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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
No Pants RhyDin: Where Are All the Pants" September 6, 2010
Daniel Brooks is probably one of my new heroes, and the man that deserves most of the credit for the fabulous tagline for our Say Goodbye to Summer Fireworks Spectacular article. So do me a favor, will you? When you see Daniel strutting his stuff around this odd place we call home, go and give him a big, sloppy kiss for me. He strikes me as the kind of man who just screams wet sloppy kisses. And do let me know how he takes it. Much love, Danny-boy!
No Pants RhyDin. Well if that isn't the biggest cut of truth I've heard in a heck of a long time. It seems like you crazy fools will use any excuse to strip down to your birthday suit and show off your jooblies. Don't get me wrong, folks! I am all about the "make love, not war" sentiment when it comes to RhyDin partying. But when the skin-to-clothing ratio begins to weigh heavily on the bare bottom's end, I begin to wonder whether we're all just bloodthirsty, hedonistic voyeurs waiting to snap.
" Oh, wait. We totally are.
The fireworks-filled shindig this past Friday had no small amount of jaw dropping, horrifying, and absolutely delightful consequences! Sources tell me that the person we have to thank for all this is none other than everyone's favorite hotheaded cat, Riley O'Rourke! Can this chick throw a party or what? She should totally start a party planning service. In no time at all, she'd be swimming in coppers (what? RhyDinians are cheapskates). Apparently the night's festivities were well-timed, had a huge turnout, and culminated in a spectacular fireworks display at midnight. Did we mention the amount of food there" My interns brought me back about six containers' worth of leftovers, and I swear I'll eat like a king for a month.
I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that.
And speaking of eating inappropriate things" Not that it surprises me, but Vex was present and accounted for at the festivities, and at some point was talking about eating people - of all people, Gem. Well I won't say I told you so, but' I so totally told you, didn't I" But without being hyper critical on the toothsome dragoness, let's be frank. I mean, Gem' Even if I became a carnivore, it's not like I would choose Gem to gnaw on. Eating Gem would be like eating French food. Sure, it's delicious while it lasts, but once the ridiculously tiny portions are gone, all you're left with is sadness and shame that your fat head told you to devour it so quickly. Maybe that's why Vex hangs around Montgomery so much. It's not like he's the most appetizing potential dish out there. Sure, he's not bad looking, but those mechanic types are always so wiry and stringy. Try picking that out of your teeth.
When Gem wasn't spending time as the topic of conversation, she was reportedly chumming it up with some pals waterside. My sources tell me the two blokes she shared smiles and laughs with were named Mesteno and Sam, a pair so gloriously carefree, aloof, and almost dangerous it made the she-interns swoon. Gem was looking fabulous, gussied-up in a sundress so nicely fitted it nearly put Kitty's chest to shame (nearly!), and after a brief traffic accident with Sam that sent him skittering off for the food tent, she and Mesteno seemed to catch up and enjoy themselves for a bit before she left to go and mingle. The sizzle between the two men persisted all night, even as they were spotted making off for the lake. There's a connection I don't see water having any chance of cooling off or putting out! Yow!
Conveniently enough, mef-in-training Riley and ex-constable David seemed to give that simmering pair a wide berth. Interesting. I sense a story there, I do! I do hope it involves some kind of sexual tension at some point, though, because those are ever my favorite kinds of stories! When Riley wasn't getting all snuggled up Man #1 David (or is he #2" We have a pool here going at the Column) she was dragging the poor fellow out to dance the night away. David certainly took it like a man, though, and even offered a friendly shoulder while his girl chatted his ear off about who-knows-what. I'm liking Man #1 more and more these days. In fact, I think I'm starting a scoreboard. Man #1 : 1; Man #2 : 0. Keep it up, dude!
And here is where I begin to regale you of pantsless RhyDin, folks. Colleen got things kicked off in the nudity department by streaking across the Glen and disappearing into the water just as the festivities began. Word has it her man later showed up and stole her clothes, leaving the poor, shameless woman dripping lakeside in her birthday suit. No one seemed to mind, though - not even Colleen! But shameless indeed, because it only took a few minutes for her guy to return and haul her naked self off towards the woods for some gee-I-wonder-what. Have some class, you two! Sheesh!
And where would a social gathering be without its dose of Tass man-parts" After making himself way too comfortable in the company of friends, he and Kitty spent some good married-people-time engaged in what looked like" uh' underwater wrestling" Sure. We'll call it that. Not that it surprises me with this couple. I honestly don't think anything they do could faze me at this point. Sources tell me, though, that some guy named Kusu-something-or-other was spotted lakeside gawking at the almost totally naked couple. Uh' can you say awkward" Naturally the pair wasn't bothered in the least, but I'd at least have made myself busy in a situation like that if I were him. Come on, dude. Have you no social experience whatsoever"
Mira was checking out her rancher man Jake at the buffet as he strutted his stuff in shorts of all things. Imagine! Mira! The picture of innocence! And my interns swear there was a twinkle of appreciation in her eye that just might have savored of lust. Could it be RhyDin has corrupted her at last' We'll have to wait and see!
GASP! Joey was apparently spotted groping everyone's famous dueling action figure Sylus Kurgen! My sources may have claimed it seemed innocent enough, but people, believe me when I tell you there is no such thing as innocent groping. And get this. Not only did they spend the entire evening together, but they also left together, too! Gads! Sylus and Jo'" When did this happen" I must know details, STAT! Someone contact me and give me the DL on these two!
No Pants RhyDin: Where Are All the Pants" September 6, 2010
Daniel Brooks is probably one of my new heroes, and the man that deserves most of the credit for the fabulous tagline for our Say Goodbye to Summer Fireworks Spectacular article. So do me a favor, will you? When you see Daniel strutting his stuff around this odd place we call home, go and give him a big, sloppy kiss for me. He strikes me as the kind of man who just screams wet sloppy kisses. And do let me know how he takes it. Much love, Danny-boy!
No Pants RhyDin. Well if that isn't the biggest cut of truth I've heard in a heck of a long time. It seems like you crazy fools will use any excuse to strip down to your birthday suit and show off your jooblies. Don't get me wrong, folks! I am all about the "make love, not war" sentiment when it comes to RhyDin partying. But when the skin-to-clothing ratio begins to weigh heavily on the bare bottom's end, I begin to wonder whether we're all just bloodthirsty, hedonistic voyeurs waiting to snap.
" Oh, wait. We totally are.
The fireworks-filled shindig this past Friday had no small amount of jaw dropping, horrifying, and absolutely delightful consequences! Sources tell me that the person we have to thank for all this is none other than everyone's favorite hotheaded cat, Riley O'Rourke! Can this chick throw a party or what? She should totally start a party planning service. In no time at all, she'd be swimming in coppers (what? RhyDinians are cheapskates). Apparently the night's festivities were well-timed, had a huge turnout, and culminated in a spectacular fireworks display at midnight. Did we mention the amount of food there" My interns brought me back about six containers' worth of leftovers, and I swear I'll eat like a king for a month.
I wonder if I'll get in trouble for that.
And speaking of eating inappropriate things" Not that it surprises me, but Vex was present and accounted for at the festivities, and at some point was talking about eating people - of all people, Gem. Well I won't say I told you so, but' I so totally told you, didn't I" But without being hyper critical on the toothsome dragoness, let's be frank. I mean, Gem' Even if I became a carnivore, it's not like I would choose Gem to gnaw on. Eating Gem would be like eating French food. Sure, it's delicious while it lasts, but once the ridiculously tiny portions are gone, all you're left with is sadness and shame that your fat head told you to devour it so quickly. Maybe that's why Vex hangs around Montgomery so much. It's not like he's the most appetizing potential dish out there. Sure, he's not bad looking, but those mechanic types are always so wiry and stringy. Try picking that out of your teeth.
When Gem wasn't spending time as the topic of conversation, she was reportedly chumming it up with some pals waterside. My sources tell me the two blokes she shared smiles and laughs with were named Mesteno and Sam, a pair so gloriously carefree, aloof, and almost dangerous it made the she-interns swoon. Gem was looking fabulous, gussied-up in a sundress so nicely fitted it nearly put Kitty's chest to shame (nearly!), and after a brief traffic accident with Sam that sent him skittering off for the food tent, she and Mesteno seemed to catch up and enjoy themselves for a bit before she left to go and mingle. The sizzle between the two men persisted all night, even as they were spotted making off for the lake. There's a connection I don't see water having any chance of cooling off or putting out! Yow!
Conveniently enough, mef-in-training Riley and ex-constable David seemed to give that simmering pair a wide berth. Interesting. I sense a story there, I do! I do hope it involves some kind of sexual tension at some point, though, because those are ever my favorite kinds of stories! When Riley wasn't getting all snuggled up Man #1 David (or is he #2" We have a pool here going at the Column) she was dragging the poor fellow out to dance the night away. David certainly took it like a man, though, and even offered a friendly shoulder while his girl chatted his ear off about who-knows-what. I'm liking Man #1 more and more these days. In fact, I think I'm starting a scoreboard. Man #1 : 1; Man #2 : 0. Keep it up, dude!
And here is where I begin to regale you of pantsless RhyDin, folks. Colleen got things kicked off in the nudity department by streaking across the Glen and disappearing into the water just as the festivities began. Word has it her man later showed up and stole her clothes, leaving the poor, shameless woman dripping lakeside in her birthday suit. No one seemed to mind, though - not even Colleen! But shameless indeed, because it only took a few minutes for her guy to return and haul her naked self off towards the woods for some gee-I-wonder-what. Have some class, you two! Sheesh!
And where would a social gathering be without its dose of Tass man-parts" After making himself way too comfortable in the company of friends, he and Kitty spent some good married-people-time engaged in what looked like" uh' underwater wrestling" Sure. We'll call it that. Not that it surprises me with this couple. I honestly don't think anything they do could faze me at this point. Sources tell me, though, that some guy named Kusu-something-or-other was spotted lakeside gawking at the almost totally naked couple. Uh' can you say awkward" Naturally the pair wasn't bothered in the least, but I'd at least have made myself busy in a situation like that if I were him. Come on, dude. Have you no social experience whatsoever"
Mira was checking out her rancher man Jake at the buffet as he strutted his stuff in shorts of all things. Imagine! Mira! The picture of innocence! And my interns swear there was a twinkle of appreciation in her eye that just might have savored of lust. Could it be RhyDin has corrupted her at last' We'll have to wait and see!
GASP! Joey was apparently spotted groping everyone's famous dueling action figure Sylus Kurgen! My sources may have claimed it seemed innocent enough, but people, believe me when I tell you there is no such thing as innocent groping. And get this. Not only did they spend the entire evening together, but they also left together, too! Gads! Sylus and Jo'" When did this happen" I must know details, STAT! Someone contact me and give me the DL on these two!