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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Sexiness, Secrets, and Stand-Ups: The Week in Review! September 4, 2011
Long week, folks!
Rather than give you your usual introduction before we get to the gossip, I have been instructed by my editor that I need to take this opportunity to give my readers a little heads-up regarding October. Unless you've been living under a rock (and I hear that the weather there is very nice this time of year) or, god forbid, you don't read our newspaper, you should know by now that the Post recently ran an ad about an upcoming event called "Color Your City." But while we're mostly keeping it hush-hush for now, I have been told that I can at least inform my readers that yes, the event will be hosted by the Post, and yes, GASP! I " among others - will be there.
Interested" I would be too.
But now, not to dangle the carrot and then run off and eat it, I must unfortunately zip my lip and get down to gossip. Just remember to keep checking in with us for further information about October eighth!
I'll start things off with the W.T.F. moment of the week: I am officially terrified of Lizzie. I mean, I adore her and everything, but getting on that chick's bad side has some frightening consequences. Monday in the good "ol RDI, some familiar guy whose name escapes me reportedly seriously ticked off that little ball of fire, and the two proceeded to get into an all-out brawl " and by brawl, I mean Lizzie kicking and screaming and spitting while this dude just smirked like an a-hole. I don't care who started it, dude, but you ought to know better than to provoke the sugar gremlin. The pure inertia of her rage is uncanny and life threatening. I'm told he held his own until the reliable Smokey showed up and swiftly settled it, but seriously' what does this guy want, a medal for groping the hell out of a livid stranger" I swear he's like a real-life troller, and I honestly don't see how some people get off on things like that.
On the other hand, Smokey has definitely skyrocketed to my awesome list after the way he handled that particular incident. Furthermore, he was able to efficiently defuse the bomb that is "lil Lizzie, and did so without coming off like a fool. Nice catch there, Liz!
Speaking of good blokes, Eregor's gentlemanly manners never fail to impress. I'm told that he and Ella had a cheery chat recently over some serious stuff, and though my sources still have yet to tell me exactly what happened to our beloved Ella, he said little to nothing about her appearance. Yes, yes, he's a good man, but without arrogant a-holes, how am I supposed to find out the gossip in the world" Anybody' Aaaaaanybody'
Who is this new chick that Arlin was seen with Monday' Rumor has it that shortly after the two began chatting the guy had her leaving with him. Seriously' Less than an hour it takes you to make your move" Dude, teach me. My sources couldn't catch wind of their entire conversation, but from what I've been told it may or may not have had something to do with color. So allow me to recreate the conversation for you. Ahem.
A: "Hey, baby, what?s up?" ": "The sky, yo." A: "The sky is blue." ": "The sky is also white. You know what else is white?" A: "I don't know. Q-tips." ": "Oh my god I love Q-tips please take me home and make sweet, sweet love to me!" A: "Word."
I wish things went that smoothly for me. The last response I gave a woman to that question didn't end very well.
Not that we haven't had interesting Logans before, but Monday also saw the arrival of a new and much more interesting Logan than usual. I'm told he is unfortunate enough to be one of those 'drag and drop" type folks in RhyDin (I swear, sometimes I think of the Nexus as some sadistic fat kid playing society simulation games), and may have hailed originally from Chicago, where much of my family currently lives. Represent! All in all he's a pretty intimidating looking guy, but his head seems to be in order (for now. Give it time). And from what I hear he also received a warm (well, warm for her) welcome from love of my life Gigi Granger. Well, if that guy lives through a night under her guidance, then he just might make it in RhyDin.
O.K. Seriously' I give up trying to keep track of mannizer Aja's manly bebopping. You know I have no problem with casting a wide net, and contrary to previously affirmed beliefs I don't find Padriq to be that bad a fellow, but if you are going to man-jump, don't you think you could try' oh, I don't know. Someone new" I feel like all she does is revisit old haunts in the hopes of rekindling some flames. You left "em for a reason, honey.
Courtesy of Tass, I have, come this issue, decided to introduce a Long Time No See mention in further articles should they warrant it. So this week's L.T.N.S. moment goes to the old man for this week's jolly appearances. It's not often we see Tass hanging around the RDI, and when we do it's always a treat. Although' I just have a liiiiittle question, as I'm sure it's just a misinterpretation on my part. Isn't there something just a little strange about Rhiannon calling Tass "Papa" at the same time he is ogling her legs" Because that's sure what it looked like he was doing. I get that the old man's unorthodox (believe me, I know from personal experience), but I feel like there is some line that is about to be crossed here if I don't scream and stomp loudly enough. On the bright side, I can happily point out that that member of the MacLeod clan is now legal. Though now I feel like I'm crossing a line of my own.
So apparently Issy is using the Red Dragon to recruit Watch people. Well, I suppose it wouldn't be the first time it was done coughRileycoughcough and the RDI is as good a place as any, but you have to wonder what kind of standards are had when they are recruiting folks who know little to nothing about our city. From what I hear this guy Bart that our favorite Issy was talking to didn't even realize that we have a governor. Seriously' Do you people even READ our newspaper"! Or do you just pick up the issues strictly for the crossword puzzles" (And speaking of, eleven across is cuticle.) Good thing Issy was quick to set him straight about how well of a job Helston al Amat is doing, but then she's already waist-deep in that kind of goodwill work all on her own. Until the Watch blooms a little bit more, though, I feel like we need some kind of a crash course in RhyDin nonsense for would-be cops. Heck, if Tara were around much anymore, I would recommend her as the instructor in a heartbeat.
But alas, the aforemention also brings us to our O.M.G. moment of the week: Issy in a dress. That's right, folks, I have not died nor did I sniff my glue stick this morning. Our sexy soldier was spotted Tuesday wearing an outrageously conspicuous gown that Taneth brought her (for who knows why, at this point. No, seriously. Who knows why") and showing it off in front of high minister of hot misguided genius Kazzy, the always appreciated Grem, and a handful of other kind folks that will probably now not live until the end of the week (or at the very least, suffer enough brain damage to induce amnesia). From what I hear, though, she rocked it; and were my sources not so paralyzed with shock, they might have gotten six rolls of film of such an incident. As it is, alas, we only have five. Very, very sad.
But speaking of Issy! Rumor has it one of the gals from her crowd, Janie, was kindasorta all over here-let-me-show-off-my-money Bruce on Thursday. I really don't know how that is going to work out, since as far as we've seen most of the guy's efforts since he's been here have been pretty hit-or-miss. But I guess when a woman throws herself at you and shoves her boobs in your face, you're kind of obligated to take her out at least once. Or, in this case, take her in.
That wasn't the only part of Issy's crowd that has been around lately, though! I also hear that at some point that week she was introducing Perceval The Hero (a name which I too have just now adopted, because I think it suits him quite decently) to old familiars like Vixen and Delphinia, both of whom took to him very quickly. And who wouldn't' Being angry with Perceval is like being angry with Santa Claus" if Santa Claus could kill you with one hand tied behind his back. It's a compliment, friend. A compliment!
Now" JUST because I've been getting flack about favoring humanoids, let me point out a moment had in the RDI between cat thing Batosai (who actually seems to be O.K. to hang around with) and cat thing Suri. Sources tell me Wednesday saw major cat thing cuteness - and believe me, I will keep calling them that until I learn the names of their actual species " but I don't buy it. I get that some men " er, males" " like the hyper-juvenile thing in a woman " female" " but the vibe that these two give off is way too platonic" despite that Suri was seen giving him a ring of all things. To me, their togetherness just comes off as playtime. But then again, it could be a cross-species attraction discrepancy that I'll never understand. And truth be told, I'd hate to see what not-playtime looked like. No offense. Whatevs. Enjoy your catness.
O.M.G. moment of the week number two! What' I can have as many dang O.M.G. moments as I want. Don't judge. Anyway....WOLVIE was spotted! Granted, it was only for like five minutes and the people who spotted him on my team were only walking by the Inn at the time" so it could very well have just been a cardboard stand-up of him or something" BUT O.M.G.! Where has that guy been" Seriously. You can't rank number four our Top 25 list and then completely disappear. The responsibility of being one of the sexiest men (or women) in RhyDin is to always show up now and again in order to remind RhyDin of your sexiness. Don't shirk your duties, Top Twenty-Fives. Sexiness is a privilege, not a right.
Speaking of cat things" I think Leo Herrrrracleides (can't get enough of that guy's name) and Ian illustrate a good point. Sometime during one of their conversations, the two were heard criticizing the Kirn in RhyDin and the way they deal with things " namely through magic or sex. Excuse me, but what?s wrong with sex" I'll admit that oozing blue magic right smack in the middle of public is going a little too far, but people in RhyDin have to blow off steam somehow.
But on that happy note, I'll have to end this week's column as I have other people to confront in person. Don't forget to stay tuned, and as always, stay sassy!
Sexiness, Secrets, and Stand-Ups: The Week in Review! September 4, 2011
Long week, folks!
Rather than give you your usual introduction before we get to the gossip, I have been instructed by my editor that I need to take this opportunity to give my readers a little heads-up regarding October. Unless you've been living under a rock (and I hear that the weather there is very nice this time of year) or, god forbid, you don't read our newspaper, you should know by now that the Post recently ran an ad about an upcoming event called "Color Your City." But while we're mostly keeping it hush-hush for now, I have been told that I can at least inform my readers that yes, the event will be hosted by the Post, and yes, GASP! I " among others - will be there.
Interested" I would be too.
But now, not to dangle the carrot and then run off and eat it, I must unfortunately zip my lip and get down to gossip. Just remember to keep checking in with us for further information about October eighth!
I'll start things off with the W.T.F. moment of the week: I am officially terrified of Lizzie. I mean, I adore her and everything, but getting on that chick's bad side has some frightening consequences. Monday in the good "ol RDI, some familiar guy whose name escapes me reportedly seriously ticked off that little ball of fire, and the two proceeded to get into an all-out brawl " and by brawl, I mean Lizzie kicking and screaming and spitting while this dude just smirked like an a-hole. I don't care who started it, dude, but you ought to know better than to provoke the sugar gremlin. The pure inertia of her rage is uncanny and life threatening. I'm told he held his own until the reliable Smokey showed up and swiftly settled it, but seriously' what does this guy want, a medal for groping the hell out of a livid stranger" I swear he's like a real-life troller, and I honestly don't see how some people get off on things like that.
On the other hand, Smokey has definitely skyrocketed to my awesome list after the way he handled that particular incident. Furthermore, he was able to efficiently defuse the bomb that is "lil Lizzie, and did so without coming off like a fool. Nice catch there, Liz!
Speaking of good blokes, Eregor's gentlemanly manners never fail to impress. I'm told that he and Ella had a cheery chat recently over some serious stuff, and though my sources still have yet to tell me exactly what happened to our beloved Ella, he said little to nothing about her appearance. Yes, yes, he's a good man, but without arrogant a-holes, how am I supposed to find out the gossip in the world" Anybody' Aaaaaanybody'
Who is this new chick that Arlin was seen with Monday' Rumor has it that shortly after the two began chatting the guy had her leaving with him. Seriously' Less than an hour it takes you to make your move" Dude, teach me. My sources couldn't catch wind of their entire conversation, but from what I've been told it may or may not have had something to do with color. So allow me to recreate the conversation for you. Ahem.
A: "Hey, baby, what?s up?" ": "The sky, yo." A: "The sky is blue." ": "The sky is also white. You know what else is white?" A: "I don't know. Q-tips." ": "Oh my god I love Q-tips please take me home and make sweet, sweet love to me!" A: "Word."
I wish things went that smoothly for me. The last response I gave a woman to that question didn't end very well.
Not that we haven't had interesting Logans before, but Monday also saw the arrival of a new and much more interesting Logan than usual. I'm told he is unfortunate enough to be one of those 'drag and drop" type folks in RhyDin (I swear, sometimes I think of the Nexus as some sadistic fat kid playing society simulation games), and may have hailed originally from Chicago, where much of my family currently lives. Represent! All in all he's a pretty intimidating looking guy, but his head seems to be in order (for now. Give it time). And from what I hear he also received a warm (well, warm for her) welcome from love of my life Gigi Granger. Well, if that guy lives through a night under her guidance, then he just might make it in RhyDin.
O.K. Seriously' I give up trying to keep track of mannizer Aja's manly bebopping. You know I have no problem with casting a wide net, and contrary to previously affirmed beliefs I don't find Padriq to be that bad a fellow, but if you are going to man-jump, don't you think you could try' oh, I don't know. Someone new" I feel like all she does is revisit old haunts in the hopes of rekindling some flames. You left "em for a reason, honey.
Courtesy of Tass, I have, come this issue, decided to introduce a Long Time No See mention in further articles should they warrant it. So this week's L.T.N.S. moment goes to the old man for this week's jolly appearances. It's not often we see Tass hanging around the RDI, and when we do it's always a treat. Although' I just have a liiiiittle question, as I'm sure it's just a misinterpretation on my part. Isn't there something just a little strange about Rhiannon calling Tass "Papa" at the same time he is ogling her legs" Because that's sure what it looked like he was doing. I get that the old man's unorthodox (believe me, I know from personal experience), but I feel like there is some line that is about to be crossed here if I don't scream and stomp loudly enough. On the bright side, I can happily point out that that member of the MacLeod clan is now legal. Though now I feel like I'm crossing a line of my own.
So apparently Issy is using the Red Dragon to recruit Watch people. Well, I suppose it wouldn't be the first time it was done coughRileycoughcough and the RDI is as good a place as any, but you have to wonder what kind of standards are had when they are recruiting folks who know little to nothing about our city. From what I hear this guy Bart that our favorite Issy was talking to didn't even realize that we have a governor. Seriously' Do you people even READ our newspaper"! Or do you just pick up the issues strictly for the crossword puzzles" (And speaking of, eleven across is cuticle.) Good thing Issy was quick to set him straight about how well of a job Helston al Amat is doing, but then she's already waist-deep in that kind of goodwill work all on her own. Until the Watch blooms a little bit more, though, I feel like we need some kind of a crash course in RhyDin nonsense for would-be cops. Heck, if Tara were around much anymore, I would recommend her as the instructor in a heartbeat.
But alas, the aforemention also brings us to our O.M.G. moment of the week: Issy in a dress. That's right, folks, I have not died nor did I sniff my glue stick this morning. Our sexy soldier was spotted Tuesday wearing an outrageously conspicuous gown that Taneth brought her (for who knows why, at this point. No, seriously. Who knows why") and showing it off in front of high minister of hot misguided genius Kazzy, the always appreciated Grem, and a handful of other kind folks that will probably now not live until the end of the week (or at the very least, suffer enough brain damage to induce amnesia). From what I hear, though, she rocked it; and were my sources not so paralyzed with shock, they might have gotten six rolls of film of such an incident. As it is, alas, we only have five. Very, very sad.
But speaking of Issy! Rumor has it one of the gals from her crowd, Janie, was kindasorta all over here-let-me-show-off-my-money Bruce on Thursday. I really don't know how that is going to work out, since as far as we've seen most of the guy's efforts since he's been here have been pretty hit-or-miss. But I guess when a woman throws herself at you and shoves her boobs in your face, you're kind of obligated to take her out at least once. Or, in this case, take her in.
That wasn't the only part of Issy's crowd that has been around lately, though! I also hear that at some point that week she was introducing Perceval The Hero (a name which I too have just now adopted, because I think it suits him quite decently) to old familiars like Vixen and Delphinia, both of whom took to him very quickly. And who wouldn't' Being angry with Perceval is like being angry with Santa Claus" if Santa Claus could kill you with one hand tied behind his back. It's a compliment, friend. A compliment!
Now" JUST because I've been getting flack about favoring humanoids, let me point out a moment had in the RDI between cat thing Batosai (who actually seems to be O.K. to hang around with) and cat thing Suri. Sources tell me Wednesday saw major cat thing cuteness - and believe me, I will keep calling them that until I learn the names of their actual species " but I don't buy it. I get that some men " er, males" " like the hyper-juvenile thing in a woman " female" " but the vibe that these two give off is way too platonic" despite that Suri was seen giving him a ring of all things. To me, their togetherness just comes off as playtime. But then again, it could be a cross-species attraction discrepancy that I'll never understand. And truth be told, I'd hate to see what not-playtime looked like. No offense. Whatevs. Enjoy your catness.
O.M.G. moment of the week number two! What' I can have as many dang O.M.G. moments as I want. Don't judge. Anyway....WOLVIE was spotted! Granted, it was only for like five minutes and the people who spotted him on my team were only walking by the Inn at the time" so it could very well have just been a cardboard stand-up of him or something" BUT O.M.G.! Where has that guy been" Seriously. You can't rank number four our Top 25 list and then completely disappear. The responsibility of being one of the sexiest men (or women) in RhyDin is to always show up now and again in order to remind RhyDin of your sexiness. Don't shirk your duties, Top Twenty-Fives. Sexiness is a privilege, not a right.
Speaking of cat things" I think Leo Herrrrracleides (can't get enough of that guy's name) and Ian illustrate a good point. Sometime during one of their conversations, the two were heard criticizing the Kirn in RhyDin and the way they deal with things " namely through magic or sex. Excuse me, but what?s wrong with sex" I'll admit that oozing blue magic right smack in the middle of public is going a little too far, but people in RhyDin have to blow off steam somehow.
But on that happy note, I'll have to end this week's column as I have other people to confront in person. Don't forget to stay tuned, and as always, stay sassy!