Topic: Burn the Midnight Oil; a Journal Of Sorts. 18+

Silenced Shade

Date: 2017-01-01 02:01 EST
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/21/8d/9f/218d9f731379d5bbed2fbc64085ee553.png

January 1, 2017 It's New Years, Apparently.

They say a new year marks a new beginning. A place to start over. Or in the very least, make changes.

I know Shiloh grows tired of my silence. He's patient, attentive. He speaks enough for the two of us, but that doesn't change that all I can add to the conversation is a dead, wide-eyed stare and tight lips. I wish I could tell him why. I suppose I could write it all down in a letter, but...in order to fully explain, it would turn out to be a novel by the time I was finished.

And even then....would he understand? Even if I spill my soul on a sheet of paper, told him everything....No one could understand why after everything, I refuse to speak. The monks of St. George Monastery understood. I don't know what they saw in my eyes that night, but they understood. They somehow knew not to touch me, not to coax me into speech, they simply....let me exist.

Shiloh lets me exist. He'll talk my ear off, he'll do things to try to make me laugh to the point I have to fight a smile. But, he doesn't expect anything in return. I wonder how long he'll stay that way. When he'll finally get tired of my silence and scream at the top of his lungs to try to get me to speak.

And yet, all I could give him was a wide eyed stare and tight lips.







I'm sorry, Shi. ____________________________________________ (This thread will include journal entries, things she's scribbled from her surroundings, books she's read, music she's listened to. As well as gifs/visuals to add a bit more of a flare. Distracting to some, where some like the interaction with it. To each their own. All things here are most relevant to her world. Things that aren't my own writing will be given credit to.)

Silenced Shade

Date: 2017-01-01 02:09 EST
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." - Unknown

http://bestanimations.com/Books/writing/hand-writing-pen-butterfly-animated-gif.gif

Silenced Shade

Date: 2017-01-01 02:58 EST
will you pray it be the end? give a look surprised wide eyes to me then you'll know just what i am the scare that triggers your fear come know me in a different light now - Delirium Trigger, Coheed and Cambria



This city's lost it's hope, I repeat, I boast. The strange will walk alone. They scurry with their doubt, darkness shrouds, the sirens shout. Against the concrete below. Oh, this works all for you and me, it's all our being. We'll burn this city down! .... There is no me without you. I will behave, I will be. An afterthought, your make believe. Your darkest day is your friend in need. - Deranged, Coheed and Cambria

http://68.media.tumblr.com/ccc563fdadfacbd2313b9170f5373191/tumblr_ocsk2mn9Fj1vefvkco1_500.gif

Silenced Shade

Date: 2017-01-01 16:54 EST
"There is a saying in Tibetan, 'Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.' No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster." - Unknown

January 1, 2017 Afternoon

I burned my last journal this afternoon. I held it in my hand and let the fire within me turn it to nothing but charcoal and ash. I don't know why I do it every year. If it's simply my embarking on a new beginning, even though I know that change won't come. But it's freeing, to see every downtrodden thought and negative entry turn to cinders. It's a bittersweet goodbye. A painful reminder of what I can do with a simple twitch of finger, yet a release of the negativity the monks told me to shed every day.

I spent the whole morning meditating. Staring in front of the fish tank that Shi got me, watching the fish float freely. I wonder what it would be like to swim, to feel weightless and free. Cradled by the water as it lulls you. Is it soothing" Is it suffocating" Monk Jinpa asked me why I don't leap. All I could write on my board was Fear. I am a creature of fire, of cindering element and darkness as much as the light. What I know of my kind is from my mother who was monstrous. Who only scoffed when I asked her such things that don't have anything to do with destruction and survival. "Why do you ask me such simple things, Niamh?" She told me. "Why would you want to float in the waters when there's Earth to burn?" I wanted to tell her that I wasn't like her, but even if she believed me, she would've been fiercely angry.

When my hours of meditation were over, I tended to my plants like routine. Water, clean, let their aroma tickle my nose when I smelled them. Yet, never touch. With hands that can't nurture, only burn. And all the while, George was silently laughing at me with his toothy grin and sullen eyes.

I'm pretty sure George is an ass****.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/4c/9f/3c/4c9f3c10efd7d930313403fc4052f621.jpg (George, a skull she found in Rhy'Din's Cemetery she takes pride in for still having most of his teeth. She has a collection of skulls and bones. She names all of them. Her Silent Friends.)

Silenced Shade

Date: 2017-01-01 17:04 EST
"They say the things that finally break you Are the words caught in your throat, And she has years of thoughts not uttered Crammed in the pockets of her coat. A whisperer amongst the world That's learnt only to speak, Where silence must be broken For the proof that it is weak. But wherein lies the weakness Of keeping words held in your hand? When others listen to reply She listens just to understand. Surely it's strength when things unspoken Fill the room up to the brim, And she's the only one among them Who has taught herself to swim." - Erin Hanson

http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/27500000/Rooney-Mara-as-Lisbeth-Salander-rooney-mara-as-lisbeth-salander-27595575-480-250.jpg

Silenced Shade

Date: 2017-01-01 17:11 EST
January 1, 2017 Yeah, Again

I had a staring contest with George again. The prick won. I blinked.