Topic: Accounts of a Rebellious Southern Belle

Ally May Mandeville

Date: 2007-09-12 17:22 EST
((These events take place 20 years ago.))

The sun hung in the cloudless sky shining its rays through bubblegum pink taffeta curtains creating a pale glow on white walls of the pristine room. It had the air of being a well-preserved museum of a young girl's dreams. Each teddy bear, baby doll, and small ceramic tea set was in its place and in perfect condition. Various pictures of ponies, butterflies, and the usual things that struck a child's fancy arranged to a tee. The white canopy bed was already made, lavender bedding pulled so tightly not a single crease could be found with plush feather pillows placed together like a puzzle.

The main focus of the room was a child sized vanity and mirror. It was antique white with swirls of gold here and there. Multicolored bottles of perfume in varying sizes sat on the tabletop, a heavy silver hairbrush with soft tan bristles lay beside them. Seated on the bench before it was what, at first glance, appeared to be a life sized doll as fragile and flawless as the others lined along the shelves. Closer inspection would reveal that it was in fact the living and breathing owner of this delicate haven.

She was no older then five, but the way she was dressed would have given you no indication of that. She wore a lavishly ruffled ivory dress with various layers of tulle and embellishments of jewels adorning it. Blonde curls were piled atop her head and held in place with no less than a full can of hair spray while wide green eyes stared at her own reflection from between long fake black lashes. Large dollops of rouge stood out fiercely on her naturally colorless cheeks along with tiny-pursed lips painted a rosy red. She sat rigid with posture most adults could only dream of. Tiny hands covered by laced gloves folded gently in her lap and legs crossed at her ankles just above glossy white dress flats.

Perhaps the miss was playing pretend" Today she was imagining herself to be a princess from a far off land awaiting her prince charming. As fun as that would seem to most young ladies the look upon her face made it quite clear that she was not pleased and that this was indeed no game. Her lovely little features were contorted in a sullen gaze cast straight ahead. What girl wouldn't want such a lovely dress and her hair done for her so"

"Ally May!"

A woman's voice boomed causing the child to jump in her seat. Footsteps could be heard thumping up the wooden staircase and along the hallway before the bedroom door was tossed open. The slender blonde woman stepped in, her gaze falling upon her daughter who stared back.

"Ally May, why are you jus' sittin' there?" The words carried with a heavy southern accent and cruel tone. "We're goin' to be late an' you know I hate that, you lazy lil' thing." The woman shook her head in disgust before taking a deep breathe. On it's exhale she stood straight, the glare fading from her eyes and a grin revealing pearly whites consumed her previously harsh expression like a mask. Executed so flawlessly you could only assume she wore it often.

"Come along, Ally May." Her volume coordinating with her newly softened appearance. "An' stop lookin' so upset. Frowning gives you wrinkles an' no one crowns a pageant queen with wrinkles." With that last bit of brilliance dropped the woman turned abruptly and shut the door. Foot falls moving away as she called back. "Don't keep me waiting, young lady."

The bedroom fell silent once again; the child left staring blankly at the spot where her mother had passed through like a tornado of insults and fury. After a long while she turned her attention to the mirror, studying the doleful double held within its frame. A gloved hand reached up to poke and prod at her own cheeks, inspecting for the wrinkles her mother had warned her about.

A small sigh escaped her lips as she slid off the vanity bench to stand, hands now working to smooth her dress before folding in front of her. She inhaled sharply before a doll like expression stretched across her visage. A beaming smile and wide eyes full of wonder. She wore that mask like a pro, just like her mother. A final glance in the mirror, she was so convincing for a moment she even fooled herself into thinking she was happy. The porcelain smile kept in place as she sashayed out of the bedroom to be swept away by her mother to yet another beauty pageant that Ally May had grown to loathe so much.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a180/SugarlNlSpikes/AllyBaby.jpg

Ally May Mandeville

Date: 2007-09-13 13:44 EST
India Arie - Slow Down

So far from where I started out So far from where I wanna be Listening for answers in the wind But can't find a rock to plant my feet Looking for love in all the wrong places Down on my knees and now I'm praying for patience I know there's gotta be a better way In the back of my mind I hear my momma say

Slow down, baby you're going too fast You got you hands in the air With you feet on the gas You're 'bout to wreck your future Running from your past You need to slow down before You go down baby

Thinking the faster that I go The faster I will reach my goal The race is not given to the swift But to the one who endureth I thought that all my obstacles were behind me Walking around like I'm made out of diamond I tripped and fell and it reminded me Move over and let my angels guide me

Slow down, baby you're going too fast You got you hands in the air With you feet on the gas You're 'bout to wreck your future Running from your past You need to slow down before You go down baby

Sometimes you gotta be still Before you can get ahead Be still Ask the universe for help Be real You can't do it all by yourself Ah, no no Sometimes, sometimes you gotta be still It take some time to reach you and they Be still Take some time to clear your space Be real Chaos isn't good for your health Ah, no no, ahhh 'cause I'm breaking things and losing things I lost my cell phone again the other day Now, I don't wanna live this way, no In the back of my mind I hear my mama say

Slow down, baby you're going too fast You got you hands in the air With you feet on the gas You're 'bout to wreck your future Running from your past You need to slow down before You go down baby Slow down You're going too fast Slow down Feet on the gas Slow down Run from your past

Slow down baby

Ally May Mandeville

Date: 2007-09-18 13:28 EST
((These events take place 15 years ago.))

Pt. 1

The area was filled with chaos. Hot lights shined relentlessly. The shrill screams of Woman and children could be heard coming from all directions. Everywhere you looked there were people riled up into a panic.

It was pure pandemonium.

It was backstage at a beauty pageant.

"Now, you keep your head still or I'm goin' to bop you somethin' fierce." The threat came out as a hiss under the woman's breath to the young girl that sat on the metal folding char in front of her. The child huffed a bit, but tried with all of her might to do as she was told. The long bony fingers of her mother were twisting forcefully through her long blonde curls as they were covered with another coat of hairspray.

"I jus' don't understand why you always insist on givin' me such a hard time, Ally May." The woman gave a quick jerk on the hair wrapped up in her hand to make sure her daughter was listening. "Other girls bend over backwards to be as pretty as you an' to win as many pageants as you. You can jus' waltz in here without givin' a lick and still walk away placin'. They would love to be in your shoes an' here you are, always tryin' to fight it." She accompanied this with a shake of her head and quiet tsking as she continued working on the swarm of tendrils before her.

Ally May could do little while her mother fussed except silently watch the others getting ready in the cramped backstage area with them while she rolled her mother's words around in her head. Despite the frenzy all the others seemed to be glowing with happiness, excited for the competition to start. Parents were chatting away, giving last minute bits of advice and instruction. Some girls were examining themselves in the flood of mirrors around the room. Others were practicing their speeches and special talents.

She felt so out of place mixed in with all of the other contestants and couldn't help by wonder why they seemed so pleased to be there when she wanted to leave so badly. She looked just like them. She was in fact a very lovely girl for only being ten. She had the bright make-up and an almost complete lavish hair-do. Her ruffled dress covered in sequins and ribbons. The only visible difference was in the dour expression she wore with green eyes cast towards the floor and how she kept her arms folded tightly across her chest. She knew she looked as if she would rather be anywhere else, but it was spot on accurate because she didn't want to be there. She never wanted to be at a pageant and it had been a few years since she attempted hiding the fact.

After a few more minutes her mother took a step back and looked her over appraisingly. Ally May didn't understand how she could stand up in front of hundreds of people and be judged without batting a fake lash, but when her mother inspected her so closely she had no other thoughts besides trying to climb out the nearest window. Thankfully, the once over was ended by a singsong voice that broke out across the crowd.

"Cathy Lynn is that you? Cathy Lynn Mandeville, I don't believe it!"

A moment of searching by Ally May found the woman who was barking for her Mother's attention. A heavier set lady wearing a flamboyant aqua blue jogging suit came waddling towards them smiling so wide you would think her face was about to shatter like glass.

Cathy Lynn paused for a moment as the woman approached before plucking a silver baton out of a bag beside her feet and shoving it in Ally May's hand.

"Darlin', why don't you go practice your routine before the show starts?" That bright smile cracking quickly across her lips as she spoke.

The little girl nodded silently and slid off her chair. A small curtsy was given to the woman in passing before she wandered off with the baton in hand. She knew exactly what had just happened. In her mother's eyes, off stage, Ally May was someone to be seen and not heard. There was a silent agreement between them that seemed to have formed over the years. Ally May would practice and perform as her Mother wished, but other then that she made no promises to be the cute and delightful child she portrayed so well.

She absentmindedly spun the baton as she walked through the crowd. There was no reason for her to practice. Many long and late nights were spent making sure she knew her talent like the back of her hand. She simply eyed the other girls as she paced towards a door she remembered passing earlier so she could get a bit of fresh air. Brightening upon finding it she slipped outside. She was thankful for what she thought was going to be a moment to herself, but the relief was fleeting as three girls her age who had their backs to her turned at the sound of the door closing behind Ally May with a soft clunk.

Ally May Mandeville

Date: 2007-10-15 14:05 EST
((These events take place 15 years ago.))

Pt. 2

Ally May inhaled sharply. Little hands quickly becoming slick with beads of sweat as they clutched her baton. The girls stood with hands planted firmly on their hips. Their intimidating expressions and the way they carried themselves stretched beyond their years. This tiny gang of hoodlums in pastel taffeta and curls put all their attention on her. It was safe to say she wasn't very popular among the other pageant contestants. She was different and children weren't forgiving when it came to different. Thanks to their parents the girls were also made well aware of exactly how many times Ally May had placed in competitions while they did not. She knew darn well her mother wasn't the only one here with her eyes on the prize.

"Look what we have here. If it isn't th' mute." The tallest of the girls spoke. The Rolodex in Ally May's mind flipped quickly as she tried to determine the name to go with the sneer. Her cool expression stayed in place even through the failed attempt to insult her. She rarely, if ever, wasted her time talking to the others in the pageants. No one had to point this out to her. The tallest girl, Elizabeth, took note of the unwavering visage.

"Can't y' hear me, mute" Or are y' deaf, too?" Elizabeth huffed while her two cohorts stood behind her giggling furiously and egging her on. She basked in the attention of her friends, but felt as if the small girl was ignoring her. A new sensation for her and she didn't like it one bit. Miniature fists curling into balls at her sides.

"I can hear just fine." Ally May finally retorted under her breath. She spoke softly, but it still carried an air of confidence. Not a trace of accent could be found. Her mother had her taking speech classes since she could talk to make sure the common southern dialect was absent.

Elizabeth spoke through gritted perfect pearly whites. "Then y' best be answerin' me when I talk to y'."

Ally May's brows furrowed ever so slightly as she calmly replied. "You didn't ask a question. You just called me names. What am I supposed to answer?" It was an honest question that wasn't meant to provoke the situation. Unfortunately, the way Elizabeth was going right now Ally May could have told her that her hair was like polished gold and she still would have found something wrong with the compliment.

"You are such a," Elizabeth paused as she searched for the perfect word. "Freak!" she finally barked. The two cohorts were now in silent shock at the rage emitting from their fearless leader that had appeared so quickly. They looked to be taken aback enough for themselves and Ally May. Which worked out nicely because the mud slinging rolled right off her with a dull shrug.

That gesture was the final nail in the coffin. Elizabeth gave a stomp of her foot. The sight was reminiscent of a bull digging his hoof in the dirt before charging at his target. She lunged forward, arms outstretched ready to wring the girl's neck. Sadly, she only got close enough for a swinging metal baton to meet her side before she crumpled to the ground with a sickening thud and a groan. The other two girls both wore similar expressions of horror before catching their wits and bustling inside, hollering for help. Ally May and Elizabeth were left alone. Ally May's chest heaving now as she repeatedly replayed what happened in her head. Eyes fixed on Elizabeth crying and withering on the cement.

Like any child her thoughts went to the fact that she was in deep trouble. She didn't know what they were going to do to her for this, but she figured it was going to be quite harsh. Then an almost excited mood washed over her as an idea crept into her head. She pondered if this situation was something that could get her banned from pageants. As she turned this over in her head more and more, the prospect was enough to make her grin from ear to ear.

That was how she was found when a swarm of mothers, including her own, came rushing out of the building. Ally May looking pleased as punch while staring off in thought and clutching her baton with the fallen Elizabeth at her feet.

That day indeed marked the end of Ally May Mandeville's pageant career.

Ally May Mandeville

Date: 2007-10-15 17:27 EST
((These events take place present day.))

Ally slowly paced the length of her office in an attempt to gather her thoughts. It had a simple if somewhat bare elegance to it as much of the residency did. Even in the warmth and comfort of her own home she was not often seen without a glass of red wine perched in her hand just as there was right now.

She refused to deem herself dependent on alcohol. Alcoholics, in her eyes, were people that infested the bars at all hours and stank of ale, but this was not at all the time to dwell on those things. There were thoughts more pressing infesting her mind this evening than whether or not she was in need of a twelve-step program.

A stray glance was sent now and then towards the heavy cherry wood desk to her side. A piece of paper and pen laid out at the ready. Waiting for her to find comfort in them and bare her soul.

The drink was drained and glass discarded as she finally approached the desk. She took a seat in the over sized chair before it. The soft leather forming to her body like a warm hug she needed so badly. A soft quivering breath exhaled as she took up the ink pen. It was set to the paper before a long pause. What to tell. What to keep by the heart. At last, she wrote:

Mother and Father,

Things have been very fortunate for me all of these years since leaving your care. Disowned still sounded so harsh to her ears.

I am currently a successful private tutor with many loving children hungry for knowledge under my wing. A small stretch, but leave out the brief career as an exotic dancer, which failed so miserably due to an immeasurable streak of modesty.

This income in addition to what your had so graciously given me - The pay off for her to leave quickly and quietly, so they could attempt to keep an ounce of grace and dignity to the Mandeville name.

- has made it possible for me to purchase a lovely home you would be so proud of. That she knew was a blatant lie. She highly doubted anything she did would ever make them proud, especially her mother who forgot as much as she forgave.

I have also began casually keeping company with a very kind man that would make you both quite pleased. Failure to mention he was married, had horrible habits like drinking, smoking, and sleeping around or could be hired to kill was simply an unintended oversight.

I hope that this letter finds you both well and I eagerly await your reply.

Yours Truly, Ally- She stopped writing, the pen still hovering above the paper. Was she to sign the letter Ally May Mandeville or simply leave it as Ally' She hadn't felt like a Mandeville for years. Seven if she was counting correctly off the top of her head. No, the woman sending this letter was no longer a Mandeville. They had made that clear. She even went so far as to no longer go by Ally May. That poor girl had found her release from that confining moniker and she damned well wasn't going back.

The pen was placed down on the desktop as she leaned back into her seat. Her thoughts swimming as she surveyed the letter.

Though she often felt the pangs of jealously towards those who had full families surrounding them she had to keep at the top of her stacked thoughts what her family meant. Turning her back on all she had accomplished on her own, as little as it was, and morphing back into that mask wearing creature who smiled and did as she was told. Besides, even if by a slim chance she did want to return, it was highly doubtful they would have her. While her feelings may sway, she knew theirs would hold fast even after all this time.

The letter was finally lifted and unceremoniously crumbled into a ball. Bare feet carried her across the wood flooring towards the hearth which encompassed a calmly burning fire. Orange and red with a gentle flicker that seemed to welcome the idea of her discarded hopes being added to the flames. She stared at the ball for a moment before tossing it down into the awaiting fire where it was quickly engulfed. Secrets whispered onto deaf ears. She watched the paper turn golden then black comparing it to all the dreams she had which ended so similarly. Golden to black.

A silent sigh escaped her lips as she moved towards the office door. She needed something. The touch of another. A gentle hug. Some tender words.

She would settle for a drink as she often did.

Ally May Mandeville

Date: 2008-04-09 12:54 EST
((These events take place 9 years ago.))

"I'm not wearing it. I'm not a debutante." She mumbled to herself with venom in her voice. "I'm really not."

Sitting at the head of the bed, her sixteen year old frame engulfed by feather pillows. Blue jean clad legs folded and arms crossed tightly over her chest as she stared bullets down at the source of all her rage, a fluffy white gown sprawled across the comforter before her. Green eyes narrowed, as if she were hoping that if she glared at the dress long enough it would eventually combust into a pile of flames. Unfortunately, no such luck. Finally realizing this Ally May slid off the bed with a heavy sigh. Bare feet padded along the floor carrying her in a pace around the bedroom.

The idea of the confining clothing made her skin crawl. She even scratched at the bare skin of her arms not covered by her t-shirt. No, she corrected herself, it was the confinement that the dress represented which was riling her up so much. It was a prison uniform of beading and lace. Being paraded about like cattle while parents hoped that some smooth talking bag of testosterone would take their daughter to be a wife. An old tradition that the wealthier families of her area still believed in despite the times. Hands reached up to ruffle her blonde curls. It was the closest she could get to actually pulling out her own hair. Not that she was afraid of the pain from the act, but rather the consequences she would have to face from her beast of a mother for mussing up her locks so close to the debutante ball. She paused in her steps, fingers still entwined at her head as she mused whether that would be such a bad idea. But the scenario which had begun to play in her mind was cut short by the sound of her Mother's sharp southern bark coming down the hallway. "If you aren't tryin' that dress on then you are goin' to pay somethin' fierce!"

The girl was convinced her mother was an evil psychic in a past life since she was always aware of when Ally May was defying her. As the door swung open to reveal Cathy Lynn the daughter realized that she even looked the part. The woman's face was tight from botox. Lips painted into a pucker with hearty dollops of rouge on her cheeks and small black fans that she tried to pass off as eyelashes. Age was not kind to this woman, but it was only fitting since she was rarely kind to anyone herself. Ally May's hands dropped from her hair as she sighed, "I just can't do it. I thought we were done with all of this-"

The woman cut her off with a loud tsking as she stepped into the room. She could barely smile from all the work she had done, but somehow that dissatisfied sneer was always able to perch upon her features. Her head was swiveling about to take in the room of her daughter as if she had never been there before. And while that wasn't true, it had been some time since she had pulled herself away from her shopping sprees and beauty appointments to venture to the second floor of the house and see what Ally May was up to. The answer made itself perfectly clear as she ran her fingers over the piles of books stacked on top of the white vanity. Testing for dust rather then caring what was contained within the pages, she finally turned back to her daughter. "Done" Darlin', although your pageant career got..." she spoke through teeth gritted so tightly it seemed like her veneers would crack. "...cut short. It doesn't mean that you don't have a responsibility!"

The teen rolled her eyes and stormed over to the bed. The white gown was lifted and shaken unceremoniously in the woman's direction. "This is not a responsibility! This is nothing! It's dress up for people who are bored and have nothing better to do with their lives!" Quick steps brought Cathy Lynn to stand before her daughter. Was she going to slap her" Push her down" No, she quickly and carefully took the dress from Ally May. Gently cradling it and stroking out any wrinkles the ungrateful little girl had caused. She looked an inch from cooing to it and singing it a song before she carefully placed it back on the bed.

She quickly rounded on Ally May. Her words were cool, a well versed speech that she had in her back pocket for such an occasion, while being stern enough to make sure that it would be clear how serious she was. "Your responsibility is to not ruin our good name even though you have tried since you were a lil' one. Your father and I have put up with all of your shenanigans while givin' you everything a girl could want. But listen to me Ally May Mandeville, listen to me well." Slow steps were taken as she got closer and closer to the teen. "You will go to the debut. You will wear the dress. You will smile and act like a normal girl. And you will not ruin this for us or I swear to I will put you out on the streets so fast your head will spin!"

Ally May was pressed into the wall. She had been backing away from her mother as she closed it, but she had no where to go now. In one last ditch effort at defiance she puffed her chest out as she spoke. "Don't you want me to be more than just someone's housewife" To be more than someone who shops and gossips" I could do it, Mom. I really could." She tried to keep the pleading in her voice at bay, but it was not an easy task. "I think I could do something better. Something great."

Then it came. A sound so foreign to her ears that it threw off every train of thought she had going. Her mother's head was tossed back as a cackle of laughter erupted from her lips. Any other time Ally May would have loved to hear this as it had been ages since she had experienced it first hand. But since she felt she didn't say anything funny to begin with it made her astonished expression shift to one of hurt.

The woman turned and slowly made her way towards the bedroom door as her laughter died down. A glaring look shot over her shoulder towards Ally May. Lips pulled tight as she spoke. "You think you're better than me" Because of your pretty lil' face and your fancy books?" She paused by the vanity as her gaze scanned over said piles of books. A surge of anger ripped through her thin body as both hands shot out sweeping them to the ground. One loud thump after the other before they lay in a pile on the floor. Her foot came down upon a few of them grinding the heel of her pump into the covers. Was it to drive her point home or make herself feel better" Probably a healthy mixture of both. Finally, narrowed eyes fixed on Ally May as she hissed. "You are nothin' lil' girl. Nothin'. And it'll do you right to remember that."

Without another word quick footsteps swept Cathy Lynn out of the bedroom. The door slamming shut behind her with a crack that made Ally May jump. The teen stood for a long while, back still pressed firmly against the wall as if bracing herself for a second wave of attacks. But they never came. No one came. She slid down to the floor into a defeated heap, but she didn't cry. She refused to. Green eyes simply stared ahead into space. She was in a fog except for one question that kept ringing in her ears.

"Is this it?"