- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a brand new, renovated high-tech news studio with several flat screen television sets, projected RhyDin Post Sports hologram images, and in-action moving images of famous dueling legends projected on a few walls. At the bottom of a modern, massive, glass-covered black granite and mahogany desk are scrolling digital scores from the latest matches in the Outback, Arena, Twilight Isle and Annex. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a gray suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a pinstripe suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I have risen beyond the level of requiring a name.

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us tonight! Tonight we're glad to bring you a pretty great showcase match between-

Chris: Let me stop you right there, Pete. I haven't said my prayers yet.

Peter: You haven't said your what"

Chris: My prayers. Unlike the rest of you godless heathens, I must prepare my soul for eternal salvation. Pause. Oh mighty and ever-powerful Master Galthar of the Mountain, I beseech you?

Peter: Master Galthar of the Mountain"

Chris: Our savior. He will keep us safe from a brutal impending death brought on by an invasion of rabid hyenas.

Peter: By rabid what"

Chris: Rabid hyenas. They are coming soon Pete, and when they do only the worthy will be ferried away in Galthar's vessel of salvation.

Peter: Chris, hyenas aren't"

Chris: Galthar sees and knows all, Pete. He sees into our souls. His followers have helped me to see the error of my ways, and to prepare my soul for peace.

Peter: From rabid hyenas. Peace from rabid hyenas.

Chris: Do not mock the faithful, Pete. Repent now, and Galthar may choose to be have mercy on you.

Peter: And how exactly did you meet this Galthar"

Chris: - Gasps. " We do not meet Galthar. He is too mighty for our human eyes to see. We convene only in the company of other Galtharians and praise him at the community mall. Praise Galthar.

Peter: The community mall, huh"

Chris: For a small fee, of course. Praise Galthar.

Peter: Chris, how much did you pay these people"

Chris: Just six thousand. Six more, and I am absolutely guaranteed salvation. Praise Galthar.

Peter: Chris, it sounds like you've joined a cult.

Chris: Don't be silly, Pete. The Galtharians do not believe in witchcraft. Praise Galthar.

Peter: Stop saying that.

Chris: Saying what? Praise Galthar.

Peter: Ugh. God.

Chris: That is right, Pete. Welcome Galthar of the Mountain into your life.

- Roll footage Round 1. TH/CP .5-0 Douglas. "

Drasinia: As has been pointed out, it'd been a while. Attacks right into the block.

Douglas: Broadsword swept in a circle downward to fend off the lunge.

Peter: It's been a while since we've seen Drasinia out and around the Swords rings, hasn't it"

Chris: His soul is not yet prepared for salvation, Pete. Also, his stance is sloppy.

Peter: I'll at leave agree with you on the latter, there. A fighter ought always to attack with at least the intent of taking out his opponent.

Chris: Douglas's defensive maneuvers are relatively all-encompassing thought. He may stand a chance when the hyenas arrive in RhyDin.

Peter: I hate to break it to you, Chris, but RhyDin already has hyenas.

Chris: OH GOD. IT"S BEGUN.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. LP/HC .5 All. "

Douglas: Sweeping his blade back up high, he struck right into the block.

Drasinia: Quick raise of the blade evens the match back up.

Peter: For every bit as forceless as Drasinia's attack was previously, I must say that block was one heck of an improvisation.

Chris: Douglas's sword is made for hyena-slashing, Pete. Decapitating is slightly harder with something that broad.

Peter: Well, sure, but we all know for certain that Drasinia's specialty is an iron-clad defense.

Chris: The only thing that is certain, Peter, is our impending doom. Praise Galthar.

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. TH/FCP 1.5-.5 Douglas. "

Douglas: Broadsword whirred as it knocked the incoming blade to the sands.

Chris: Too slow Drasinia was coming out of that secondary position. When the hyenas come, they will feast on his eyeballs.

Peter: Not that I'm one to point out weaknesses, but compared to Douglas's former retaliation is or is not this one slower"

Chris: Sharp eyes you have, Pete. Yours may yet be spared.

Peter: I'm serious. I realize that a broadsword is a two-handed weapon, but I think Douglas could stand to exercise a clockwise and a counter-clockwise parry. A swordsman doesn't have to be required to be ambidextrous, but at the very least he should give the illusion that he is.

Chris: Galthar of the Mountain is beyond illusion.

Peter: Galthar of the Mountain sounds like a conman.

Chris: Repent, ye non-believer!

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. FSS/HC 2.5-.5 Douglas. "

Douglas: The Scot went up high again, doggedly.

Drasinia: Moves into that one and falls further behind.

Peter: It's really a wonder that Douglas doesn't challenge for a Barony more often. His technique could be particular effective against Harker or Minx.

Chris: Says you. I believe that Drasinia is playing him here, so that next time these two match blades there will be massive bloodshed. Drasinia's generosity will be rewarded with salvation on Galthar's spaceship.

Peter: His spaceship"

Chris: Which will ferry us all to paradise. Praise Galthar.

Peter: Why don't you just get your own spaceship to ferry yourself to paradise"

Chris: No other spaceship will be fast enough to escape the hyena bomb.

Peter: First hyenas, and now a bomb.

Chris: A hyena bomb, Pete. There's a difference.

Peter: I don't want to know.

Chris: It's better that you don't. The end will come easier to you that way.

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. SH/TH 2.5-1.5 Douglas. "

Douglas: A jab forward with his blade bore little fruit.

Peter: What did I say' Iron-clad defense. Drasinia has always been one of my favorite vets for precisely that reason.

Chris: Although Douglas broadcasting his thrust didn't exactly help.

Peter: He could fine tune his aim, but Douglas pretty much has the fundamentals down pat.

Chris: Pete, do you mind if I take off right quick"

Peter: Take off" Yes, I do mind. We are in the middle of a commentary. You are not leaving to do your cult thing.

Chris: First of all, BLASPHEMER. And secondly, I am just headed to the grocery store. I can bring you back something if you want.

Peter: What do you need at the store"

Chris: I just got a text from the high priest of the Galtharians. We are to bring certain items to our meeting tonight that will purify us for our departure from RhyDin.

Peter: Uh-huh. And what are these items"

Chris: Grape Kool-Aid and arsenic.

- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. HC/FLP 3.5-1.5 Douglas. "

Douglas: Hoping for the right read, he lucked out and got his broadsword up in time.

Drasinia: Not yet able to find an opening with the attack.

Peter: You know, for Drasinia's advanced skill level and proclivity toward Fists, I think he could use a weapon change.

Chris: Hehe. You said "weapon."

Peter: " Really' You are a sports commentator.

Chris: Hehe. You said "you."

Peter: Andrew, did he drink some Kool-Aid when I wasn't looking"

Chris: I sent Danny the Intern to get it. How much arsenic do you think it will take to purify my soul"

Peter: As much as I would like to wish harm on you, Chris, I really don't think"

Chris: Don't be jealous that I will be saved, Pete. It's not my fault that Galthar refuses to save gay people like you.

Peter: " About half a gram of arsenic should do.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/FCP 4.5-1.5 Douglas. "

Douglas: Defense seemed to work well, so he kept at it, sword flowing down into a spinning parry.

Drasinia: Shakes his head. Rolls his shoulders.

Peter: I can't shake the feeling that Drasinia is attempting something new here.

Chris: Probably has to do with the fact that he's slightly rusty.

Peter: None of us are going to hold that against him.

Chris: Galthar won't. He appreciates all his children equally, whether they are talented like Drasinia here or whether they are dumb, ugly heathens like my friend Pete here.

Peter: Is your magical spaceship here to take you away yet"

Chris: When the hyena leader howls on the night of the new moon, we will all dine as one.

Peter: Can't hardly wait.

Chris: If you repent now, I can find out if you can come, Pete. Maybe you can hide in the cargo or something.

Peter: I think I'll take my chances with the hyenas.

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. FLP/DU 5-1.5 Douglas. "

Douglas: A quick duck to the side, and he came up in flanking position.

Peter: Ah! I loved that fake-out by Douglas there. The way he pulled out of his parry in the last round almost looked like he was going to take a knee in the next. With that kind of maneuver, it makes reading offensively or defensively pretty much impossible.

Chris: Nothing is impossible for Galthar, Pete. Or in this case, Drasinia.

- Camera returns to the studio. "

Peter: Let me ask you something, Chris. If Galthar is so almighty, why can't he just banish the hyenas from RhyDin"

Chris: Well, that's because" He" Because the hyenas are" Because only the righteous can be saved.

Peter: Uh-huh. Well let's try this, then. What about your hero Matt Simon"

Chris: " What about Matt Simon"

Peter: Are you saying Matt Simon isn't righteous"

Chris: That's"

Peter: Are you saying Matt Simon couldn't handle a hyena or two"

Chris: I" but"

Peter: Isn't Matt Simon invincible in your eyes"

Chris: He" Hyenas" - Long pause. "

Peter: Dear god, I think I broke him.

Chris: - Blank stare. "

Peter: Well, RhyDin, while I wait for my co-anchor's brain to reboot, I am contractually obligated to mention Color Your City on October eighth. If you have not pre-registered and want to, or have not bought your raffle tickets, give the Post offices a call and they'll hook you up. As a special bonus from us at The Sports Center, the winner of the costume contest will also have the choice of guest-starring on the sports center program if they desire " in addition to another prize, of course. So remember to dress up and show up.

Chris: I wonder if Matt Simon has a cult yet. I could totally be an awesome high priest.

Peter: " Right. So until next time, I'm Peter Pham!

Chris: And I'm still going to watch out for hyenas.

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. "