Topic: Tour de RhyDin Swords Match: Bird vs. Ravenlock

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-02-20 13:40 EST
RhyDin Sports

http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/57423440.jpg Sports Columnist: Peter Pham

Tour de RhyDin Swords: Bird vs. Ravenlock, February 16 February 19, 2010

Attention RhyDin:

Recorded copies of a showcase Fists match between Aja Bird and Wyheree Ravenlock are now available for purchase at the RhyDin Post for fifteen dollars or eighteen copper. Package includes stickers for both teams, as well as a limited edition still shot of both Tour de RhyDin competitors. Please make check or money orders payable to the Post, and include your name and mailing address on the request form. Footage is available in dvd or holodisk form, and includes commentary by everyone's favorite Sports Guy Peter Pham, and retired dueler Chris Reed. Shipping and handling fees not included in price of purchase.

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-02-20 13:41 EST
- The RhyDin Post's black and gold logo flashes with an epic, orchestrated introduction theme. The logo spirals off the screen, and displays a high-tech news studio with flat screen television sets, and a massive, glossy black desk. Two men sit behind the desk. To the left (Peter Pham) is in his early thirties, of Asian ethnicity, has gelled black hair, and is in a navy suit. To the right (Chris Reed) is of Caucasian ethnicity with dark brown hair, is in his late thirties, is wearing a pinstripe suit, and has a vertical scar running down one side of his face. Both men, equipped with headsets, smile at the camera...-

Peter: How's it going, RhyDin" I'm Peter Pham, sports columnist!

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed, former dueler!

Peter: Welcome to the RhyDin Post's continuing coverage of the Tour de RhyDin.

Chris: Pete, I have to say, this thing lasts forever. You'd think the competitors would be sick and tired of fighting by now.

Peter: It may as well be a profession for them, Chris. These are some very proficient, very dedicated athletes. This competition isn't a sprint. It's a marathon.

Chris: At some point, the Tour becomes less about skill and more about stamina. Seriously. You try fighting for two months straight!

Peter: It's a challenge, Chris. No doubt about it.

Chris: I have to say how stoked I am though, Pete. Not only do we have two fighters tonight we haven't covered before, but my boy recently made the four hundred win-over-losses mark.

Peter: I heard about that. A big congratulations goes out to Governor Simon on Team CrushBob. Way to keep on rocking the rings.

Chris: So how "bout it, Pete" You ready to make a call on who will win"

Peter: I respectfully withhold any comments.

Chris: - Coughs. - Wuss!

Peter: For now, let's get on to our match. Tonight, we're privileged to bring you an interesting fight between Aja Bird of Team Fun-Tastics"

Chris: - Interrupting. - I still hate that name"

Peter: And Wyheree Ravenlock of Team Fearless.

Chris: Wow! Haven't seen much of Fearless around lately! It's good to see them stepping up to remind the competition that the Tour isn't over just yet!

Peter: You hit that one on the head, Chris. Quite a few new fighters have been popping up around the dueling venues, which begs the question: Exactly where is all this new talent coming from"

Chris: I honestly couldn't tell you. But I will say one thing - I like it! It's great to have new athletes to criticize! I mean' uh' review.

Peter: Nice save there, Chris.

Chris: It's a gift.

Peter: Well" As of Stage Twelve in the Tour, Fearless is holding solid at number seven, points-wise. Do you think Ravenlock can narrow the gap and catch up with the rest of the teams tonight"

Chris: That's a big gap, Pete. But you never know what will happen.

Peter: Let's find out then. Roll the footage!

- Roll footage Round 1. LP/CP 0 All. -

Chris: Blah! Ladies, ladies" the saluting happens before the match!

Peter: That may be, but I can't help wondering if Ravenlock isn't taking an extra round to feel out Bird's defenses. Look at how she's taking her opponent's stance in. There's a lot you can learn about a fighter just based on observation, Chris.

- End footage Round 1. Roll footage, Round 2. LC/SS 1-0 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Swings her rapier low, the flat catching Aja's stride.

Bird: Gets tripped up and grins. "Knew that was coming" decided to dance anyway."

Peter: Wow. She walked right into that one, didn't she"

Chris: If you knew that was coming, then why the crap didn't you defend" That is the whole point to this sport! Strategy!

Peter: Take a look at this beautiful, sweeping cut by Ravenlock as she goes low.

- Slow motion, action replay of Wyheree's low cut, tagging Aja in the ankles. -

Peter: That could easily have landed Bird a broken nose.

Chris: Would she have seen that coming, I wonder"

- End footage Round 2. Roll footage, Round 3. HC/LP 1-.5 Ravenlock. -

Bird: Twirls the blade and blocks the incoming high swing.

Ravenlock: Nods, grinning as she resets her stance. "Again, a lovely parry."

Chris: There is too much good sportsmanship in this game lately, Pete. I want to see some good, old-fashioned trash talk.

Peter: She does seem a little polite, doesn't she" Almost too polite" like she's hiding something.

Chris: I'll get to the bottom of it! Mark my words!

- End footage Round 3. Roll footage, Round 4. LC/CP 1 All. -

Chris: You know" I'd be more convinced of the fact that Bird is just playing dumb, when really she's a strategical mastermind.

Peter: You think she's trying to catch Ravenlock off her game"

Chris: It almost looks that way. There is no chance that solid defense was luck, Pete. Take a closer look.

- Slow motion, action replay of Round 4. A white arrow is drawn along the arc of Aja's parry as it defends against a low cut. -

Chris: Look at that. She doesn't even flinch! Like she had anticipated it all along.

Peter: Yeah, but look at Ravenlock. It was almost like she expected it as well.

Chris: I think the ref needs to keep a closer eye on these matches. There are just too many coincidences!

- End footage Round 4. Roll footage, Round 5. HC/SH 2-1 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Reverses once more, tapping Aja with the flat of the rapier on her shoulder.

Bird: Drops for a thrust that doesn't come and takes the high swing.

Chris: Wow. Sorry, Pete, but that move was completely transparent. With an experienced fighter like Ravenlock, it is incredibly unwise to follow through with a predictable blow from above. It was almost like Bird got tired and didn't want to catch her opponent off guard with a feint!

Peter: I can see her getting tired, Chris, but I doubt it means she's getting lazy. I think she was relying on her speed for that one, and Ravenlock saw right through it.

Chris: A word to the wise: If you are following up with a quick offense, don't dive right in to where your opponent is ready for you!

Peter: That being said, we need to take a quick commercial break. We'll be right back after a few words from our sponsors!

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-02-20 13:42 EST
- A platinum logo spirals onto the screen with catchy techno music. It reads: "RhyDin's Most Nefarious!" The image wipes in a star shape to reveal a smartly-dressed, good looking blonde gentleman in his late twenties. -

Host: You voted, RhyDin, and the results" are in!

- Screen flashes to an audition room with a panel of three judges - an attractive, twenty-something year-old redheaded woman, a muscular African American male in his late thirties, and a sour-faced, pale-skinned bald man in his early forties. -

Judge 2: Yo, dawg. I feel like you could have done a little bit more.

- A cloaked villain is standing over a pile of ten mutilated bodies. -

Villain 1: How could I possibly have done more"

Judge 1: I don't know. I don't know what it is, but I feel like you're out of your element here.

Host Voice-over: Thousands of wrongdoers, malfeasants, miscreants, and masterminds tried out for the opportunity to compete to be RhyDin's Most Nefarious villain. They auditions ranged from terrifying, to lukewarm, to just plain weird.

- Roll next audition. An anxious, skittish fellow is attempting to be daunting, and is shaking his fist in a very stereotypical way. -

Applicant: - In a questionably intimidating voice. - I will destroy you? No, I can do that again. I will destroy' No, hang on' I will DESTROY YOU!

Judge 3: I don't think that was even enough to make my three-year-old daughter nervous. You have absolutely no sinister talent.

- Applicant tears up. -

Applicant: Fine! I don't need you! I can get anything I want without your help!

- Roll next audition footage. A giant blue blob is sitting in the middle of the room. The judges are staring at it. -

Applicant 2: "

Judge 2: "

- Crickets sound effect. The blob just sits there for thirty seconds. -

Judge 1: " Well I like him! I think he's got some grrr *hic* grrreat potential!

- The blob still does not move. -

- Screen returns to Host, who is overly animate. -

Host: After three million votes, we're down to our final two! Will it be Yevan Eiro, the tortured soul from Gamma Alpha Five, who specializes in psychological dominion and psychokinesis"

- Flashes to a windblown shot of an incredibly handsome man with long black hair and red eyes. He doesn't smile, for it would mar his ridiculously perfect features. -

Eiro: Your world is doomed to fail. Every breath you breathe, every step you take is distancing the planet further and further from its natural state. Each resource you consume is irreplaceable, the lack thereof turning this place into a lifeless, inhabitable floating rock. All will wither and fade, and no one will remember you after your death. You are no one. You are nothing.

- A long pause ensues after his speech' followed by raucous applause and screaming from an arena audience. -

Host: Or will it be Sid'don, the foul-breathed beast from Hidanov, whose specialty is brute force"

- Flash to a not-so-windswept shot of an eleven-foot, potbellied, scaly, reptilian creature with enormous fangs and who is drooling profusely. He snarls viciously. -

- Flashes to a shot of the arena audience, a large portion of whom are holding up large signs that profess love for Sid'don. -

Screaming Girl in Audience: You are on TV, therefore you are desirable!

- Returns to Host. -

Host: You will be the ones to decide, RhyDin! Tune in this Monday at seven PM RhyDin Standard Time to cast your vote as to who is RhyDin's Most Nefarious! The winner receives his very own lair and team of accomplices! We'll see you Monday!

Voice-Over: Sponsored by Badsider Beer. Badsider. Everyone else drinks it - you may as well too.

- Blackout. -

Darien Fenner

Date: 2010-02-20 13:45 EST
- Camera returns to the studio, where Peter and Chris are engaged in a friendly discussion. They both look at the camera. -

Chris: Welcome back, RhyDin! Glad you stuck with us!

Peter: It's a tape, Chris. Where else would they go"

Chris: They could be out of the room, you know. Hey! The commercial is over! Get back here!

Peter: Right, like they can hear your annoying voice from two rooms away.

Chris: Excuse me, but my annoying voice is strangely resonant, even through speakers.

Peter: I know. I have to live with it every day.

Chris: Hey!

Peter: Let's jump right in again, shall we" We left off at a one point lead by Ravenlock. Roll the next round's footage!

- Roll footage Round 6. FSS/CP 3-1 Ravenlock. -

Chris: That's a beautiful exposure of Bird's openings, but I can't help feeling like Ravenlock is showboating a little.

Peter: What makes you say that"

Chris: Almost like she's trying too hard to be graceful and feminine. Hey. News flash: Dueling is a messy sport! You need to come to terms with the fact that you will work up a sweat, and no, it is not the most horrid thing in the world!

Peter: I have to wonder why Bird is anticipating another bookend, though. There is no way Ravenlock would have had time to set up for another blow so soon. The angles are just all wrong.

Chris: I don't know, Pete. I'm with Bird on this one. Judging by her position, I totally expected Ravenlock to backhand her and go right for her knees.

Peter: I suppose rapiers are designed for rapid, dynamic maneuvers.

- End footage Round 6. Roll footage, Round 7. LC/HC 4-2 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Snakes her rapier low to tap Aja's shins, feeling Aja's blade touch her shoulder.

Chris: There is the low blow I was expecting!

Peter: You called that one, Chris. I must give it to Bird for taking the initiative and going in for an attack, though, with the score already weighing heavily in Ravenlock's favor.

Chris: She's strangely O.K. with it, too. If I were in Bird's shoes, I'd be getting pretty frustrated about now.

Peter: Frustrated is an understatement. You would be throwing a temper tantrum inside the ring.

Chris: Pretty much.

- End footage Round 7. Roll footage, Round 8. CP/SL 4-3 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Sets the low defense, and gets rattled a bit. "Well-timed - a good thing G'nort is not here to witness the violation of his rule."

Chris: O.K. Someone has got to tell me about this slashing rule thing. I've heard it at least ten times and have no idea where it came from!

Peter: It has something to do with Dragoon-Talandor, I think. Apparently slashing is bad.

Chris: Wow, Pete. Did you figure that out all by yourself"

Peter: Leave the sarcasm to me, Chris. You're terrible at it.

Chris: So's your face.

Peter: See" That makes zero sense. All that said, a beautiful cut through Ravenlock's defenses narrows the gap. Bird just might be able to take this one!

- End footage Round 8. Roll footage, Round 9. LC/LP 5-3 Ravenlock. -

Ravenlock: Lightly taps Aja in the leg, and steps back in salute.

Bird: Blocks high and takes a low hit.

Chris: Those low blows have really paid off for Ravenlock this match, haven't they"

Peter: That they have, Chris. But see here how she does the complete opposite of Bird earlier.

- Slow motion, action replay of Wyheree's fluid circular parry, leading into the exploitation of a low opening on Aja. -

Peter: Her opponent is too busy resetting from such a bold offense that she doesn't even have time to withdraw her blade enough to defend that one.

- Camera returns to the studio, where both men are having a frank discussion. -

Chris: That being said, if I were to pit them against each other again in a rematch, I would anticipate a wholly different outcome.

Peter: You think they were just feeling each other out?

Chris: Ravenlock's defense is solid, but Bird has tons of room for improvement and change. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she completely altered her strategy next time around. In fact, I would be relieved if she did.

Peter: Well, for now that's a pretty black and white win for Team Fearless!

Chris: I really hope we see more of Fearless around, Pete. The other teams are getting too comfortable!

Peter: That'll have to do it for us here at the Post, folks! As always, I'm Peter Pham.

Chris: And I'm Chris Reed!

Peter: Thanks for tuning in! You stay sporty, RhyDin!