Topic: Rekah Reviews:

Rekah Illyriana · Date: 2011-10-14 16:18 EST

http://i.imgur.com/3Foa1.jpg Columnist Rekah Illyriana *Picture forthcoming*

Rekah Reviews: Titanic October 14,2011

Welcome to my corner of the Post! This week in old movie reviews (but new to me) is the movie Titanic.

The beginning was boring so I skipped that. It had some people looking for a piece of jewelry and some elderly woman started talking about it. The real movie stars some guy with blonde hair who wins two tickets (GAMBLING) to get aboard this vessel called the "Titanic". Apparently, this was a super fancy ship, but it didn't seem to do anything fancy. It floated and held a lot of people.

And then it also featured this girl with red hair-she didn't seem to be too happy to be there, but I'm not sure why exactly. I know I'd be pretty excited if I was on a super fancy ship that didn't do much more than float and hold a lot of people.

I skipped some of the scenes, but I replayed a scene of that the guy, Jack, yelling "I'm king of the world" over and over and over. He is not king of the world, he couldn't even afford to buy his own tickets.

So, that happens. He and the red headed girl run into one another and he shows her the ways of being King of the World. I think she enjoys it, she stands on the railing of the ship and acts like she is flying. In this town you better just learn to fly otherwise someone will push you off the railing. I just don't think Rose knows what she's doing.

They fall in love in like two days and then they fingerpaint the car windows. (It wasn't a very good painting if you ask me.) Then he draws her (NAKED), wearing only that necklace. It was an okay necklace. There weren't any penguins affixed to it, or bears, or owls, or octopi. It was just a big blue heart and some diamonds. So boring.

There was some dancing and some more romancing and a bad guy who I think wasn't that bad, but misunderstood.

Just when I think the movie is about to end, it keeps going! No one bothered to tell me this but an iceberg gets in the way of the Titanic. This spells nothing but chaos and trouble for Jack and Rose. Also:It is bad news for the whole ship. So, the ship is sinking(?!) and everyone is trying to get on the lifeboats. (Some stupid person said the ship couldn't sink and therefore didn't put enough lifeboats on the thing. I could have told them that anything is sinkable.)

I digress.

Ship breaks in two! Jack and Rose are in the water-which is very apparently very cold water since there are icebergs afoot. Rose gets on a door, but leaves Jack in the water.

He dies. She lives and becomes the old lady in the beginning of the movie. Then after telling her whole story she walks up to the end of the ship she's on and tosses that boring necklace back into the ocean. (She still hasn't learned to fly. I can not stress how disappointed I am in this fact.)

Okay.

First complaint; If I had known the ship was going to sink I would not have watched it in the first place.

Second: Jack is not King of the World.

Third: Rose really is not very nice for not sharing her door with him.

I think if you want to watch a really long movie with some pretty nice dancing in it. You should watch it. If you want to watch a movie that is going to make you happy, don't. The ship sinks. People die. And the self-proclaimed King of the World sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

I ate about 4 four cupcakes while watching it.

So, I'll give it a four cupcake rating.

Next time I'm going to watch it backwards-that way it will be a happier movie.

Until next week! XoXo, Rekah

Rekah Illyriana · Date: 2011-10-23 21:38 EST

http://i.imgur.com/3Foa1.jpg Columnist: Rekah Illyriana

Rekah Reviews!:Ghostbusters October 23,2011

This week in honor of the spooooooky season I chose a movie starring ghosts.

I thought "Great this movie starts out in a library. Boring." But, books start floating and cards start flying. Then the librarian starts screaming and I think to myself 'Man, if I could do stuff like that without people seeing me I would have a lot of fun.'

So, there are ghosts afoot...OOOoOoOoOOooo (that is me making a ghost noise.)

Now, who are these Ghostbusters" I had to pause the movie here for a little bit ( I know, so soon!) I needed popcorn.

Then I fastfowarded through the parts of people getting zapped. Enter Peter Venkman, and Ray Stantz. Ray is super excited because there is a ghost in the library. (Ray, call me.)

So, Venkman, Stantz and Egon Spengler (henceforth I will call him Spengler) go to the library to check out the paranormal activity (but in Rhy'din it would be pretty normal. I mean, the stew leaves a worse mess when it's ticked off) They go into the stacks and find funny piles of books and slime.

Aw yeah.

It's on.

Unfortunately, it's not really on because catching ghosts is not very profitable. Not even when they are hired by a woman named Dana Barrett who thinks cooking eggs on her counter and keeping a pet dragon in her fridge is fun. (I am pretty sure Icer would have a problem with that!) The dragon's name is Zuul by the way.

So the guys spend time eating take out food and talking to Jeanine (their secretary). She loves Egon-in case you're wondering.

Okay! Suddenly! The guys get a call to catch a ghost that is causing trouble at a big name hotel. The ghostbusters zip off in their car and then show up to do business. They promise not to destroy anything. (Like I promise not to destroy anything. Sorry, Sin!)

They meet Slimer!! He is green and gooey like a big, floating booger with teeth and he eats everything. I am pretty sure that if I were a ghost that is what I would look like. Just warning you all now.

He slimes Venkman. And then they catch him without crossing the streams of their proton packs! Things catch on fire! There is mayhem! And it is awesome!

After this job their business explodes!!! They get busy bustin' ghosts

But, let's not forget about Dana Barrett and her fridge stuffed full of the dragon named Zuul. So, Dana and her neighbor Louis (who is always getting locked out of his apartment) get possessed by Zuul "The Gatekeeper" and Vinz Clortho "The Keymaster". These two have something to do with Gozer the Gozarian who will come to destroy the world!

Allright, some dude comes and shuts off the containment unit freeing ALL the ghosts back into the city. The city goes crazy with ghosts.

The keymaster and the gatekeeper meetup and Gozer is set free!(She is one creepy lookin' lady. And she has fat dragons as pets)

Then she tells the Ghostbusters to pick the form of the destructor...So Egon yells at them to not think about anything..

Then Ray think about the Stay Puft Marshmallow man...Hey, I would think about the marshmallow man too. The mallowman high steps all over town. They set him on fire and then discover the only way to save the day is to cross the streams!!!

There is a big explosion!

Lots of toasted marshmallows go everywhere.

And they are the heroes! The city loves them! Dana and Louis are no longer possessed!

Ray, seriously, call me!

Until next week!

XoXo, Rekah

Who you gonna call"!"!

Edit: My boss said what was your final rating, Rekah"

A BAJILLION cupcakes!

If you want to watch a movie that makes you laugh then this is your movie. If you want to watch a movie that is serious and will make you think then don't watch this movie because you will not be thinking much except about how you should be laughing.