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Junior Columnist: Ashley Weatherl
The Top Ten Things to be Thankful for in RhyDin: 2010 November 9, 2010
Sure it's primarily a Terran holiday, but to be brutally honest the art of slaughtering turkeys is truly a delightful tradition that anyone from any universe can enjoy. And heck, if turkey-killing isn't your bag, then perhaps this November turkey-maiming, trampling, or good-old turkey fighting can just as easily be fun for the whole family. So what are you waiting for" Make November a fun-filled fowl-finishing flight of fancy, and frame a foray forthwith against a flapping flock of formidable, flagrant fiends!
It's a joke, animal lovers. Please don't send me Anthrax in the mail.
Before Thanksgiving became all about the turkey, it was all about exactly what its title indicates: Giving thanks. It's been a while since I've been on Earth, but if I recall, Thanksgiving had something to do with pilgrims, Native Americans, measles, and some song by Woody Guthrie. And from what I remember from my Luby's placemat when I was little, the holiday does have something to do with being grateful. So as per the Post tradition, we thought we'd give you a few things to think about this November.
Without much further ado, ten things you should be thankful for these coming holidays:
10. Nationwide Coverage! Ever notice how, even beneath the steel-enforced girders in the Arena, your cellular phone still miraculously gives you four bars with absolutely zero static or dropped calls" When was the last time you called your service provider and thanked them for that' And come to think of it, when was the last time you saw a cell phone tower or paid a bill" Amazing how that works, isn't it'
9. Ridiculous Metabolisms Admit it, RhyDin. The only time you ever see a woman ballooning outward is when she is growing either a miniature version of she-hottie and he-hottie inside or a fatal tumor - and either way, both conditions only last about four months max. Given that most women drink like fish in this town (and liquor is all empty calories!) and eat like garbage disposals, it really makes me want to turn my nose up at the lousy South Beach diet bar in my lunchbox. The double standard can be infuriating! Why is it that when Darcy horks down brownies or Gemethyst eats an entire plate of cookies, they can still strut their stuff in leather and corsets the next day, but when I eat half a piece of cheesecake my bottom jiggles for a week" How do they do it'
8. Pristine Health Not only is there no jiggle, but miraculously there never seems to be any sign of poor health. The amount of cigarette smoke in the Red Dragon Inn is often so thick you can't part it with a jet turbine. Is there really such a thing as clean living in this town" And yet, with people sucking down coffin nails like nobody's business, when was the last time you saw them hack up any tar or grow a wrinkle" When was the last time you saw someone who downed half a bottle of rye or tequila actually have a hangover the next day' Come to think of it, when was the last time you saw someone hospitalized for liver failure" Maybe there is some kind of medical threshold we haven't discovered yet - that smoke and booze is bad for you until a point' and anything beyond that makes you a god.
7. Mail-Order Brides Maybe there isn't exactly mail involved, but isn't it awfully convenient that RhyDin always just happens to be booming with fresh supplies of total babes and delicious mancandy' And let's be perfectly honest - the lingerie stores in RhyDin probably get about six times as much business as regular clothing outlets. And why shouldn't they' If you have a body to die for (and virtually everyone here does - see above) why not forgo the t-shirt (hi, Rand! Call me!) or strut your stuff in a bustier" After all, I'm sure that'll attract just the right kind of soulmate, won't it' And if not' Well" wait a week. There will undoubtedly be someone new you can woo and marry then!
6. Business Competition We're not sure if we should consider it a good thing or a bad thing, but new businesses have been cropping up all over the place this year - even more often than normal. Perhaps it's a likable situation in that the competition gives consumers a choice of where they'd like to shop, but at some point a flame war between ballet companies and hospitals and clinics becomes a little laughable. Well" you have to laugh to keep from crying, right"
5. Indestructible Watering Holes Whether it suffers shootouts, cannon-fire, mobs, denubae or cougar attacks, smoke damage, magic damage, or the consequences of an unfortunate temper tantrum, you can always rest assured that when you go to sleep, the Red Dragon Inn will still be there tomorrow morning. And on that note, how does the RDI possibly keep above water" Running a place like that can't possibly be profitable! All I can say is, Panther must have one hell of an insurance policy to get that kind of turnover!
4. Quiet Fight Nights Before you dueling moderators disagree with me, the quiet I speak of is, of course, referring to a lack of huge ZOMGDRAMA in the ranks of the three sports lately (which, in our opinion, is always a good thing). The Duel of Swords in particular has seen one of the most lighthearted streaks of competition we've seen in a long time - and one that has actually included some record-breaking title-holders! The other sports seem to being doing their best to hold their own in a tiny dry spell, but with the help of faithful duelists, they still seem to be going strong. To all the swordsmen (and women), sparrers, and spell-slingers: Hang in there!
3. "I am the law!" Maybe Governor O'Helston had it right - that the Watch isn't entirely useful about insert-arbitrary-percentage-here of the time. But that's O.K., really, because unless you're one of those hybrid slug species (and not the kinds that spit acid or what-have-you), chances are you know how to defend yourself against adversity. In fact, you'll likely be hard-pressed to find someone in RhyDin who isn't an expert martial-artist or owns his own personal military arsenal in his basement. And who is to stop you? There is no such thing as too much ammunition. Well....until your house catches on fire.
2. Rhymes With Shmanarchy Whether you are a hands-on government fan or not, the disappearance of Governor Sheridan Driscol has no doubt sparked some amount of political criticism in you. And for that we'll be thankful, because certain citizens might not have paid much attention to the situation otherwise. So whether you are a proponent of midterm elections or a no-confidence advocate, the relief comes in that controversy always draws just the right amount of attention to citywide affairs. So take advantage of that voice whatever deity or microorganism blessed you with at birth and use your ABC(D)'s: Accuse, blame, criticize, and deny. You were made for it.
1. Mass Communication Do you find yourself experiencing d"j" vu"
Well maybe it's not such a bad thing, because in this case we feel it absolutely necessary revisit this subject and to gush about how much we appreciate our fans and the wide circulation of information in RhyDin. Whether you take advantage of the electronic mail system, messengers and telegrams, the wonderful world of Post-It notes, or magically trained talking balloons (what? People get creative in this town!), there is never lack of a means to get word out to all of RhyDin. And on behalf of everyone here at the Post, we would like to thank you for taking the time to use ours!
That's all for now, and remember to stay safe and sassy, RhyDin! Happy Month of Thanks from all of us at the Post!
The Top Ten Things to be Thankful for in RhyDin: 2010 November 9, 2010
Sure it's primarily a Terran holiday, but to be brutally honest the art of slaughtering turkeys is truly a delightful tradition that anyone from any universe can enjoy. And heck, if turkey-killing isn't your bag, then perhaps this November turkey-maiming, trampling, or good-old turkey fighting can just as easily be fun for the whole family. So what are you waiting for" Make November a fun-filled fowl-finishing flight of fancy, and frame a foray forthwith against a flapping flock of formidable, flagrant fiends!
It's a joke, animal lovers. Please don't send me Anthrax in the mail.
Before Thanksgiving became all about the turkey, it was all about exactly what its title indicates: Giving thanks. It's been a while since I've been on Earth, but if I recall, Thanksgiving had something to do with pilgrims, Native Americans, measles, and some song by Woody Guthrie. And from what I remember from my Luby's placemat when I was little, the holiday does have something to do with being grateful. So as per the Post tradition, we thought we'd give you a few things to think about this November.
Without much further ado, ten things you should be thankful for these coming holidays:
10. Nationwide Coverage! Ever notice how, even beneath the steel-enforced girders in the Arena, your cellular phone still miraculously gives you four bars with absolutely zero static or dropped calls" When was the last time you called your service provider and thanked them for that' And come to think of it, when was the last time you saw a cell phone tower or paid a bill" Amazing how that works, isn't it'
9. Ridiculous Metabolisms Admit it, RhyDin. The only time you ever see a woman ballooning outward is when she is growing either a miniature version of she-hottie and he-hottie inside or a fatal tumor - and either way, both conditions only last about four months max. Given that most women drink like fish in this town (and liquor is all empty calories!) and eat like garbage disposals, it really makes me want to turn my nose up at the lousy South Beach diet bar in my lunchbox. The double standard can be infuriating! Why is it that when Darcy horks down brownies or Gemethyst eats an entire plate of cookies, they can still strut their stuff in leather and corsets the next day, but when I eat half a piece of cheesecake my bottom jiggles for a week" How do they do it'
8. Pristine Health Not only is there no jiggle, but miraculously there never seems to be any sign of poor health. The amount of cigarette smoke in the Red Dragon Inn is often so thick you can't part it with a jet turbine. Is there really such a thing as clean living in this town" And yet, with people sucking down coffin nails like nobody's business, when was the last time you saw them hack up any tar or grow a wrinkle" When was the last time you saw someone who downed half a bottle of rye or tequila actually have a hangover the next day' Come to think of it, when was the last time you saw someone hospitalized for liver failure" Maybe there is some kind of medical threshold we haven't discovered yet - that smoke and booze is bad for you until a point' and anything beyond that makes you a god.
7. Mail-Order Brides Maybe there isn't exactly mail involved, but isn't it awfully convenient that RhyDin always just happens to be booming with fresh supplies of total babes and delicious mancandy' And let's be perfectly honest - the lingerie stores in RhyDin probably get about six times as much business as regular clothing outlets. And why shouldn't they' If you have a body to die for (and virtually everyone here does - see above) why not forgo the t-shirt (hi, Rand! Call me!) or strut your stuff in a bustier" After all, I'm sure that'll attract just the right kind of soulmate, won't it' And if not' Well" wait a week. There will undoubtedly be someone new you can woo and marry then!
6. Business Competition We're not sure if we should consider it a good thing or a bad thing, but new businesses have been cropping up all over the place this year - even more often than normal. Perhaps it's a likable situation in that the competition gives consumers a choice of where they'd like to shop, but at some point a flame war between ballet companies and hospitals and clinics becomes a little laughable. Well" you have to laugh to keep from crying, right"
5. Indestructible Watering Holes Whether it suffers shootouts, cannon-fire, mobs, denubae or cougar attacks, smoke damage, magic damage, or the consequences of an unfortunate temper tantrum, you can always rest assured that when you go to sleep, the Red Dragon Inn will still be there tomorrow morning. And on that note, how does the RDI possibly keep above water" Running a place like that can't possibly be profitable! All I can say is, Panther must have one hell of an insurance policy to get that kind of turnover!
4. Quiet Fight Nights Before you dueling moderators disagree with me, the quiet I speak of is, of course, referring to a lack of huge ZOMGDRAMA in the ranks of the three sports lately (which, in our opinion, is always a good thing). The Duel of Swords in particular has seen one of the most lighthearted streaks of competition we've seen in a long time - and one that has actually included some record-breaking title-holders! The other sports seem to being doing their best to hold their own in a tiny dry spell, but with the help of faithful duelists, they still seem to be going strong. To all the swordsmen (and women), sparrers, and spell-slingers: Hang in there!
3. "I am the law!" Maybe Governor O'Helston had it right - that the Watch isn't entirely useful about insert-arbitrary-percentage-here of the time. But that's O.K., really, because unless you're one of those hybrid slug species (and not the kinds that spit acid or what-have-you), chances are you know how to defend yourself against adversity. In fact, you'll likely be hard-pressed to find someone in RhyDin who isn't an expert martial-artist or owns his own personal military arsenal in his basement. And who is to stop you? There is no such thing as too much ammunition. Well....until your house catches on fire.
2. Rhymes With Shmanarchy Whether you are a hands-on government fan or not, the disappearance of Governor Sheridan Driscol has no doubt sparked some amount of political criticism in you. And for that we'll be thankful, because certain citizens might not have paid much attention to the situation otherwise. So whether you are a proponent of midterm elections or a no-confidence advocate, the relief comes in that controversy always draws just the right amount of attention to citywide affairs. So take advantage of that voice whatever deity or microorganism blessed you with at birth and use your ABC(D)'s: Accuse, blame, criticize, and deny. You were made for it.
1. Mass Communication Do you find yourself experiencing d"j" vu"
Well maybe it's not such a bad thing, because in this case we feel it absolutely necessary revisit this subject and to gush about how much we appreciate our fans and the wide circulation of information in RhyDin. Whether you take advantage of the electronic mail system, messengers and telegrams, the wonderful world of Post-It notes, or magically trained talking balloons (what? People get creative in this town!), there is never lack of a means to get word out to all of RhyDin. And on behalf of everyone here at the Post, we would like to thank you for taking the time to use ours!
That's all for now, and remember to stay safe and sassy, RhyDin! Happy Month of Thanks from all of us at the Post!