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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
RhyDin's Top Ten Hard-to-Gets and How to Get Them December 27, 2009
RhyDin, RhyDin, RhyDin. We've just got one question to ask" what is up with all the women-hatred going on' We swear" everywhere we turn, there is some kind of catty, claws-out vindictiveness you ladies have for each other. What's the delio' Is it friendly competition' Whatever it is, there are some rumors flying around about a lot of gals - whether they are too cinched and need to loosen up, or are uh' too loose. Rest assured though, Rhydin. We've done our research. We've prowled, we've stalked, and we've dug through garbage cans (What' Post interns have got to have something to do.) to bring you information on some of the quieter or not-so-quiet ladies gracing this part of the multiverse. You want a chance with some of these bombshells, guys, you follow our advice!
Without further ado, we give you the top ten hardest women to get in RhyDin" and how to get them!
10. Rumiko DuShiro Ohhh man. Is it just us, or is Rumiko a complete HOTTIE" Forget about being an exotic flower - this babe is the whole damn garden. We've heard some baseless rumors that this gal is a little stuck-up, and spends most of the time by her lonesome. Now, now, RhyDin. Just because she spends time by her lonesome isn't necessarily negative. It just means she's a private person. We hear she's a pretty rockin" dueler, and a musician to boot. So how do you win over the heart of an artsy angel capable of filleting you open" Get this" inside sources tell us she used to be a barrista in a coffee joint, and completely swoons over a great cup of coffee! No kidding" What a perfect idea for a first date! Why don't you invite her to the duels, and have a late cuppa afterwards" We hear Starlight Caf" serves some of the best lattes in RhyDin. God speed!
9. Kairee Fiery Kairee is by far one of the bubbliest bundles of mischief on this end of the multiverse, and though she has been a little M.I.A. lately, she is by no means forgotten on our list of hard-to-gets. We heard on the grapevine that Fiery Kairee was into a politician guy for a while, but we honestly can't see that happening. What's a dashing flame like Kairee going to do with a bureaucratic dullard" Really! Why is she so hard-to-get, you ask" From what we've heard, this little ball of fun is incredibly selective about who she hangs out with slash talks to. You don't make the cut, and you're going to be ignored, bub. Not that that's a bad thing, though! At least she isn't throwing herself all over every man like some gals in this town - cough-sorority-cough - and keeps an eye on who she should and is seen with! We have to admit it's a liiiiittle snooty, but we can't help but love Fiery Kairee for her spunk, so she's totally forgiven. How do you breach such an impenetrable wall of selectivity, you ask" Present yourself as a polite, articulate gentleman and keep this goddess the focus of attention. We're sure she'll at least do a double-take.
8. Teagan Rielea We know what you're saying. Emmet! You are a mad, crazy brick of a man. Don't you know that Teagan is notoriously' erm' experienced" Yeah, yeah, we've heard. And while we're not going to say exactly what we think about that (clue: Um, yes), we also want to throw an observation in there. So Teagan is notorious for getting around a little bit. But when was the last time you saw her with a flame for over two weeks" EXACTLY. That woman is so slick she is just too quick to slip through your fingers. But let's face it' she's a complete babe, and hilarious to boot! So how do you get on her good side" Well for starters, you can be friendly! Teags has been facing a lot of heat lately for god-knows-why, and it's hardly fair that it's coming from everywhere at once. Once you've broken the ice with a friendly hello, why don't you buy her a drink" We've heard she can really appreciate good tequila, so stick with something top shelf. Ah, but you want to hang on for dear life, don't you? Now that you've seen how fabulous she can be? The one thing we think you need to know about this woman is that she's got a life of her own. She's a bird that ain't meant to be caged, folks - her feathers are just too bright. So we think the key to winning over this beauty's heart is giving her some space! Back off and bask in her glory, guys. She's a babe.
7. Ehzoterik Yeah. Don't think too hard about why we have Ehzbubbles on our hard to get list, because to be brutally honest with you, we're really not entirely sure either. Why is this dame hard to get' Probably because her attention span doesn't last long enough to express any interest. Exactly why you crazy RhyDinians demanded we include her on our list, we're not that sure. Maybe she's got a secret fanbase that no one knows about' Whatever it is, we're going to have to agree that Ehzbubbles" spunk is completely adorable, so yeah we love her. But how to win her over" That's a chin-scratcher. We're willing to believe anything really colorful or flashy or any kind of candy will likely get her attention. Just' go with the flow from there, we guess!
6. Sorcha M. So we hear Miss Sorcha was seen hanging around the DeAusters way back when for some time there. Now while we have absolutely no idea why one of them didn't make a move (seriously - this elf is to die for), we have to give it to her for not mixing business with pleasure. And from what we've heard, Sorcha is all business. We get the feeling this stunning elf is a little wound up. A wild child in disguise. Like she was put in a position she didn't want to be in and just kicked the hell out of it! Sources tell us Sorcha seems a little standoffish at first, but we're willing to bet that if you take little steps to express your interest, you just might wear her down. Be polite, be considerate, and above all, do not piss her off. It just might be the last thing you do!
5. Trixie "Trix" McAllister Well folksies, we've just got to tell you that we are sad to say we don't know too too much about everyone's favorite trickster. What we do know, we can only assemble based on first impressions. So here's what we know. This gal is a dazzling dame who seems to toy dangerously with the line between daring and completely, one hundred percent wicked. By the fact that she is a certified Skidling (That is, she has been seen hanging around nonstop with Skid. He's got his own following. Didn't you know") we are absolutely certain she is a little quirky, if not a lot quirky. She's got a little bit of a potty mouth, and acts all tough, but we're willing to bet she's got a super sweet side". One that's buried beneath oodles of profanity and some delightful tackiness. If it were up to us, we'd have to label Trixie as Teagan Lite. Not quite as forward, but the buzz is most definitely there. We've heard that Trixie is not a bad musician at all, too. Rumor has it she is actually pretty rockin" on the drums (no pun intended). So how do you play to this gal's beat' We recommend being outrageously outgoing, and being ridiculously good-looking. She is just one of those girls who doesn't seem like she'll settle for anything less than fabulous. Not that she should, either" she's a total catch!
4. Rebekah bint Tariq al Ishraq Also known as Bekah Tuhwhahuddawhaduh-we-can't-pronounce-your-name-Gorgeousness. Ladies and gents, this darling little spitfire is the epitome of high maintenance. But between you and us, we're not all that convinced that's a bad thing. Let's face it' with a face like Rebekah's, she can get just about anything she wants. So why should she have to settle" Unfortunately this means she is suh-hoooo hard to please. Even worse" we've heard she's currently dating none other than Lucien Mallorek! Is this not the weirdest pair you have seen" Maybe Mallorek is just used to spoiling women in his life, so Rebekah's no big change. But you want to take a shot at winning over Rebekah, don't you RhyDin" With her hysterical personality, big, beautiful eyes, and tendency to look fabulous in tiaras, who wouldn't want her" Yeah, that's what we THOUGHT. The key to sweeping this jewel off her feet is to make it all about her. Buy her absolutely everything she wants and treat her like the charming queen she is and maybe, just maybe she'll throw you a bone!
3. Magenta G. What' Really, Emmet' Magenta" Yesiree, RhyDin. We've decided to drop Magenta all the way at number three because this woman seems like she's almost impossible to know. Sure, her classy looks and serene demeanor undoubtedly draw you in, but this gal keeps her private life private, and doesn't even give an inch, let alone show a weakness. From what we've heard, this woman is surprisingly altruistic. Although we can't help but wonder if she really gives a damn about those people she's helping, or if she's just way chill because of the stuff she inhales all the time in her line of work! Whatever it is, we're happy that Madame Magenta is around, because otherwise we wouldn't have such a gorgeous pharmacological consultant to poke fun at. All in good fun, Mags. We love you! But what?s the key to getting on her good side, you ask" Believe it or not, we feel like being forward is the only way to get through to this girl! She seems lost in her own little world most of the time, so we're pretty convinced that circuitous, backhanded flirtation will get you nowhere. Outright buy her a drink, and ask if she's interested. If not, move on, bub, because you're not worth her time!
2. Wyheree Ravenlock Oh, wow! Seriously' Anything-but-Cold Ice Queen Wyh makes the list' Yes, RhyDin, but we want you to know that she is not hard to get in a bad way! This woman is, as we have often said, the epitome of class, and totally old-fashioned. New-age playboys might misconstrue that as being stuck-up or, gods forbid, bitchy, but we sincerely assure you that Wyh is anything but. She is incredibly meticulous in speech and manner, obviously indicating a proper upbringing, and is overwhelmingly, almost tooth-achingly sweet. This gal was groomed with the best of them, folks, so it's no wonder she balks at too-forward or vulgar advances. And she should, dagnabbit! Wyh shouldn't have to settle for anything less than perfect! How do you get on that kind of level, you ask" It's not all that hard, actually. Just be a freakin" gentleman. It isn't rocket science! Open the door for her, treat her with respect, and announce your intentions politely. Careful, though! We hear some unnamed lucky lad is already swooping on in to sweep her off her feet! You better grab her before she falls again!
1. Rena A. Cronin Oh yeah, RhyDin. Not that our number one comes as any big shocker, really, given how much this gal has been in the gossip news lately (which may or may not be found in lesser "publications" cough cough cough). But realistically speaking, Rena is probably not only one of the hardest women to get, but also one of the hardest women to know. We've heard the words 'defense mechanism' thrown around like crazy, which makes us wonder" which poor sod was the one who pulled a fast one on our Rena" Seriously. We need his name, address, and a list of his ten worst fears" and why don't you throw in some lye, too, so we can blind him while we do unspoken things we probably shouldn't publish. But whatever the deal is with Rena, she is a fortress, ladies and gents. And she has every right to be, in her position. We swear, that woman does not show one iota of weakness, lest it be exploited and used against her. As a result, she may initially come off as cold. But we're willing to bet she is a big softy on the inside. If you want to even get a chance with this brilliant, beautiful woman, then you better hunker down and be willing to put a lot of time and effort into it. Be kind, be considerate, and above all, do not push. But we promise you, RhyDin" this gal is most certainly worth the wait.
RhyDin's Top Ten Hard-to-Gets and How to Get Them December 27, 2009
RhyDin, RhyDin, RhyDin. We've just got one question to ask" what is up with all the women-hatred going on' We swear" everywhere we turn, there is some kind of catty, claws-out vindictiveness you ladies have for each other. What's the delio' Is it friendly competition' Whatever it is, there are some rumors flying around about a lot of gals - whether they are too cinched and need to loosen up, or are uh' too loose. Rest assured though, Rhydin. We've done our research. We've prowled, we've stalked, and we've dug through garbage cans (What' Post interns have got to have something to do.) to bring you information on some of the quieter or not-so-quiet ladies gracing this part of the multiverse. You want a chance with some of these bombshells, guys, you follow our advice!
Without further ado, we give you the top ten hardest women to get in RhyDin" and how to get them!
10. Rumiko DuShiro Ohhh man. Is it just us, or is Rumiko a complete HOTTIE" Forget about being an exotic flower - this babe is the whole damn garden. We've heard some baseless rumors that this gal is a little stuck-up, and spends most of the time by her lonesome. Now, now, RhyDin. Just because she spends time by her lonesome isn't necessarily negative. It just means she's a private person. We hear she's a pretty rockin" dueler, and a musician to boot. So how do you win over the heart of an artsy angel capable of filleting you open" Get this" inside sources tell us she used to be a barrista in a coffee joint, and completely swoons over a great cup of coffee! No kidding" What a perfect idea for a first date! Why don't you invite her to the duels, and have a late cuppa afterwards" We hear Starlight Caf" serves some of the best lattes in RhyDin. God speed!
9. Kairee Fiery Kairee is by far one of the bubbliest bundles of mischief on this end of the multiverse, and though she has been a little M.I.A. lately, she is by no means forgotten on our list of hard-to-gets. We heard on the grapevine that Fiery Kairee was into a politician guy for a while, but we honestly can't see that happening. What's a dashing flame like Kairee going to do with a bureaucratic dullard" Really! Why is she so hard-to-get, you ask" From what we've heard, this little ball of fun is incredibly selective about who she hangs out with slash talks to. You don't make the cut, and you're going to be ignored, bub. Not that that's a bad thing, though! At least she isn't throwing herself all over every man like some gals in this town - cough-sorority-cough - and keeps an eye on who she should and is seen with! We have to admit it's a liiiiittle snooty, but we can't help but love Fiery Kairee for her spunk, so she's totally forgiven. How do you breach such an impenetrable wall of selectivity, you ask" Present yourself as a polite, articulate gentleman and keep this goddess the focus of attention. We're sure she'll at least do a double-take.
8. Teagan Rielea We know what you're saying. Emmet! You are a mad, crazy brick of a man. Don't you know that Teagan is notoriously' erm' experienced" Yeah, yeah, we've heard. And while we're not going to say exactly what we think about that (clue: Um, yes), we also want to throw an observation in there. So Teagan is notorious for getting around a little bit. But when was the last time you saw her with a flame for over two weeks" EXACTLY. That woman is so slick she is just too quick to slip through your fingers. But let's face it' she's a complete babe, and hilarious to boot! So how do you get on her good side" Well for starters, you can be friendly! Teags has been facing a lot of heat lately for god-knows-why, and it's hardly fair that it's coming from everywhere at once. Once you've broken the ice with a friendly hello, why don't you buy her a drink" We've heard she can really appreciate good tequila, so stick with something top shelf. Ah, but you want to hang on for dear life, don't you? Now that you've seen how fabulous she can be? The one thing we think you need to know about this woman is that she's got a life of her own. She's a bird that ain't meant to be caged, folks - her feathers are just too bright. So we think the key to winning over this beauty's heart is giving her some space! Back off and bask in her glory, guys. She's a babe.
7. Ehzoterik Yeah. Don't think too hard about why we have Ehzbubbles on our hard to get list, because to be brutally honest with you, we're really not entirely sure either. Why is this dame hard to get' Probably because her attention span doesn't last long enough to express any interest. Exactly why you crazy RhyDinians demanded we include her on our list, we're not that sure. Maybe she's got a secret fanbase that no one knows about' Whatever it is, we're going to have to agree that Ehzbubbles" spunk is completely adorable, so yeah we love her. But how to win her over" That's a chin-scratcher. We're willing to believe anything really colorful or flashy or any kind of candy will likely get her attention. Just' go with the flow from there, we guess!
6. Sorcha M. So we hear Miss Sorcha was seen hanging around the DeAusters way back when for some time there. Now while we have absolutely no idea why one of them didn't make a move (seriously - this elf is to die for), we have to give it to her for not mixing business with pleasure. And from what we've heard, Sorcha is all business. We get the feeling this stunning elf is a little wound up. A wild child in disguise. Like she was put in a position she didn't want to be in and just kicked the hell out of it! Sources tell us Sorcha seems a little standoffish at first, but we're willing to bet that if you take little steps to express your interest, you just might wear her down. Be polite, be considerate, and above all, do not piss her off. It just might be the last thing you do!
5. Trixie "Trix" McAllister Well folksies, we've just got to tell you that we are sad to say we don't know too too much about everyone's favorite trickster. What we do know, we can only assemble based on first impressions. So here's what we know. This gal is a dazzling dame who seems to toy dangerously with the line between daring and completely, one hundred percent wicked. By the fact that she is a certified Skidling (That is, she has been seen hanging around nonstop with Skid. He's got his own following. Didn't you know") we are absolutely certain she is a little quirky, if not a lot quirky. She's got a little bit of a potty mouth, and acts all tough, but we're willing to bet she's got a super sweet side". One that's buried beneath oodles of profanity and some delightful tackiness. If it were up to us, we'd have to label Trixie as Teagan Lite. Not quite as forward, but the buzz is most definitely there. We've heard that Trixie is not a bad musician at all, too. Rumor has it she is actually pretty rockin" on the drums (no pun intended). So how do you play to this gal's beat' We recommend being outrageously outgoing, and being ridiculously good-looking. She is just one of those girls who doesn't seem like she'll settle for anything less than fabulous. Not that she should, either" she's a total catch!
4. Rebekah bint Tariq al Ishraq Also known as Bekah Tuhwhahuddawhaduh-we-can't-pronounce-your-name-Gorgeousness. Ladies and gents, this darling little spitfire is the epitome of high maintenance. But between you and us, we're not all that convinced that's a bad thing. Let's face it' with a face like Rebekah's, she can get just about anything she wants. So why should she have to settle" Unfortunately this means she is suh-hoooo hard to please. Even worse" we've heard she's currently dating none other than Lucien Mallorek! Is this not the weirdest pair you have seen" Maybe Mallorek is just used to spoiling women in his life, so Rebekah's no big change. But you want to take a shot at winning over Rebekah, don't you RhyDin" With her hysterical personality, big, beautiful eyes, and tendency to look fabulous in tiaras, who wouldn't want her" Yeah, that's what we THOUGHT. The key to sweeping this jewel off her feet is to make it all about her. Buy her absolutely everything she wants and treat her like the charming queen she is and maybe, just maybe she'll throw you a bone!
3. Magenta G. What' Really, Emmet' Magenta" Yesiree, RhyDin. We've decided to drop Magenta all the way at number three because this woman seems like she's almost impossible to know. Sure, her classy looks and serene demeanor undoubtedly draw you in, but this gal keeps her private life private, and doesn't even give an inch, let alone show a weakness. From what we've heard, this woman is surprisingly altruistic. Although we can't help but wonder if she really gives a damn about those people she's helping, or if she's just way chill because of the stuff she inhales all the time in her line of work! Whatever it is, we're happy that Madame Magenta is around, because otherwise we wouldn't have such a gorgeous pharmacological consultant to poke fun at. All in good fun, Mags. We love you! But what?s the key to getting on her good side, you ask" Believe it or not, we feel like being forward is the only way to get through to this girl! She seems lost in her own little world most of the time, so we're pretty convinced that circuitous, backhanded flirtation will get you nowhere. Outright buy her a drink, and ask if she's interested. If not, move on, bub, because you're not worth her time!
2. Wyheree Ravenlock Oh, wow! Seriously' Anything-but-Cold Ice Queen Wyh makes the list' Yes, RhyDin, but we want you to know that she is not hard to get in a bad way! This woman is, as we have often said, the epitome of class, and totally old-fashioned. New-age playboys might misconstrue that as being stuck-up or, gods forbid, bitchy, but we sincerely assure you that Wyh is anything but. She is incredibly meticulous in speech and manner, obviously indicating a proper upbringing, and is overwhelmingly, almost tooth-achingly sweet. This gal was groomed with the best of them, folks, so it's no wonder she balks at too-forward or vulgar advances. And she should, dagnabbit! Wyh shouldn't have to settle for anything less than perfect! How do you get on that kind of level, you ask" It's not all that hard, actually. Just be a freakin" gentleman. It isn't rocket science! Open the door for her, treat her with respect, and announce your intentions politely. Careful, though! We hear some unnamed lucky lad is already swooping on in to sweep her off her feet! You better grab her before she falls again!
1. Rena A. Cronin Oh yeah, RhyDin. Not that our number one comes as any big shocker, really, given how much this gal has been in the gossip news lately (which may or may not be found in lesser "publications" cough cough cough). But realistically speaking, Rena is probably not only one of the hardest women to get, but also one of the hardest women to know. We've heard the words 'defense mechanism' thrown around like crazy, which makes us wonder" which poor sod was the one who pulled a fast one on our Rena" Seriously. We need his name, address, and a list of his ten worst fears" and why don't you throw in some lye, too, so we can blind him while we do unspoken things we probably shouldn't publish. But whatever the deal is with Rena, she is a fortress, ladies and gents. And she has every right to be, in her position. We swear, that woman does not show one iota of weakness, lest it be exploited and used against her. As a result, she may initially come off as cold. But we're willing to bet she is a big softy on the inside. If you want to even get a chance with this brilliant, beautiful woman, then you better hunker down and be willing to put a lot of time and effort into it. Be kind, be considerate, and above all, do not push. But we promise you, RhyDin" this gal is most certainly worth the wait.