Topic: Confessions of a sinner

Anya M

Date: 2013-01-08 19:42 EST
O"Malley was listening to the conversations he could hear, the laughter, coughs, other vocal tells, before moving through the break and getting a small glass and pouring himself a little bit of whiskey. He lifted the glass to his lips. Voices. Day in, day out. He knew secrets, and things to make even a best seller seem pale in comparison.

The deep scrapes on her knuckles were still healing. Anya tried a few times to figure out where they were from, but waking up in the alley didn't do much for her confession time. She bumped the back door opened with her hip and entered into the main room. The good father was going to get a bottle of the cheap Whiskey in the morning, well nearly at first light — which he might appreciate with the sweet treats. Slipping behind the bar, she stayed out of Panther's way, but she smiled. Dropping money in the till, she grabbed a bottle of the cheap stuff for the father and one for her. By the time she's done, all will be forgotten with the day's trouble. The basket was placed on the end of the counter and she went around the bar to sit. Unbuttoning her coat, she left it on the stool and she stared at the bottle for her. Goodness waiting to drown.

Minding her own business, because mostly when you tend to get in the way of others, they take you down. Seeing the Panther with Sjira, picked at her mind for a bit, odd, she wondered if the other stranger found the information he needed and hoped he was safe. Shaking it off, she sat on the stool and uncorked the bottle of cheap Whiskey and pour some in to the shot glass. "To you." Some unseen force of nature or force of secrets. Crossing herself before it went down. After, she didn't mean to act blonde, but she was and often forgetful like not body's business. Reaching into her basket, she removed a rather nice plate of chuck chocolate cookies, sweet apple tarts and berry turnovers. She's leave them for whomever wanted it.

Money flew around the place, like trash blew through the streets. He just had to shake his head, but the sign of the cross was studied.....and the voice.

Yanking her hat off, yellow strands of hair was electrifying. The shot glass filled again and she downed it and shook her head. The burn was welcomed.

Blonde hair, the cheap drink, and the voice, there were a lot of secrets there. Things that just made him wonder what other people did, since she was out doing them all. He said nothing yet, just lifted that glass again for a small sip "Or lord in heaven." Seeing herself in the mirror. Licking her palms and trying to smooth the fly aways. "Aye, I had an accident. They are healing though." Absently tugging at her sweater to hide them. "I have accidents all the time." The good father knew it, days she'd wake up not knowing what happened. "I did a good job at stitching." It hurt like hell and she cursed, oh did she curse. How many hail Mary's did she do"

Now that'd he had heard more, he was certain, and that just made him chuckle.

"At least I had my boots on." She smiled to Panther, because this was a huge miracle. "It wasn't so last month. It's really cold outside when you ...aren't with what you need." Naked in an alley is no fun either.

Panther found the box he was looking for he pulls it out and sets upon the bar top. Opening it he inspects the contents for a few moments:: good, someone has been keeping this thing stocked. No, nor is naked under a tree....::said absently as he pulls a couple of small pouches from within the box::

Now she should probably go outside, this is about the time talking too much got her in trouble. Was that the first aid kit' She's replaced a few things in there herself several times. A good thing to because there are people who get hurt "I imagine not. It's a horrible thing to be without." She smiled. Grabbing her coat, the basket and the cheap bottle of open Whiskey. The porch swing looked like a great place to be. Wait, she can't button up with her hands full. This was exactly what happened at confession, at least she didn't knock herself out.

Panther was preparing some healing salves for her, along with lavender oil, which S"jira went to get from her room.

She had no idea with the cat was doing, she was fine really. Pulling her coat back and buttoning it up, she missed a button, so it was all lopsided. Most of her hair was smoothed out, she pulled the knitted cap on and her gloves. "I'll try to bring some blankets for the kitchen, we're always short of blankets. Trough tossing I suppose." Corking the bottle of Whiskey and making sure the second bottle is down in the basket night and secure. She could always leave it at the back door like she had several times for the good father.

Panther pointed at her and said, "You...sit."

A lot. Blue eyes went wide. "I didn't do it, I swear, I paid...I paid for both bottles Panther, once, once I didn't pay, but I did the next time and left more. I swear it." Hands up and she crossed her heart. "I would never steal, dear god in heaven. Now I have to confess for something I d.." Maybe she did" Maybe she did when she was snockered off her arse" Patting herself down, she didn't have any more money on her. "I ...I can give you the bottle back, will be square" I'll do dishes." She does them often and also makes coffee and tea too. Heck, she even gave away her room here.

He hadn't heard her confess to stealing that he could recall, but he was watching all the while enjoying his cig.

Panther gave a dismissive wave. "Who cares about that' Just sit for another moment or three. 'jira will be right back with something you need." Soon she returned with the oil and Panther was kind enough to give her healing salves with a cinnamon stick, which hopefully she wouldn't eat.

Someone was laughing, but she had no idea who. Maybe it was Inn ward"

Father O"Malley dropped a few coins on the bar for Anya. "Tha' should help," Quietly said before he turned back to his own glass.

She's never stolen in her life, ever. She'd give the shirt off her back if it helped someone. "What do I need?" Blinking. "You aren't going to hand cuff me are you?" The woman looked exotic, and she knew about the desert savages. "I swear..." Seeing the dark haired man put coins on the bar for her. "Thank you sir....I will pay you back." She shoved them to Panther. "Please, please...don't send me to the guard." Really, when a cat said sit, she was terrified. She can't watch, no. Firmly closing her eyes, more like clamping, she was preparing for the worse.

"Ya already do more'n ya know." O"Malley refilled his glass.

Oh lord, this was going to be like when the witch cuffed her and she, god the snakes and confession. Wait' Do more than what? Peeking out of one eye, the voice. Panther was reaching for something and she closed it again. This is going to be painful isn't it"

"To the powders, add just enough liquid to make a thick paste. Each night before bed, pour some of the oil on a clean cloth, use it to wipe the wounds, then apply the paste. Then wrap clean cloth about your hands until morning." Panther explained.

It didn't feel like cuffs, it felt like pouches. Take" Take" It seemed safe to open her eyes to see the pouches. "Thank you." Having no idea what they were, but she took them. When the Panther speaks, she's listening. "Thank you." Repeating a few times. The coins weren't needed, so she tucked the pouches in her pocket and forced a smile. Anya didn't like trouble at all, really. She thought it was her fault. Bowing and trying to curtsy at the same time didn't work. "Oh, thank you...for the healing." THat was very nice of him. "Thank you...I'm sorry I thought.." Talk about red cheeked. "I will." Taking the stick. "Thank you, you are kind for giving these things....Excuse me please." Taking up the coins and taking them back to the dark hair man. Everything Panther said put away in her mind. Hopefully she won't end up eating the stick. "Thank you mister."Giving him back the coins. Two nice people....wait, three nice people in one night, she was so excited!

His hand came out for the coins. "Ya sure?" He turned to look at her a moment. "Don't want you in anymore trouble."

With her coat on it was hot in here, so she yanked off the hat again, continued static electricity. "I, think he forgave me, but I don't remember stealing,I don't think I did. I never have, it's wrong, not right, no, no." Nodding to Panther. She actually bartered with the cobbler with the other man. She hasn't put two and two together yet, so she had no idea about Panther being Dar. "Yes, sir..." Offering her hand. "You are kind, Panther and his woman...they are kind too. It's good to know it is here. He's a good one with being kind too." Blabber mouth McClaerie going at it again, chewing leather because of her nerves.

"'ello, Anya." He took her hand and shook. "I'm...complicated." He laughed. If he introduced himself, she'd have a breakdown, so the behavior was suggesting.

His voice sounded really familiar, but most of the time, she did the talking, he listened, and once in a while deny snickering. She shook his hand for a long time, then forgot what she was doing. Bringing it back and making a I'm sorry I shook your hand off smile. "You don't have to give your name, some people believe having a name is power." It must be his faith. "Thanks mister." Mister would do, yes it would. If he dared say his name, she would probably explode.

"Athair." Muttered to her.

"Athair." She didn't put two and two together. "Nice to meet you Athair."

He smiled at her and lifted his glass. "To meetings."

"Yes, Athair, to meetings." Damn it, she had to reach into her basket, uncork the bottle and raise a bottle to his glass. At this rate, she'd not even be fuzzy with Whiskey by the time she was home. "I haven't see you here before, I hope whatever your business may be, it is blessed." Licking her lips of the Whiskey.

He lifted his glass to lips, watching her with dark green eyes, he knew it was her, without a doubt. "Blessed." He smirked. "It usually is, dear Anya."

Her eyes were the same hue of blue, but one was much lighter than the other. "This is good, blessed is a good word." One of her favorite. She watched Panther for a moment, but then looked back at Athair. "You're Irish?" From the sound of his name he was. She didn't normally talk with an accent because it was better to blend in, and well, when she was drunk, it was much stronger...or singing the bawdy and slightly lewd shanties.

"Aye, a touch." He watched her as she spoke. "Why are you out on such a cold night, this late?" He did worry about his flock.

The Cloch na Blarnan was her reason for the blabbery mouth. "I'm out every night, I shouldn't be, but I don't like the quiet." She often complained about the O'Connor brothers, Padrig (Paddy), Seamus and Angus with their rabblerousing, fighting and talk of doing more than kissing a lass, it was crazy. "I don't mind the cold." It numbs everything.

The cheap whiskey was making him a little warmer, so he pulled that black dress coat off, revealing just a dark dresshirt, which made the white at his throat pop. "Nice lass should be somewhere warm, instead of bar, with drink and smoke." He grinned as he shook another smoke from the pack. Being the gentleman he was, he even offered her one.

She blinked three times and straightened. Athair. now she added up the numbers. "No thank you Athair." Maybe he wasn't, was he" "I was raised in a tavern sir. This is like home, in away." Since she had no family left. Still standing, she unbuttoned her coat before she burned up. Normally she'd wear it because she fell asleep outside and would come in with frozen parts.

He put the pack back on the bar. He wondered if it would ever dawn on her, but he really didn't want her running away, screaming into the night.

She's slow sometimes, because when you assume then it's horrible. She knew something, but not that Father. "Do you like the cold?" What a dumb question, but it came out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"I like any day I am blessed with, Anya." He took another sip from the glass. "What about you?" Sleeping outside and freezing your bits off, wasn't fun for her he was certain.

No, not normally. "Every day is a blue day, better than black."

"Ya need somethin' brighter than a blue day, once in a while." He refilled that glass.

"Brighter than the blue in the sky' " Absently moving her hand to smooth down fly aways. "Maybe yellow then." She hasn't had many of those in the last few years. She tried though.

"Aye, yellow." He nodded, certainly she was going to be some sort of angel when she left the world. He felt for her, he knew the blue days and black, luckily the black were fewer and farther between.

No angel, not at all. "If you ever need a place to lay your head, The Boar's Nest, I always keep a room if it is needed."

"I've, um, got a place, thank you for that offer, M..Anya."

"Oh, good. I thought you were new to Rhydin. Sometimes people end up here with no place to go. I met a man the other night, poor one...no memory, woke up after two years. I hope he's fine."

"No memory' That would be sad."

"He remembered the lass ..but I only hope he is fine. Well, maybe not any memory, he said it was two years before he remembered. My mind isn't so good sometimes."

"I'm sure that's not th' case, Anya." The smile was easy, the bottle was capped, before he looked at her again, seeing if she had something to drink. "Can I get ya a coffee" Or a wee nip?" He offered his bottle.

She finally took her coat off and put it on the stool, but she stood there. She smiled. "You are kind Athair....but it is true, I have no problem admit it...the good Father O'Malley knows it too. I'm sure I've driven him to drink for all of his flock." She corked her bottle, and well, she's not one to turn down a wee nip. Taking the bottle and helping herself to two nice nips! Putting his bottle back on the counter.

"Th' Good Father O' Malley, he does like a nip now and again."

"Two months ago, broke my ankle on the front stairs, just two weeks ago, opened up my knee, had to get stitches." Yeah, that was a good confession. Man touching her knee, oh lordy!

"It's fair to say that it wouldn't be just your confessions that would make the man have a taste of liquor."

"More than once in awhile. He told me since I confess more than anyone, it was my earthly duty to bring him a bottle of Whiskey twice a week. This kind." Taps his bottle. "No, I'm sure not, but I had to say Hail Marys because he said I confessed to much." Really"!

He looked at his bottle, and smiled as she tapped. "The man's got taste."

"He's a good father, he likes my compact cakes....but I think he likes anything sweet." Nodding. "Yes, yes he does. The old fish wives say he's a fat lush, I tell them to shut their trap. THey should be honored he's here serving."

She did come to the booth often, but some people needed that. "Seven is not too many for the same number of confessions in a day." Let himself slip a bit.

"I don't think so either!" Oh, slip" No, no. Someone agreed with her. "I have twice a day on Tuesday, once a day most days, except I don't count early morning."

He just laughed as he watched her. She was so animated, he wished he could see her in the booth now.

"Those bitty-butt-ins make me so mad." The fish monger wives. She frowned so hard it hurt. "Why does someone want to be so cruel" There's already enough shyte going on here without then adding to it."

"I've heard he's a strapping fellow." Offered helpfully. "Bit of an eternal five'o clock shadow."

Oh, yes she was, and he started talking about confession don't get her started. She was rocking back and forth in place. "They called Chen slant eyes, how rude ...it's true, but how rude, he can't help the way God made him. They have fish eyes and smell like donkeys." Covering her mouth.

A look of surprise when she was on the rant.

"I've never seen him, Father Jim preached, O'Malley confessions...is his thing. I don't know, Rhydin is strange. I'm just glad to have someone who cares. Those old bitty-butt ins neeed to be thrashed with a big...stick for how mean they are. I don't rightly mean it, but there da' shoulda whupped them an' teach them manners." Now she had to confess for hating, again.

He just smiled at her. "Maybe he's just got big ears and loves to listen?"

"Oh, even if he has big ears, God loves him...and so do others. It takes a special man to listen and no judge." Slowly nodding. "I hit one of them last year and Father O'Malley didn't make me confess for that, he said it was a lesson given and deserved. He called it righteous anger."

"God loves everyone," He nodded in agreement with Anya.

She smiled back, and she was talking fairly easily like she was talking to someone she's known forever. More giggles" Anya made a strange look, she heard, but thought not to look. God, hopefully she wasn't wearing a skirt in her knickers. She growled a little. "I don't. It's a good thing I am not god, I would smite the evil doers." She knew of a few people she'd like to do in and a few she would do. "Grr.." She tapped herself in the head to get Jane's words of random "D" out of her brain! The blonde and word association is really-really bad.

"Well, lets not be out smiting, or trying, yeah?"

Folding her fingers together like she was going to pray, but instead she moved them together, up and down, up and down. A really-really bad habit. Then she stopped herself and forced her hands down to hang. "I'm a sinner Athair, the last person who could smite even if I wanted to would be me." She even prayed for her tormentor more than once. Prayed redemption,but it didn't endwell.

"We all are." He shook another smoke from the pack.

Yeah, some don't care that they are. Her knuckled started itching. She tried to ignore the feeling. What does she say to his answer" Nothing really, she's already said too much.

"You are too hard on yourself, Anya." He waved to the departing woman, why not"

Moving out of his way. He was waving, she should let him enjoy his night. "THank you again for the coin." Shaking her head. "No, I am not hard enough, after all I've done wrong." Four dead, all her fault. She knew it. "I try though, hopefully some day it will be good enough."

He wasn't leaving, he was waving to Audrey, so Anya got a smile.

She didn't know.

He sighed softly with her words of not being hard enough. "Anya, you can not be too hard on yourself. You focus on the now, and as you live you keep asking for that forgiveness. You know his grace is great."

"His grace is for someone who deserves it, but maybe someday." She smiled with a shrug. "You sound like a priest."

He pointed at his collar, that small two and a half inch wide, three inch tall white square. "Aye, I do."

Blink. He's really pretty to be a priest. There's the nervous tick again, she rocked back and forth. "I see." Now she felt guilty because Father O'Malley was her confession-er. "You have a congregation in Rhydin?"

He smiled a little bigger. "Father Jim, has a congregation."

She scratched her head. "Father Jim, yes, Father Jim." biting on her lip, she might chew right through. "You must be one of the Luthern's than, they wear collars and have women."

He shook his head. "No..."

Scratching her head. "Oh, Methodist. Not Mormon, because they have plenty of wives, I doubt you'd be a bar if that's the case, you'd be busy with all your wives. I know about harems first hand." The desert savages tried to make her part of one, hell no, thankyouverymuch! Pulling her coat back on and her hat. She didn't want to betray Father O'Malley, Athair is really nice, but he didn't know her confessional history or her secrets, yeah, can't betray O'Malley. "It was nice to meet you Athair, I better get going, I have a long walk home. You come to the Boar's Nest sometime, and I'll make dinner for you." Feed the father, they needed feeding.

He just laughed. "Picture a wall between us, Anya. Small screen?" He stood and took up his jacket, sliding it on before the long coat was shouldered on as well.

"No, no, no!" Finger up, but she didn't mean to point. "I am not...I am not going to another Father, I can't and won't. Thank you for your help, but I will not betray him." Oh, this bad. Now she was kind of mad, but not red faced. She couldn't stay upset for long.

"Ya aren't....betraying me." He grinned, wondering if she was going to listen. "I'll walk with ya, if ya let me."

"This is not confession. Only one place to do that, only one!" She smiled, grabbed her basket and headed for the door singing really loud..."Do virgins taste better than those who are not' Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?" She didn't hear him say me. NO. She did not. THough she heard walk and nodded.

He just shook his head and followed her toward the door. Sooner or later, it would sink in.

"Do you savor them slowly' Gulp them down on the spot' Do virgins taste better than those who are not?" The door opened, and she stepped out. Athair was going to hear this song a good part of the way, it's a good drinking song! "Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat, If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat. No more will our number ever grow small, We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all! At all! At all." She grinned at the new Father.

It was a catchy tune, not one he'd hear on Sunday but she was happy, so he hummed along as he walked.

Everyone else got a wave before she left the building. She intended on driinking all the way. Stepping around the big man. "Evening to you. Don't eat a virgin." She closed the door and walked with O'Malley however far he was going. "You too mister big man." He got a salute with the bottle and off she went.

Wave to the big man as well and he was following the bawdy singing blonde.

Thank you to Panther, S'jira and Father O'Malley for the live play.

Anya M

Date: 2013-01-08 19:58 EST
After she got home, and drunk enough to try and sleep, she got the hair brained idea to maybe take a few days off and go to C'hala to rest. The one with no name was unaware is all things had been set in motion long before he stole a look into the threads of time. Anya was in her bakery finishing up things for the night. A doctor by trade, but since she took leave from sailing with the fleet, she ran the Boar's Nest. Wanderlust had called her more times than she could ever put a number to. It was bad since she'd been drinking, but she still managed to function.

She didn't mind rowing herself and there was a spot a few miles away from the docks she could enjoy the night and possibly the next day. The baker lived life in a place where the Nexus often swallowed people away from their destined places and plunked them right in the middle of trouble. However, what she didn't know is Fate had been preparing her for their will. Since she might sleep on the small island, Anya packed a bag; her medical bag with ointments and salves, gold coins, a few sweaters, skirts and a few other odds and ends. She decided to leave a note for Angus and the brothers, she would be gone for the night and the Nest would be closed for the next few days.

Anya found herself down at the docks, loading up the small boat and rowing away from the dock. A full moon cast a silver hue on the edge of the boat, where she had a lantern hanging from. She must have rowed for a good hour and the air suddenly changed, not in the form of winds, but of a strange fog. Instantly she stopped rowing and looked around, she was surrounded in a world of gray. Time fast forward — it was the bewitching hour; three struck the hands of time in his world. In her world, she decided to keep going; knowing it wasn't much further. However, the more she rowed, the thicker the mist became."Father in heaven, I pray for safe passage." Crossing herself and went back to rowing. Navigating the calm water scared her, because when the clouds were this low, it was like being in the middle of a hurricane " deadly quiet. In the next nine minutes, she rowed through mist and looked over her shoulder toward the shore. What was odd is that it looked the same to her in the dark.

The lantern from her boat flickered in the dark and when her boat caught the shore's edge, Anya jumped from the boat to pull it back. She wanted a small vacation to get away from things. She was wearing leather pants, dark calf high boots, a white linen shirt and a cloak. From the distance, she looked like a thin man. The air smelled different here that it did before. Heaviness lingered in the air; so she grabbed her back and the torch light and held it up. The landscape was different up close and in the little light she had. Looking down the beach, she finally realized it wasn't the same. Pushing her cloak hood back and looked around for any sign of life. "This is not?" Holy hell, this was not where she was aiming for. She was on the beach alone, several dunes, but she had no idea where she was. This was NOT C"hala.

A man came running near her on the beach, but before she could say anything he had her face down in the sand trying to drown her. It was hard to breathe, and her hands fought. Her knuckles hit the end of the boat several times trying to push away. The man finally let go and wrapped the rope around her neck.

"You don't belong here." Yanking it back until she lost conscience.

The next thing she knew, she woke up in the back alley two streets away from the Nest.

A few hours later she bathed, dressed and went to see Father O'Malley for confession.

"Father I have sinned....and the dreams are getting worse." Leaving out she was in the alley. The rope burns were real, her hands were bruised and she could barely talk. Finger prints around her throat proved something happened, but what exactly is happening she didn't know.

"I was on the beach, stranded and the .." She went on to explain what happened to Father O'Malley.

"What do I do father?" Half question, half prayer.

Marcus O'Malley

Date: 2013-01-09 17:21 EST
He could tell by the tone of voice that she was not well. Another episode. At least that's what O"Malley called them.

Over the past days and months, he knew more about Anya than most of his flock, well, Father Jim's flock. The days of having his own were long gone, long since the loss of Kyle Dearman in St. Mary's. O'Malley could see her, from the her neck to upper arm, unless he moved just slightly closer, down her body to her hands that fidgeted in her lap as she talked.

He saw the cuts and bruises around her knuckles again, and his blood ran cooler. Signs of abuse, not that she was in any sort of relationship that he had heard of, but she didn't need those sorts of men in her life. She didn't need the men that wouldn't take no for an answer. or the men that she would have to fight off.

She'd become one of his favorites. The confessions from his faithful had led to his own need for confession more often than not, and the small gifts of whiskey that he would slip into the pocket of his coat helped him fight his own demons, and get some sort of sleep, even if he was drunk. Marcus listened as she spoke. Her voice was different in confession, he noted. She wasn't speaking quickly, just loud enough to be heard by the priest and the Almighty. The dreams she shared were odd, and though she would laugh some things off, he found no humor. Often times he wondered, what sorts of torments she had been through that she hadn't told him about. Anya moved just right in the soft light, and he saw those bruises along her throat, angry and dark. She spoke and the priest's blood began a slow, rolling boil.

?"the dreams are getting worse." He heard her say, but felt like she was leaving something out.

The marks on her wrists as she lifted her hand to push her hair back, left him gripping the edge of the stool he sat upon as she spoke. His teeth ground together and his jaw clenched.

"Go on, my child," He was surprised the words were not growled. She'd been through hell, and someone else was taking her back. Anger welled in his chest. Not this one, he thought. Anyone but her, please Father.

"I was on the beach, stranded and the?" She explained another of her odd dreams.

Marcus wondered if she wasn't living the dreams, only thinking she was sleeping. He wondered about her mental well being for the first time since her first confession, he was no doctor; he was a retired priest with a drinking problem and impure thoughts.

"What do I do father?" She asked and brought him from his thoughts.

"First, child," He started as he tried to relax his jaw. "I want you to reflect on the Book of John, chapter fourteen, verse twenty seven. " I am leaving you with a gift, peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." He thought about penance for the sins she confessed, two of which he had witnessed while he was watching her at the Inn. "I absolve you of your sins, child. Four Our Father, and four Hail Mary's." One over the usual given, but an extra prayer from her couldn't hurt her chances.

She knelt, crossed herself and left the confessional; he didn't even take the peek that he had in the past. Someone was hurting her, and he wanted to know who, and to what end.

Anya M

Date: 2013-01-10 11:45 EST
After leaving church and her confession with Father O'Malley, the baker went back to finish up things at the Nest. Instead of drinking, she mixed some herbs and worked through the day. It was that night she ended up at Inn.

The last one she expected to see was Marcus. He said he was looking for her, but never really gave her an answer why. It really didn't matter because they ended up having a drink, then she had to drag him out of the Inn to save his ears. What in the hell was she thinking? She wasn't thinking. Exhaustion set in, but hopefully she'd make it to the morning.

Marcus walked with her to see Ying Li and Abby. She hadn't meant for anyone to come with her, but he wanted to help. There was plenty to help with, but he had to find his own way she thought. The Clergy want to help, but she knew sometimes they lacked the knowledge, at least true knowledge — and if they understood, these men and women of God were rare.

Saying goodnight to him, she ran back to the Nest and tore things apart cooking and made a mess trying to get the thoughts out of her head. "You're a mess girl...I know, I know." Talking and answering herself.

Finally after ending her massive baking episode, she glanced in the mirror to wash her face. It wasn't her face staring back, but a twisted form she saw. "I won't believe you, no matter what you say." The mirrored reflection snarled. "You touched the priest and liked it." That was the last thing she expected the demon reflection to repeat to her.

Anya stepped back and went to take a bath. Hours later, she'd cleaned the kitchen and sent Angus and Seamus with deliveries. She was first at church waiting for Father O'Malley. In fact, she'd been in the confessional booth for almost an hour crying and berating her.

When he finally was there, she unfolded the knitted cap and pushed it through the small box. He smelled like cheap Whiskey, which was oddly a comfort for her. "I made you a knit cap Father O'Malley. I made one for a new friend, and I wanted to make sure Father Jim didn't take it this time." He could tell she'd been crying.

"Father O'Malley....I met another man, his name is Marcus, and he's a priest. He went with me some where last night, I didn't mean for him to walk with me. I was...I was out again in town." She saw no need to mention what she was doing.

"I...I had to move him into the alley and I leaned against him. Father O'Malley, he keeps telling me he wants to help...not to be hard on myself. I told him to stop, I think maybe I yelled at him." Which she didn't. "But....I didn't mean to lean against him. Father O'Malley, I'm tired, I try...I'm really trying, but ....there are things I can't tell you, I swore not to tell anyone....I know confusion isn't part of our journey." Anya knew all the scriptures inside and out.

Father let her speak the things on her heart, and leaving her burdens here helped her get through her day. Sometimes she forgot to day thank you. Today, she said it. "Thank you for being my ...Father O'Malley." She wasn't exactly sure how to say how dear of a friend that he was.

Wiping her eyes. "The priest, he's called Marcus wants to help. I'm not sure if he should be around me. You know because of what happens. Paddy found in the snow with marks around my neck. I tried to hide them, but ....I don't know what happened. Father O'Malley, I'm going away for a few days. I may not be back. My witch friend, she ...she is in danger and I am going with a man I hired to save her. Seamus will bring the Whiskey for you, but I have no sweets to bring. I wanted to say thank you for everything." And you are one of my best friends, which she couldn't say out loud.

Tearing up. "Father, will you please say an extra prayer please. I'm scared." Anya left the confessional without saying any more. Father knew, someone knew in case she didn't come back.

By the end of the day, The Ransom would be sailing off into the unknown.

Anya decided to write a note to Marcus and maybe while she was gone he could help. She left a detailed note for him outlining the most important places to go and what to do. She also said Angus would know where to go if he couldn't find some places.

Anya M

Date: 2013-01-18 01:51 EST
Ean"ir C"ig

Marcus offered to do rounds for me, with the help of Angus. I knitted him a hat and we had lunch. I told him more about going away to look for the witch. I'm not sure what happened, but he was bitten. God, I wish this would have never happened. I honestly don't know what to do. Marcus pretended it didn't happen, but I saw the look on his face. I hope nothing comes of it. We're leaving soon. I went to see Father O"Malley and told him I may not be back and part of me doesn't want to come back. I know that's wrong to say, but I feel like if I could keep sailing, keep going everything would be better. I finally stopped having dreams of the darkness, the ones" well, Marcus saw the marks on my neck. I don't remember what happened. Paddy found me in the alley again, bare as the day I was born. The last thing I remember was taking a bath. How did this happen" Lord...please help me. I am a sinner, I want to be better. How can you fecking be drawn to someone you just met' How" How in the hell" I want to hate him and I want to love him. God what?s wrong with me"

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Anya M

Date: 2013-01-18 01:57 EST
Ean"ir s"

We're finally on the sea. Agnost, Saul, Paul and Gerhardt. It's a small crew, but the ship is fast, Agnost said two days with the winds as they are. I have word from the Moirs they were leaving tonight as well. I pray God to watch over them, I pray you give them strength to get there safe and open the heavens with your blessing and mercy. Marcus told me he didn't want me to go, he was worried. I told him to please see to the people that needed his help. I have a feeling that there is more to him than even I know. God I have to confess here to you, I don't know why I feel so pulled, he's a priest, a PRIEST. I don't want to see him as anything else, but he's not my confessor. I miss Father O?Malley, I haven't talked to him in two days. He would know what to say. God I pray and I hear nothing. I close my eyes and I see his face, please, burn it out of my mind. I beg you, please take it away.

Anya M

Date: 2013-01-20 20:27 EST
Ean"ir seacht - go luath ar maidin

I can't believe that fecking Marcus. He stowed away aboard The Ransom, apparently he was worried and did not want me running off alone on this adventure. I'm not alone, I have Agnost, Paul, Saul...and Gerhardt. The crew is small but we're fully capable of making through the winter waters to Carthia and get the witch. How dare he think he can do that!!

"I'm just a man, Anya....different from the others you've known, but still I am just a man. Beneath the garb, behind the screen. I'm not perfect. I did this for you, as stupid as that could sound. You said you didn't want my help, and I still came along....I did it because I care about you."

"You're a priest, not a man, there's a difference...and you tell me you're here as a man because you care about me. Tell me what part of this is clear?" She's not perfect, never expected him to be perfect, but she didn't know about all of this. They had business to take care of. He should have stayed back there. Now she had to worry more.

"I'm both, I promise you." He shook his head and then wiped his hair away from his face again. "None of it is clear, I know, I'm living it too....I wish I could find the words, but it's new, Anya." It was true, he wasn't good with the women, the Captain even said so.

"What's new?" What was exactly new to him' She didn't want to see him as a man, really she didn't want to.

He shook his head, the feelings were at war with heart and mind. "That I feel this strongly about one of the flock." It was most of the truth.

"You make no sense, when you can speak clearly, then speak to me." She decided to go explore for a few minutes. She ran up the shore a little heading south on the edge of where they landed. It was fairly flat, a few wooded areas higher up, but the beach went on for quite away.

HE"S JUST A MAN?"! What gives him the fecking right?" What?" I'm going to work on deck . I can't sleep if I tried. I can't believe what this man is doing, I mean this fecking priest is doing. Father in heaven, why??"

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Anya M

Date: 2013-01-20 20:45 EST
Ean"ir seacht - d"anach

One day and things changes completely! If I dare write what Marcus said, I feel like I will kill him. I feel betrayed in ways I can't even explain. Marcus O"Malley, my confessor, my pontiff, my friend has finally told me who he is. I know it seems impossible not to know the face of someone you've shared your darkest secrets with. I chose not to see Father O"Malley's. I do not go to his church, I go to another church. I told him the first time I came to confession, I needed not to know him, I wanted a safe place to go and he agreed. Why did he have to do that' Now, now" I know him a someone who could have been a friend. Damn him!! Damn him' now, now he is not only a priest, he says a man. I have to deal with his problems, I have to. Marcus and Father O"Malley are the same...the priest I have thought about more than I should, he is my confessor" now he is my wound and my balm. God, I asked you to take this away, not show me more, but now...NOW" Does he see things the way I do' Please help me, take away these feelings I beg you...I beg you.

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Anya M

Date: 2013-01-29 01:01 EST
Ean"ir ocht - an uair an chloig dubh

It was a lie, it had to be a lie. I'm standing here watching the moon scream in silence, watching the water as it moves in the dark. Agnost said we made it, we made it just outside of the Carthian shore. I've told Gerhardt we can go any time to see if there is any hope. This mercenary; he has given odd things from the modern world, which is a small box you can talk into so he can hear. I dare say this is not something we should use, but he is the one with the experience, not I. The gods had mercy and we made it here and while I fear for the witch, I feel myself spiraling out of control. How did I wake up" I thought he was here, I mistook Marcus for Father O"Malley. What is wrong with me" What in the nine hells is wrong with me"! I hate myself. I'm sure Father Marcus is helping in Rhydin where he said he would be helping. This is what it is like to lust after something you think it might be the fukcing four letter word which starts with l and ends with e. I feel helpless, I feel lost, I feel....I don't want to feel this. Agnost is going to ask me if I've been drinking. Why in the hell was there a man's shirt on the floor" It's these waters, havoc is coming, I feel it in my bones.

Anya M

Date: 2013-01-29 01:06 EST
Ean"ir Naoi

Not much time to write, but it is important if ...if for some reason The Ransom is destroyed. We have Gabriella, well she's on the Desert Storm. Gerhardt was wounded, so he is with Gabby on the Desert Storm. She's wounded, I tended to her as best I can. They, the M"hajid said they will take it from here. I do not understand their ways, but " she's safe and hell is unraveling for me. She whispered something to me" by the heavens...why Gabby...why did you do this to me?

Anya M

Date: 2013-05-26 17:40 EST
I kept the witch's secrets. I held her when all was lost as I became lost on my way.

I cannot begin to explain what has happened to me for the last several months what I have been cursed to face. Father O'Malley isn't who I thought he was. Marcus was a fecking dream. All of this confusion, all of it because of the damn witch. How dare she!!

The witch is gone. Now....now I am feeling the backlash.

Anya M

Date: 2014-03-10 04:30 EST
She knew Father O'Malley would not be there in the confessional, but she needed to go any way. She stumbled into the church after three days missing. The brother's found her and took time to get her sobered up, but that night she ended up drinking herself into a stupor.

The confessional door opened and she fell inside on her knees and started to confess to shadows.

Father I confess I met a man, rather he fell into my path. He was hurt, I saved him but...this...this was more than I can fathom. Dreams make me think this is your of punishing me for something I didn't do. I saw him before, I did and this...this is what you wanted?

Nicholas haunted my dreams, and he keeps watch. Why' Keep him out of my path, please let him find another way, please this is what I want of you. I do not ask much for myself, I only ask that things turn out for him.

You did this now fix it.

The bottle in her hand was left in the confessional for Father O'Malley. She stumbled out and being the good drunk she was, stumbled home. The Nest would be closed for a few days.

Anya M

Date: 2014-03-11 02:53 EST
I told him it was not what he wanted. Nicholas has no idea how bad this is. Agnost's message was even worse. What right does he have to tell me what my prayers are?

God needs to fix this, this is not right. It's not enough and it is not right, not at all. I am so angry. I complain knowing there are others out there who have it much worse, but ...I cannot believe this.

By month's end I will see Father O'Malley to fix this.

Anya M

Date: 2014-04-30 04:32 EST
There was a purpose to everything. It wasn't supposed to be like this at all.

"How did it happen Anya?" Father O'Malley asked.

"I don't know." She said.

"Will you bury him?"

"At sea, that's what he would have wanted." She wanted to cry, but there were no tears.

Father O'Malley patted her hand. "You wanted it fixed."

"Not like this father, not like this."

Two weeks later there was a gathering at McClaerie Shipping. No body meant no ashes, but there was a service held and he would be put to rest.

Anya M

Date: 2014-05-02 03:32 EST
She went to confessional the day after the gathering. For some reason she wasn't able to cry, able to mourn him. She sat in the small confessional and lowered her head.

"Father I have sinned." She said.

"What sins have you committed my child?" He asked.

"I cannot cry over him. I feel guilt. I want to, but I can't. We didn't fight father, we never fought. He was to giving. It unsettled me. He wanted it to work, he wanted things. I did not, I said I did, but I did not." She folded her hands together and put her head down.

"Anya in the early days of this, you told me what Agnost said. You said he said it was meant to be. Do you remember what I asked you?"

She was silent. Of course she remembered. "Yes Father."

"You said what?" He wanted her to say it.

"I said I believed it was mean to be, but it was hard to accept anything because it all went away. It was better if he went away so there is no hurt, but I believed it was true."

"Yes child, that is exactly what you said. There is no body, do you believe it is meant to be? Maybe that is why you are unable to mourn and there are no tears in your eyes. You believe that he will come back and he needed to prove something to you."

"Father, the story is far fetched." She said with a hint of anger in her voice. "You expect me to believe that he stole away in the night to teach me a lesson that something impossible is possible" You expect me to believe that' Why would he do that' I told him not to go into parts of town he could not defend himself. I told him to stay away from the docks because I heard rumors the ship was returning. Why' Why would he risk anything if he believed what he said" It makes no sense at all."

The father was quiet and calm. "Anya. A very long time ago you came to me and said you were very upset with a friend of yours for taking something from you. You told me how you wanted to mourn and suffer the loss of your boys, but she saved you from yourself." He said.

"What does this have to do with anything Father?" She said with more anger in her voice.

"Child, it means you do not always see with the right eyes. You see what you want to see. You close yourself off from accepting what is before you. Sometimes words will strike a tender heart."

She wanted to push open the door and leave right then, but it would mean more hail Marys. "I'm a sinner father, I know this. I am not a good person. I was a horrible mother, I was a bad wife." She almost started to cry.

"Anya, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if he with our heavenly father he is safe and at peace. If by some miracle he returns, then it is the will of our father. He gave you a gift and until you learn to accept the gift you are to others, you will end up here for everything. If he went away, and never returned, your heavenly father is still there for you."

She growled. "I know that. I pray all the time, but do you know how hard it is" I was gone for almost a week this time. I have no memories, only nightmares of blood and bone. He probably think that I left him. I told him three days he should not search. I've been back for two weeks now, and he's been gone. No word, nothing. Tell me father what should I believe?"

He shook his head. "You have to trust that what is happening to you is for the greater good Anya. Maybe it is time you seek the answers and be ready to share it with someone instead of keeping it closed. One hail Mary." He said and closed the door between them in the confessional.

She nearly kicked the door open after saying one hail Mary and crossing herself. She waited until she was outside to curse. "Find the witch' Find the damn witch and ask her what in the hell is happening" I think not." The idea would burn in her mind and heart hard.

Anya M

Date: 2014-05-06 21:25 EST
"There was no way in hell I'm going to find the witch. I will not go." She said to the hearth at the Boar's Nest. Yes, she was talking to the fire. "I do not want this, none of it. As far as I am concerned she can rot in hell." The harsh statement burned Anya's heart.

After ending the rant, she decided to go check at the Inn. If she happened to run into the witch, then maybe they could have a conversation. Maybe!

Anya M

Date: 2014-07-19 20:56 EST
Found the witch, but she was in no mind to talk. She didn't have her mind and neither did her husband. I know why and all I can say is fate screwed her over and I'm on the same path. You have to walk a damn line between heaven and hell on earth if you do not comply.

I'm done trusting anyone. I'll go where they freaking send me, but I hate it. If there is a way to end living on the line, I'm going to find it or die trying.

I drink enough to kill my liver ten times over, but nothing helps. I've tried opium and other new drugs, nothing...except tracks on my arms and a taste for them. I'm not addicted. I am desperate. I'm f*cking desperate.

Anya M

Date: 2014-07-27 05:40 EST
I've closed the Nest. McClaerie Shipping is in Connor's hands. The shop is closed and boarded up. I've informed my patients to go to a new clinic on the docks where they can get medical help.

Fate wants me to be their slave, it's done. I'm dead. All ends closed, I'm glad no one is left to care.

Anya M

Date: 2014-08-07 17:12 EST
Things have not changed much. I am still bending to their will. I have given up my own will for the good of others. Except....I've been tempted again to strike a deal. Temptation is close to my mouth and fingers.

I'm not fond of thinking of myself as a harlot. Not fate's harlot. I still blame the witch for doing this to me. I blame Nicholas for dying. I blame Menoth for vanishing again.

After writing and thinking, there's no way I will ask Alex. No way. I think he enjoyed the story of Willy. Now I need to find a glass eye, maybe he'll appreciate the joke.

Anya M

Date: 2014-08-14 01:53 EST
It has been dry. I know what I'm talking about, no one else will. Evidence is all around me and strange conversations. The white woman said she saw what they are doing and called me a conforming coward. Maybe I am. I'm not doing it because I have to protect anyone; there's no one left to protect.

I can barely write, this time two fingers are broken, a rib cracked and more scars that I dare even look at. I'm damned all the way around.

Anya M

Date: 2014-08-21 10:44 EST
I've gone crack pot crazy! I think when my head was bashed against the brick two night before last, it did me in. Maybe I'm laying in an alley some where and this is all their doing.

I held the bottle for a good few hours, but the problem is I can't open it. I can't open the damn thing...screw or cork. That's it...I'm sure I'm half dead in an alley wanting to drink something stronger and I can't. That's not the crack pot crazy though.

My dead husband appears months after he dies and says he's real. "I know it doesn't make sense...it doesn't make sense to me either, but I am real." Then it tries to reach out to me. HAH! I'm not touching a bloody ghost, spirit, tormenter thing. NO! Then he had the nerve to say "I am was brought back and I am real, Anya."

Real" Hardly. I've been in Rhydin a long time, the dead do come back, but NOT around me and not for any good reason. Brought back" I thought. Yeah sure. I said a mouthful to it. "If you wanted to have an impact to get me to believe he's real, you should have done it when I begged you to bring him back. Or before I made the mistake of sleeping with a friend because I was desperate...and the friend has gone missing too. You going to bring him back too' I know the tricks...I've submitted to what you want from me. I go without complaint and you beat me for not saying thank you. I do everything you want of me and you stoop so low to get me to believe that he's back" Kill me now, because this is it ...I will not believe it." That's exactly what I said.

I wonder how I remembered that so clearly if I'm almost dead in an alley' I'll have to figure that one out later.

Then it had the nerve to say "I would doubt too if the situation was reversed. But I am real. And I am here now. Let's go back home." GO BACK" Bloody hell, no way am I going back. I'm in the alley, I have to be. It's happened before. I'm probably bleeding out now from them snatching me and killing...wait...I'm just walking and thinking.

I feel the wind on my face. I smell the sea air. Yes, I'm going to find Bart and Old Willy, they'll kick my ass into reality.