where the dictionaries came from?

Johnny Smith · Date: 2010-09-19 19:14 EST

Dear Post,

I'd like to warn all of your readers about the dangers of the "emo" crowd of teens roaming the streets. They have no respect for personal space and will ruthlessly re-clothe you against your will (using grease if necessary). If you're allergic to glitter, neon or temporary hair-dye, be extra careful and watch out!

And no. I do not plan to make skinny jeans a permanent part of my wardrobe.

- Johnny Smith

Scotty · Date: 2010-10-18 07:32 EST

Dear Emmet,

I'm sorry we didn't make the ball. I was looking forward to it myself, but something came up and we weren't able to attend. Still, Harold was with me Thursday night and I made it Friday as well, so I've done better than I could have hoped. The past summer has been busy, mostly with work.

I promise, though, that next time a ball comes up, I'll bring my perfect husband out and tear up the dance floor. And if you like, I'll save a dance for you, too.

Sincerely, Scotty

Harold Lee · Date: 2010-10-19 00:12 EST

Dear Emmet,

Wait for Christmas. My husband was a mistletoe ninja last year.

Thanks for missing us.

-Harold Lee

Mataya · Date: 2010-10-19 08:44 EST

Delivered by hand, in person.

Miss Amelia Enderwood,

The Shanachie Theatre would like to make it clear that they do not employ anyone with the nickname 'The Gun'. From extensive enquiries, it would appear that Mr Gashe Ettorio's nickname is, in fact, 'Pookie-Bear', according to his mother (Edna Ettorio, 64).

Charles N'Bayu Manager

Enclosed are complimentary tickets to both the opening night Dance Showcase, and Fame, with an invitation to review if the Post dares.

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2010-11-03 16:13 EST

Printed in the Personal Ads:

Will the party responsible for delivering flowers and other gifts to Colleen MacLeod since the First of October please send a message to her in care of The Post or leave word at the Red Dragon Inn?

Renfield Turnbull · Date: 2010-11-14 14:22 EST

Dear Emmet,

Thank you for your kind comments. Our 'story' is indeed an interesting one; perhaps if you befriend us you may hear it sometime.

I am writing to mention that I prefer being called 'Renfield' by most people. 'Ren' belongs to Ray.

Thank you kindly.

Best Regards,

Constable Turnbull

Scotty · Date: 2010-11-17 10:22 EST

Dear Ashley,

You have really good taste in music. I've added that song to my PADD's playlist and have been rockin' to it. Has a great beat, and I'm looking up what else they've put out. Two thumbs up!

Love, Scotty

Scotty · Date: 2010-12-04 21:46 EST

Dear Emmet,

You're absolutely right, that woman deserves the top spot. Eless has been a brilliant mentor, and has taught Harold and I a lot about how to handle the bar. So, great work on a great list!

<3 Scotty

BardGallant · Date: 2010-12-08 17:32 EST

Dear Ms. Weatherl,

Yes. I am. Yes. I do. Yes. You're right. And yes. I do.

I also demand a reprint!

Regards,

S. Driscol

Scotty · Date: 2010-12-08 19:22 EST

Dear Post,

Dare. Always dare.

Love, Scotty

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2010-12-10 15:51 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

It's been over a month. If you were in one of the pools, you lost your bet. However, my son-in-law, Stephen Kidd, is running one regarding when Dr. Valkonan will give birth. You might be able to recoup your losses.

Sincerely,

Colleen MacLeod

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-12-21 01:11 EST

Article Responses!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane Dear Mr. Bane,

In response to your question in the Winterval Wrap Up article, the pants are from American Eagle, and cost $40.

David Lo

MAN this guy's blinders are thick! Must be why Riley is all a-twitter with love for him. They must come in awful handy when it comes to paying your S.O. some mind! (Or whatever it is you kids are calling it these days.) Thanks for the reply, ex-constable Hotstuff! And keep hanging onto him and those nice pants, Riley!

Scotty · Date: 2010-12-21 10:47 EST

Dear Emmet,

Sorry,! My husband procured a whole lot of mistletoe for me to go and hang all over Rhy'Din, and I was planning on it, but it was stolen! I don't know who the dire thief is, but given how much of it there was, I'm guessing that whoever did it really loves being kissed. Well, all the power to them, I suppose.

-Scotty

Chryrie · Date: 2010-12-21 16:01 EST

Dearest Mr. Bane,

If you really wish to know, you must ask me in person.

Sincerely,

Dr. Chryrie Nightstar

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-12-27 14:58 EST

Published Announcements!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Maranya Ergin-Falconne, Alper Ergin the Second and Antonio Falconne are proud to announce the arrivals of Ayden Levent Ergin, who was born on December 26th, 2010 at 11:47pm RST, and Andrew Hunter Falconne, who was born on December 27th, 2010 at 12:10am RST. Both boys were delivered at Riverview Clinic. Ayden is 6lbs, 2oz, and 16.5 inches, and Andrew is 5lbs, 8oz, and 17.25 inches.

Mother, fathers and sons are all doing fine.

Well, well, well! Looks like we no longer have Triple A, folksies. We have QUINTUPLE A. Wowee, what a mouthful. Well, I suppose that's better than Quadruple A plus some random letter. Can you imagine if they named one of their kids, I don't know, Gary' How the heck would I be able to make a nickname out of that' "Well, RhyDin, it turns out GAAAA is doing juuuust fine!"

GAAAA...

Dang it, Triple A! What's wrong with Gary?!

All joshing aside, I'm sure everyone will join us in saying congratulations, we wish all of you the best of health and happiness, and....

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Rekah Illyriana · Date: 2010-12-27 23:55 EST

Dear Post People,

Did you know that I really enjoy movies"

Can I write movie reviews for you? I could add glitter and use pretty pink pens.

Thanks bunches,(but, not like bunches of grapes which would be messy)!

XoXo, Rekah

Scotty · Date: 2010-12-28 18:23 EST

Dear Rhy'Din Post,

Drive him or her wild with a collection of erotic toys from Scotty's Sporran, the newest erotic store in Rhy'Din! Bring this letter and get 10% off of your order.

...just kidding. Mostly.

Love, Scotty

P.S. - You forgot to mention that the Man Most Likely to End Up Covered in Maple Syrup is Renfield Turnbull.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2010-12-28 18:42 EST

Article Responses!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Scotty:

Know this from experience, do we?

Dear Rekah:

Rekah my love, I will hold a potato gun to my editor's head until he lets me publish absolutely everything you send us.

Editor's Note: The RhyDin Post does not condone coercion, nor does it approve of arms violence. All writers expressing interest in a position at the RhyDin Post are encouraged to apply.

Scotty · Date: 2010-12-28 18:49 EST

Emmet:

Not yet.

Yet being the operative word.

<3 Scotty

Renfield Turnbull · Date: 2010-12-28 18:51 EST

Emmet & Scotty,

It seems rather sticky, in theory. I am in for the evening if you care to test the reality.

The latter sentence being addressed to Scotty only, naturally. No offense intended.

Renfield

Sylus Kurgen · Date: 2010-12-30 04:36 EST

" Dear Emmet Bane,

Not entirely sure if that is a duels reference or some slang I have failed to keep up with but what the hell does..

...The Fifty-Fifty....

mean?

Kitty Helston · Date: 2010-12-30 18:29 EST

To Whom May be the idiot who can't figure out what my name is.

My name is Kitty O *period* Helston. Not Kitty O *apostrophe*....

The O stands for my birth name of Onyxfire. Please make a note of this somewhere and pass it around. Hate to break it to you, but there are no Irish moredhel.

Fourteen fricken years and people still get it wrong. Seriously.

Kitty O. Helston see what I did there?

Audrey Horne · Date: 2010-12-31 02:55 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

Am I really that easy to impress? I mean sure, maybe I almost passed out when I first saw Icer and maybe I was a little bit too enthusiastic when I met Santa.

.......

Nevermind, after further reflection I've decided that I'll own that.

Carry on!

-Audrey

Harold Lee · Date: 2011-01-02 16:33 EST

Dear Post,

Just writing to express my congratulations for Mr. Fenner and Colleen following the announcement in your paper. Marriage was the best thing I ever did in my life, it brings a big goofy smile to my face to hear you guys got hitched.

My husband and I wish them all the best.

Harold Lee

Darien Fenner · Date: 2011-01-15 19:08 EST

Personal Ads

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/Newjournalist-1.png Junior Columnist: Maisha Otieno

Hi. My name is Orchid Jones and I was wondering if you could possibly post something to let people know that I'm missing my scooter? I'm offering a reward of 5,000 gold to anyone that has any information on its whereabouts.

It was last seen on the tenth of January and before it ran off, it was sputtering and missing a back wheel. It's yellow with a blue bandanna wrapped around the seat. It knows English, Mandarin and Portuguese. Its name is Chip, but it may be going under the name of Julio. It was last seen being ridden through West End by a brunette, who he may or may not be holding hostage.

Any help would me much appreciated, Mr. Postman!

Sincerely,

Orchid.

Fiora Shantalaine · Date: 2011-01-19 14:10 EST

Dear Post!

I LOVE YE! I WANT TO HAVE LITTLE POST IT NOTE BABIES! Ahhh! The Ad is Sooooo Supremely Fantastical, I think I might like it better than Sandwiches!! I totally forgive ye for Bane! Never again will I use the papers of the Post for any dirty work, oh no no no!

Yer newest Fanatic!

Fiora

Uhh · Date: 2011-01-24 03:23 EST

Dear Post

That whole article thingamibob on Grangitis really made me sorta antsy. It was good and all, but now I'm worried that the kid currently freeloadin' in my baby box might have it. I'm pretty sure that the guy I was tumblin' with wasn't a Granger, but now you got me all paranoid. Is there any tests available to make sure?

Keep on keepin' on!

-Cuyler Quinn

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-02-14 13:15 EST

Dear Harold,

Thank you kindly for the good wishes. Here's to unending honeymoons and a Happy Valentine's Day to you and your husband.

Colleen ————————————————————————— ——————-

Dear Emmy,

Tass is one of the grandest men to ever grace Rhydin. By the way, I still have the pictures of you stunned into silence when Tass kissed you. I'm sure that you not speaking was a rare moment indeed! I'm still considering sending them over to Franco for publication!

As for being ignored, au contraire, It Man. Your spying cohorts apparently missed that we left a bit early. Who knows, maybe we have plans of increasing Rhydin's population with stunning aquamarine eyed redheads.

Really, Emmy, I think you're just perturbed that by eloping we cheated you out of a party to write about from the inside as a guest.

Colleen MacLeod-Fenner

Riley ORourke · Date: 2011-02-14 13:59 EST

Bane:

The Packers? Really' I believe a retraction is in the works.

Also, I kind of like Ri-Lo. But Mrs-Ex-Constable-Hotstuff is where it's at.

Sincerely, Mrs David Lo (OMGIGOTMARRIEDSQUEEEEE!)

Mataru Frondaya · Date: 2011-02-20 19:47 EST

Sent by express courier from the Shambles Clinic, shortly after the latest release of the Post.

Press release from the offices of Mataru Frondaya, Director of the Shambles Clinic.

As a Director of one of the several hospitals and care-giving facilities in the greater Rhy'Din area, I would hasten to assure the public at large that examples such as the StreamVista Hospital are few and far between. I understand that satire is all well and good, but given the suggestibility of certain sections of the populace, it is felt that articles of this nature are damaging to the Healthcare profession as a whole.

The envelope also contains a small, sealed letter for one Ashley Weatherl.

Darien Fenner · Date: 2011-02-25 00:12 EST

Letters to the Gossip Column!

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

Dear Emmet,

I read in Franco's blog that you all hate each other at the Post. Is this true" I can't imagine anyone hating anyone over there! Well, except for maybe like one.

Sincerely, Concerned Consumer

Dear Concerned,

First things first: We do not use the "F" word in this house, children. Not unless it's associated with another equally-offensive "f" word.

....I meant foolish. Good lord, people. Clean your minds up!

But on to your concern! My dear RhyDin, no one is as full of love as I am for all of you out there (Kisses Cally! Eless!). But it's important to note that in real publications that do real work, there are creative differences. Sometimes that's a little bit of an understatement, and yes, sometimes we get into screaming matches over Badsider versus Silver Mark or the Troupe versus Shanachie. But it's from those creative differences that we spawn new ideas.

Well....they spawn new ideas. I, for one, am always right.

Where was I" Oh yes, creative differences. All I'm saying is that it's perfectly fine to fight with people, because that's what makes an individual an individual. Uniqueness is the one thing that RhyDin has going for it besides indoor plumbing, and without disagreements I would definitely be out of a job. Do we all hate each other? Of course not. But I guarantee you that until people begin lacing our office coffee with Prozac we're always going to be arguing about what kind of font to use, whether this or that is newsworthy, or whether showing up to a pajama party in just a man's shirt is quite possibly the SLUTTIEST THING EVER. That's what competitive journalism is all about! We have just as much a right to write argumentatively as you do to read anything else you want in RhyDin. And thus, it makes it all the more special that you choose to read us anyway.

Good god, I'm actually starting to sound mature. At the risk of turning into my father, let me then conclude this with the following:

BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES!

Stay sassy!

Carefully Tailored · Date: 2011-02-25 05:11 EST

The letter arrives in a rich, creamy white envelope affixed with elegant scroll work in the paper itself. It is sealed archaically and perfectly with the perfect splash of vivid red wax and a seal depicting a wine glass and grapes. Mister Bane's name is scrolled in midnight ink on one side in a hand that could be called nothing less than precise, strict, controlled and as elegant as the paper the ink sunk into. The paper inside is a treat to behold; hand pressed and as thick as its wrapping.

Mister Bane,

My sincere apologies at the belated nature of my letter, but I trust it finds you in good health.

I wished to thank you for your notice and inclusion within your column regarding the business Gala and perhaps assist you in enlightenment as to whom the charming, elegant lady was that accompanied me: it was the lovely Miss. Lenuta Fătu.

Graciously, J. Marx

Harold Lee · Date: 2011-03-03 15:49 EST

Dear Post,

I'm writing just to declare that today, March 3rd, my husband Scotty is twenty perfect years old. I hope Rhy'din will join me in celebrating the birth of the most gorgeous, generous, wonderful man that ever lived.

Well. Have your own celebrations. Mine's a private party.

Lecherously his,

Harold Lee

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-03-08 15:47 EST

Dear Miss Connelly,

I enjoyed your "Sixteen Questions With Rand al'Tan" article.

Colleen MacLeod-Fenner

Scotty · Date: 2011-03-09 13:07 EST

Dear Post:

Today, Harold Lee and I have been married one year.

...

I still can't get over how bloody wonderful that is.

Love, Scotty Lee

HGLowe · Date: 2011-03-16 20:20 EST

To: The Rhy'Din Post, Re: Elections

Rhy'Din cannot be governed. It remains, to this day, a realm of anarchy. It was a realm of anarchy long before Kitty became governor, and it will be a realm of anarchy long after the illusion of government drops away. Mister Fenner: It seems as though you feel this is somehow a bad thing.

The Watch has never been able to prevent crime. The city does not offer much in the way of services. The courts have not been something to take seriously in many, many years; even then, however, what loose approximation of legal justice existed was just that: Loose. I should know. I worked for them.

Some people want government. Most don't. Those who do should form their own community within the city, perhaps in a neighborhood, and build a government on a scale that will work for them. Attempting to impose it upon those who do not want it, however, will simply never work. It hasn't yet.

Rhy'Din takes care of itself. We form business associations. Allies. Friends. Families. That is the true heart of this city, and much of it is centered in the Red Dragon. That is the heart of our governing process — words spoken in companionship amongst friends. Not in hallowed halls, impersonal and austere and useless.

From anarchy it was born; in anarchy it thrives. Rhy'Din can take care of itself.

Thank you.

Harold Lowe

Atalanta · Date: 2011-03-20 00:42 EST

G'day, Posties!

I just wanted to personally thank you all for stopping by and spending a little bit of Saint P'draig's with us! We were real glad to have the new blood and all the extra business. Hopefully, we can expect at least a couple of you back in the future"Fish and Chips Friday would be a whole lot more fun with the It Man about.

As a token of our appreciation for the free press, please enjoy the basket of booze and snacks. There shouldn't be a problem with having this around the office, right"

Sl"inte!

"Lanta Trenoweth and the Silver Mark staff

] http://foodcouponcodes.com/images/basket/beer_gift_baskets.jpg

Jonathan Hawk · Date: 2011-04-10 10:09 EST

Emmet,

Stop sending vibes to Rook and Arlin. I can't get her to do any work because she's too busy exploring Arlinland. The cameras I set up in the Star End bar, and not in her room, nope not a one there, should give you enough proof that Rook gets handsy, legsy....*everythingsy* when she thinks she's alone with him.

Tired of doing all the reports, Definitely not Hawk

Reminder to Rook: Murder is illegal in this town and you shouldn't do it.

Mack · Date: 2011-04-13 18:46 EST

Dear Bane,

Eddie's a f**king douchebag. Wanna go out sometime?

-Mack

Kalinda Acheron · Date: 2011-04-13 19:12 EST

Dear Chris,

All Danny had to do was find me and ask.

Danny' Room fifteen. I'll be waiting.

Mataru Frondaya · Date: 2011-04-14 08:13 EST

A note included in a delivery sent to Ashley Weatherl's desk.

Winter has been in my heart since last we spoke. Call me. Mataru.

((Links with When Patience Gives Way.))

Rhiannon D Harker · Date: 2011-06-19 00:22 EST

Dear Peter,

Many thanks for your congratulations!

I do enjoy viewing your recaps of the sporting events. It was a pleasure to see you and your colleague in person when Papa Tass defended his Opal.

Best Wishes,

Rhiannon Harker Baroness of Old Temple

————————

Dear Chris,

I invite you to come out and join me in the ring sometime. Once a duelist, always a duelist. It'd be a good time for you to put those rumors to rest about your dueling skills or lack there of.

As I told Peter, it was enjoyable seeing you and Peter when Papa Tass defended his Opal. However, my daughter, Maggie, was a bit miffed that you apparently don't like children! Seems she expected someone with your unique personality to be the sort to swing from tree to tree like Tarzan.

Rhiannon Harker Baroness of Old Temple

Darien Fenner · Date: 2011-06-30 13:15 EST

Ms Michaels,

In regards to your list of eighty things you've learned from RhyDin, I have to disagree with number 10. That being said, number 55 is 100% accurate.

Sincerely,

David Lo

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-06-30 17:39 EST

Mr. Talvitie,

Since you are so well versed in the history of the Duel of Swords and the Team Dueling League, you can, perhaps, tell me how old Baroness Harker was for the bulk of her TDL career?

C. C. MacLeod-Fenner

Britania Grey · Date: 2011-07-01 12:15 EST

Collie,

Mr. Talvitie is only well versed in spewing non-relevant facts, why would he take anything pertinent into consideration' He mentions losses I had a *decade* ago. There is no mention of winning my squire title under Rand, nor the fact I won a Baron's ring while being a squire, nor my defeating Deathlord and Evan to defend Aya when she was Overlord. All recent events that would be relevant to any thing I do now, and not a *DECADE* ago.

To the Editor-in-Chief,

Honestly, I must say that I am disappointed that the Post would publish anything from this guy who is underwhelming in every manner imaginable. What type of sports reporter uses records that are a decade old? Your paper is better than that, and I sincerely hope you drop the dead weight before you lose faithful readers.

~Ellisa Morgan

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-07-03 20:36 EST

Emmet,

Really, now, It-Man, have you ever tried hiding something of that nature from an empath, especially one as gifted as Eless? She was bursting at the seams to know what we were keeping under wraps. Since she seemed disappointed by the sumo wrestling answer, the truth was the best option.

Colleen

P. S. Brownies and other treats will be sent to The Post forthwith to celebrate.

Elessaria · Date: 2011-07-03 21:53 EST

Dearest Emmet,

Thank you for your congratulations on my engagement to Luke. You're such a sweetheart, so don't worry about not getting an invitation. Somehow I think I would be lynched if we eloped. That said, however, do not fret over The Fenners stealing any "thunder" from me. There is oft too much sadness and depressing news in RhyDin that there is plenty of room for all good news to be shared. (Not to mention 'tis rather difficult to have aught get past me.)

Fondly, ~Eless

Ebon Ilnaren · Date: 2011-07-03 22:48 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

Alas, there's no great mystery to my romantic life; I've been very happily married for several years, and we recently celebrated our 11th anniversary, less than two weeks ago. As for why I'm so often coming to the Inn alone, well, we've many children at home—two of our own, plus several fosterlings—and we don't like to leave them unattended too often, so we generally take turns. My nights out tend to bring me to the Inn because, as you say, I've garnered quite a number of friends over the years.

As for the staring contest, I most certainly won that. No lies.

Sincerely, - Ebon Ilnaren

G · Date: 2011-07-06 12:16 EST

Dear Editors,

Is it common to write articles using a persons accents? It was rather difficult to understand most of what Mister Fenner was saying. To a point where I just tossed it away.

It could be this is just the first time I noticed it, I only generally read the sports sections, but thought it'd be interesting to get some insight into Mr. Fenner. It was a shame I couldn't understand what I was reading.

I would suggest writing the words properly. After all, accents do not translate well into print.

Thanks! G.

Riley ORourke · Date: 2011-07-06 13:55 EST

Fenner,

In response to a quote from your most recent self-aggrandising load of rubbish:

"...I'm a big fan of the hockey leagues - Spacers and Nian's, definitely, though between you an' me th'latt'a could work on their offense..."

I cordially invite you to put your money where your mouth is and come try out for our offensive line. With the new management and ownership of the New Haven Nians, we've cleared the rosters and have plenty of room for armchair forwards to become actual forwards. Let's see if you've got game.

Hugs & Kisses - Riley Lo Owner, New Haven Nians Hockey

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-07-06 16:27 EST

Dear Ms. Dawson,

Thank for your congratulations on the impending arrival to our household!

Had our wedding been a publicity stunt, as some of the staff still believes, it would likely have been a huge splashy affair in the Great Hall or other building large enough to accommodate a few hundred people. Instead, we did what lovers have done for ages, eloped, and kept our wedding our own.

A man need not declare his love for a woman to the world, he needs to tell only her.

Colleen Fenner

Elessaria · Date: 2011-07-07 15:23 EST

Elessaria was never one to welch on a bet. Not that she really made a habit of making wagers — at least not until she was under both Kal and Luke's influence. Her winning streak in the weekend games of Black Jack came to an abrupt halt at the same time Luke's took a turn for the better. And house rules were that the Three Time House Champion (in a row) not only got full bragging rights along with whatever individual bets won, but their success had to be published in The Post as well. So with the enlisted aid of Lirssa and Ginny, the petite empath composed a letter to the paper and included one of those technological wonders: a photograph.

In her elegant, flowing script she wrote on a thick piece of parchment:

To Whom It May Concern,

I hereby doth declare Man-monster Luke as the reigning House Champion in Black Jack. With three straight weekly wins, he hath all bragging rights available to him and shall enjoy all the benefits accorded with such title. He also doth get to enjoy all the smaller wagers when he doth wish.

.....At least until his title his usurped.

With utmost sincerity,

~Eless

As an after thought, she penned: I am nay sure if this should be published as a letter or in thy classifieds. Please feel free to publish it where it should best fit and send me any bill. Thank thee. ~E.

She folded the paper and placed the photograph inside, then sealed the letter with wax and her personal crest.

The photo: http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/33683600/id/IiLuNMyo4BG3a8U9Id3w_w/size/x.jpg

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2011-09-20 00:57 EST

Mr. Bane,

Jealousy doesn't become you at all. I think you wish we were all eying you up. Will we get our chance on October 8th'

R. Brock

With Wicked Intent · Date: 2011-09-20 01:13 EST

Dear Emmet 'The Un-Man' Bane,

Don't hate.

Sincerely,

Jacen Balthazar

Scotty · Date: 2011-10-04 04:36 EST

Dear Emmet,

We're still alive, love. Just busy with work, wrapping up the shipping season and spending a lot of time wrapped up in each other — take as you will! — but no fears, we're still here.

Love, Scotty

X Jack X · Date: 2011-10-09 23:00 EST

Dear Mr. Fenner,

I like your stories. Specially the ones about me in West End. Things are about to heat up, or cool down, here in the city depending on who is who. I look forward to reading your stories in the paper.

I look forward to the day I read about you in the Obits'.

Your Fan,

~Jack

Seirichi · Date: 2011-10-10 01:09 EST

Dear guy that I danced with at that cupcake rave and also talked about condom t-shirt, or I think that was you who wrote that column I sort of lost it

You're cute.

Best Wishes and sh*t, Seirichi

PS. Corea says Hi. PPS. I also attached a picture of a turtle to this. If you don't understand the joke then it sucks to be you. PPPS. L O L as the cool kids club says for implying that Dyarhk is in a romantic relationship with Rachael. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time I almost pis*ed myself. I'll be sure to whisper it in his ear the next time Coreas playing cowgirl in his lap.

http://img703.imageshack.us/img703/3981/turtlesh.png

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-10-16 18:20 EST

Dear Rekah,

More reviews, please!

Collie

P.S. How's your scaly pal?

Rhiannon D Harker · Date: 2011-11-20 21:24 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

Apparently your sources missed my daughter living up to her heritage by telling Dharyk that he had no right to be touching her bottom. I must admit that he seemed shocked by her declaration. Rest assured that had the behavior continued after Maggie's objection, my husband and I would have stepped up with more than the words we exchanged with him. However, the littlest duelist - while not yet in the standings - has proven that she is capable of speaking up for herself.

Rhiannon Harker

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2011-11-21 06:03 EST

It Man,

I wouldn't be surprised if that casino in Old Temple is picketed like Proposition 37 was a while back. Really, why would anyone do what amounts to putting a slice of Monte Carlo or Vegas in the middle of Jerusalem or Vatican City' Then again few things in Rhydin phase me anymore.

Alas, Emmet, I have never had a beau to raise Papa Tass's ire. The discussion in question was regarding a misunderstanding. No man is crazy enough date me or the other single women in my family. Oh, wait, you work with the guy that calls me Tinkerbelle, don't you? He snagged up one that used to be single.

I hear you're on the ballot for Winterfest King. If you win, I'm claiming the second dance.

Rhiannon Brock

Risa Jones · Date: 2011-11-21 08:44 EST

To Mr. Bane, Darien and the staff at the Post responsible for the current article featuring Winterfest,

ZOMG THANK YOU THAT IS SO AWESOME!

Love, Risa.

Riley ORourke · Date: 2011-11-21 13:22 EST

To the Naysayers of the Imperial Grand Rhy'Din Hotel and Casino —

There is such a ridiculous amount of squabbling over whether or not there should be a casino in the Old Temple District that it makes me think none of you have ever been by the building to actually look at it. From the exterior, one could not possibly guess that there is a casino inside that gorgeous building. There is no exterior signage, no gaudy flashing lights a la the Vegas Strip, nothing to upset the beautiful aesthetic and delicate balance of the District. Even once one steps inside and looks around at the elegant marble-floored lobby with its sweeping crimson-carpeted grand staircase, one would be hard-pressed to locate the Casino everyone seems so fixated upon. The mouth-watering aromas coming from the Temple Restaurant and the ecstatic, blissfully relaxed expressions of the people exiting the Tranquility Day Spa are far more overwhelming than the Casino.

But then, I wouldn't expect the denizens of a city where the highest form of entertainment up until a few years ago was that of grown men and women bashing each other with blunt objects to understand class, taste, or elegance.

Sincerely —

Riley Lo Co-Owner, The Imperial Grand Rhy'Din Hotel and Casino

Nayun Takamine · Date: 2011-11-21 13:43 EST

The Baroness of Old Temple supports the Imperial Grand Rhy'Din Hotel and Casino It provides not only comfort but employment opportunities to the Rhy'Din people

That is all

- Nayun

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2011-11-21 16:43 EST

Riley,

Who's squabbling? People are entitled to their opinion, whether or not they agree with yours or mine. Look at this way, for or against, the place hasn't gone unnoticed.

Perhaps, a benefit for the churches, houses of healing, Rhydin Orphanage or any of the number of other charitable organizations that have been in the Old Temple district for years is in order. The good PR isn't likely to hurt your cause.

Day spa sounds like a good idea, but it'll have to wait until February or so.

Colleen

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2011-11-27 19:13 EST

Mrs. Lo,

One dissenting opinion published in a newspaper does not a squabble make.

As the former Squire of the Old Temple District, I have seen that lovely old building and the improvements that have been made to it. While the lights might not be flashing, they still light up the place like a Christmas tree. Nothing wrong with that. However, I do find it in questionable taste to place it right smack next to a church.

Clearly you have not done enough research on my birthplace, i.e. your adopted home. We have had movie theaters, opera houses and theaters where plays and ballets have been put on for many many years. The Lady Luck Casino on a riverboat has existed for some time. There are several libraries including one in the upper level of the Red Dragon Inn. Just because there's no you are here sign on a map doesn't mean someone isn't standing at a specific place. Frankly, it annoys me to no end when people come to Rhydin from far and wide and act like they invented entertaining the rest of us.

Your own ancestors, Mrs. Lo, believed in ritual suicide, a barbaric custom, and you think Rhydinians are uncultured?

You should take your own advice and not knock things until you've tried them. If dueling is good enough for one of the classiest, well respected, and well cultured women in Rhydin, namely Koyliak VanDuran-Simon, then it ought to be just fine for you, too. I might add that Mrs. Simon held a title in the Duel of Fists for almost three years.

Rhiannon Brock Twenty-sixth Talon of Redwin Former Squire to the Barony of Old Temple Current Holder of the Ring of Klytus

Audrey Horne · Date: 2011-11-28 01:31 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

I just have to say that the technicolor turkey didn't taste half bad with a little bit of garlic and chives. You and the rest of the Post people are welcome to the leftovers.

Love always,

Audrey

Lelah · Date: 2011-12-13 00:15 EST

Dear Matt Dawson,

Regarding your review of my film, I have only one thing to say to you:

Those who can, do. Those who can't, criticize.

Hugs and Kisses, Lelah Rivka xoxo

Edward Batten · Date: 2011-12-14 14:47 EST

Mister Dawson,

Regarding your suggestion for this Battenator movie: do you have a script idea? I of course would like Mr. Granger to play myself, if you do, after viewing his performance in Crowes. You are free of course to contact me through my production company with your ideas.

Regards,

Ed

Kruger · Date: 2011-12-20 20:31 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

I feel it my unmitigated duty to inform the press immediately of the plot that the goverment has thrust upon the people of RhyDin.

I am sure that you have heard of the mass transport of loyal and upstanding RhyDin denizens on the night of the closing of Winterfest. I know that I didn't exactly see the men in black, but did they really think we wouldn't notice a portal so large as to cover the entire glenn"

I for one shall not be fooled, nor will I remain silent. What did they want' Was there some expirament that we were not meant to see happening at that exact moment in time" Who is responsible?

Most of us seemed to make it back with no outwardly noticeable injuries, but this brings me to my next question. Are we certain that everyone who returned is the person who left' There was a strange fellow in the area when we all came back saying something odd about clones.

I hope this convinces everyone that greater attention needs to be paid to your friends and neighbors.

Yours in enlightenment,

I always feel like somebody's watching me

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2011-12-24 03:33 EST

Dear Bane,

Thanks for the mention.

There are at least two Rhiannons running about town. However, the one I'm sometimes mistaken for is my sister, Rhiannon Harker. The only explanation I have to offer to you for that is ....Welcome to Rhydin where what?s strange in other places is normal.

Rhiannon Brock

————————————— Dear Papa,

Please don't eat Bane!

Love,

Rhi —————————————————- Dear Issy,

I did not send Bane the pictures I took of you in a dress! I will be happy to help ferret out the culprit.

Rhi

Ebon Ilnaren · Date: 2011-12-25 00:42 EST

Dear Ms. Michaels,

I was pleasantly surprised to find myself on the list for this year, and thank you for your comments on behalf of family men everywhere.

Congratulations to all the other men on the list, as well as the ladies on the accompanying list!

Ebon Ilnaren

Delahada · Date: 2011-12-26 19:12 EST

dear post

please stop giving sin a complex

thanks

———————————————————- (there is no signature)

Artsblood · Date: 2011-12-30 23:07 EST

When treasure hunters braved the desert sands, Their rich antiquities to steal away, Scuttling scorpions oft slowed their hands And bejeweled sand snakes served to stay Their theft of treasures. Thus nature, rude, Was set in solemn history's defense. And modern lusts, and appetites lewd Were barred access to history's innocence. So I approach you with a careful step My feet respectful of each shifting grain And wield neither the pickax of my debt Nor shovels of our shared pleasure and pain. My goal so golden bids me travel slow The jewels which you withhold from me to know.

Apple · Date: 2011-12-31 08:43 EST

Cute? No way! That's like totally defamation. I'm going to sue you, this paper, and your dog if you got one! The only way out of it is to take me out on a date. Or plug Saturday Duel of Swords so more people come by. Hint, hint. I'm winking right now but you can't see it through words. Go ahead and imagine it. <3

~ Apple

Tenacity Casely · Date: 2011-12-31 11:51 EST

My dearest and most appropriately named Bane,

There are so very many words I have for you. Regretfully, I do not really want any of them to be associated with my name and put in print.

Honestly, what it must come down to is that I am just too busy pining for you to notice another.

Pity, Tenacity

Ebon Ilnaren · Date: 2011-12-31 13:48 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

I'd like to report a misprint. I believe the proper spelling of a certain name is "Leo Herrrrrrrrrracleides" and not "Leo Heracleides" as printed in the recent edition of the Post. Good Gods, man, this is for posterity!

Signed, A Concerned Citizen

Rayvinn · Date: 2011-12-31 19:37 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

I must say that I am rather smitten with you suddenly. You just *get* me as is obvious when you said I would be most likely to kill Santa and show his corpse to children. It is heart warming to know that someone can just see into my soul in such a way. I enjoy collecting pretty things and you are quite pretty. We should discuss this coincidence. Don't be afraid due to the rumors that I am a lunatic.

Sincerely yours,

Rayvinn

P.S. You were right on about Cor being the cootie king. I was the first to say so. Another coincidence. See? We were meant to be together.

Lelah · Date: 2011-12-31 20:08 EST

Awaiting Bane's return from the New Year's holiday is this certificate:

http://i634.photobucket.com/albums/uu69/Hatsu-Hana/lelah-rivka-award.gif

And a six-pack of Silvermark beer.

Harold Lee · Date: 2012-01-01 00:10 EST

Dear Emmet,

My Scot's not missing. I've sequestered him in a secure location that looks a lot like my bed.

But thanks for missing him. And you can drink with me any time.

Tipsily his, Harold

PS- Surrender Cheetos!

Gypsy Lore · Date: 2012-01-01 08:27 EST

Dear Journalist;

On my way home I picked up your paper. Lately I had been amused by it but I suddenly have a question; how do you know of me"

I looked over this Yearbook article and to my shock, there appeared my name. I know 'Vera' is not the most uncommon of names but I have yet to run into anyone else sharing it with me.

This may be a grave mistake on my part and if such, I apologize.

But if you have labeled me as 'born royalty' I find myself somewhat flattered though rather dismayed at the same time. Again, how do you know of me" I have never met you and I am a little unnerved by seeing my name in print, written by a stranger.

Thank you all the same for the mention....

If it is me.

-Vera Deya

Rekah Illyriana · Date: 2012-01-03 15:45 EST

Emmett...Emmmmmmeeeettttttt. (I'm saying your name as I write. So that's how it looks.)

http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/41727624/id/6FfL9Eo24RG3FLHgf-hZgg/size/e.jpg

Kittens..

And I put a puppy in it.

Because, puppies are cute too. Cute and smooshy.

XoXo, Rekah

Ps. Let's do midnight snacks...because those are the best.

Artsblood · Date: 2012-01-03 20:12 EST

Your silence sings to me when you will not, internal lyrics wound around your spoken words like mistletoe twists against the careful normalcy of oak.

The memories abide, of me within you and you, all joyful, entering me; They lay the song lines of your thoughts, guide walkabouts only we will wander.

Let others hear what they wish, and find smug reassurances there. I know this country well enough, and that the Sphinx is only speechless when she purrs.

Artsblood · Date: 2012-01-06 21:13 EST

"Z" is for "Zero," the number of times I've been given a kiss in exchange for these rhymes.

"A" is for "Always," I always shall be Eager to hold the girl close against me.

"H" is for "How," and I ponder my plight, Wondering how I'll convince her to give me one night.

"R" is for "Reason," I truly believe, That, once held, she'd not find it easy to leave.

And so "A" is for "Always" again, and again, Because she who won't quit will eventually win.

Ehzoterik · Date: 2012-01-09 11:27 EST

http://i252.photobucket.com/albums/hh9/ehzoterik/silly/ehzletterpost.png

Ebon Ilnaren · Date: 2012-05-06 01:22 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

There was no hinting intended towards Lucien and Kate; the mention of "baby-making season" was the evening's running joke, that's all. Thank you for the fabulous thoughts to Phen and myself on our news, though!

Ebon Ilnaren

PS: How can Rhi be both "too old-fashioned" and yet "young and vibrant" at the same time? Make up your mind, man!

Joey Damarco · Date: 2012-05-06 23:27 EST

Asshat,

I'm not sure if you will ever see this since your paper is defunct, but in the odds that you do get this, I need to set a few things straight.

In the last two years, I have been only with one man. I was in a commited with Sylus Kurgen as you may recall, which lasted for quite sometime, however I decided to break things off and take some time for myself and have been single for over a year now. The gentleman you saw escort me to Beltane was and is only a dear friend, whom I am deeply indebted to for saving my life. We are very close, but only friends.

Next time, do some research before printing such garbage. I hate to even waste the time trying to defend myself, but I'm tired of the lies and the assumptions. I have many hobbies and believe me, I'm quite aware that my love life is not a romance novel. Thanks for the reminder.

-Joey Damarco

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2012-05-07 15:55 EST

Mr. Bane,

Young and vibrant AND far too old-fashioned" Really' To quote you ...."you can't have it both ways!" Oh, wait, you were specific, too old fashioned for Eregor. Who exactly do you have in mind that I wouldn't be too old fashioned for"

Rhiannon Brock

P.S. What's wrong with Scrabble anyway?

Lucy Rogers · Date: 2012-05-07 17:51 EST

Dear Irrepressible-Troublemaker-Man Bane,

What do you mean my sister on her own is ehhh' Clearly, you have never seen her drunk. Swing by my place sometime - oh, the stories I have to tell!

Love ya, trouble, Luce

Edward Batten · Date: 2012-05-07 18:08 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

You can keep the money clip. I have a whole drawer full of them anyway. And what I'm investing in besides real estate is none of your business.

I will, however, send you the address of my butt-deodorant supplier.

Sincerely,

Ed Batten

Luke Boudreaux · Date: 2012-05-20 22:58 EST

Mister Bane,

I am a little late in getting around to this, as I don't pick the post up often as I have no Finches in need of a cage floor lining. You wonder what I was thinking in asking Kalamere to stand with me as I marry Eless? Allow me to tell you, not that I owe you an explanation for my actions.

Kalamere is the first guy to get to know me outside of Ebon as more than just "That guy with Eless." He is a friend to us both, he and I understand the other's humor, and while we may not hang out every Friday at some dive bar, he is a friend.

Thank you for the concern in matters of my life with Eless.

Sincerely,

Lucas James Boudreux, Jr.

Renfield Turnbull · Date: 2012-06-12 01:02 EST

Mister Fenner,

I have never been a man of politics; that was far more my father's purview, and I will not take this time to take after him, so I will not comment upon your opinion of Audrey Horne's platform except to say that she has my confidence and my vote.

I will, however, call foul upon your doubt as to whether she was indeed sick.

I had occasion to stop by her residence on the night in question, brandishing soup and (I'm told) a lack of concern for my own immune system. The former was well-received, insomuch as anyone in such a terrible condition could receive anything save unconsciousness well. The consequences of the latter remain to be seen.

In any case, I give the people of Rhy'Din my word that Audrey Horne was genuinely, unpleasantly ill. I know that her absence pained her; I can also attest that it was a kindness to those in attendance that she abstained. Should the illness spread, I would be happy to provide soup services to anyone in need.

A lesser man would sneeze into this envelope. I assure you, I have not.

Regards,

Constable Turnbull

Sulissurn · Date: 2013-08-16 09:41 EST

I do naut sulk. -S.

The Redneck · Date: 2013-08-16 17:41 EST

Mr. Bane:

First thing's first, let me say, wholeheartedly, Welcome Back To Rhy'din! To you, and the rest of the Post staff.

Now for the rest; there's no drama involved with myself and R...my man. Think I'm going to let you pay out that fifty and a coke to the person who names him first to you. And it is very much true.

Also, when he puts a bit of effort into it, he can do both.

Welcome back again!

Sincerely, Thorn

Darcy Angel · Date: 2013-09-03 14:20 EST

Dear Mr. Fenner,

You know I used to wonder if it was a curse or a blessing that I wasn't in the news. I figured...It was a bit of both. So with that being said I will take in stride the photos you managed to dig up of me when I did a little charity work back in the day. Oh do tell the good people of Rhy'Din that I will give autographs for free!

As always your most awesome fan,

<3 Darcy

Olivia Storm · Date: 2013-09-03 17:29 EST

To the editors of Nexus Weekly,

Check your facts. Seriously. Check them. Soon.

- Olivia Storm (Happily married and complete unsinged first wife of Johnny Storm)

Uhh · Date: 2013-09-03 23:56 EST

Dear Paper People (People what make this stuff and actual people made from paper),

I know some wonky stuff's been happenin' here lately, but I'm gonna tell it to ya straight...

Bein' caught nickin' from stiffs is totes different than bein' punished for it. Them undertakers got good aim but they can't run for spit!

Muzzle taffy!

-Cuyizzle E. Quinn Jensen-Lefevre

Reva · Date: 2013-09-05 00:46 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

My significant other, Jake Ives, and I wanted to thank you for the lovely mention in your column. As much as it might be a source of chagrin to a writer of your stature, I must agree whole-heartedly that we are boring. Terribly, terribly boring. Alas, there are no skeletons to be found in any of our closets — just a lot of black suits and plenty of Prada.

Please enjoy the enclosed gifts as a token of goodwill and friendship.

Sincerely,

Reva Dirmen

P.S. Thank you for the compliment!

***

Inside a Styrofoam cooler packed with dry ice is a gallon of vanilla ice cream and a grocery bag of granny smith apples, attached is a bright pink post-it with the writing: I prefer these apples! Hope you do, too.

Ben Sullivan · Date: 2013-09-05 15:34 EST

Mr. Bane,

I appreciate your concern, but she's my daughter — both of them, the alternate reality one and the baby Jackie's carrying. I have zero doubts about either of them.

Just a friendly warning, too — neither Jackie nor my future daughter-from-another-reality took your insinuation that Jackie messed around behind my back too well. And I'm not dumb enough to try to get in their way, so....

Just watch your back. Or mailbox. Or front stoop. That's all I'm saying.

— Ben Sullivan

PS: Politician doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Thanks!

PrlUnicorn · Date: 2013-09-18 00:14 EST

A letter addressed to the gossip columnist(s) was stuffed in the Post's mailbag.

Mairead Harker · Date: 2013-10-17 08:24 EST

Dear Editor,

Why doesn't "The Rhydin Post" have a column for kids?

Sincerely,

M. E. Harker

Soriah Lemercier · Date: 2013-11-04 03:13 EST

Monsieur Bane,

Rest assured, Calix is quite the generous citizen and is a perfect gentleman. Trust me on that much. But yes, he is also definitely giving me a place to stay.

Emphasis truly is everything.

~Lady Lemercier

Luke Boudreaux · Date: 2013-11-16 03:39 EST

Mister Bane,

First off, let me assure you that Eless and I are still very much together. Even in this crazy realm that seems to let everything out there, we still like to try to keep our private life"private. Imagine that! I do enjoy reading your column, and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Secondly, do you seriously think that I'd screw anything up to lose a woman like her" The best thing that ever happened to this ol' Cajun. Thank you for your concern.

Regards, Luke J. Boudreux, Jr.

Rhiannon D Harker · Date: 2014-07-05 20:23 EST

Ms. Laurent,

You have followed in the footsteps of many before you, who share your belief that people cannot grow or change over time. You have also expressed the mindset of people that believe a woman's past sexual history should have a bearing in the favor of someone accused of raping her.

Do you realize you effectively said you have no respect for yourself? Unless your name and photo are misleading with regard to your gender.

I suggest that instead of passing judgment on the women of Rhydin, one of which you are either by birth or residence, based on words in an interview that you get out in the trenches with some of us. Go on a patrol of the city with Isuelt DeRomiano or any of her Sisters for that matter and see firsthand what they do. I'm sure any number of the city's long term female residents, who are often not mentioned in your publication, would be glad to show you just how misguided your opinion is.

Rhiannon D. Harker

Dracina Hemdagg · Date: 2014-07-06 01:10 EST

To That Laurent Creature,

I recently saw your feeble scrawlings in the paper, and while I was greatly amused at your words for those Scathachian bitches, I find your view of the women in this city woefully inadequate. Tell me, tell me, tell me, have you ever waLkEd AlOne In thE dArK?? i'LL bE kEEpiNG WaTch fOr yOU aND gIVe YoU aN ExPeRIenCe YOu'Ll nEveR eVEr FORGET.

That is, assuming I let you live, bitch.

Jamie Kilner · Date: 2014-07-06 01:26 EST

Ms. Laurent,

I have been deeply concerned by the alarming news you have revealed in your column in this delightful rag, the Rhy'Din Post. Is it true that women are ignored and overlooked in this fine, wonderful city' Oh, dear, dear me. How dreadful.

Well, I have come up with a solution to make sure women are seen and heard in this city. Depending on whether you are at home or at your office in the Rhy'Din Post when reading this letter, if you'll look outside your window, you'll spot some of the girls from my escort service struttin' their stuff. ;-) I have added both the streets in front of your home and the Rhy'Din Post offices to their rounds. You'll be seeing plenty of them from now on.

Mwa! I look forward to your next issue, darlings!

Sincerely your friend, Madame Jamie Kilner, Owner and Proprietor of Ame Corrumpue Manor

Sorandra · Date: 2014-07-06 17:57 EST

Alexis Laurent:

What a way to throw Illea and the rest of our order under the bus like that! Why I have half a mind to bounce you across the city and back again on your fat head, but frankly there are bigger fish to fry and you're not worth the time.

Illea is twice the woman you'll ever be and more a hero than most in Rhy'Din. It's because of people like her that you're still safely writing your dreck, out of harm's way.

- Sorandra

Morgan Wright · Date: 2014-07-11 20:28 EST

Dear Mr. Bane,

I'm not intellectually stunted. You can go **** yourself.

Although I like what you did with "He of the Empty Threats," so I guess I'll forgive you this personal slight. Just don't let it happen again.

I'm very intelligent.

Sincerely,

He of Little Patience a.k.a. Morgan Wright

The Redneck · Date: 2014-07-12 07:55 EST

Mr. Bane:

Aww baby, you say the sweetest things! Makes my heart go pitty-pat.

Welcome back, you've been missed.

Thorn

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2014-11-01 01:34 EST

Sent addressed to Emmet Bane: http://cfc.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/.sig/MUQ4gMuPhQvmFl3d46n7pg/cid/139132739/id/YFxaR4dh5BG5e_Mljv1ITA/size/c600x430.jpg

Rhiannon Brock · Date: 2014-12-23 12:57 EST

To the staff of the Rhydin Post and all its readers: http://cfc.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/.sig/iQ53Yn17JtVRTPF8LxYOmA/cid/144020701/id/ymyW78yK5BGOIsFjtfvecw/size/c600x834.jpg

Mairead Harker · Date: 2015-11-06 06:56 EST

Dear Pete and Chris,

You guys really need to be covering IFL and stuff! Where are you anyway?

M. E. Harker

Paige Connelly · Date: 2015-11-09 22:31 EST

Fenner is still off chasing a story. Pete and Chris are....Honestly, I think we lost them in Vegas.

We're short staffed but haven't forgotten our loyal readers. We appreciate your patience.

Nayun Takamine · Date: 2017-03-04 22:40 EST

At times we both wear pants It depends on the outing and what situations may arise I also do not eat string cheese it is a waste of calories

That is all

- Nayun

Ed · Date: 2017-03-05 12:50 EST

March 5, 2017

Dear Mr. Bane,

Gosh! Never in a million years would I ever have expected to make it into the news! My name is Ed Smith and you, or perhaps a colleague of yours, noticed me with my boyfriend, Trick Richie, at the Red Dragon Inn on Thursday night. I still can't believe it!

I'm sorry, Mr. Bane, but I must also confess that I have no idea who Harold and Scotty are. The headline of your column leads me to understand that you have not been writing for three years. In which case I am lead to assume that these people you speak of are before my time. I have only been in Rhydin for a couple of years, you see. I am sure they were wonderful people for you to miss them so dearly. My sincerest condolences.

Please understand that I have no intention of trying to replace anyone, especially people I have never known. I would never dream of it! I'm still stunned by the fact that I made it into a celebrity gossip column at all! I am no celebrity! My boyfriend is, though! He's an amazing racer for Bluestar Racing. His name's Trick Richie, and he's racing today actually. You should check him out! I'm including a copy of a clipping from an article that covered his last race. Did I mention he's amazing"

Sincerely,

Ed Smith

Luke Boudreaux · Date: 2017-03-05 17:53 EST

Bane of my existence,

Welcome back. Glad to have something worth a damn to read again.

Also, check the post drop, or your office peers soon. I sent a bottle of Johnnie's finest. Hope you at least get a glass.

Best,

L.

Topic: Letters to the Columns

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

G

Rekah Illyriana

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Jaycy Ashleana

Ehzoterik

Darien Fenner

Ehzoterik

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Lady Sarah

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

BardGallant

Aya Hayashibara

HGLowe

BardGallant

Maranya Valkonan

Darien Fenner

Darien Fenner

Ducii

Darien Fenner

Kalinda Acheron

Scotty

Darien Fenner

Riley ORourke

Scotty

Fiora Shantalaine

PrlUnicorn

Gwen Minx

Mindy McKnight

Johnny Smith

Scotty

Harold Lee

Mataya

PrlUnicorn

Renfield Turnbull

Scotty

Scotty

BardGallant

Scotty

PrlUnicorn

Darien Fenner

Scotty

Chryrie

Darien Fenner

Rekah Illyriana

Scotty

Darien Fenner

Scotty

Renfield Turnbull

Sylus Kurgen

Kitty Helston

Audrey Horne

Harold Lee

Darien Fenner

Fiora Shantalaine

Uhh

PrlUnicorn