Head bowed, her focus was on the small ivory disc held in her right hand, a thin brush with long slender bristles in her left. When life felt overwhelming, she often turned towards the task of miniature painting, focusing all of her energy into the small little world she could control. A landscape. Nondescript. It could be Rhy'din. Or Elessar. Or any planet in between.
"It's beautiful, Jules." He stood in the corner of the room, at a diagonal angle from her, but his sharp half-elf eyes had always enabled to see better than most people. "Is it?" She had frozen at his voice, mid-stroke. A deep breath and a cant of her head before she loaded the whisper thin brush with paint to add more minute lines and details, a little house emerging in the midst of the woods in her hand.
He nodded, taking a step closer. "Everything you create is beautiful." He stood silently, not wanting to interrupt her further while she worked. "When it's two-dimensional, maybe." She allowed herself a sideways glance towards him. "Once it's more tangible, ya know I always tend ta muck it up..."
"You don't muck anything up, Jules. You're angry at me, I know." He sighed softly. "What happened was my fault....I thought I could make a clean break with Elessar, but I couldn't."
The brush whisked in a cup of water to wash it before she selected a different color. "I used ta be angry." A sigh, setting down both the ivory disk and the brush. "But when enough time passes, it jus' becomes a mark ya bear. Ya remember gettin' it. but it doesn't hurt like it used ta." Spinning in the chair, she regarded him a moment. "An' deep down, I knew ya couldn't....knew ya shouldn't break wi' them. They needed ya. An' need ya still."
"I'm relieved to hear that you are no longer angry. And that you've found someone else....someone who deserves you. Who won't make you compete with some misplaced sense of duty." Peredhil turned his gaze towards the window, watching the snowflakes drift down, slowly accumulating on the outer windowsill.
Blonde brows lifted. "News reached you about that' Already?" Now it was her turn to look away, attempt to hide the blush that spread on her cheeks.
"Let's just say that I have my ways of finding out information." Peredhil chuckled, then looked back at her, his gaze softening. "Hawk's a good man. One of the best I've ever met, to be honest."
The blush deepened at the mention of his name and she swiveled back towards Peredhil, "Oh. Well, hopefully, tha' counted fer somethin' when ya found out."
"Juliane, I can spend the rest of my life apologizing for the hurt I've caused you and never truly express how sorry I am. But yes, I'll admit that I was....content to hear the news. To know that you had a chance of finding true happiness with him that I was never going to be able to give you."
A chance. Green eyes darkened a shade. "Maybe. It's very early yet." She blinked as if to clear the barrage of questions and doubts that seemed to loom before her eyes.
He turned away from her, perusing some of the artwork hanging on the wall. "Optimism....hope....I see those in your work, in the colors you select and the way you portray things. You were....are....always an optimist, Juliane."
She laughed, low and deep. "An' that an' some silver nobles will buy ya a cup of coffee 'round here." Deflection. She turned back to the landscape, but found herself just staring at it. "An' what?s th' point of hope if ya don't know what yer hopin' for?"
He glanced back at her over his shoulder. "Jules, be honest with yourself. You don't know what you're hoping for or you are afraid that it might vanish if you focus on trying to achieve it?" "Yes. No. I don't....." Jules sighed, laying the ivory disk back down, palms flat against her desk. "Both." Lifting her eyes to the window and his reflection. "Is it tha' obvious?"
He cracked a smile, his eyes tender. "No, it's not obvious. It's just something that we all share in common. You think I don't have the same fears" That Hawk or Katie or Sianna don't have the same doubts?" Her knuckles went white as she pressed her fingertips into the splattered surface of her desk. The mention of her cousin, of her sister-in-law and so much of her past that was lost, has scattered, threatened to undo her. "Aye, but how many more must I lose?"
He had no answer for that, dropping his eyes to the floor. They had both lost so much. So much pain and anguish. When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper. "Did I ever tell you the happiest moment of my life?"
She pushed back from the desk and spun around in her chair. A shake of her head was the only response she could muster.
"It was following the campaign, when we finally defeated the Delirium. We were riding back into Elessar, people were ringing the roads to greet us, and I spotted you in the crowd. Everything in that moment seemed perfect. Do you remember how we laughed over dinner with Wes and Ana that night' Not a care in the world....we felt invincible."
"We had faced down the greatest peril in the world, so what could stop us" But the truth of it is, sometimes our numerous everyday challenges are far more difficult to overcome than one single thing, no matter how daunting that one thing might seem." He sighed. "And so it proved..." "I imagined a lifetime with you by my side, kids....no more worries. But something else always comes up. The losses accumulate. I've learned that I'll drown if I dwell on those."
She nodded, silent a moment. "Aye, the losses accumulate."
"But so do the victories. Look at you and Hawk....that's a victory!" "Me an' Hawk." Another pause. "I can' say I know wha' we are, much less if it's a victory jus' yet..."
He chuckled, pretending to slap his hand against his forehead. "Your optimism today is killing me, Jules."
A wry smile. "It's nearly killed me before."
"Ouch." He took another step towards her, not just a couple of paces away. "This time, I hope it brings you a lifetime of joy."
She lowered her head. "Aye, I'm darin' ta wish th' same thing maybe."
"Good luck, Juliane."
She raised her head to offer him a grateful smile and found herself facing an empty room.
(( Adapted from live-play with Peredhil-mun! ))
"It's beautiful, Jules." He stood in the corner of the room, at a diagonal angle from her, but his sharp half-elf eyes had always enabled to see better than most people. "Is it?" She had frozen at his voice, mid-stroke. A deep breath and a cant of her head before she loaded the whisper thin brush with paint to add more minute lines and details, a little house emerging in the midst of the woods in her hand.
He nodded, taking a step closer. "Everything you create is beautiful." He stood silently, not wanting to interrupt her further while she worked. "When it's two-dimensional, maybe." She allowed herself a sideways glance towards him. "Once it's more tangible, ya know I always tend ta muck it up..."
"You don't muck anything up, Jules. You're angry at me, I know." He sighed softly. "What happened was my fault....I thought I could make a clean break with Elessar, but I couldn't."
The brush whisked in a cup of water to wash it before she selected a different color. "I used ta be angry." A sigh, setting down both the ivory disk and the brush. "But when enough time passes, it jus' becomes a mark ya bear. Ya remember gettin' it. but it doesn't hurt like it used ta." Spinning in the chair, she regarded him a moment. "An' deep down, I knew ya couldn't....knew ya shouldn't break wi' them. They needed ya. An' need ya still."
"I'm relieved to hear that you are no longer angry. And that you've found someone else....someone who deserves you. Who won't make you compete with some misplaced sense of duty." Peredhil turned his gaze towards the window, watching the snowflakes drift down, slowly accumulating on the outer windowsill.
Blonde brows lifted. "News reached you about that' Already?" Now it was her turn to look away, attempt to hide the blush that spread on her cheeks.
"Let's just say that I have my ways of finding out information." Peredhil chuckled, then looked back at her, his gaze softening. "Hawk's a good man. One of the best I've ever met, to be honest."
The blush deepened at the mention of his name and she swiveled back towards Peredhil, "Oh. Well, hopefully, tha' counted fer somethin' when ya found out."
"Juliane, I can spend the rest of my life apologizing for the hurt I've caused you and never truly express how sorry I am. But yes, I'll admit that I was....content to hear the news. To know that you had a chance of finding true happiness with him that I was never going to be able to give you."
A chance. Green eyes darkened a shade. "Maybe. It's very early yet." She blinked as if to clear the barrage of questions and doubts that seemed to loom before her eyes.
He turned away from her, perusing some of the artwork hanging on the wall. "Optimism....hope....I see those in your work, in the colors you select and the way you portray things. You were....are....always an optimist, Juliane."
She laughed, low and deep. "An' that an' some silver nobles will buy ya a cup of coffee 'round here." Deflection. She turned back to the landscape, but found herself just staring at it. "An' what?s th' point of hope if ya don't know what yer hopin' for?"
He glanced back at her over his shoulder. "Jules, be honest with yourself. You don't know what you're hoping for or you are afraid that it might vanish if you focus on trying to achieve it?" "Yes. No. I don't....." Jules sighed, laying the ivory disk back down, palms flat against her desk. "Both." Lifting her eyes to the window and his reflection. "Is it tha' obvious?"
He cracked a smile, his eyes tender. "No, it's not obvious. It's just something that we all share in common. You think I don't have the same fears" That Hawk or Katie or Sianna don't have the same doubts?" Her knuckles went white as she pressed her fingertips into the splattered surface of her desk. The mention of her cousin, of her sister-in-law and so much of her past that was lost, has scattered, threatened to undo her. "Aye, but how many more must I lose?"
He had no answer for that, dropping his eyes to the floor. They had both lost so much. So much pain and anguish. When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper. "Did I ever tell you the happiest moment of my life?"
She pushed back from the desk and spun around in her chair. A shake of her head was the only response she could muster.
"It was following the campaign, when we finally defeated the Delirium. We were riding back into Elessar, people were ringing the roads to greet us, and I spotted you in the crowd. Everything in that moment seemed perfect. Do you remember how we laughed over dinner with Wes and Ana that night' Not a care in the world....we felt invincible."
"We had faced down the greatest peril in the world, so what could stop us" But the truth of it is, sometimes our numerous everyday challenges are far more difficult to overcome than one single thing, no matter how daunting that one thing might seem." He sighed. "And so it proved..." "I imagined a lifetime with you by my side, kids....no more worries. But something else always comes up. The losses accumulate. I've learned that I'll drown if I dwell on those."
She nodded, silent a moment. "Aye, the losses accumulate."
"But so do the victories. Look at you and Hawk....that's a victory!" "Me an' Hawk." Another pause. "I can' say I know wha' we are, much less if it's a victory jus' yet..."
He chuckled, pretending to slap his hand against his forehead. "Your optimism today is killing me, Jules."
A wry smile. "It's nearly killed me before."
"Ouch." He took another step towards her, not just a couple of paces away. "This time, I hope it brings you a lifetime of joy."
She lowered her head. "Aye, I'm darin' ta wish th' same thing maybe."
"Good luck, Juliane."
She raised her head to offer him a grateful smile and found herself facing an empty room.
(( Adapted from live-play with Peredhil-mun! ))