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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Ten RhyDinians that Just Won't Die October 1, 2010
RhyDin tends to be a paradox, doesn't it' People asked on the street will not readily admit to this town being known for the longevity of its inhabitants, yet at the same time, does it not seem like RhyDinians never permanently cease to be? Death itself has sort of turned into one of those temporary setbacks for us, hasn't it' "Oh, Jules died today' Dang. I guess that means I'll have to postpone her surprise party until next weekend." Certainly there are some folks that you've seen in the past that are kind of ridiculously unkillable. (Side note here: If I haven't seen them recently, then for all I know they could be gone forever*.) And I swear on the uselessness of highlighters that there honestly are some RhyDin folk that I predict will never go down.
And please, oh please, don't make an effort to make me eat my words.
Without further ado, I give you: Ten RhyDinians that Just Won't Die.
10. Cymric Species objections aside, you cannot deny that there simply is a point where a person's body can't quite keep up with his mind" or vice versa. Now before you go on and accuse me of ageism, let me remind you people that this list doesn't have anything to do with wishing death upon someone. Rather, it is a celebration of life" that is, a life that goes on and on and on. Cymric, it seems like, has been living forever and a day, but even now he still remains one of those ancients that is still utterly charming and fun to watch. He putt-putt-putts along with just as much energy and delight as I am sure he had in his early twenties, or even childhood. Ever inquisitive and polite, Cymric's changing and young take on his surroundings leads me to believe that he'll keep on living for a century or two more.
9. Vorn I forget and do not particularly care enough to learn this fellow's last name, so henceforth we shall call him Vorn Somethingorother. That Mister V.S. still breathes never ceases to amaze me. Living with the Garridan clan is enough to struggle to keep up with, but come on' this dude juggles swords and fire for a living. Noticing how personally he's taken some things, I have to wonder if he doesn't have a habit of overthinking - which can lead to some pretty' uh' disastrous consequences in his line of work. I'm also told that Vorn has an amazing leg up on speed on just about everyone, which might explain why he's managed to avoid death thus far. Well, I suppose he'll be the proof or negation of the phrase: Live fast, die young. Hang in there!
8. Tasslehofl Hey, hey. I already told you; I am not ageist, and I am not spiteful. Just because we at the Gossip Column may or may not happen to have a death pool going doesn't have anything to do with anything. Really! But come on, RhyDin my loves. You know Tass had to make it onto this list at some point. I can't (or perhaps really don't want to) imagine how many times ManTass has been afflicted with bouts of mono. And these days, who knows what kinds of germs are crawling around inside RhyDinian mouths" I do hope that man Scopes at night. And, and, and! He still submits himself to becoming a punching bag on a regular basis in some of the dueling rings. From what I've heard, he pretty much kicks some A., too. This is a fellow that will not expire, RhyDin, no matter how hard you try. I guarantee you that the entire world may explode and be gone forever, and ManTass will still remain with two cockroaches.
7. Max Blue Buhwhat, Emmet' Isn't singling out Max a little random' No it sure isn't, RhyDin, and I'll tell you why. Any man or thing that treats other people like chew toys (literally) automatically makes it onto an unhappier list of mine (blame my ex's rat of a dog for destroying my favorite pair of shoes). But my information tells me that Max seems to be one of those weirdos that has an extremely high pain tolerance. People have seen him be stabbed or hit relentlessly in and outside of the dueling rings, and still he does not blink. Plus, there is honestly something to say about going head-to-head with Shakira herself and living to tell about it. And believe you me, he will take every opportunity to rub that in your face. Just' Wear gloves when you handle him. You don't know what he's had in his mouth.
6. Wolvinator HA! I bet you didn't expect hero-types on this! Our favorite wolfish Wolvie makes it onto the list purely because he makes it his habit to put himself in danger on a daily basis. I mean, really. It takes some serious" assets" to take on a job like Minister of Defense in this city. These days, that's like painting a big fat target on your back and handing all of RhyDin some bows and arrows. Not to mention, he's probably living on pins and needles at home, too; I have a sneaking suspicion that if he ever truly ticked his gorgeous woman off he might have to answer to her fist (Kisses, Aly!). So here is to acknowledging how well our soldier-man he-admiral Wolvinator has done, and here is to hoping he can keep on doing it!
5. Alain Before you speak, I know what you're going to say. But Emmet, you spectacularly irresistible and truly drool-worthy bit of man-candy! Isn't singling out Alain just a little too easy' Sure it is, RhyDin, but to be brutally honest the ladies at the Gossip Column take absolutely every opportunity to mention the Baron they can possibly muster. Besides: How many horrific occurrences have you seen Alain take part in that he has still managed to make it out of? I swear that man is one giant bullet magnet. Not even a knife or a scimitar magnet, mind you - though that would be something to see, wouldn't it' - but a walking magnet for bullets. If he wishes to maintain his longevity, he should probably invest in some Kevlar for his" uh' dermis. Until then, we'll just be over here. You know. On the safe side of the bar.
4. Mur Mur has sort of reminded some RhyDinians lately of that annoying friend of a friend you know. You know the type, don't you? The one that hangs around constantly and always engages you in conversation despite the fact that you made it abundantly clear last summer after he slept with your wife and then ran over your cat that you wanted nothing to do with him' Yeah. He's that person. What's worse, he seems to have the cajones to back up all his taunting, so it sort of makes him a more annoying and less good-looking version of Harris. Sort of like a Lang that actually follows through with his threats - which has led more than one Isle Keeper person to curse violently and pointlessly for his death. Sorry, RhyDin, but this fellow is your average punch-me clown without the novelty. He just keeps coming back smiling.
3. Kairee If you have lived in RhyDin for any relatively infinitesimal amount of time, you have no doubt heard of or at least met the one-and-only Kairee. Fiery Kairee makes it onto our list because she has been around for what seems like forever and never actually appears to age. If anything, she only gets younger and far more wonderful as the years go on. Now compound that with the fact that she is basically omnipresent, and what you have here are the makings of a walking goddess. I'm not even joking, folks. Kairee is sort of RhyDin's version of Santa Claus. She sees you all the time, she knows what you're doing, and she is always there. Kind of like" I don't know. Jesus. Don't turn around. Seriously, don't do it. She could be there!
(I so warned you, didn't I")
2. Fury When other RhyDinians were asked just who comes to mind when it comes to unkillable people, Fury was close to the majority of the responses. And our beloved citizens would not be incorrect in pointing this out, because Fury is in all seriousness like the most durable kind of Timex watch: She takes a licking and keeps on ticking. It's not many people who live through a stabbing in the middle of a ball" Oh who am I kidding" Yes it is. But not many folks can spring back with the rebound and the haste that Miss Furious can. And not many people can do it more than once. What is her body made of, really' Sand" Jell-o' Rubber" Next time something happens to her (and believe me, it will) I'm going to watch veeeeeery closely and see if she actually bleeds.
1. Tara No big surprise here that Tara-Freaking-Rynieyn makes it onto our How-Are-You-Still-Alive" List (paraphrasing is fun too!). The fact is Tara could probably live through the Apocalypse itself comfortably. In fact, she might mistake the Four Horsemen for an errant polo match gone wrong and probably spend the last few days of mortal existence looking for a suitable mallet to join in the fun. While some people can probably live through a stabbing (or a shooting" or a squishing), not many can live through being reduced to a bubbling puddle of goo and still come back the next day looking fabulous. (Seriously; not even a bad hair day.) In fact, chances are if you tried to stab Tara-Freaking-Rynieyn, you would be the one who burst into flames. I suppose the lesson we should learn from this precious, precious gem is that if you do absolutely everything wrong in your life, at some point everything just becomes considered beautifully right. So what are you waiting for" Wreak havoc!**
Until next time, you stay sassy, RhyDin!
*Hi there, Skidlings! Send him back to us safely! **The Post is not liable for any damages or injuries that this suggestion might create. If you choose to engage in havoc-wreaking, please do so responsibly.
Ten RhyDinians that Just Won't Die October 1, 2010
RhyDin tends to be a paradox, doesn't it' People asked on the street will not readily admit to this town being known for the longevity of its inhabitants, yet at the same time, does it not seem like RhyDinians never permanently cease to be? Death itself has sort of turned into one of those temporary setbacks for us, hasn't it' "Oh, Jules died today' Dang. I guess that means I'll have to postpone her surprise party until next weekend." Certainly there are some folks that you've seen in the past that are kind of ridiculously unkillable. (Side note here: If I haven't seen them recently, then for all I know they could be gone forever*.) And I swear on the uselessness of highlighters that there honestly are some RhyDin folk that I predict will never go down.
And please, oh please, don't make an effort to make me eat my words.
Without further ado, I give you: Ten RhyDinians that Just Won't Die.
10. Cymric Species objections aside, you cannot deny that there simply is a point where a person's body can't quite keep up with his mind" or vice versa. Now before you go on and accuse me of ageism, let me remind you people that this list doesn't have anything to do with wishing death upon someone. Rather, it is a celebration of life" that is, a life that goes on and on and on. Cymric, it seems like, has been living forever and a day, but even now he still remains one of those ancients that is still utterly charming and fun to watch. He putt-putt-putts along with just as much energy and delight as I am sure he had in his early twenties, or even childhood. Ever inquisitive and polite, Cymric's changing and young take on his surroundings leads me to believe that he'll keep on living for a century or two more.
9. Vorn I forget and do not particularly care enough to learn this fellow's last name, so henceforth we shall call him Vorn Somethingorother. That Mister V.S. still breathes never ceases to amaze me. Living with the Garridan clan is enough to struggle to keep up with, but come on' this dude juggles swords and fire for a living. Noticing how personally he's taken some things, I have to wonder if he doesn't have a habit of overthinking - which can lead to some pretty' uh' disastrous consequences in his line of work. I'm also told that Vorn has an amazing leg up on speed on just about everyone, which might explain why he's managed to avoid death thus far. Well, I suppose he'll be the proof or negation of the phrase: Live fast, die young. Hang in there!
8. Tasslehofl Hey, hey. I already told you; I am not ageist, and I am not spiteful. Just because we at the Gossip Column may or may not happen to have a death pool going doesn't have anything to do with anything. Really! But come on, RhyDin my loves. You know Tass had to make it onto this list at some point. I can't (or perhaps really don't want to) imagine how many times ManTass has been afflicted with bouts of mono. And these days, who knows what kinds of germs are crawling around inside RhyDinian mouths" I do hope that man Scopes at night. And, and, and! He still submits himself to becoming a punching bag on a regular basis in some of the dueling rings. From what I've heard, he pretty much kicks some A., too. This is a fellow that will not expire, RhyDin, no matter how hard you try. I guarantee you that the entire world may explode and be gone forever, and ManTass will still remain with two cockroaches.
7. Max Blue Buhwhat, Emmet' Isn't singling out Max a little random' No it sure isn't, RhyDin, and I'll tell you why. Any man or thing that treats other people like chew toys (literally) automatically makes it onto an unhappier list of mine (blame my ex's rat of a dog for destroying my favorite pair of shoes). But my information tells me that Max seems to be one of those weirdos that has an extremely high pain tolerance. People have seen him be stabbed or hit relentlessly in and outside of the dueling rings, and still he does not blink. Plus, there is honestly something to say about going head-to-head with Shakira herself and living to tell about it. And believe you me, he will take every opportunity to rub that in your face. Just' Wear gloves when you handle him. You don't know what he's had in his mouth.
6. Wolvinator HA! I bet you didn't expect hero-types on this! Our favorite wolfish Wolvie makes it onto the list purely because he makes it his habit to put himself in danger on a daily basis. I mean, really. It takes some serious" assets" to take on a job like Minister of Defense in this city. These days, that's like painting a big fat target on your back and handing all of RhyDin some bows and arrows. Not to mention, he's probably living on pins and needles at home, too; I have a sneaking suspicion that if he ever truly ticked his gorgeous woman off he might have to answer to her fist (Kisses, Aly!). So here is to acknowledging how well our soldier-man he-admiral Wolvinator has done, and here is to hoping he can keep on doing it!
5. Alain Before you speak, I know what you're going to say. But Emmet, you spectacularly irresistible and truly drool-worthy bit of man-candy! Isn't singling out Alain just a little too easy' Sure it is, RhyDin, but to be brutally honest the ladies at the Gossip Column take absolutely every opportunity to mention the Baron they can possibly muster. Besides: How many horrific occurrences have you seen Alain take part in that he has still managed to make it out of? I swear that man is one giant bullet magnet. Not even a knife or a scimitar magnet, mind you - though that would be something to see, wouldn't it' - but a walking magnet for bullets. If he wishes to maintain his longevity, he should probably invest in some Kevlar for his" uh' dermis. Until then, we'll just be over here. You know. On the safe side of the bar.
4. Mur Mur has sort of reminded some RhyDinians lately of that annoying friend of a friend you know. You know the type, don't you? The one that hangs around constantly and always engages you in conversation despite the fact that you made it abundantly clear last summer after he slept with your wife and then ran over your cat that you wanted nothing to do with him' Yeah. He's that person. What's worse, he seems to have the cajones to back up all his taunting, so it sort of makes him a more annoying and less good-looking version of Harris. Sort of like a Lang that actually follows through with his threats - which has led more than one Isle Keeper person to curse violently and pointlessly for his death. Sorry, RhyDin, but this fellow is your average punch-me clown without the novelty. He just keeps coming back smiling.
3. Kairee If you have lived in RhyDin for any relatively infinitesimal amount of time, you have no doubt heard of or at least met the one-and-only Kairee. Fiery Kairee makes it onto our list because she has been around for what seems like forever and never actually appears to age. If anything, she only gets younger and far more wonderful as the years go on. Now compound that with the fact that she is basically omnipresent, and what you have here are the makings of a walking goddess. I'm not even joking, folks. Kairee is sort of RhyDin's version of Santa Claus. She sees you all the time, she knows what you're doing, and she is always there. Kind of like" I don't know. Jesus. Don't turn around. Seriously, don't do it. She could be there!
(I so warned you, didn't I")
2. Fury When other RhyDinians were asked just who comes to mind when it comes to unkillable people, Fury was close to the majority of the responses. And our beloved citizens would not be incorrect in pointing this out, because Fury is in all seriousness like the most durable kind of Timex watch: She takes a licking and keeps on ticking. It's not many people who live through a stabbing in the middle of a ball" Oh who am I kidding" Yes it is. But not many folks can spring back with the rebound and the haste that Miss Furious can. And not many people can do it more than once. What is her body made of, really' Sand" Jell-o' Rubber" Next time something happens to her (and believe me, it will) I'm going to watch veeeeeery closely and see if she actually bleeds.
1. Tara No big surprise here that Tara-Freaking-Rynieyn makes it onto our How-Are-You-Still-Alive" List (paraphrasing is fun too!). The fact is Tara could probably live through the Apocalypse itself comfortably. In fact, she might mistake the Four Horsemen for an errant polo match gone wrong and probably spend the last few days of mortal existence looking for a suitable mallet to join in the fun. While some people can probably live through a stabbing (or a shooting" or a squishing), not many can live through being reduced to a bubbling puddle of goo and still come back the next day looking fabulous. (Seriously; not even a bad hair day.) In fact, chances are if you tried to stab Tara-Freaking-Rynieyn, you would be the one who burst into flames. I suppose the lesson we should learn from this precious, precious gem is that if you do absolutely everything wrong in your life, at some point everything just becomes considered beautifully right. So what are you waiting for" Wreak havoc!**
Until next time, you stay sassy, RhyDin!
*Hi there, Skidlings! Send him back to us safely! **The Post is not liable for any damages or injuries that this suggestion might create. If you choose to engage in havoc-wreaking, please do so responsibly.