http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/521311356_3ef416f175-1.jpg
Gossip Columnist: Emmet "The It Man" Bane
Top Ten Ways to Banish a Blind Date December 19, 2009
So it turns out that bodacious babe or good-looking guy your buddy was trying to hook you up with isn't so bodacious or good-looking. And it looks like they've spent the better half of their life pruning moss in a stranger's basement (hey, it's been known to happen). It's past the point of no return, and you're well into dinner. What do you do now"
Never fear, RhyDin. The Post happily has chosen to supply you with the top ten ways to get rid of your blind date without having to kill them.
In no particular order:
1. Bring a weapon to dinner, and begin sharpening it and looking at your date hungrily when the waiter mentions dessert.
2. Have a conversation with your saltshaker; if magic is at your disposal, by all means help it to talk back.
3. Use the tablecloth as your napkin. Or better yet, use it as Kleenex.
4. Order the steak very rare, and throw a temper tantrum when the waiter doesn't return with a living cow.
5. Midway through the meal, attempt to wield your utensils with your toes (extra points if you haven't got any) and claim that you believe you were a chimp in your former life.
6. Compulsively repeat yourself self on a regular basis basis.
7. Scream at the top of your lungs every four minutes and thirty seconds. When your date asks why, pretend you don't know what he or she's talking about.
8. Make conversation with the table behind you about your obsessive habit of harvesting the souls of frequent dinner companions.
9. Decide you want to make a fort out of your table. Sneak underneath it and bring food and utensils with you. Invite everyone else in the restaurant to join" except your date (got to have standards, you know?).
10. Go into explicit detail about an escape route from the Watch detention center, and how effective it is. Demonstrate the proper way to shank a prison guard.
Top Ten Ways to Banish a Blind Date December 19, 2009
So it turns out that bodacious babe or good-looking guy your buddy was trying to hook you up with isn't so bodacious or good-looking. And it looks like they've spent the better half of their life pruning moss in a stranger's basement (hey, it's been known to happen). It's past the point of no return, and you're well into dinner. What do you do now"
Never fear, RhyDin. The Post happily has chosen to supply you with the top ten ways to get rid of your blind date without having to kill them.
In no particular order:
1. Bring a weapon to dinner, and begin sharpening it and looking at your date hungrily when the waiter mentions dessert.
2. Have a conversation with your saltshaker; if magic is at your disposal, by all means help it to talk back.
3. Use the tablecloth as your napkin. Or better yet, use it as Kleenex.
4. Order the steak very rare, and throw a temper tantrum when the waiter doesn't return with a living cow.
5. Midway through the meal, attempt to wield your utensils with your toes (extra points if you haven't got any) and claim that you believe you were a chimp in your former life.
6. Compulsively repeat yourself self on a regular basis basis.
7. Scream at the top of your lungs every four minutes and thirty seconds. When your date asks why, pretend you don't know what he or she's talking about.
8. Make conversation with the table behind you about your obsessive habit of harvesting the souls of frequent dinner companions.
9. Decide you want to make a fort out of your table. Sneak underneath it and bring food and utensils with you. Invite everyone else in the restaurant to join" except your date (got to have standards, you know?).
10. Go into explicit detail about an escape route from the Watch detention center, and how effective it is. Demonstrate the proper way to shank a prison guard.