http://i738.photobucket.com/albums/xx21/dfenner_photo/Smilingwomanwithcrossedarmsuid11-1.jpg
Amelia Enderwood: Satirist
Utterly No Evidence Sought in Bastard's Disappearance November 18, 2010
*Citizens all around RhyDin today remain unconcerned with the absence of local bastard and professional S.O.B. Cireneg Eman, who probably went missing at some point sometime recently. Witnesses allege that a specific time frame is nonviable, given the lack of care or attention to that particular happenstance.
"He was supposedly going to go and be valiant somewhere or something, I think," said Molly Iunne, on-again-off-again witness and local spotlight hound. "I don't know. I thought he was already dead until you mentioned him. I'm really just happy to be interviewed."
Added Iunne: "Here is my address and phone number if you want a further comment."
Circumstantial claims point to some kind of chivalrous rescue attempt on Eman's part, but before any investigation could be launched or missing persons declared, all evidence pertaining to the situation was discarded. Earlier today the RhyDin Watch also announced its intentions to continue to completely ignore the bastard's abrupt disappearance, and to fully disregard any information relating to it that may be submitted or accidentally collected. Attempts by citizens to contact the Watch with details on this would-be case are to be reportedly punishable with fines of up to fifteen thousand gold and three nights alone with Gertie in the women's isolation unit at the Precinct One prison.
"I can be very nice," commented Gertie.
"Not that we care, but what?s-his-face was seen in public for the last time Wednesday night, before he was supposedly off to battle evil or some such crap," Constable Treemey informed the W.G.A.D. Weekly early this morning. "Hallelujah."
According to sources drunk on the scene, Eman's departing words were something almost selfless but hardly memorable.
"It was something smug and conceited like "I've got this." Or maybe it was 'don't follow me,?" commented Derek Albiron, local barfly. "Then again, I discovered moonshine that night, so I could be entirely wrong."
As it is, the Watch would like to patiently reassure the public that the situation is in no way being remedied, and that anyone with any information on the subject should keep it to their damn self.
"While we may have recovered some evidence that may or may not indicate foul play, we do not plan on pursuing any leads," insisted Constable Treemey. "Nor do we intend to investigate the kidnapping of his associate or to contact any eye witnesses or close friends or family. Honestly, there really isn't much of a crime in our opinion."
Added Treemey later: "Disappearance" What disappearance?"
In related news, local "<CENSORED> do-gooder? Derek Albiron has been arrested and charged with a fine of fifteen thousand gold.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.
Utterly No Evidence Sought in Bastard's Disappearance November 18, 2010
*Citizens all around RhyDin today remain unconcerned with the absence of local bastard and professional S.O.B. Cireneg Eman, who probably went missing at some point sometime recently. Witnesses allege that a specific time frame is nonviable, given the lack of care or attention to that particular happenstance.
"He was supposedly going to go and be valiant somewhere or something, I think," said Molly Iunne, on-again-off-again witness and local spotlight hound. "I don't know. I thought he was already dead until you mentioned him. I'm really just happy to be interviewed."
Added Iunne: "Here is my address and phone number if you want a further comment."
Circumstantial claims point to some kind of chivalrous rescue attempt on Eman's part, but before any investigation could be launched or missing persons declared, all evidence pertaining to the situation was discarded. Earlier today the RhyDin Watch also announced its intentions to continue to completely ignore the bastard's abrupt disappearance, and to fully disregard any information relating to it that may be submitted or accidentally collected. Attempts by citizens to contact the Watch with details on this would-be case are to be reportedly punishable with fines of up to fifteen thousand gold and three nights alone with Gertie in the women's isolation unit at the Precinct One prison.
"I can be very nice," commented Gertie.
"Not that we care, but what?s-his-face was seen in public for the last time Wednesday night, before he was supposedly off to battle evil or some such crap," Constable Treemey informed the W.G.A.D. Weekly early this morning. "Hallelujah."
According to sources drunk on the scene, Eman's departing words were something almost selfless but hardly memorable.
"It was something smug and conceited like "I've got this." Or maybe it was 'don't follow me,?" commented Derek Albiron, local barfly. "Then again, I discovered moonshine that night, so I could be entirely wrong."
As it is, the Watch would like to patiently reassure the public that the situation is in no way being remedied, and that anyone with any information on the subject should keep it to their damn self.
"While we may have recovered some evidence that may or may not indicate foul play, we do not plan on pursuing any leads," insisted Constable Treemey. "Nor do we intend to investigate the kidnapping of his associate or to contact any eye witnesses or close friends or family. Honestly, there really isn't much of a crime in our opinion."
Added Treemey later: "Disappearance" What disappearance?"
In related news, local "<CENSORED> do-gooder? Derek Albiron has been arrested and charged with a fine of fifteen thousand gold.
*Certain facts in the above article have been fabricated for the sake of satire.