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Junior Columnist: Carrie Michaels
Our 2011 Random List of Thanks November 23, 2011
The Color Pink Without which Risa would likely blip out of existence. We like our Risa unblipped, thank you.
Coffee We can't all be as sophisticated as Joe, but we can try.
Car Washes My mutated anaconda counts as a car, right"
Garden Gnomes If Tara is going to make an enemy out of someone, we'd rather it not be us.
Bikinis What contest' This is what we normally wear to work.
Comfortable Shoes At least until the ectoplasm from last night's exorcism gets cleaned up.
Unlimited Gold Hey. We need something to throw while we're booing people.
WD-40 Having an abundance of uses, right from your hardware cabinet: From fixing door hinges to helping armored heroes perform much-needed taunting pelvic thrusts.
Magenta's Concoctions We're pretty sure we'd think it was a great wedding if we could remember it. Or find our pants.
Blackjack Those priests and monks in Old Temple need some way to kill time.
Lasers Entertaining cats and killing turkeys since the year 900.
Vegetarian Vampires We can spot (and stab) them better when they sparkle.
Locating Charms At least until Sin finds the one we glued to the bottom of his boot.
Opals The best excuse to beat people up since PMS.
Shapely Derrieres Softening Seirichi's landings and warming Dyarhk's lap on a daily basis.
Better Beer Who needs hard liquor" We're pretty sure the key ingredient of Silver Mark is ethanol, anyway.
No-Gnaw Dragon Repellant" Won't do anything about those carnivorous click-beetles, though.
Books in a Bar Better birth control than celibacy.
Velcro Without which Rand would likely simply go pantless.
Faithful Bartenders No matter the number of truth or dare games gone bad they witness, they always return for more torture.
Duct Tape Furry handcuffs and leather are for rookies. Just ask Yeardley.
Lint-Rollers There's only so much Kirn-dueling you can take before your t-shirt becomes a fur coat.
Film Now we can ogle Jon Granger on a daily basis" legally.
Gossip Columns No matter how much you think your life sucks, chances are there is always someone somewhere having less sex than you.
Assassination Attempts Nothing cures a bout of hiccups like a spontaneous spray of bullets.
The RhyDin Ballet Troupe We promise we're not just going for the spandex.
Two-on-One Duels The easiest way to have a threesome with Matt Simon.
Dueling Designer Duds Hey. It's better than Harris being naked all the time.
Heredity If you think you're not related to the Grangers, you probably are.
Wards Keeping you from being shot, stabbed, skewered, filleted, bruised, touched, loved, harmed, groped or otherwise manhandled. Unless those wards fail. And then there is much less thanks.
Healing Hands Contrary to popular belief, hospitals and clinics are better for more than being shamelessly groped.
Neon Paint Taking wet t-shirt contests to a whole new level. Those t-shirts are thirsty. They need to be hydrated. Immediately.
Daycare There are only so many nights you can take little Suzy to the bar before Fate steps in and delivers a suicidal scarecrow with a craving for baby livers.
Hockey Hype When we get tired of cheering for people bashing with swords, we can always cheer for people bashing with sticks.
Koy Clothing If we're going to be saving (or destroying) the world, it may as well be in style.
Local Theatre At the very least, we can feign an air of culture while we make out in the back row.
Have something you're thankful for and feel like sharing? Write in and let us know!
Our 2011 Random List of Thanks November 23, 2011
The Color Pink Without which Risa would likely blip out of existence. We like our Risa unblipped, thank you.
Coffee We can't all be as sophisticated as Joe, but we can try.
Car Washes My mutated anaconda counts as a car, right"
Garden Gnomes If Tara is going to make an enemy out of someone, we'd rather it not be us.
Bikinis What contest' This is what we normally wear to work.
Comfortable Shoes At least until the ectoplasm from last night's exorcism gets cleaned up.
Unlimited Gold Hey. We need something to throw while we're booing people.
WD-40 Having an abundance of uses, right from your hardware cabinet: From fixing door hinges to helping armored heroes perform much-needed taunting pelvic thrusts.
Magenta's Concoctions We're pretty sure we'd think it was a great wedding if we could remember it. Or find our pants.
Blackjack Those priests and monks in Old Temple need some way to kill time.
Lasers Entertaining cats and killing turkeys since the year 900.
Vegetarian Vampires We can spot (and stab) them better when they sparkle.
Locating Charms At least until Sin finds the one we glued to the bottom of his boot.
Opals The best excuse to beat people up since PMS.
Shapely Derrieres Softening Seirichi's landings and warming Dyarhk's lap on a daily basis.
Better Beer Who needs hard liquor" We're pretty sure the key ingredient of Silver Mark is ethanol, anyway.
No-Gnaw Dragon Repellant" Won't do anything about those carnivorous click-beetles, though.
Books in a Bar Better birth control than celibacy.
Velcro Without which Rand would likely simply go pantless.
Faithful Bartenders No matter the number of truth or dare games gone bad they witness, they always return for more torture.
Duct Tape Furry handcuffs and leather are for rookies. Just ask Yeardley.
Lint-Rollers There's only so much Kirn-dueling you can take before your t-shirt becomes a fur coat.
Film Now we can ogle Jon Granger on a daily basis" legally.
Gossip Columns No matter how much you think your life sucks, chances are there is always someone somewhere having less sex than you.
Assassination Attempts Nothing cures a bout of hiccups like a spontaneous spray of bullets.
The RhyDin Ballet Troupe We promise we're not just going for the spandex.
Two-on-One Duels The easiest way to have a threesome with Matt Simon.
Dueling Designer Duds Hey. It's better than Harris being naked all the time.
Heredity If you think you're not related to the Grangers, you probably are.
Wards Keeping you from being shot, stabbed, skewered, filleted, bruised, touched, loved, harmed, groped or otherwise manhandled. Unless those wards fail. And then there is much less thanks.
Healing Hands Contrary to popular belief, hospitals and clinics are better for more than being shamelessly groped.
Neon Paint Taking wet t-shirt contests to a whole new level. Those t-shirts are thirsty. They need to be hydrated. Immediately.
Daycare There are only so many nights you can take little Suzy to the bar before Fate steps in and delivers a suicidal scarecrow with a craving for baby livers.
Hockey Hype When we get tired of cheering for people bashing with swords, we can always cheer for people bashing with sticks.
Koy Clothing If we're going to be saving (or destroying) the world, it may as well be in style.
Local Theatre At the very least, we can feign an air of culture while we make out in the back row.
Have something you're thankful for and feel like sharing? Write in and let us know!