Topic: Shootout in the Red Dragon Inn Claims Lives

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-04-11 18:08 EST
http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/75546615.jpg Senior Columnist: Madu Adeniji

Shootout in the Red Dragon Inn Claims Lives April 11, 2010

Five or more assailants are dead today following a bar-brawl shootout in the Red Dragon Inn last night.

According to sources inside and around the Inn, five to six armed assailants entered through the front and alley entrances of the Inn around approximately ten to ten thirty PM and open fired on several of the Inn's inhabitants.

"There were bullets flying everywhere! I heard something hit the floor, and then all I saw was smoke!" exclaimed a bystander.

A man sources have identified as Wolvinator was seen brutally impaling one or more of the attackers, while another identified as Alain DeMuer, Baron of Saint Aldwin and head of House DeMuer, was seen engaging in gunfire with another, unidentified shooter.

"And I heard two of them having such a lighthearted conversation while they were shooting at people and bleeding!" claims a witness. "I can't decide who I am in love with more. The debonair shooter with the perfect hair, or the bulky one who threw himself through the air at one of the attackers in a rush of heroism! Oh, the gallantry! Oh, the courage! Oh, the allure!"

Added the witness: "And then they were shouting clich's like, "Cleanup, aisle three!" all over the place. I felt like I was in an action movie! It was awesome!"

Apparently RhyDin needs to reexamine the concept of "violence desensitization," because that wasn't the only witness who likened the deadly firefight to something feature-esque.

"It was totally like the kind of fight you'd see in a western," explained Emelia Sooner, a patron who witnessed the conclusion of the fight through the alleyway window. "One of them was the charming hero with a tragic past. The other two were the hero's trustworthy accomplices! And then" there was the cat. And blood. Yeah. That was kind of gruesome. You don't get a lot of cats eating people in westerns."

When reached for comment, Alain DeMuer had this much to say:

"All of us acted strictly in self-defense. If you have any further questions, my lawyer will handle them."

Authorities have expressed interest in the investigation, but have so far suggested that the unfortunate incident in the Red Dragon Inn was nothing more than a clear-cut case of self-defense. The commissioner could not be reached for comment.

Anyone with any further information is encouraged to contact the Watch immediately.

]