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Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
Tragic Romance Questioned; "Dying for love seemed like a much better idea before this bullet in my lung," clich'd damsel says August 30, 2010
*In a report delivered to the W.G.A.D. Weekly, local RhyDinian and architect Ibbie Munoz announced that she believes the majority of RhyDin is in love with the idea of love, rather than the sentiment in and of itself.
Munoz, who suffered a critical injury in the Marketplace last Wednesday due to a gunshot wound to the chest, argued that it didn't take long for her opinion of love to change to something a little more realistic.
"I don't know. The idea of sacrificing myself for love seemed like a better idea in retrospect," commented Munoz as she bled profusely onto the pavement following a firsthand encounter with known criminal overlady and mastermind Lata Succres.
Added Munoz: "Would you mind fetching some gauze" I'm kind of dying, here."
According to Munoz, she was being threatened the evening of August 25 with bodily harm over a matter of hereditary "blood debt." When it became clear that Munoz's life was in jeopardy, her fianc", Daniel, offered to forfeit his life to save hers. Desperate to prevent such an occurrence, Munoz reportedly leapt into the line of fire, mortally wounding herself in the process. Her fianc", after lamenting her injury for approximately eight seconds, fainted at the sight of blood.
"I didn't want him to die because of me," said Munoz Wednesday. "But now that I'm laying here thinking about it' yeah, that actually would have been nice. Who would have known gunshots hurt so much?"
Of her unconscious fianc?, Munoz only shrugged her shoulders weakly.
"Now, I guess you can say I love the idea of him' as a concept. But if I had to do it all over again, I definitely wouldn't have acted as rashly as I did. I mean seriously. I thought the loss of my one true love would be the worst pain I could ever feel, but that was before I had this bullet in my lung."
Munoz later went on to explain the subtle differences in "loving" someone, and "liking them."
"Looking back, I guess you could apply how I felt to just about anyone else I might have been in a relationship with at the time," Munoz wheezed.
Tragically, no Good Samaritans were around to notify emergency crews of Munoz's condition.
"If I die, at least I can die confident that I conveyed some tiny amount of common sense."
Shakespearean instances of romantic tragedy rose last year, according to a completely unrelated and unreliable report. Instances of Romeo-y-Julieta shenanigans grew along with the price of tea in China - though experts have yet to find a connection.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.
Tragic Romance Questioned; "Dying for love seemed like a much better idea before this bullet in my lung," clich'd damsel says August 30, 2010
*In a report delivered to the W.G.A.D. Weekly, local RhyDinian and architect Ibbie Munoz announced that she believes the majority of RhyDin is in love with the idea of love, rather than the sentiment in and of itself.
Munoz, who suffered a critical injury in the Marketplace last Wednesday due to a gunshot wound to the chest, argued that it didn't take long for her opinion of love to change to something a little more realistic.
"I don't know. The idea of sacrificing myself for love seemed like a better idea in retrospect," commented Munoz as she bled profusely onto the pavement following a firsthand encounter with known criminal overlady and mastermind Lata Succres.
Added Munoz: "Would you mind fetching some gauze" I'm kind of dying, here."
According to Munoz, she was being threatened the evening of August 25 with bodily harm over a matter of hereditary "blood debt." When it became clear that Munoz's life was in jeopardy, her fianc", Daniel, offered to forfeit his life to save hers. Desperate to prevent such an occurrence, Munoz reportedly leapt into the line of fire, mortally wounding herself in the process. Her fianc", after lamenting her injury for approximately eight seconds, fainted at the sight of blood.
"I didn't want him to die because of me," said Munoz Wednesday. "But now that I'm laying here thinking about it' yeah, that actually would have been nice. Who would have known gunshots hurt so much?"
Of her unconscious fianc?, Munoz only shrugged her shoulders weakly.
"Now, I guess you can say I love the idea of him' as a concept. But if I had to do it all over again, I definitely wouldn't have acted as rashly as I did. I mean seriously. I thought the loss of my one true love would be the worst pain I could ever feel, but that was before I had this bullet in my lung."
Munoz later went on to explain the subtle differences in "loving" someone, and "liking them."
"Looking back, I guess you could apply how I felt to just about anyone else I might have been in a relationship with at the time," Munoz wheezed.
Tragically, no Good Samaritans were around to notify emergency crews of Munoz's condition.
"If I die, at least I can die confident that I conveyed some tiny amount of common sense."
Shakespearean instances of romantic tragedy rose last year, according to a completely unrelated and unreliable report. Instances of Romeo-y-Julieta shenanigans grew along with the price of tea in China - though experts have yet to find a connection.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.