Topic: War: It's Universal

Darien Fenner

Date: 2013-08-25 01:15 EST
http://i.imgur.com/bBLCbfM.jpg Senior Columnist and Investigative Journalist: Darien Fenner

War: It's Universal August 25, 2009

Terrans seem to get a lot of bad press on RhyDin. We are considered a borderline minority, and command relatively small influence in RhyDin politics. It is all the same, though, for the Earth most have grown up knowing is actually considered a Class B planet - largely rural; Future: Uncertain. And who can blame extraterrestrials for designating it so' Terra I and II have a history of blowing its residents up with weapons of mass destruction, poisoning them with biological warfare, and treating the downtrodden with the respect one might employ scraping a cockroach off a shoe.

RhyDin, unsurprisingly, is a place riddled with conflict, crime, and corruption - not unlike the Earth of the Milky Way Galaxy.

Consider Asharan, a continent exactly 2400 miles west by northwest across the Great Western Sea, and adjacent to the RhyDin plateau. This is a conglomeration of countries that claim to honor negotiated peace agreements, yet still maintain their military forces in a state of realistic threat and containment. The politics inherent inside the continent's borders are arguably communist, if not entirely totalitarian. Kos StormBlade, 26th High Warlord and Sovereign Ruler of the Asharan Imperium, went so far as to confirm this allegation.

"Asharan has had a long standing posture of military defense of its borders and of course a readiness to invade enemy territory," Stormblade said in an interview thankfully far from the new Asharan Consulate. Stormblade, according to Mia Thellso"ok, a wheat agriculturalist in the northernmost part of the continent, is one of the most progressive thinkers Asharan has to offer.

Progressive" Here's a progressive thinker for you, folks. Albert Einstein: "One cannot simultaneously prepare for war and prevent one."

The fact of the matter is, Asharan is a land far too absorbed in its own armed efficiency. According to Stormblade, 200,000 troops have been stationed to protect its borders. What is to be done, then, about the twenty-four million settlers within them' Settlers like Chor Ervee, who has changed apartments for the third time in six months, all thanks to a housing crisis in the downtown district.

"It has gotten ridiculous," Ervee said. "It's not even a documented laissez-faire policy. The government just doesn't seem to care about Asharan's internal conflict."

Conflicts such as the unjust court decision in Vrek'tah v. Shurvine. Vrek"tah was found guilty of embezzlement and first-degree manslaughter based on scant evidence, having been unfairly tried in the Mordoth District despite wide and iniquitous news coverage of the alleged crime. According to Stormblade, a gossip rag had been bribed to spread malicious content on the part of the accused. Its Editor in Chief was swiftly sentenced to fifteen years in a federal prison, hopefully to keep Shurvine cozy company. Bribery, indeed, but it remains curious how Judge Wrest, who happened to be handed over by Shurvine in league, is not currently under investigation.

As for the housing crisis" When asked if the government plans to intervene in the market, Stormblade quickly deflected the question. How very reassuring. Hopefully people like Ervee have the name of a good moving company, because it seems like many more unnecessary foreclosures are in Asharan's future.

But with the bolstered defense of Asharan's borders, international crime should be a distant memory, right'

Wrong!

The war on drugs is almost as low on the government's list as immigration reform. Indeed, recent violent intercontinental drug cartels have left over twelve thousand dead. Asharan's solution' Military, of course.

"Two legions of 200,000 troops have been allocated to stop all drug cartel activity in the Imperium. We do not waste time. Those that are caught are tried in the Courts and executed," said Stormblade.

Capital punishment without trial by jury' Not much better than being hung out to dry by Asharan's corrupt judicial system.

News flash! Asharan doesn't need more soldiers. It needs a radical government makeover. The bi-party system and checks-and-balances legislative process on Earth is in place to designate suitable committees to deal with these kinds of issues, and to prevent tyrannical conduct! Sure it isn't perfect, but at least Terrans have some voice in government - that they contribute to the decision what happens to their goods and labors.

For instance: What will happen to the mana being mined in eight recently-discovered wells beneath Asharan's foundation"

According to Stormblade, the government has already made a rather generous claim of putting its quintessence on the RhyDin market for one-third the price per barrel Tulgey Enterprises (a company currently monopolizing the mana market) has set. Asharan: Corrupt, criminal, conflicted, and - oh yes! BANKRUPT. Less than two million square miles of all of Asharan is designated farmland. Hopefully the government officials are sitting on a platinum surplus. Oh wait! Thanks to the over taxation of its citizens, they are.

Let's back up a minute, though. The whole reason of this interview was to assure the RhyDin population that Asharan is making a deliberate effort to develop good relations with RhyDin. After all, they have sent the 26th High Warlord and Sovereign Ruler of the Asharan Imperium to busy himself with paperwork in the new consulate on RhyDin soil. They must have complete faith in his negotiating abilities!

Then again, they could have just been over-eager to faze the Dragonborn out, given the circumstances of his love life. Or should we say, love lives.

A recent source is not surprised: "That one. Who married one woman, got her pregnant in the same week, and then after the same week, kicked her to the curb for someone else, who he has also apparently impregnated immediately on their wedding. He's arrogant, chauvinistic....and he kicked the new wife who he's gotten pregnant to the curb too. The single women of this town better watch out."

What has happened to the people of RhyDin" Where are the real progressive thinkers" People like Mahatma Gandhi, who said "what difference does it make to the dead" whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Or Mother Teresa, who said: "You can do no great things— only small things with great love?" Instead, we are forced to neighbor with a totalitarian regime, run by someone who "thinks fidelity refers only to audio equipment, and not to relationships."

Stormblade, a progressive thinker? Tell you what: Westplace Community College starts its semester of Philosophy 101 next week. He can bring himself and a few friends in and learn about real progressive thinking, and real, humanitarian ideals. We'll foot the fee.