- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, revealing two sports anchors lounging comfortably on foldout chairs on what looks like some kind of beach. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is wearing a pair of Oakley sunglasses, black swimming trunks, and a white button-up Hawaiian shirt. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing bright red trunks and Ray Ban sunglasses, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -
Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist! - A seagull caws in the background. -
Chris: And I'm Chris Reed. - A waiter dressed in a white suit hands him a beverage in a coconut with pink straw and mini-umbrella. - And I am so much happier than you right now.
Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us today. As you can notice, we're not in our studio.
Chris: No siree. - Slurp.
Peter: That's because we've been forced to relocate for a bit until the Sports Center is rebuilt.
Chris: - Looking around nervously. - Renovated, Pete. Renovated! It's just undergoing some renovations!
Peter: Chris. There was one support column still standing.
Chris: So we build around it! - Slurp. -
Peter: Right, well. As you can see, we don't exactly have access to recent footage around here, but thankfully our good friends the interns have brought along some catalogued fights that we were able to pick and choose from. One of my personal favorites that we dug up was a fantastic Swords match between Aya Hayashibara and Jin Eternity on August twenty-eighth.
Chris: - Whining. - Can I please just go surfing" I don't like either of those people.
Peter: Now, Chris, you know what happened the last time"
Chris: What' It's not like she can get to me way out here. Plus I think if she ever saw the light of day, she might crisp. Or melt. - Slurps from the coconut drink and winces. - Gah! Brain freeze!
Peter: I sense some kind of justice there. But like it or not, Chris, we're not fully on vacation, so let's go ahead and call this one, shall we"
Chris: Speak for yourself. I see a gorgeous blonde in white with my name on it.
Peter: Chris" that's a man.
Chris: What' No it's not. That's totally a chick.
Peter: No, Chris, that's a man. And he's shirtless.
Chris: She's shirtless. And she's just got an athletic body. That's really attractive on some women.
Peter: I'm telling you it's a man in swim trunks.
Chris: And I'm telling you, you need your eyes checked.
- Roll footage Round 1. TH/LC 1-0 Hayashibara. -
Hayashibara: Leveling her blade and charging forward, slashing out at his midsection as he attempted to strike her low.
Eternity: He swings a leg in for one of her legs, only to be thrusted upon before he can connect.
Chris: Hey, Pete"
Peter: Yes, Chris"
Chris: Is it just me, or is big brother Eternity missing something"
Peter: It's not just you, Chris. Jin Eternity isn't known for fighting with weapons. He does use bracers for protection, but other than that, it's all fists and feet.
Chris: Hey! Dude! I think you're in the wrong sport!
Peter: I would have thought you would have more respect for him. He's taking on a Warlady with zero weaponry. Some people call that brave.
Chris: And some people call it universally stupid. I wouldn't go within fifteen feet of that kitten killer without being covered head-to-toe in body armor.
- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. DU/HC. 1-.5 Hayashibara. -
Hayashibara: She then moves to the side from her initial strike and swings towards the man's upper body. He was not there to feel the sting of her blade as he lowered out of contact range. She scowls and resets her stance.
Eternity: "Whoa!" He squats down beneath that incoming cut, then stands and resets.
Chris: Alright, fine. At least he's fast. I hope he gets stabbed once or twice, though.
Peter: Now Chris, that's not nice. That was a very smooth evasion on Eternity's part.
Chris: I don't care. It's called Duel of Swords, Pete! Not Duel of Whatever-I-Happen-to-Feel-Like-at-the-Time!
Peter: Says the man who glorifies Maria Graziano time and again for using a baseball bat!
Chris: That's different.
Peter: How is that different"
Chris: I actually like Graziano.
- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. LC/FSS 1.5-1 Eternity. -
Eternity: Another low kick may conveniently serve as a legsweep since Aya's walking into it.
Hayashibara: Seeking to use speed in order to counter any defense brought from her opponent, she moves quickly to the right which is where his leg is extending to take her off her own feet. She growls and spins back to a crouch and readies her next maneuver.
Chris: I'm' I'm so confused!
Peter: What do you possibly have to be confused about"
Chris: I don't know which one to cheer for. Hayashibara is heartless and stabbity, and Eternity is a brick.
Peter: A brick"
Chris: You know. He's built like one. But put him in water and he'll probably sink.
Peter: What a lovely backhanded compliment, Chris. If I may say so myself, though, I am pretty impressed with Eternity's speed so far. Hayashibara is well known for being incredibly crafty and advantageous when it comes to using her personal expertise, and Eternity caught it flawlessly.
Chris: I'm out of pi"a colada. HEY! Refill!
- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. TH/TH 2.5-2 Eternity. -
Hayashibara: Blade levels and she is striking in towards his midsection, exposing herself enough to allow him the moment to return the blow.
Eternity: He snaps out a quick straight punch, trading it for a brutal thrust from her sword.
Chris: Youch! Am I seeing things, or did Eternity just skewer himself interntionally"
Peter: That's what it looks like, doesn't it' Lenny, can we replay that, please"
- Slow-motion action-replay of Round 3. Zoom in as Aya and Jin trade blows. -
Chris: Holy heck! O.K. fine. Maybe Eternity's got some guts.
Peter: I'm glad you finally think so, Chris. I happen to think it takes a certain amount of discipline to be able to take a hit like that and still follow through with a forceful, physical blow.
Chris: No, I mean he really has guts. He wouldn't bleed like that if he didn't.
- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. HC/FCP 3.5-2 Eternity. -
Eternity: He snaps up another kick toward Aya's shoulder, going right over that low parry.
Hayashibara: She chose her defense poorly. Blocking low in expectation of him wanting to again attack her lower body, and falls for the trapping pattern that leaves herself open to his attack to come in against her shoulder, knocking her to the side and off balance.
Chris: Here we go, here we go. This is one of the best parts of this game, folks. Let's have a look at that once more.
- Slow motion action-replay of Round 5. -
Chris: Watch closely how Eternity totally sets her up for this move. He's bowing back, he's bowing back, and BOOM! If he were a little more flexible, he probably could have even nailed her in the chin! I'd have to say that there is one benefit of fighting with your legs. As Eternity bent back, it made it seem like he was going for a low blow, which prompted an instinctual defense on that level. Hayashibara had no idea he had other things in mind.
Peter: It almost makes you wonder why you don't see much legwork in the duels under other circumstances.
Chris: Are you kidding, Pete" The Duel of Swords is all about legwork. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If your footing is crap, your technique is crap. Simple as that. I mean' take Hayashibara's stance right here. Pause it!
- Camera returns to the beach, where a redheaded, freckled intern pushes a large screen over the sand towards Chris that shows Aya's frozen windup. Chris gestures as he talks with the pink straw from his coconut drink. -
Chris: If you watch carefully, Hayashibara hardly lifts her foot up once. Footing is key for balance. The more the sole of your foot touches the ground, the more grounded you are, and the more it gives you strength in your attacks. You'll notice as you watch Hayashibara complete her maneuvers that she doesn't so much walk as slide. This is because leaning forward or lifting up your heel also reduces your groundedness. Plus it gives your opponent an excellent opportunity to knock you over. Which is why I'm always, always telling newcomers to watch the feet, people!
Peter: So what you're trying to say is employing the use of a kick during a swords match is unwise"
Chris: Well" it's a moot point in this particular case, since Eternity doesn't have a weapon. But if he did, I'd call a maneuver like that either brave or reckless.
- End footage Round 5. Roll footage, Round 6. TH/SH 3.5-3 Eternity. -
Eternity: He snaps out another punch....this isn't gonna go well.
Hayashibara: She was waiting this time, and the moment his attack came in, she flipped her sword in the air, spun and grabbed at him with her hands in order to flip him down and then take hold of her sword before it landed in the ring.
Chris: Holy heck! That kitten killer can pack one heck of a punch, can't she"
Peter: I'm going to have to quote you here for a second, Chris. If you'll notice carefully, Hayashibara doesn't utilize brute strength here, but rather a manipulation of balance. Eternity barrels right into a tumble when the center of gravity is shifted.
Chris: And I'll have to agree with you there, Pete. It was a bold move on Eternity's part, but at this point it looks like Hayashibara's clued into his tells.
- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/SH 4-3.5 Hayashibara. -
Hayashibara: She then slices low with the blade, able to strike his lower body as he tried setting up a trap of his own. She inclined her head just slightly at his acknowledgment of her previous maneuver.
Eternity: He twists his body and readies his hands for a grab....but he takes a cut to his legs. A slight incline of his head right back, though his grin remains on his face in the subdued form of a confident smile. Despite being behind now.
Chris: Boom! That'll smart, won't it' As cool as Eternity's acting, I have to berate him a bit here. If you're fighting unarmed, it's not always the best idea to lure your opponent in.
Peter: Right you are, Chris. The more useful tactic is to lay traps, as we've seen Eternity do previously.
Chris: Well" that, and there's a special technique to fighting unarmed against a sword, and that involves attacking only on the upswing and after the downswing.
Peter: That's a very small window of opportunity, Chris.
Chris: That's the point. If you're going to use a technique like that, you need to be able to devote the time to training for it.
- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. TH/HC 4.5-4 Eternity. -
Eternity: Another straight punch comes, and keeps him in the game by connecting before the high cut.
Hayashibara: She had not doubled in ages, and thus took it to be sound strategy to attempt. Unfortunately, he was prepared for that and his closed fist sent her reeling back from the force of the blow. She quickly shakes it off in order to reset and now allow him opportunity to capitalize on her lapse.
Chris: There we go, Big Brother! It's what I said, wasn't it' Right there, he caught her on the upswing. Got in right under her attack. Now, in real combat, there would have been the opportunity to launch into a grapple and try to take her blade. But I imagine if you tried something like that with kitten killer here, she might' uh' kill you.
Peter: I imagine it would have some repercussions, yes.
Chris: No, I really think she'd kill you. Or her sword would. Like" of its own accord.
Peter: I think you're exaggerating just a little bit, Chris.
Chris: Am I, Pete" Am I" REFILL!
Peter: Well, RhyDin, while our good friend Chris gets himself another drink and I put on more sunscreen, we're going to have to take a quick break. Stay tuned for this word from our sponsors!
- Blackout. -
