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Senior Columnist: Madu Adeniji
Watch Foils Marketplace Monster Attack June 9, 2011
Marketplace, R.D. —- Nathan Wing, a lieutenant of the RhyDin Watch is being praised as a local hero today after foiling a potentially devastating monster attack in the Marketplace.
According to local witnesses, the surprise attack took place yesterday sometime between the hours of eleven PM and 2 AM RST, at the corner of Venom Avenue and Panther Way and just outside Hroner's Deli, a popular RhyDin eatery. Reports indicate that some kind of tentacled creature emerged from a fountain there and vigorously assaulted several passersby " including but not limited to local realtor Fiora Shantalaine, ranch owner Jake Duncan, business operator Mayu Tsuzuki, and space captain Misty. Psychiatrist Euriya Shilo, whose offices are located at the Plaza de Troyes and who is now accepting patients at very reasonable prices for groundbreaking psychiatric therapy, was also reportedly present.
"This thing came out of the fountain and it started attacking people," witness Toby Aradam said. "People got hit with a lot of goopy stuff. They seemed to have gotten away okay, though."
"It was crazy!" said Shantalaine of Shantalaine Realty. "I didn't see anything at first! All I know is there we were discussing the newest show Wicked when the fountain exploded into this tentacled slug thing!"
Added Shantalaine: "Ew! Ew! Ew!"
Watch officers informed the Post today that they arrived promptly on scene following a report by dispatch, which had been called in by what seemed to be a panicked and hysterical witness. Lieutenant Wing indicated that he was the first to arrive and was quick to eliminate the "monster" with a methodically targeted blow to its body, which also somehow disintegrated the weapon he used to attain victory. Miraculously he managed to escape an expulsion of what forensic scientists have now identified as paralytic gel, a common predatory mechanism for amphibious and semi-aquatic creatures.
"I would have to say that it manifested in such an aggressive manner because of a disorder called xenophobia, or a fear of things foreign and different," Shilo told our reporters this morning. "It didn't appear to have an agenda or present intelligence outside the primal range, though considering that I was unable to sit down and speak with the creature, that might not be true."
Commented Shantalaine: "I'm not sure what?s going on with the city employees now that Minister Ravenlock isn't a Minister anymore, but they can't just stop cleaning the fountains, can they?"
Lieutenant Wing insisted that his able assistance was only made possible by the Watch's excellent response.
"The RhyDin Watch prides itself on arriving everywhere in the nick of time," Wing, 28, said. "If I hadn't shown up when I did, those people probably wouldn't live to clean that gunk off their clothes. They are just lucky I was there when I was."
When asked if Wing would be receiving commendations of any kind, his commanding officer declined to comment.
Though the monster's origins are unknown, witnesses on site remained relatively unperturbed about the incident.
"It's RhyDin," Shilo said. "A bloodthirsty monster seeping from the fountain in the center of the Market looking to tear apart flesh and devour passersby simply confirms one thing. It's Tuesday.?
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Watch Foils Marketplace Monster Attack June 9, 2011
Marketplace, R.D. —- Nathan Wing, a lieutenant of the RhyDin Watch is being praised as a local hero today after foiling a potentially devastating monster attack in the Marketplace.
According to local witnesses, the surprise attack took place yesterday sometime between the hours of eleven PM and 2 AM RST, at the corner of Venom Avenue and Panther Way and just outside Hroner's Deli, a popular RhyDin eatery. Reports indicate that some kind of tentacled creature emerged from a fountain there and vigorously assaulted several passersby " including but not limited to local realtor Fiora Shantalaine, ranch owner Jake Duncan, business operator Mayu Tsuzuki, and space captain Misty. Psychiatrist Euriya Shilo, whose offices are located at the Plaza de Troyes and who is now accepting patients at very reasonable prices for groundbreaking psychiatric therapy, was also reportedly present.
"This thing came out of the fountain and it started attacking people," witness Toby Aradam said. "People got hit with a lot of goopy stuff. They seemed to have gotten away okay, though."
"It was crazy!" said Shantalaine of Shantalaine Realty. "I didn't see anything at first! All I know is there we were discussing the newest show Wicked when the fountain exploded into this tentacled slug thing!"
Added Shantalaine: "Ew! Ew! Ew!"
Watch officers informed the Post today that they arrived promptly on scene following a report by dispatch, which had been called in by what seemed to be a panicked and hysterical witness. Lieutenant Wing indicated that he was the first to arrive and was quick to eliminate the "monster" with a methodically targeted blow to its body, which also somehow disintegrated the weapon he used to attain victory. Miraculously he managed to escape an expulsion of what forensic scientists have now identified as paralytic gel, a common predatory mechanism for amphibious and semi-aquatic creatures.
"I would have to say that it manifested in such an aggressive manner because of a disorder called xenophobia, or a fear of things foreign and different," Shilo told our reporters this morning. "It didn't appear to have an agenda or present intelligence outside the primal range, though considering that I was unable to sit down and speak with the creature, that might not be true."
Commented Shantalaine: "I'm not sure what?s going on with the city employees now that Minister Ravenlock isn't a Minister anymore, but they can't just stop cleaning the fountains, can they?"
Lieutenant Wing insisted that his able assistance was only made possible by the Watch's excellent response.
"The RhyDin Watch prides itself on arriving everywhere in the nick of time," Wing, 28, said. "If I hadn't shown up when I did, those people probably wouldn't live to clean that gunk off their clothes. They are just lucky I was there when I was."
When asked if Wing would be receiving commendations of any kind, his commanding officer declined to comment.
Though the monster's origins are unknown, witnesses on site remained relatively unperturbed about the incident.
"It's RhyDin," Shilo said. "A bloodthirsty monster seeping from the fountain in the center of the Market looking to tear apart flesh and devour passersby simply confirms one thing. It's Tuesday.?
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