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Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Ten Ways to be the Baddest Villain January 4, 2010
" And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you rotten kids!
Tired of being foiled in your plans for world domination"* Feel like no one respects you? Have each of your spectacularly laid plans to crush your enemies failed, and you don't know what you're doing wrong" It's a thankless job, trying to rule the world. But never fear, RhyDin. We have analyzed many traditional villain mistakes and faux-pas, and have compiled a list of what not to do.
For the spiteful, vengeful baddies out there, we give you Ten Ways to be the Baddest Villain.
1. I will not make a slave fall in love with me. If I do, I will never let her out in public again.
2. I will not withdraw my bitter sarcastic criticism the day after I have made it. It makes me look wishy-washy.
3. If I have my nemesis cornered and he is near death, I will not explain my entire evil plot to him, since I think he's going to die anyway.
4. I will not cackle maniacally when I should be strategizing for a battle.
5. I will not decide to "play' with my arch nemesis and waste precious time that could be spent cutting him into tiny pieces.
6. I will not include a self-destruct system in the plans of my lair.
7. If I choose to indulge in psychological warfare, I will strike fear into the hearts of citizens with a current fear, and not with a dead one.
8. I will not make any attempts to wed a woman on the opposing side, no matter how hot she is. Chances are she will betray me at some point.
9. I will not be lured onto a roof of a building or a precarious cliff by my nemesis where I run the risk of being thrown off during struggle. Instead, I will merely relax in my lair and pursue said nemesis with heat-seeking missiles.
10. If I wish to reassert my nefarious ways by threatening or maiming worthless peons, I will not do so where said peons are armed and want to kill me" like in the Arena or during Fight Night.
*Disclaimer: This article is purely satirical, and we at the Post in no way support malicious tyrants or violence itself.
Ten Ways to be the Baddest Villain January 4, 2010
" And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you rotten kids!
Tired of being foiled in your plans for world domination"* Feel like no one respects you? Have each of your spectacularly laid plans to crush your enemies failed, and you don't know what you're doing wrong" It's a thankless job, trying to rule the world. But never fear, RhyDin. We have analyzed many traditional villain mistakes and faux-pas, and have compiled a list of what not to do.
For the spiteful, vengeful baddies out there, we give you Ten Ways to be the Baddest Villain.
1. I will not make a slave fall in love with me. If I do, I will never let her out in public again.
2. I will not withdraw my bitter sarcastic criticism the day after I have made it. It makes me look wishy-washy.
3. If I have my nemesis cornered and he is near death, I will not explain my entire evil plot to him, since I think he's going to die anyway.
4. I will not cackle maniacally when I should be strategizing for a battle.
5. I will not decide to "play' with my arch nemesis and waste precious time that could be spent cutting him into tiny pieces.
6. I will not include a self-destruct system in the plans of my lair.
7. If I choose to indulge in psychological warfare, I will strike fear into the hearts of citizens with a current fear, and not with a dead one.
8. I will not make any attempts to wed a woman on the opposing side, no matter how hot she is. Chances are she will betray me at some point.
9. I will not be lured onto a roof of a building or a precarious cliff by my nemesis where I run the risk of being thrown off during struggle. Instead, I will merely relax in my lair and pursue said nemesis with heat-seeking missiles.
10. If I wish to reassert my nefarious ways by threatening or maiming worthless peons, I will not do so where said peons are armed and want to kill me" like in the Arena or during Fight Night.
*Disclaimer: This article is purely satirical, and we at the Post in no way support malicious tyrants or violence itself.