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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Ten RhyDin Gents NOT to Leave off the Guest List! February 22, 2010
Call me crazy, call me odd, call me a self-absorbed narcissist with competency issues (or if we're going there, just call me Emmet), but it is a sad, sad state of affairs when you come across a dull party or gathering in RhyDin. Excuse me, but isn't this town full of ghouls and goblins wanting to filet you open and feast on your insides" That has to be good for a least a little entertainment. (Not the inside-eating part. Well, unless that's your thing.) But you would not believe how many parties we have come across lately that ended before midnight. Ew. What happened to you, RhyDin" When did the situation get so desperate" Where are the spontaneously-combusting attendees" The belligerent, stab-happy psychopaths that normal people are strangely friends with' The fire-breathing dragons that can hardly fit through a doorway, yet miraculously wind up invited to a small get-together and decide to attend, despite the fact that their allergies are terrible" (No lie!) Honestly!
Never fear though, RhyDin. We have a solution for this. You need entertainment, right' Well I and a group of us here at the Post have come up with a brilliant list of RhyDinian guys that you absolutely can not leave off your guest list. You better believe that your party will be a hit if you invite one of these gents! Or at least it'll be entertaining! Just remember to keep a fire extinguisher on hand!
10. Brishen Brishen sure knows how to be accommodating to other guests, which is why he makes our list. He's incredibly friendly, and the crowd he rolls with is a ridiculously charming, often delightfully ill-mannered little bunch! We hear whenever he's with his band "o' gypsies they always come back to one subject, and it sure as heck ain't PG-13. Other than that, his sense of humor and general demeanor is relatively family-friendly, and good for just about anyone. Good thing, too, because we heard on the grapevine that he and his gal are expecting! No way! Congrats! The gals here at the Post tell me they would kill to see that baby shower!
9. Shane M. While we realize this is a guys list, we know some of you smart alecks out there might say, "Emmet, you ridiculously good-looking buffoon! There is more than one Shane in RhyDin!" We're talking about the he-Shane, RhyDin. Not the she-Shane. We've asked around, and when it comes to an amiable, fun and popular gent who is good to have at just about any soiree, Shane's name always comes up. Mind you, his wild reputation has fizzled out a little bit, so all we're left with is a pretty chill, all around polite individual. Who says that's a bad thing"
8. Aaron M. We have honestly no idea whatsoever what Aaron is doing hanging around with Dean and his Deangirls all the time, but far be it from us to deny their contact. Why, you ask" Well because watching Aaron piss people off is quite possibly one of the most rewarding things you can do with a Saturday. This guy lets absolutely anything insulting roll off him like water, but somehow the irritating things he says have a tendency to stick. The best part is, he is so obnoxious it's beautiful. He comes across as one of those guys who will hit on a taken woman just because. Pair him up with someone short-tempered, and oh boy will you have a show!
7. The Kidds Yeah, yeah. We know it's kind of unfair to lump all the Kidd brothers into one category, but realistically we kind of had to! Every Kidd has a righteous personality on him (or her!) that deserves mention. Obviously, Robert and Stephen are going to be the party animals. No. Question. Though we'd personally like to see them single and flirting with every gal in the joint, just having them there dancing on bartops is more than enough entertainment to sate our rabid Kidd cravings. Padriq, we've heard, tends to be a little more on the behaved side" but we're willing to bet if you get enough gin and tonics into him he'll get up there and wreak havoc with the rest of his family!
6. Imp First off, why on RhyDin is Imp rarely seen outside of the dueling venues" He must honestly have no idea how popular he is. Does he know that he has his very own fanclub' We are pretty confident that if Imp knew about all of this he would go out and hire himself an agent and his own entourage. Ladies and gents, Imp is just hilariously over-the-top. Absolutely nothing he does is disappointing, and if it is" well you need to loosen up a little bit! Oh, and this guy is all about hands-on attention, so make sure that your guests are all dressed, and that the women attending are prepared! Have at him, ladies!
5. Lang D. Surprised that Lang makes it onto our list' Neither are we. Let's set aside the fact that when he's with his wife (Yep! He's married! Crazy, right") he behaves sickeningly sweetly. Why ignore that, you ask" Isn't that a total bummer" Not nearly, because when he's free of the "ol ball and chain, Lang is an absolute riot! He has a tendency, we've heard, to get into screaming arguments with hotheaded people. Well. Screaming arguments is probably an overstatement, since Lang is generally cool and collected during them. Perhaps "irate conversations" would be more appropriate" Whatever you want to call it, Lang really knows hot to push those buttons for his own amusement, and we absolutely can't get enough of his hysterical, often derogatory wit! If you decide to invite Lang to your shindig, though, make sure there's a uh' metal detector at the door. That boy is going to piss off the wrong person one day. Let's just hope there's an audience when he does!
4. Sinjin Fai No big surprise Fai is on our list! Sinjin most definitely craves and belongs in the spotlight, ladies and gents. He's gratifyingly arrogant, has a sharp wit, and is desperately popular. Not to mention Fai has a tendency to make some kind of scene at huge events. Sources tell us he gave last year's attendees of the charity hospital auction a little more than they bargained for, and for free! Dying to know what we mean' Ask around. But one thing is for certain. Fai is without a doubt one spontaneous spitfire, so there is absolutely no way you can prepare for his arrival. Just roll with the punches, and hope you don't' uh' die!
3. Baker While Baker hasn't been seen around much lately, we are obligated to mention him, and even give him a special place in the top three, reflecting the special place he has in our hearts. Alright. That's an overstatement. But still! If there were a hall of fame for RhyDin's most hysterical celebrities, Baker would land himself a spot there for at least a decade. That man has the weirdest way of making ridiculous ideas seem plausible. That's why we've decided he should get into politics. He's charismatic (in an in-your-face kind of way) and would make a valuable addition to any party' especially a political one. Until he gets his foot in the door, though, he'll likely be honing his mingling and coercive skills in a tavern somewhere. Valuable practice, ladies and gents. Valuable practice!
2. Reap Now we know you expected to see this guy on our list, but you probably didn't expect him to be up so high! Well, RhyDin, we argued and argued and argued about Reap's placement for a torturous four minutes and ultimately decided that his broadening his horizons is what lands him at number two. Reap is extending his popularity by popping up all over the place these days. We're not just talking about inns and taverns, folks. We hear Reap has been dabbling in a bit of dueling as well. Say what? The man can crack a joke in the middle of a hurricane, and he knows how to pack a punch' When oh when did this happen" If you are going to invite him to one of your get-togethers, just make sure there is a steady flow of alcohol in that joint. His jokes get more and more offensive the more uninhibited he gets! (Although we're not entirely sure Reap is capable of being inhibited!) We hate to say it, but Reap may - just may - be transforming into a social butterfly! Who knew"
1. Harris It was a tough choice, you know, trying to pick between number one and two. But ultimately it came down not only to quantity, but quality. The things that come out of this guy's mouth are so priceless it makes us weep for joy and suffocate from laughter. At big events, Harris tends to draw attention to himself by heckling just about anyone important, but we hear that doesn't even remotely compare to the enlightening conversations he has with friends at a smaller get-together. And his advice is" oddly sage. After all" who shouldn't carry a miniature bomb around in their pocket' This is RhyDin! The fact of the matter is, Harris is always quick to defuse (Ha!) a heated situation with a bit of humor or uh' skin. You want overkill, though' Get him and Reap in the same place. Then step back and watch the magic happen. It is very likely you will break a rib from cracking up. (Please don't sue us if you do!) But whatever the deal with Harris is, we hope he absolutely never changes, and continues to amuse us on the most basic level. Keep it up!
Ten RhyDin Gents NOT to Leave off the Guest List! February 22, 2010
Call me crazy, call me odd, call me a self-absorbed narcissist with competency issues (or if we're going there, just call me Emmet), but it is a sad, sad state of affairs when you come across a dull party or gathering in RhyDin. Excuse me, but isn't this town full of ghouls and goblins wanting to filet you open and feast on your insides" That has to be good for a least a little entertainment. (Not the inside-eating part. Well, unless that's your thing.) But you would not believe how many parties we have come across lately that ended before midnight. Ew. What happened to you, RhyDin" When did the situation get so desperate" Where are the spontaneously-combusting attendees" The belligerent, stab-happy psychopaths that normal people are strangely friends with' The fire-breathing dragons that can hardly fit through a doorway, yet miraculously wind up invited to a small get-together and decide to attend, despite the fact that their allergies are terrible" (No lie!) Honestly!
Never fear though, RhyDin. We have a solution for this. You need entertainment, right' Well I and a group of us here at the Post have come up with a brilliant list of RhyDinian guys that you absolutely can not leave off your guest list. You better believe that your party will be a hit if you invite one of these gents! Or at least it'll be entertaining! Just remember to keep a fire extinguisher on hand!
10. Brishen Brishen sure knows how to be accommodating to other guests, which is why he makes our list. He's incredibly friendly, and the crowd he rolls with is a ridiculously charming, often delightfully ill-mannered little bunch! We hear whenever he's with his band "o' gypsies they always come back to one subject, and it sure as heck ain't PG-13. Other than that, his sense of humor and general demeanor is relatively family-friendly, and good for just about anyone. Good thing, too, because we heard on the grapevine that he and his gal are expecting! No way! Congrats! The gals here at the Post tell me they would kill to see that baby shower!
9. Shane M. While we realize this is a guys list, we know some of you smart alecks out there might say, "Emmet, you ridiculously good-looking buffoon! There is more than one Shane in RhyDin!" We're talking about the he-Shane, RhyDin. Not the she-Shane. We've asked around, and when it comes to an amiable, fun and popular gent who is good to have at just about any soiree, Shane's name always comes up. Mind you, his wild reputation has fizzled out a little bit, so all we're left with is a pretty chill, all around polite individual. Who says that's a bad thing"
8. Aaron M. We have honestly no idea whatsoever what Aaron is doing hanging around with Dean and his Deangirls all the time, but far be it from us to deny their contact. Why, you ask" Well because watching Aaron piss people off is quite possibly one of the most rewarding things you can do with a Saturday. This guy lets absolutely anything insulting roll off him like water, but somehow the irritating things he says have a tendency to stick. The best part is, he is so obnoxious it's beautiful. He comes across as one of those guys who will hit on a taken woman just because. Pair him up with someone short-tempered, and oh boy will you have a show!
7. The Kidds Yeah, yeah. We know it's kind of unfair to lump all the Kidd brothers into one category, but realistically we kind of had to! Every Kidd has a righteous personality on him (or her!) that deserves mention. Obviously, Robert and Stephen are going to be the party animals. No. Question. Though we'd personally like to see them single and flirting with every gal in the joint, just having them there dancing on bartops is more than enough entertainment to sate our rabid Kidd cravings. Padriq, we've heard, tends to be a little more on the behaved side" but we're willing to bet if you get enough gin and tonics into him he'll get up there and wreak havoc with the rest of his family!
6. Imp First off, why on RhyDin is Imp rarely seen outside of the dueling venues" He must honestly have no idea how popular he is. Does he know that he has his very own fanclub' We are pretty confident that if Imp knew about all of this he would go out and hire himself an agent and his own entourage. Ladies and gents, Imp is just hilariously over-the-top. Absolutely nothing he does is disappointing, and if it is" well you need to loosen up a little bit! Oh, and this guy is all about hands-on attention, so make sure that your guests are all dressed, and that the women attending are prepared! Have at him, ladies!
5. Lang D. Surprised that Lang makes it onto our list' Neither are we. Let's set aside the fact that when he's with his wife (Yep! He's married! Crazy, right") he behaves sickeningly sweetly. Why ignore that, you ask" Isn't that a total bummer" Not nearly, because when he's free of the "ol ball and chain, Lang is an absolute riot! He has a tendency, we've heard, to get into screaming arguments with hotheaded people. Well. Screaming arguments is probably an overstatement, since Lang is generally cool and collected during them. Perhaps "irate conversations" would be more appropriate" Whatever you want to call it, Lang really knows hot to push those buttons for his own amusement, and we absolutely can't get enough of his hysterical, often derogatory wit! If you decide to invite Lang to your shindig, though, make sure there's a uh' metal detector at the door. That boy is going to piss off the wrong person one day. Let's just hope there's an audience when he does!
4. Sinjin Fai No big surprise Fai is on our list! Sinjin most definitely craves and belongs in the spotlight, ladies and gents. He's gratifyingly arrogant, has a sharp wit, and is desperately popular. Not to mention Fai has a tendency to make some kind of scene at huge events. Sources tell us he gave last year's attendees of the charity hospital auction a little more than they bargained for, and for free! Dying to know what we mean' Ask around. But one thing is for certain. Fai is without a doubt one spontaneous spitfire, so there is absolutely no way you can prepare for his arrival. Just roll with the punches, and hope you don't' uh' die!
3. Baker While Baker hasn't been seen around much lately, we are obligated to mention him, and even give him a special place in the top three, reflecting the special place he has in our hearts. Alright. That's an overstatement. But still! If there were a hall of fame for RhyDin's most hysterical celebrities, Baker would land himself a spot there for at least a decade. That man has the weirdest way of making ridiculous ideas seem plausible. That's why we've decided he should get into politics. He's charismatic (in an in-your-face kind of way) and would make a valuable addition to any party' especially a political one. Until he gets his foot in the door, though, he'll likely be honing his mingling and coercive skills in a tavern somewhere. Valuable practice, ladies and gents. Valuable practice!
2. Reap Now we know you expected to see this guy on our list, but you probably didn't expect him to be up so high! Well, RhyDin, we argued and argued and argued about Reap's placement for a torturous four minutes and ultimately decided that his broadening his horizons is what lands him at number two. Reap is extending his popularity by popping up all over the place these days. We're not just talking about inns and taverns, folks. We hear Reap has been dabbling in a bit of dueling as well. Say what? The man can crack a joke in the middle of a hurricane, and he knows how to pack a punch' When oh when did this happen" If you are going to invite him to one of your get-togethers, just make sure there is a steady flow of alcohol in that joint. His jokes get more and more offensive the more uninhibited he gets! (Although we're not entirely sure Reap is capable of being inhibited!) We hate to say it, but Reap may - just may - be transforming into a social butterfly! Who knew"
1. Harris It was a tough choice, you know, trying to pick between number one and two. But ultimately it came down not only to quantity, but quality. The things that come out of this guy's mouth are so priceless it makes us weep for joy and suffocate from laughter. At big events, Harris tends to draw attention to himself by heckling just about anyone important, but we hear that doesn't even remotely compare to the enlightening conversations he has with friends at a smaller get-together. And his advice is" oddly sage. After all" who shouldn't carry a miniature bomb around in their pocket' This is RhyDin! The fact of the matter is, Harris is always quick to defuse (Ha!) a heated situation with a bit of humor or uh' skin. You want overkill, though' Get him and Reap in the same place. Then step back and watch the magic happen. It is very likely you will break a rib from cracking up. (Please don't sue us if you do!) But whatever the deal with Harris is, we hope he absolutely never changes, and continues to amuse us on the most basic level. Keep it up!