- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a high-tech news studio with flat screen television sets, and a massive, glossy black desk. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a black suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a khaki suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera. -

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin! I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, and if I am the original approval guy!

Peter: Thanks for tuning in with us! We've got a real treat in store for you tonight' - Peter is interrupted by the annoying sound of a very loud printer. The camera swings to Chris, who has suddenly set up an enormous printing station on the crescent desk, and appears to be printing out poster-sized documents or pictures of some kind. -

Peter: Chris" what are you doing"

Chris: What's it look like I'm doing, Pete" I'm making money!

Peter: Printing your own money can get you into a lot of trouble, you know.

Chris: Not that kind of making money! I'm going to make a fortune off these things!

Peter: - Picks up one of the posters and stares, affronted. - Chris! Is this one of our featured fighters tonight"

Chris: You bet your cheap suit it is! I can't believe I didn't think of this before!

Peter: Zegna.

Chris: God bless you.

Peter: My suit is an original Zegna, Chris. It's a designer brand.

Chris: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get a look at these!

- Turns the poster towards the camera, which features a scantily clad Kalinda Acheron in only a white handkerchief top and black lycra shorts. It is a dueling action shot, and is vaguely reminiscent of a Sports Illustrated cover. -

Chris: I am going to be riiiiiiiiich! Well" as soon as I finish wallpapering my apartment with them.

Peter: I don't even want to know how you got that picture, Chris.

Chris: Well I'll tell you how I didn't not get these pictures, Pete. And it didn't not involve a restraining order.

Peter: Chris, you can't sell those without the fighter's endorsement.

Chris: Sure I can. I'll just say the profits go to a charity to help starving baby leeches or some crap like that. It works every time.

Peter: Only now it won't.

Chris: It might. You still think people actually watch these things"

Peter: Ouch, Chris. Ouch. Just introduce the dang fight.

Chris: Right! Well, folkaroonies, tonight we have the distinct pleasure to bring you a real nailbiter of a match between Kalinda "Look at my inescapable hotness" Acheron and Rhaine" Fftthhmmmvv"

Peter: Rhaine what"

Chris: - Looking bashful, covers his mouth with his hand as he replies. - Rhaine Fffttfffthmmmfff"

Peter: - Irritated. - Chris, if you tell me that you didn't get her last name either"

Chris: - Offended. Defensive. - I was getting pictures! I don't have time to run your petty errands!

Peter: What do you honestly expect me to say to that"

Chris: Well" if you ask nicely, I'll give you a Kalinda poster at a discount!

Peter: - Groans. -

- Roll footage, Round 1 and 2. LC/LC 0 All; SL/HC 1-0 Rhaine. -

Acheron: Expecting a defense, but not of the offensive sort, and the staff failed to score.

Rhaine: Reverses, into a higher attack that stops accurately before connecting.

Peter: After a rather slow start, it seems Rhaine is eager to get on the board with a quick hack to the shoulder. Look at how precise she is though, Chris. She stopped an entire broadsword a hair's breadth away from her opponent. I'd like to see your Acheron perform that kind of maneuver with that iron-capped staff of hers.

Chris: Don't bash the staff, Pete. Acheron is excellent with staffs, both "capped" and "uncapped." I'm sure everyone would be happier if she let the staff remain "uncapped," though' Mmmm, yes"

Peter: I hope you're still talking about swordfighting, Chris.

Chris: She strikes me as a woman of many talents, Pete. Bow-chicka.

Peter: Oh, god. Run the next round, quickly.

- End footage, Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3 and 4. SS/TH .5-1 Rhaine; TH/LP .5-1.5 Rhaine. -

Acheron: Planting the staff, she used it to pull herself aside, away from the lunge. Her return lunge was turned aside deftly.

Rhaine: Pulls back, heavy practice blade providing some defensive effect to both her haircut and her shirt.

Chris: Ay-yay! Watch your footing there, Acheron! You may be a total babe, but Rhaine is not impressed by looks, it seems.

Peter: Not at all. That woman is the epitome of focus, if I may say so myself. Look at how quickly Rhaine takes advantage of Acheron's unwieldy return thrust after she takes a little walk. Perfect deflection, in one smooth arc.

Chris: Yep" Acheron can "unwield" me any day.

Peter: Chris, put your poster down.

Chris: This is going up on my ceiling, Pete. Seriously. This is one face I'd be glad to wake up to every morning.

Peter: I pity the objects of your affection sometimes, Chris. I really do.

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5 and 6. SH/LC .5-2.5 Rhaine; FLP/SL .5-3.5 Rhaine. -

Acheron: The brace failing her yet again tonight, as she found herself in quite the deep hole to dig out of. Her flourished defense proving useless against that powerful attack.

Rhaine: In a hand-change maneuver slips a low attack in, stopping near Kalinda's knee. Seems to have fallen under someone's bad influence about rd 6 and slashes....as she slashes up from previous position.

Peter: My goodness. Rhaine certainly isn't given Acheron an inch, is she" Did you see the way she completely obliterated her defense"

Chris: It's a brilliant tactic there, Pete. By performing a successful stop hit in the previous round, Rhaine is forcing Acheron to reset and regain her balance. But before Acheron has a chance to, Rhaine powers through a defense that her opponent only put up in the first place to give her more time to compose herself.

Peter: It's undoubtedly an intimidation tactic, Chris. She's got a powerful weapon, and she's showing Acheron that she knows how to use it.

Chris: Acheron's gathered that much by now, Pete. If I were in her shoes, I'd be running for the hills and put myself on full-fledged defensive.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7 and 8. LC/TH .5-4.5 Rhaine; FDU/DU .5-4.5 Rhaine. -

Acheron: Her cut not nearly as fast as the incoming lunge, and the hole deepened dramatically. down into the splits, and watching her opponent perform similarly.

Rhaine: From an upward slash, feints a simple slight attack at Kalinda's knees. curls into a crouch, and sees Kalinda doing the same.

Chris: Ah! This one is almost done and over with here, Pete. After that complete miss to Rhaine's legs, you have to wonder why Kalinda "Look at my inescapable hotness" Acheron is still content at dropping to have a better look at them. Unless it's just to show us her gymnastic prowess, which I must say, is pretty staggering.

Peter: I honestly can't see a reason for her duck there, Chris. Rhaine was there, she had the sword perpendicular to Acheron's abdomen, and Acheron only goes lower to give her the opening of her chest" What is she trying to prove"

Chris: Well I'll tell you what Rhaine's trying to prove here. Seeing Acheron go down, Rhaine mimics the motion, as if to say "Why hello there, I see what you're doing."

Peter: I doubt it's quite like that, Chris.

Chris: Hey, I don't hear her saying anything. I can insert dialogue anywhere I want!

- End footage Round 8. Roll footage, Round 9 and 10. SH/TH 1.5-4.5 Rhaine; HC/CP 2.5-4.5 Rhaine. -

Acheron: The staff moving parallel, and burying the lunge. From the brace her staff whirled, arcing in high, and halting just before contact.

Chris: Whaaaaat is this nonsense! It looks to me like our extremely hot Acheron was holding back!

Peter: Do me a favor, and just look at her as a competitor, and not an object"

Chris: I am looking at her as a competitor. A very, very hot competitor.

Peter: Still, you have to wonder if she either caught on to her opponent's strategy, or if her opponent is just giving her some leeway to showcase her skill.

Chris: How can you possibly say that, Pete" There is no doubt in my mind that Rhaine was going in to secure the final point. Acheron wisened up to her intention, and quickly acted on it with perfectly timed defenses.

Peter: Something Acheron's weapon is ideal for, I'd imagine.

Chris: Well certainly it's good for defenses, Pete. After all, you're spending the majority of the duel keeping your opponent away from you, right' But it is exactly that reason why Acheron should train herself better offensively. Techniques in Bōjutsu are especially effective against broader weapons like" well, like Rhaine's broadsword here.

Peter: Bōjutsu"

Chris: It's a form of martial arts training that involves the use of a staff or a staff-like weapon. You can easily cut through gaping defenses because the art is so precise. And Acheron is just graceful enough to master it, I think.

Peter: Perhaps, but for now she seems content to use it as a blunt object. It may as well be a walking stick.

Chris: Don't be mean about it, Pete! She's got some skill, but it could use some honing.

- End footage Round 10. Roll footage, Round 11 and 12. FSS/SL 3.5-4.5 Rhaine; CP/TH 4-4.5 Rhaine. -

Acheron: Not one to get caught twice, she whirled away from the swing, countering with a gentle touch of her staff. Her staff arcing down to deflect the lunge away.

Chris: Holy wow! Now unless I'm mistaken, Acheron has gone from a close miss to an almost tie! This is what we call a stellar comeback!

Peter: It's obvious that Rhaine is getting over-eager there, Chris. All she needs is a single half-point to secure her victory, so she's taking any opening she can find without hesitation.

Chris: Or thought. I realize when you're this close to winning, it's O.K. to take a little bit of a breather, but don't sit back and coast, woman!

- End footage Round 12. Roll footage, Round 13 and 14. HC/CP 5-4.5 Acheron; TH/LC 6-4.5 Acheron. -

Rhaine: 50/50/90 playing against her again.

Acheron: The staff coming in high, to secure a slight lead over her defense, stopping just before contact. After a whirl, the end of the staff shot in, halting just shy, to secure the win.

Peter: You know" if Acheron had won that any more gracefully, I would say that entire thing was intentional.

Chris: Are you kidding" She's like a cat, Pete. A beautiful, very tattooed cat.

- Camera returns to the studio, where Chris is staring at one of his posters. -

Peter: All in all, though, a really tense match there. It's not often we see someone dig him or herself out of a hole that deep, but Acheron managed to do so with flying colors.

Chris: Yeah, well, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I hereby refuse to cover fights that involve women unless they are amazingly hot.

Peter: You have never said that before.

Chris: I haven't' Must be the lead poisoning from that Sylus sword" well I'm saying it now!

Peter: You know, one of these days, I really hope someone just sues the crap out of you.

Chris: They do that, and I'll make sure to call you as a witness for the defense! I'll suppina you!

Peter: You mean subpoena?

Chris: Jeez, Pete. You don't have to call me names.

Peter: Well, folks, it looks like that'll do it for us for now. Until next time, I'm Peter Pham.

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed! And I want an autograph! - Waving the poster. -

Peter: You stay sporty, RhyDin!

- End tape. -