Topic: No Pants RhyDin: Where Are All the Pants?

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-09-06 18:23 EST
http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane

No Pants RhyDin: Where Are All the Pants" September 6, 2010

Daniel Brooks is probably one of my new heroes, and the man that deserves most of the credit for the fabulous tagline for our Say Goodbye to Summer Fireworks Spectacular article. So do me a favor, will you? When you see Daniel strutting his stuff around this odd place we call home, go and give him a big, sloppy kiss for me. He strikes me as the kind of man who just screams wet sloppy kisses. And do let me know how he takes it. Much love, Danny-boy!

No Pants RhyDin. Well if that isn't the biggest cut of truth I've heard in a heck of a long time. It seems like you crazy fools will use any excuse to strip down to your birthday suit and show off your jooblies. Don't get me wrong, folks! I am all about the "make love, not war" sentiment when it comes to RhyDin partying. But when the skin-to-clothing ratio begins to weigh heavily on the bare bottom's end, I begin to wonder whether we're all just bloodthirsty, hedonistic voyeurs waiting to snap.

" Oh, wait. We totally are.

The fireworks-filled shindig this past Friday had no small amount of jaw dropping, horrifying, and absolutely delightful consequences! Sources tell me that the person we have to thank for all this is none other than everyone's favorite hotheaded cat, Riley O'Rourke! Can this chick throw a party or what? She should totally start a party planning service. In no time at all, she'd be swimming in coppers (what? RhyDinians are cheapskates). Apparently the night's festivities were well-timed, had a huge turnout, and culminated in a spectacular fireworks display at midnight. Did we mention the amount of food there" My interns brought me back about six containers' worth of leftovers, and I swear I'll eat like a king for a month.

I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that.

And speaking of eating inappropriate things" Not that it surprises me, but Vex was present and accounted for at the festivities, and at some point was talking about eating people - of all people, Gem. Well I won't say I told you so, but' I so totally told you, didn't I" But without being hyper critical on the toothsome dragoness, let's be frank. I mean, Gem' Even if I became a carnivore, it's not like I would choose Gem to gnaw on. Eating Gem would be like eating French food. Sure, it's delicious while it lasts, but once the ridiculously tiny portions are gone, all you're left with is sadness and shame that your fat head told you to devour it so quickly. Maybe that's why Vex hangs around Montgomery so much. It's not like he's the most appetizing potential dish out there. Sure, he's not bad looking, but those mechanic types are always so wiry and stringy. Try picking that out of your teeth.

When Gem wasn't spending time as the topic of conversation, she was reportedly chumming it up with some pals waterside. My sources tell me the two blokes she shared smiles and laughs with were named Mesteno and Sam, a pair so gloriously carefree, aloof, and almost dangerous it made the she-interns swoon. Gem was looking fabulous, gussied-up in a sundress so nicely fitted it nearly put Kitty's chest to shame (nearly!), and after a brief traffic accident with Sam that sent him skittering off for the food tent, she and Mesteno seemed to catch up and enjoy themselves for a bit before she left to go and mingle. The sizzle between the two men persisted all night, even as they were spotted making off for the lake. There's a connection I don't see water having any chance of cooling off or putting out! Yow!

Conveniently enough, mef-in-training Riley and ex-constable David seemed to give that simmering pair a wide berth. Interesting. I sense a story there, I do! I do hope it involves some kind of sexual tension at some point, though, because those are ever my favorite kinds of stories! When Riley wasn't getting all snuggled up Man #1 David (or is he #2" We have a pool here going at the Column) she was dragging the poor fellow out to dance the night away. David certainly took it like a man, though, and even offered a friendly shoulder while his girl chatted his ear off about who-knows-what. I'm liking Man #1 more and more these days. In fact, I think I'm starting a scoreboard. Man #1 : 1; Man #2 : 0. Keep it up, dude!

And here is where I begin to regale you of pantsless RhyDin, folks. Colleen got things kicked off in the nudity department by streaking across the Glen and disappearing into the water just as the festivities began. Word has it her man later showed up and stole her clothes, leaving the poor, shameless woman dripping lakeside in her birthday suit. No one seemed to mind, though - not even Colleen! But shameless indeed, because it only took a few minutes for her guy to return and haul her naked self off towards the woods for some gee-I-wonder-what. Have some class, you two! Sheesh!

And where would a social gathering be without its dose of Tass man-parts" After making himself way too comfortable in the company of friends, he and Kitty spent some good married-people-time engaged in what looked like" uh' underwater wrestling" Sure. We'll call it that. Not that it surprises me with this couple. I honestly don't think anything they do could faze me at this point. Sources tell me, though, that some guy named Kusu-something-or-other was spotted lakeside gawking at the almost totally naked couple. Uh' can you say awkward" Naturally the pair wasn't bothered in the least, but I'd at least have made myself busy in a situation like that if I were him. Come on, dude. Have you no social experience whatsoever"

Mira was checking out her rancher man Jake at the buffet as he strutted his stuff in shorts of all things. Imagine! Mira! The picture of innocence! And my interns swear there was a twinkle of appreciation in her eye that just might have savored of lust. Could it be RhyDin has corrupted her at last' We'll have to wait and see!

GASP! Joey was apparently spotted groping everyone's famous dueling action figure Sylus Kurgen! My sources may have claimed it seemed innocent enough, but people, believe me when I tell you there is no such thing as innocent groping. And get this. Not only did they spend the entire evening together, but they also left together, too! Gads! Sylus and Jo'" When did this happen" I must know details, STAT! Someone contact me and give me the DL on these two!

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-09-06 18:27 EST
Apparently, Lydia was overheard telling adorable Audrey that Lite left. Whaaaat' Left where" Why'd he leave"! What is this nonsense"! You know, RhyDin, I am so over all you hero types riding off into the sunset to fulfill some kind of quest that settles blood feuds or reinforces your identity or cures your amnesia from when you were kidnapped by pirates and pitched overboard. Whatever happened to being chivalrous and manning up enough to stick by your lady' Word has it poor Lydia was looking pretty down about it, but clever Audrey managed to play the part of a good friend and" went streaking" That's right. At some point during the night, the two ladies supposedly grabbed a couple of sparklers and flashed half of RhyDin in a speedy circuit of the Glen. Well" that's one way of getting over an ex, I suppose. May not be the best way to attract a new guy, though. Only time will tell.

Thankfully, the nakedness didn't occur until after Lydia's ward, Arya, made a spontaneous appearance. Then again, while Lydia may have called Arya her ward, the little thing kept referring to Lydia as her mother! Oh, oh! I totally smell some scandal coming!

Speaking of random children, though, since when has Aja had another kid" I mean I could have sworn she had a kid before, but this looks like a new kid. Did she make a habit of mothering a whole herd of children in a former life, and now they just keep popping up all over the place" Good god, woman. Have a little more care with your uterus!

Against all odds, Brishen and new mommy Niamh showed up looking adorable and happily married. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I have anything against Brishen. In fact, I quite like the fellow, and don't think I know anyone who doesn't. But this is the same Brishen who way back when said that he didn't believe in marriage! Now look at him all lovey-father-type! I couldn't be more proud. Word has it he and his beautiful new wife spent the evening by the water giggling and splashing each other like teenagers. She certainly has made a wonderfully responsible man out of him, hasn't she" I have a very good feeling about this, folks! Brishen seems like he'll make a spectacular pop, and that kid will grow up in a very loving home. Keep us informed, you two!

And with a baby boom like this, where there is one, there are three! Fio, Lirissa, Aja, and EmDoc were spotted catching up with each other just as the fireworks display kicked off. Poor Fio looked downright worn out from head to toe, but her gorgeous, glowing self still surged with feminine beauty. Leave it to Fio to look breathtaking, even if the world came crumbling down around her. She was overheard telling EmDoc that Ali is improving nicely, which is good news on our end too, because many of us here miss him and his wily, charming ways. Hopefully he'll get back into the swing of things and recover in no time, because we're all rooting for him and his family. And speaking of family, Lirissa was looking well and darling as she always is. She seems to have made excellent strides in her recovery, and was beaming and joking just like her old self. All my thoughts go out to that family. Expect a nice basket of goodies in the next couple of days!

Much later in the night, we were gifted with the fabulous sight of needs-sloppy-kisses Danny-boy Brooks, Lizzie and would-you-believe-it Kazzy! After sharing much of my same opinions on a less than enthusiastic desire to see rampant flopping and nudist weirdos in public, word has it the conversation turned to virginity between Lizzie and Daniel (or lack thereof?). Apparently Liz was overheard wondering if she and Daniel had been "doing it right" all this time. Uhh' news flash, sweetheart. If you're trying to figure out if you're doing it right, you may not be mature enough to be doing it. Just a thought.

In almost the same breath, though, hilarious Kazzy sent the convo tumbling over towards the topic of potential mini-me's! Oh man, oh man! Can you imagine a mini-Kazzy' I want one, I want one, I want one! Probably about as much as the ladies here at the Gossip Column want a mini-Scot.

Kids are all the rage these days, RhyDin. What the heck are you people waiting for? Peer pressuuuuuuuure!

Until next time, you stay sassy!