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Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
R.D.I. Crushes Competition; Local Owners Compiling Businesses January 20, 2010
When Beckett Smith decided to abandon his multi-million dollar-a-year career as a stock market broker to pursue his lifelong dream of owning and running a tavern in RhyDin, he had no idea what kind of competition he would be facing.
"I knew the restaurant industry was tough, and so I expected my bar to be a little bit of a challenge to run at first. Boy was I in for a surprise," said Smith, looking over his initial blueprints of Beastly Beckett's Bar and Grill.
According to Smith, business during the entire first two months after grand opening was about as dry and dead as an orc's sense of humor and twice as empty inside.
"I couldn't understand it at first," claims Smith. "I had every component that a budding business needed, and then some!"
In an effort to increase his clientele, Smith paraded the streets with fliers and well-timed promotional gasoline explosions. Nothing seemed to work.
"I decided to do a little research into what makes taverns in this town successful. What I came across staggered me," said Smith.
Smith's research brought him to the Red Dragon Inn, one of the most popular and successful businesses in RhyDin.
"I was stunned, really," he said. "I didn't realize that establishments in this city were equipped with Super-All-Inclusive-Anything-Goes Licenses. And here I was just starting off with a liquor license!"
S.A.I.A.G. licenses have been a recent development by the RhyDin Health Care Organization.
"We realized that anything from unauthorized medical treatment to shady business transactions to daycare took place within the good "ol R.D.I. We've have to at least make it look legal, so we're now offering this document to new entrepreneurs for the low, low price of one million gold," said Rota Cirbaf, healthcare conglomerate.
Since the acquisition of an S.A.I.A.G. License, Smith's business is reportedly booming.
"We've now got an orthodontist, a bartender, and a realtor on staff! So now our customers can get drunk, and sink their crooked teeth into some prime real estate all in one night!?
Look out, Panther. You appear to have some real competition.
]
R.D.I. Crushes Competition; Local Owners Compiling Businesses January 20, 2010
When Beckett Smith decided to abandon his multi-million dollar-a-year career as a stock market broker to pursue his lifelong dream of owning and running a tavern in RhyDin, he had no idea what kind of competition he would be facing.
"I knew the restaurant industry was tough, and so I expected my bar to be a little bit of a challenge to run at first. Boy was I in for a surprise," said Smith, looking over his initial blueprints of Beastly Beckett's Bar and Grill.
According to Smith, business during the entire first two months after grand opening was about as dry and dead as an orc's sense of humor and twice as empty inside.
"I couldn't understand it at first," claims Smith. "I had every component that a budding business needed, and then some!"
In an effort to increase his clientele, Smith paraded the streets with fliers and well-timed promotional gasoline explosions. Nothing seemed to work.
"I decided to do a little research into what makes taverns in this town successful. What I came across staggered me," said Smith.
Smith's research brought him to the Red Dragon Inn, one of the most popular and successful businesses in RhyDin.
"I was stunned, really," he said. "I didn't realize that establishments in this city were equipped with Super-All-Inclusive-Anything-Goes Licenses. And here I was just starting off with a liquor license!"
S.A.I.A.G. licenses have been a recent development by the RhyDin Health Care Organization.
"We realized that anything from unauthorized medical treatment to shady business transactions to daycare took place within the good "ol R.D.I. We've have to at least make it look legal, so we're now offering this document to new entrepreneurs for the low, low price of one million gold," said Rota Cirbaf, healthcare conglomerate.
Since the acquisition of an S.A.I.A.G. License, Smith's business is reportedly booming.
"We've now got an orthodontist, a bartender, and a realtor on staff! So now our customers can get drunk, and sink their crooked teeth into some prime real estate all in one night!?
Look out, Panther. You appear to have some real competition.
]