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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll: The Week in Review! June 19, 2011
And by rock and roll, I mean of course only rocking and rolling. Usually in public.
I suppose I should be glad that there is twice as much scandal this week as the last time I blathered on to the entire world about everyone's most private business and deepest secrets. I should be glad. But I'm not. You want to know why not, RhyDin" Because you are making it more and more difficult for me to write about you! What GIVES with all the freaking secrecy"! Honestly! This is RhyDin we're talking about! Asking someone to be hush hush about their sex life is like sending Mur to Ireland and expecting him to spend his time there touring cathedrals. It. Doesn't. Happen! This city thrives on sex and mischief, so it seems completely unnatural for everyone to suddenly be so shy all the time. Ain't nothing wrong with airing a little laundry from time to time, folks. I do because I love!
First things first this week: NEW PEOPLE WATCH. Actually, it turns out that Vera, a very appetizing gypsy of a woman has actually been to RhyDin before " at least we gathered that much based on her complete indifference to what sounded like explosives going off inside the Inn mid-conversation. Word has it that conversation entailed Mesteno and Riley. O.K. Is it just me or is Mesteno getting to be a nice guy' I haven't heard him grunt crabbily in reply in quite some time, and quite honestly it is making me a little bit nervous. Earlier this week he and Katt and Riley were reportedly all hanging out on the porch and having good times until something random made them scatter like roaches. Maybe Riley finally dropped the "L" word" Not love, folks, but pure, unbridled lust. I mean, of course she and Ex-Constable Hotstuff are PERFECT for each other and they are rarely not into one another's pants, but having observed her interaction with Mesteno for some time now I am fairly sure that she would very much like to have hot, hot smexy time with him. Seriously, who wouldn't'
However" Just when I was making up my mind about his smushiness, I hear the next day Mesteno was spotted with the always charming Yeardley in the Inn giving some barbaric almost-tattoos to some (arguably good-looking) guy with insanely long hair. Three questions. One: Is being naked absolutely necessary' Two: If it is, aren't there more hygienic places for that than a bar" And three: Are you taking commissions" Apparently during the gruesome-yet-strangely-thrilling process (I've been in RhyDin too long) Yeardley was relentlessly cracking jokes, making it darn near impossible for Mesteno to draw " er" carve exactly what he wanted. It sounds like the whole incident is like one of those kanji tattoo horror stories people tell you about. How they walk in expecting something like "The Art of the Dragon' and walk out with "My serpent is colorful" scrawled permanently up their arm. Long story short, kids, don't do drugs. Or do like I did and get the thing somewhere that can be covered up. Not the whole world needs to read about your serpent, as colorful as it may be. That is, unless our pal bucko decides to pull the Adam and Eve thing day in and day out, in which case drugs might actually be necessary.
Ali and Fury apparently showed up at one point this week arm-in-arm to have a chat with "Lanta and Gem out on the porch! Unfortunately our sources could only stalk uselessly from the window, so they weren't able to make out much of what was said. But from what we've gathered, Ali and Fury must have had some goooood times out on the town. I can't say much else, other than I would kill to play quarters with someone like Ali or Fury. Chances are that would be one hell of a party and someone would end up naked or dead by the end of the night. Hoorah!
I really don't see how an argument over how Taneth is wonderful could go in any direction but one, but with Harris involved I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Word has it that conversation somehow led to formerly-known-as-May-Queen Lilliana getting ridiculously ticked off during her shift. That woman is under-appreciated, and it gets under my skin. It takes a certain kind of personality to be a successful tender here in RhyDin, and Lilli is one of those few and rare people who can fill that niche. If you folks don't treat her well, people like Harris will be the only ones left to sling drinks. Yeah, enjoy your dishwater.
On an A.P. note (that's Awww, Precious) to you, at some point a cute little thing I think's name is Kassie was seen asking Lilli if she could use to kitchen to make something for her boyfriend's birthday. Serious A.P. moment there, kids. I think women in this town forget that there are nicer things to give your men for their birthdays besides crazy fetish sex.
O.K. Maybe baking the guys something is a distant second.
Speaking of Taneth, though, we hear that she was racing around the Inn Wednesday or Thursday trying to get input on possible names for what sounded like pets. While we only heard one or two, I do have to say that Deathlord is a definite winner so far. I mean who doesn't want to be named after an incontinent furball what slobbers and chews on everything" Ebon didn't seem to be too flustered when his name came up as one of the possibilities, but then he doesn't seem like the kind of man who would deny Taneth anything. In fact, I am scared for the man that tries to. That kind of crime will haunt your conscience forever.
Seriously, that the porch is getting to be the signature hang out place at the Inn is kiiiiind of making me annoyed. If you want real privacy, people, then lock yourselves in the one bathroom we didn't bu- uhhh' Then. Who said anything" I said nothing. You all have complete and total privacy. But that doesn't stop me from having noticed that Mack and Liam and Correy were hovering around the porch some time on the sixteenth " how do I put this " well, to respect their privacy somewhat, they were apparently all very relaxed. While we naturally have no information on what the exchange was between those three (the verbal exchange, anyway), rumor has it Correy and Mack both weren't looking too hot. That sucks substantially for both, seeing as Correy " whenever we've seen him " has usually been high on life (as opposed to other things); and it sucks just as much for Mack, because I was actually just starting to like her. Maybe I'll send them each a basket of brownies and a box of poptarts and hope for the best.
You know, I never thought I'd say this, but don't-write-gossip-about-me Daniel and one-track-mind local starlet Lelah actually look pretty darn good together. From what my sources and I have seen Lelah's manjuggling seems to have dwindled slightly, and I'm taking it as a good sign that she has only been spotted with Daniel lately. He's definitely got the oozing-testosterone protective male thing going on, so much as we poke fun at him over here I can at least admit that just about any girl would be lucky to have him (don't make me eat my words, dude). After watching Lelah's interaction and her body language with him, though, I still get the impression that she's holding a heck of a lot back. She doesn't strike me as a person who lets others in easily, and I can imagine that can be ridiculously frustrating. I guess we'll just have to see if Daniel is willing to stick it out until something inside her clicks or she decides to move on again. Shame.
On a similarly serious note, there appears to be some major drama going on between Audrey and Judah. And I don't mean that in the sense of Tara's-got-a-new-husband kind of drama. I mean actual commotion, with tension so thick between them I can stick my finger up and poke a hole in it. I don't know when it happened, but at some point Audrey dropped her hyperactive, candy-loving persona and became this moody grown-up. Who knows if Judah had anything to do with it (as he isn't exactly known for his way with women), but I just hope that things fizzle out a little bit, because Audrey is only Audrey when she is audacious.
It's been a while since we've seen Logan and Susan around, but from what I hear they are behaving just as platonically as ever. I don't know what Susan's deal is, but almost every time we seem to see her around she kind of gives off the impression that she needs some Preparation H or something. It's too bad, too, because Susan is one serious slice of hotness, and pairing her with Logan for an evening has some wicked possibilities. Someone ought to give her a faewyne IV or something, just to shake the ice off.
I think almost every gossip edition of the Post deserves an O.M.G. moment, so here's ours for today: O.M.G. DARCY!!! Darcy "Too Many Names" Shimmerscale Whatever was in the Red Dragon IN THE FLESH! Her time spent among the living as far as we know was very brief, but rest assured my people collected various DNA samples to ensure that it was actually her. I can at last confirm to you that it was, that she is healthy, and that she needs to drink more water. Rumor has it she had words very briefly with Victor and Anyanka, but that much we can't confirm. It's at least good to see the woman of a thousand names has not died in some horrible freak jello accident.
So apparently Kazzy was, like, mudwrestling with naked virgins and junk. Her words, not mine. I made my intern recite it three times verbatim to make sure I got it right. I'm not sure whether to be jazzed or terrified that this priceless jewel has a spot on Fio's gover-whichamahasit groupie meeting thing. I mean, I'm sure there are more than a few people who wouldn't mind a little more naked mudwrestling in this city " especially publicly funded naked mudwrestling " but when bureaucracy is involved it kind of takes all the fun out of it. Plus there's the timeless question of whether they're real or not. And I am referring to the actual wrestling matches here, folks " get your minds out of the gutter. Anyway. So apparently Kazzy showed up earlier this week completely caked in mud (nothing out of the ordinary for her) and was seen getting down and dirty with Grem right there in the Inn's lobby. Grem didn't seem to mind; in fact, I rather think he enjoyed Kazzy's dirty dirty advances, which at one point ended in the hot, exhilarating confines of a steamy shower. Gotta love those two. And no, I will not clarify or rephrase that paragraph AT ALL.
Would you believe that Candy is back in RhyDin" After being gone for quite a while, she was spotted shooting the breeze with Jochin and a new face named Sayuri. After a few flirtatious winks were exchanged, I am told plans were made for them to hit the duels " both of them! I honestly can't remember the last time Jochin was even near some of the dueling venues, but maybe that's because blood and gore in excess aren't really my thing. From what my colleagues in the sports center tell me Candy isn't half bad, so it sounds like Jochin's got his work cut out for him. Either way, this has the serious potential to explode into some ridiculously sexily gratifying and titillating physical experience. And no, I am not clarifying or rephrasing that either.
That's all for now, RhyDin! You stay sassy!
Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll: The Week in Review! June 19, 2011
And by rock and roll, I mean of course only rocking and rolling. Usually in public.
I suppose I should be glad that there is twice as much scandal this week as the last time I blathered on to the entire world about everyone's most private business and deepest secrets. I should be glad. But I'm not. You want to know why not, RhyDin" Because you are making it more and more difficult for me to write about you! What GIVES with all the freaking secrecy"! Honestly! This is RhyDin we're talking about! Asking someone to be hush hush about their sex life is like sending Mur to Ireland and expecting him to spend his time there touring cathedrals. It. Doesn't. Happen! This city thrives on sex and mischief, so it seems completely unnatural for everyone to suddenly be so shy all the time. Ain't nothing wrong with airing a little laundry from time to time, folks. I do because I love!
First things first this week: NEW PEOPLE WATCH. Actually, it turns out that Vera, a very appetizing gypsy of a woman has actually been to RhyDin before " at least we gathered that much based on her complete indifference to what sounded like explosives going off inside the Inn mid-conversation. Word has it that conversation entailed Mesteno and Riley. O.K. Is it just me or is Mesteno getting to be a nice guy' I haven't heard him grunt crabbily in reply in quite some time, and quite honestly it is making me a little bit nervous. Earlier this week he and Katt and Riley were reportedly all hanging out on the porch and having good times until something random made them scatter like roaches. Maybe Riley finally dropped the "L" word" Not love, folks, but pure, unbridled lust. I mean, of course she and Ex-Constable Hotstuff are PERFECT for each other and they are rarely not into one another's pants, but having observed her interaction with Mesteno for some time now I am fairly sure that she would very much like to have hot, hot smexy time with him. Seriously, who wouldn't'
However" Just when I was making up my mind about his smushiness, I hear the next day Mesteno was spotted with the always charming Yeardley in the Inn giving some barbaric almost-tattoos to some (arguably good-looking) guy with insanely long hair. Three questions. One: Is being naked absolutely necessary' Two: If it is, aren't there more hygienic places for that than a bar" And three: Are you taking commissions" Apparently during the gruesome-yet-strangely-thrilling process (I've been in RhyDin too long) Yeardley was relentlessly cracking jokes, making it darn near impossible for Mesteno to draw " er" carve exactly what he wanted. It sounds like the whole incident is like one of those kanji tattoo horror stories people tell you about. How they walk in expecting something like "The Art of the Dragon' and walk out with "My serpent is colorful" scrawled permanently up their arm. Long story short, kids, don't do drugs. Or do like I did and get the thing somewhere that can be covered up. Not the whole world needs to read about your serpent, as colorful as it may be. That is, unless our pal bucko decides to pull the Adam and Eve thing day in and day out, in which case drugs might actually be necessary.
Ali and Fury apparently showed up at one point this week arm-in-arm to have a chat with "Lanta and Gem out on the porch! Unfortunately our sources could only stalk uselessly from the window, so they weren't able to make out much of what was said. But from what we've gathered, Ali and Fury must have had some goooood times out on the town. I can't say much else, other than I would kill to play quarters with someone like Ali or Fury. Chances are that would be one hell of a party and someone would end up naked or dead by the end of the night. Hoorah!
I really don't see how an argument over how Taneth is wonderful could go in any direction but one, but with Harris involved I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Word has it that conversation somehow led to formerly-known-as-May-Queen Lilliana getting ridiculously ticked off during her shift. That woman is under-appreciated, and it gets under my skin. It takes a certain kind of personality to be a successful tender here in RhyDin, and Lilli is one of those few and rare people who can fill that niche. If you folks don't treat her well, people like Harris will be the only ones left to sling drinks. Yeah, enjoy your dishwater.
On an A.P. note (that's Awww, Precious) to you, at some point a cute little thing I think's name is Kassie was seen asking Lilli if she could use to kitchen to make something for her boyfriend's birthday. Serious A.P. moment there, kids. I think women in this town forget that there are nicer things to give your men for their birthdays besides crazy fetish sex.
O.K. Maybe baking the guys something is a distant second.
Speaking of Taneth, though, we hear that she was racing around the Inn Wednesday or Thursday trying to get input on possible names for what sounded like pets. While we only heard one or two, I do have to say that Deathlord is a definite winner so far. I mean who doesn't want to be named after an incontinent furball what slobbers and chews on everything" Ebon didn't seem to be too flustered when his name came up as one of the possibilities, but then he doesn't seem like the kind of man who would deny Taneth anything. In fact, I am scared for the man that tries to. That kind of crime will haunt your conscience forever.
Seriously, that the porch is getting to be the signature hang out place at the Inn is kiiiiind of making me annoyed. If you want real privacy, people, then lock yourselves in the one bathroom we didn't bu- uhhh' Then. Who said anything" I said nothing. You all have complete and total privacy. But that doesn't stop me from having noticed that Mack and Liam and Correy were hovering around the porch some time on the sixteenth " how do I put this " well, to respect their privacy somewhat, they were apparently all very relaxed. While we naturally have no information on what the exchange was between those three (the verbal exchange, anyway), rumor has it Correy and Mack both weren't looking too hot. That sucks substantially for both, seeing as Correy " whenever we've seen him " has usually been high on life (as opposed to other things); and it sucks just as much for Mack, because I was actually just starting to like her. Maybe I'll send them each a basket of brownies and a box of poptarts and hope for the best.
You know, I never thought I'd say this, but don't-write-gossip-about-me Daniel and one-track-mind local starlet Lelah actually look pretty darn good together. From what my sources and I have seen Lelah's manjuggling seems to have dwindled slightly, and I'm taking it as a good sign that she has only been spotted with Daniel lately. He's definitely got the oozing-testosterone protective male thing going on, so much as we poke fun at him over here I can at least admit that just about any girl would be lucky to have him (don't make me eat my words, dude). After watching Lelah's interaction and her body language with him, though, I still get the impression that she's holding a heck of a lot back. She doesn't strike me as a person who lets others in easily, and I can imagine that can be ridiculously frustrating. I guess we'll just have to see if Daniel is willing to stick it out until something inside her clicks or she decides to move on again. Shame.
On a similarly serious note, there appears to be some major drama going on between Audrey and Judah. And I don't mean that in the sense of Tara's-got-a-new-husband kind of drama. I mean actual commotion, with tension so thick between them I can stick my finger up and poke a hole in it. I don't know when it happened, but at some point Audrey dropped her hyperactive, candy-loving persona and became this moody grown-up. Who knows if Judah had anything to do with it (as he isn't exactly known for his way with women), but I just hope that things fizzle out a little bit, because Audrey is only Audrey when she is audacious.
It's been a while since we've seen Logan and Susan around, but from what I hear they are behaving just as platonically as ever. I don't know what Susan's deal is, but almost every time we seem to see her around she kind of gives off the impression that she needs some Preparation H or something. It's too bad, too, because Susan is one serious slice of hotness, and pairing her with Logan for an evening has some wicked possibilities. Someone ought to give her a faewyne IV or something, just to shake the ice off.
I think almost every gossip edition of the Post deserves an O.M.G. moment, so here's ours for today: O.M.G. DARCY!!! Darcy "Too Many Names" Shimmerscale Whatever was in the Red Dragon IN THE FLESH! Her time spent among the living as far as we know was very brief, but rest assured my people collected various DNA samples to ensure that it was actually her. I can at last confirm to you that it was, that she is healthy, and that she needs to drink more water. Rumor has it she had words very briefly with Victor and Anyanka, but that much we can't confirm. It's at least good to see the woman of a thousand names has not died in some horrible freak jello accident.
So apparently Kazzy was, like, mudwrestling with naked virgins and junk. Her words, not mine. I made my intern recite it three times verbatim to make sure I got it right. I'm not sure whether to be jazzed or terrified that this priceless jewel has a spot on Fio's gover-whichamahasit groupie meeting thing. I mean, I'm sure there are more than a few people who wouldn't mind a little more naked mudwrestling in this city " especially publicly funded naked mudwrestling " but when bureaucracy is involved it kind of takes all the fun out of it. Plus there's the timeless question of whether they're real or not. And I am referring to the actual wrestling matches here, folks " get your minds out of the gutter. Anyway. So apparently Kazzy showed up earlier this week completely caked in mud (nothing out of the ordinary for her) and was seen getting down and dirty with Grem right there in the Inn's lobby. Grem didn't seem to mind; in fact, I rather think he enjoyed Kazzy's dirty dirty advances, which at one point ended in the hot, exhilarating confines of a steamy shower. Gotta love those two. And no, I will not clarify or rephrase that paragraph AT ALL.
Would you believe that Candy is back in RhyDin" After being gone for quite a while, she was spotted shooting the breeze with Jochin and a new face named Sayuri. After a few flirtatious winks were exchanged, I am told plans were made for them to hit the duels " both of them! I honestly can't remember the last time Jochin was even near some of the dueling venues, but maybe that's because blood and gore in excess aren't really my thing. From what my colleagues in the sports center tell me Candy isn't half bad, so it sounds like Jochin's got his work cut out for him. Either way, this has the serious potential to explode into some ridiculously sexily gratifying and titillating physical experience. And no, I am not clarifying or rephrasing that either.
That's all for now, RhyDin! You stay sassy!